Name: Bobby Lee Brutally Roasted by Andrew Schulz
Uploaded: 2025-04-10T16:01:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Brutally Roasted by Andrew Schulz' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Brutally Roasted by Andrew Schulz' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-10. Transcript available.

don't do this carlo is trying to troll you right now oh that feels like we're
just filing on bro
yeah i don't never stick it in my butt no no that's not what is it anyway let's
just move
yeah when a girl puts on it and they you from behind no what's that called fun
no it's called fun it's a fun time oh yeah yeah i got the word is your baby the
love of your life
yes undoubtedly it's every cliche you could ever imagine it almost like i
understand like why
comics do the joke about like how annoying their kids are yeah and it's because
it's the only take
that is counter what we all feel exactly ah you know what i mean like yeah you
know how you could
take the other angle like we all do this comedically right yeah how i take the
angle that's not there
and then find a way to justify it you're you the feelings you have for your kid
are so unbelievably
hacky yeah that you feel unoriginal like it's every possible cliche and our
whole life we're trying to
have a unique take about things and then you look at the kid and you're like oh
my kid is the best
best laugh ever right and it is of course all right and i wonder if it's just
for me do you have a son
or daughter i have a daughter oh wow it's made up in you it's made up of your dna
so it does something
there must biologically do something for you it's unbelievable well because it's
like when you meet
when you meet someone who has an ugly baby yeah they don't know that they have
no idea oh that's
i'm so glad you said that that's chemical they really don't fucking know i'm so
glad because i've
seen some uggos yeah yeah we have a friend and i see you have a friend that has
an ugly baby and
you know tight on the way out though they say that oh yeah what's tight on the
way the
pussy because yeah because and the baby's head kind of gets it's smushed yeah
it's a compliment to
the wife to have an ugly baby my wife had a c-section so it was fucking
it came out you know what why can't they just go feet first what like a slide
bro bro yeah the
funniest thing about anatomy why can't they just go feet first yeah yeah yeah
hey can you come out
babies are upside down you know that i know but you're gonna flip them in there
here are my
thinking to get a get tongs in there like you're barbecuing yeah i'll walk i'll
do the whole thing
yeah yeah walk that baby yeah fried noodle a little bit yeah but what i would
do is um
because when the feet comes out in the body it stretches the vagina no the head
does that head
then the shoulders do that but one it'll loosen it up if you put head first
yeah it's tighter yeah
if you put feet out first it'll loosen it up i get your point okay good yeah
man they should i
can't believe you're not a doctor yeah like what were they thinking not hiring
you i don't know the
i don't know i'm not saying you're saying like that's the answer you think like
all these
years okay fine god do you do you want kids bobby it's the biggest insult to an
asian guy is to say
he's not doctoral you just don't have it in you man i do want him yeah one okay
and i will have
one good yes you will i got to find the person though you'll be a great papa
too and that's it's
difficult it's been difficult andrew what's your thing you get behind it yeah i
get behind the condom
i mean i don't do it reverse are you saying hit it from behind yeah like are
you
i feel like i think i stick the condom in my butthole and go do it from behind
yeah i think
you stick in your butthole and then you hold your nose closed and then you
sneeze and blow
bobby has a tail look at bobby's tail yeah yeah okay i'll try that next time
but um
but i did and um you know but a lot of times you know women are like i know you
enough what position
what position i think you get behind it i don't my knees burn yeah you got bad
knees that's that's
really rude what do you mean because i have short legs okay and the women that
i date are much
taller than me oh so they're their pussies are at eye height yeah yeah so then
they have to do a
squatty thing too and we're all burning thighs you know what i mean and it's
like i do i'll do like
10 and then i'll go hey you want to switch back to the missionary that's the
one i'm good at the
problem is he counts he'll go one two three four oh you're going out yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah i got
two more sets in me yeah what's your position i think i think on my back i
think i like laying down
the cowgirl yeah lovely that's fine lay it down that's so fun we've been doing
the work for so
long let them do something yeah also they have to finish yeah and that's the
position i can control
the best but here's the thing that they do you get i don't understand it this
yeah the hulu hoop
strategy tell me about that they get on it yeah instead of going up and down
they go they think
they're in a luau can i tell you why they think they're in a luau and it's
twisting your thing you
know what i mean i think i think andrew's got an interesting uh opinion as to
why they might do
that yeah no no no i i know what you're implying and then fuck you dude no no i
know i don't have
the length i didn't say that at all i never had to slip out when it does up and
down yeah yeah the
length what is it what is it they want you to be they want to hit the sides
they want you to feel
the sides and you're skinny you're skinny you do have a skinny penis oh wow you
do have a skinny
penis it's not small but it is skinny so it's just it's just kind of like
bouncing it's like an
oodo noodle it's a it's one of those cars yeah and they need to shake it around
and hit the sign
yeah you know how like grass breathe in the breeze yes yes you frolic through
grass yeah it's kind
of like that my penis really yeah it just frolics just frolic with the wind you
know what i mean
no but the leg is there tell them what the last girl said she said you had what
boyfriend boyfriend
penis which is they say that's really good she said explain boyfriend she goes
not the smallest it's not
small but it's not like the uh this big unmanageable it's like a boyfriend it's
a dick that i could
have sex with forever in perpetuity wow i said that's a huge compliment that is
a great compliment
boyfriend penis is great and who is this girl she's gone
first girl that loves your cock you're like delete delete delete she said i was
worthy
just pull up the cord no andrew yes okay yeah many women have said it yes that
have maybe you have a
great dick maybe you have a great dick and you've been catfishing us or no gaslighting
us i i'm being
real for a second ian finance saw it you showed it to me and i was i i was uh
what is it called it
like i was impressed because of how low uh expectation you made me have right
that's what
you got to do you put the bar real low yeah you put it on 80 every day i was
like i don't know what
that you know i mean i like you and then when they see it they go oh it's
boyfriend it's smart it's a
smart smart that's a move yeah yeah he tells everybody like you're not gonna
like me a small
dick yeah and then they get in there like what this is great santino looks like
he's got a
fucking thing on he does it's no it's no you do look like it's very good that's
why you talk to
celebs yeah you're looking at them like they got little dude you have a big one
you have a big one
you have a big one no what yeah porn stars have your body i got boyfriend dick
dude oh you do i got
husband dick so i got girlfriend ian finance online oh really and he can judge
he also has bad
vision ah yeah yeah he doesn't leave that blur they widen yeah yeah and he even
said it's so cute
that's mean yeah well i think it's a compliment i think it's a i think it's
sitcom penis yes oh
yeah yeah like a test well i'm here it's a test well it does test well you know
what i mean like
if it was in a sitcom they're like people like oh they like him yeah yeah yeah
yes it's pixar
whatever you know what i mean yeah yeah nemo not nemo not nemo dory not dory no
no i don't really
know what's that big white blob of a you know the robot inflatable white oh
that one oh yeah big hero
six it could be big hero six yeah the presence the presence that that carries
you carry yeah you carry
love warmth happiness can we talk about this for a second though yeah i've
thought about okay yeah
how long has marriage been a thing in in human race since the beginning yeah i
think since no
5 000 years okay for 4 300 years for it's a 4 300 years yeah we're human beings
around before that
yeah yeah for how many years well this is a long probably thousands of years
thousands more more
maybe it could be a million maybe millions right we don't know what the did
they do that in the
million years they got married they just no they didn't you don't think no they
were nomads
well you still got married you just no no you would go go to a village or a
dwelling yeah polygamy was
common throughout history cousin marriages remain common throughout the world
particularly in the
middle east yeah still to this day you can marry a cousin out there look at akash
i love him he's so talented i'm so sorry i'm so sorry um so our goal is to make
akash's
wife the biggest tick tock she's so hot yeah and uh she's beautiful she's great
she's out to but my
goal is uh to remove all the leverage he has in his relationship that's so so
if she's making way more
money is she in the business or no no she's just on tick tock but we're trying
to make her a tick
tock superstar what's her just lean with it yeah what's her let's promote just
lean with it she's
on tick tock jasleen with it jasleen with it jasleen with it tick tock let's
see what the tick tock
that's there it is jasleen with it yeah there we go and how many subscribers
does she have i mean it
would make me feel really good for her to surpass akash and fame but why ask
your ask yourself the
question why because it's funny yeah we like to see our friends suffer yeah
what this is the point
what do you think this whole show is yeah yeah all right there we go there
there she is yeah there
she is wow how are you guys doing i'm here on valentine
get on the second i said it i was like this is a horrible idea jasleen i'm
trying to build
you up okay we're trying to build you up all the bad friends following jasleen
on tick tock yeah
wow watch me get ready for my first rolex have you guys ever had lucky charms
in the morning man
i'm getting a charm on my wrist rolex man talk about akash no it's the same
accent
okay all right so she is beautiful let's follow her everybody and akash we love
you my we love you
my love you akash my god no we love you so much but what i'm saying is is that
is it human nature
to be with one person for the rest of your life yeah yeah it's it's it's uh
well marriage for sure
being with having a partner for the rest i don't know if it's genetically i
think that i think that we
assume that it's supposed to be perfect for your whole life it's not a natural
state okay but it's a it's a
social construct that i think has clinged to many people and i can do it and
benefited us like yeah
it wouldn't still be here if it didn't help us as a society or help some people
right like this in
the same way that like i'll tell you what happened yeah well i know a little
bit i know and we don't
have kids i'm gonna i know a little bit about history in the same way that like
i think it would
make me very happy to have kids if we don't have them it's okay so to me it's
kind of like that same
thing if some people don't get married i know that they're like i'm okay with
it yeah it's i think it
just services people who it services but you're glad that you have a partner
well yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah i'm glad i have somebody that like is along for the ride up and
down because it's all
the above i think the people the mistake that was given to people socially is
like marriage is this
perfect wonderful thing you're gonna be happy every single day you're like it's
a joke that
is work you're gonna have crazy downs you have crazy ups yeah are you always
attracted to them though
yeah i find her attractive yes but you're not always like in a it's not like a
it's not a state of
horniness you're in every second but you find them beautiful yeah yeah that's
you're in love with this
person i watched a documentary called civilization yes yeah okay so we're nomads
for many many years
yeah okay as soon as we had we can grow crops yes wheat wheat yes and it's we
made settlements
yeah and that's when the marriage thing came that's right right when we can
afford them
i don't know as soon as we built up enough equity then we were like okay i have
stuff if you need it but i
think it was harder to do as a nomad to keep a relationship well yeah yeah you
didn't i mean
in the word nomad i'll see you whenever but we still need to make the kids and
we still need to
protect them yeah well that's true gotta protect them okay i mean that's
probably why it was built
yeah for community and protection and yeah also to pass down like assets and
shit that's what all the
marriage was i think in like the royal family yeah a hundred percent like how
do we keep all this land
within okay you know this i believe it i believe it's supposed to be true then
yeah yeah okay you
believe in it yeah yeah yeah i sometimes i think about maybe is maybe it isn't
if you never meet
someone and never have a family who who would you uh bequeath all of your
assets to like any money
you've earned or a house oh if i had no woman if you had no one and you were on
your way if my mom's
still alive or she dead she's everybody's dead everyone's dead my brother not
dead steve's younger he's dead
now i just couldn't yeah yeah no what if steve's still alive probably most to
him and then the rest
too if you're still alive i give you some okay that's nice okay schulte yeah i
love you i love
you man it's always fun with i love hanging with you it's so fun with you yeah
you guys are great yeah
schulte has a special yes that's uh a netflix special yeah it is called life
yeah it is his life
uh i saw him run it well run pieces of it i guess in phoenix when we were in phoenix
together i saw
that was my first weekend i know i saw that yeah it's kind of cool watching you
peel it
and now i know it's dramatically different than what i first saw sure sure but
incredible
as usual can i ask you some questions i'm doing one now yeah please where are
you doing it this is
like a big hulu hulu yeah shout out hulu we both did hulu i know you did hulu
we left yeah but
like um i've never done one yeah there's a lot of expectations on it i and and
that's what i'm
worried about yeah of course you've like because i have never done one you've
built it up i feel like
they want to see the best yeah and i can only just do what i can do i think you
just got to do what
you do yeah yeah i don't think again what he just talked about you cannot care
what they're thinking
about there are going to be people that hate it and they're going to be people
that love it i would
i would argue a very very small percentage of people are not going to like it
yeah a remarkably small
but those people there will be people that don't even watch it that hate it
yeah sure yeah right
i just decided they're going to hate it yeah what do you think i'm going to
watch a bobby lee special
fuck that yeah they're good yeah yeah yeah that's going to be a natural thing
but like at the same
time just do what you want to do this is what i'm going to do yeah i'm going to
do it and then i'm
going to disappear yeah oh that's good too i'm going to ari shaffir it i love
how are we're still
going to do the pod we'll bank it because i want two weeks where are you going
to go i'm going to be
to go to costa rica don't you think after you shoot a special you should have
some time off
yeah yeah okay what do you got it you got to promote it for a little bit after
it comes out
not everybody just here no why can't i just do it before because you know with
streaming i think it
matters after it comes out yeah that's right okay then i'll do it for a month
of promoting and then
i'll go to cluster also i think that we all got to root for hulu yeah i think
we got to root for
hulu and root for amazon because like the more places that are doing stand-up
the better it is for
stand-ups good for all of us you know what i mean like because now there's
competition if it's just
one place they could just go here's this amount of money and you got to take
that's what i felt from
the other company interesting yeah i mean they didn't hit that number that you
wanted no they never
offered yeah that's not true that is 100 true i imagine once you got an offer
from hulu there was
interest for there was i didn't get i didn't literally hear that but you know i
didn't know when
are you taping when are you taping i just did it you just did it yeah i'm doing
it in december okay
cool where are you doing it san diego where balboa theater i love the balboa
theater yeah so good
uh go watch life on netflix yeah uh please please enjoy our friend the much as
much as we do yeah
uh andrew look in that camera and say thanks for being a bad friend thank you
so much for being a bad
that's great oh man you

Bobby Lee Brutally Roasted by Andrew Schulz

don't do this carlo is trying to troll you right now oh that feels like we're
just filing on bro
yeah i don't never stick it in my butt no no that's not what is it anyway let's
just move
yeah when a girl puts on it and they you from behind no what's that called fun
no it's called fun it's a fun time oh yeah yeah i got the word is your baby the
love of your life
yes undoubtedly it's every cliche you could ever imagine it almost like i
understand like why
comics do the joke about like how annoying their kids are yeah and it's because
it's the only take
that is counter what we all feel exactly ah you know what i mean like yeah you
know how you could
take the other angle like we all do this comedically right yeah how i take the
angle that's not there
and then find a way to justify it you're you the feelings you have for your kid
are so unbelievably
hacky yeah that you feel unoriginal like it's every possible cliche and our
whole life we're trying to
have a unique take about things and then you look at the kid and you're like oh
my kid is the best
best laugh ever right and it is of course all right and i wonder if it's just
for me do you have a son
or daughter i have a daughter oh wow it's made up in you it's made up of your dna
so it does something
there must biologically do something for you it's unbelievable well because it's
like when you meet
when you meet someone who has an ugly baby yeah they don't know that they have
no idea oh that's
i'm so glad you said that that's chemical they really don't fucking know i'm so
glad because i've
seen some uggos yeah yeah we have a friend and i see you have a friend that has
an ugly baby and
you know tight on the way out though they say that oh yeah what's tight on the
way the
pussy because yeah because and the baby's head kind of gets it's smushed yeah
it's a compliment to
the wife to have an ugly baby my wife had a c-section so it was fucking
it came out you know what why can't they just go feet first what like a slide
bro bro yeah the
funniest thing about anatomy why can't they just go feet first yeah yeah yeah
hey can you come out
babies are upside down you know that i know but you're gonna flip them in there
here are my
thinking to get a get tongs in there like you're barbecuing yeah i'll walk i'll
do the whole thing
yeah yeah walk that baby yeah fried noodle a little bit yeah but what i would
do is um
because when the feet comes out in the body it stretches the vagina no the head
does that head
then the shoulders do that but one it'll loosen it up if you put head first
yeah it's tighter yeah
if you put feet out first it'll loosen it up i get your point okay good yeah
man they should i
can't believe you're not a doctor yeah like what were they thinking not hiring
you i don't know the
i don't know i'm not saying you're saying like that's the answer you think like
all these
years okay fine god do you do you want kids bobby it's the biggest insult to an
asian guy is to say
he's not doctoral you just don't have it in you man i do want him yeah one okay
and i will have
one good yes you will i got to find the person though you'll be a great papa
too and that's it's
difficult it's been difficult andrew what's your thing you get behind it yeah i
get behind the condom
i mean i don't do it reverse are you saying hit it from behind yeah like are
you
i feel like i think i stick the condom in my butthole and go do it from behind
yeah i think
you stick in your butthole and then you hold your nose closed and then you
sneeze and blow
bobby has a tail look at bobby's tail yeah yeah okay i'll try that next time
but um
but i did and um you know but a lot of times you know women are like i know you
enough what position
what position i think you get behind it i don't my knees burn yeah you got bad
knees that's that's
really rude what do you mean because i have short legs okay and the women that
i date are much
taller than me oh so they're their pussies are at eye height yeah yeah so then
they have to do a
squatty thing too and we're all burning thighs you know what i mean and it's
like i do i'll do like
10 and then i'll go hey you want to switch back to the missionary that's the
one i'm good at the
problem is he counts he'll go one two three four oh you're going out yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah i got
two more sets in me yeah what's your position i think i think on my back i
think i like laying down
the cowgirl yeah lovely that's fine lay it down that's so fun we've been doing
the work for so
long let them do something yeah also they have to finish yeah and that's the
position i can control
the best but here's the thing that they do you get i don't understand it this
yeah the hulu hoop
strategy tell me about that they get on it yeah instead of going up and down
they go they think
they're in a luau can i tell you why they think they're in a luau and it's
twisting your thing you
know what i mean i think i think andrew's got an interesting uh opinion as to
why they might do
that yeah no no no i i know what you're implying and then fuck you dude no no i
know i don't have
the length i didn't say that at all i never had to slip out when it does up and
down yeah yeah the
length what is it what is it they want you to be they want to hit the sides
they want you to feel
the sides and you're skinny you're skinny you do have a skinny penis oh wow you
do have a skinny
penis it's not small but it is skinny so it's just it's just kind of like
bouncing it's like an
oodo noodle it's a it's one of those cars yeah and they need to shake it around
and hit the sign
yeah you know how like grass breathe in the breeze yes yes you frolic through
grass yeah it's kind
of like that my penis really yeah it just frolics just frolic with the wind you
know what i mean
no but the leg is there tell them what the last girl said she said you had what
boyfriend boyfriend
penis which is they say that's really good she said explain boyfriend she goes
not the smallest it's not
small but it's not like the uh this big unmanageable it's like a boyfriend it's
a dick that i could
have sex with forever in perpetuity wow i said that's a huge compliment that is
a great compliment
boyfriend penis is great and who is this girl she's gone
first girl that loves your cock you're like delete delete delete she said i was
worthy
just pull up the cord no andrew yes okay yeah many women have said it yes that
have maybe you have a
great dick maybe you have a great dick and you've been catfishing us or no gaslighting
us i i'm being
real for a second ian finance saw it you showed it to me and i was i i was uh
what is it called it
like i was impressed because of how low uh expectation you made me have right
that's what
you got to do you put the bar real low yeah you put it on 80 every day i was
like i don't know what
that you know i mean i like you and then when they see it they go oh it's
boyfriend it's smart it's a
smart smart that's a move yeah yeah he tells everybody like you're not gonna
like me a small
dick yeah and then they get in there like what this is great santino looks like
he's got a
fucking thing on he does it's no it's no you do look like it's very good that's
why you talk to
celebs yeah you're looking at them like they got little dude you have a big one
you have a big one
you have a big one no what yeah porn stars have your body i got boyfriend dick
dude oh you do i got
husband dick so i got girlfriend ian finance online oh really and he can judge
he also has bad
vision ah yeah yeah he doesn't leave that blur they widen yeah yeah and he even
said it's so cute
that's mean yeah well i think it's a compliment i think it's a i think it's
sitcom penis yes oh
yeah yeah like a test well i'm here it's a test well it does test well you know
what i mean like
if it was in a sitcom they're like people like oh they like him yeah yeah yeah
yes it's pixar
whatever you know what i mean yeah yeah nemo not nemo not nemo dory not dory no
no i don't really
know what's that big white blob of a you know the robot inflatable white oh
that one oh yeah big hero
six it could be big hero six yeah the presence the presence that that carries
you carry yeah you carry
love warmth happiness can we talk about this for a second though yeah i've
thought about okay yeah
how long has marriage been a thing in in human race since the beginning yeah i
think since no
5 000 years okay for 4 300 years for it's a 4 300 years yeah we're human beings
around before that
yeah yeah for how many years well this is a long probably thousands of years
thousands more more
maybe it could be a million maybe millions right we don't know what the did
they do that in the
million years they got married they just no they didn't you don't think no they
were nomads
well you still got married you just no no you would go go to a village or a
dwelling yeah polygamy was
common throughout history cousin marriages remain common throughout the world
particularly in the
middle east yeah still to this day you can marry a cousin out there look at akash
i love him he's so talented i'm so sorry i'm so sorry um so our goal is to make
akash's
wife the biggest tick tock she's so hot yeah and uh she's beautiful she's great
she's out to but my
goal is uh to remove all the leverage he has in his relationship that's so so
if she's making way more
money is she in the business or no no she's just on tick tock but we're trying
to make her a tick
tock superstar what's her just lean with it yeah what's her let's promote just
lean with it she's
on tick tock jasleen with it jasleen with it jasleen with it tick tock let's
see what the tick tock
that's there it is jasleen with it yeah there we go and how many subscribers
does she have i mean it
would make me feel really good for her to surpass akash and fame but why ask
your ask yourself the
question why because it's funny yeah we like to see our friends suffer yeah
what this is the point
what do you think this whole show is yeah yeah all right there we go there
there she is yeah there
she is wow how are you guys doing i'm here on valentine
get on the second i said it i was like this is a horrible idea jasleen i'm
trying to build
you up okay we're trying to build you up all the bad friends following jasleen
on tick tock yeah
wow watch me get ready for my first rolex have you guys ever had lucky charms
in the morning man
i'm getting a charm on my wrist rolex man talk about akash no it's the same
accent
okay all right so she is beautiful let's follow her everybody and akash we love
you my we love you
my love you akash my god no we love you so much but what i'm saying is is that
is it human nature
to be with one person for the rest of your life yeah yeah it's it's it's uh
well marriage for sure
being with having a partner for the rest i don't know if it's genetically i
think that i think that we
assume that it's supposed to be perfect for your whole life it's not a natural
state okay but it's a it's a
social construct that i think has clinged to many people and i can do it and
benefited us like yeah
it wouldn't still be here if it didn't help us as a society or help some people
right like this in
the same way that like i'll tell you what happened yeah well i know a little
bit i know and we don't
have kids i'm gonna i know a little bit about history in the same way that like
i think it would
make me very happy to have kids if we don't have them it's okay so to me it's
kind of like that same
thing if some people don't get married i know that they're like i'm okay with
it yeah it's i think it
just services people who it services but you're glad that you have a partner
well yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah i'm glad i have somebody that like is along for the ride up and
down because it's all
the above i think the people the mistake that was given to people socially is
like marriage is this
perfect wonderful thing you're gonna be happy every single day you're like it's
a joke that
is work you're gonna have crazy downs you have crazy ups yeah are yo