Name: The Best Slice of Pizza on Planet Earth
Uploaded: 2025-04-12T17:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Slice of Pizza on Planet Earth' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Slice of Pizza on Planet Earth' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-12. Transcript available.

What do you think of Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix?
I know you called me about this.
We talked.
Have you been there?
Yeah, he's Toussaint.
He doesn't know Phoenix as well.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, so South on I-10.
So years ago, a film critic in New York Times
said that that's the best pizza on planet Earth.
And it became a gigantic, it's like hours away.
Big planet.
Yeah.
Big planet to say Earth, dude.
That's insane.
And, you know, I went there again.
It's pretty good.
It's good, dude.
Is it like, have you had Frank Pepe's in Connecticut?
That's like one of the, that's like the OG.
Why would I go there?
I don't know.
You do a lot of shows.
Connecticut has some of the best pizza.
They're trying to make it that, they're trying to make us.
Is Hartford there?
In Connecticut?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this, but Frank Pepe's is in New Haven.
Hartford, Connecticut, Funny Bone.
They just, they were so rude to me.
That's why I've never been back.
The club?
Yeah.
Or the people that went to the club?
No, the staff, the management there.
Really?
I did it one weekend there and the manager at the last night, and I'd seen him
around all
weekend, finally introduced himself and he was kind of like, here's your check.
Oh, damn.
Maybe he had something going on.
He could have had full balls.
No, no, no, no.
What if that guy had full balls?
Twice.
Would you have taken it if he was full balls?
No, twice I've been there.
Like imagine he threw you the check.
And they were not nice to me.
Well, maybe he had full balls twice.
They can fill up real quick.
Okay, you know what?
You're right.
Maybe you're right.
Yeah.
So Connecticut has the best pizza.
They try to.
If you ever go to New Haven, you should have Frank Pepe's.
New Haven.
Yeah.
100%.
Frank Pepe's.
It's very good.
But do you think so far, do you think Pizza Bianco was the best you've ever had?
I think that it's the best in the top five I've ever had, probably.
Well, okay.
Let's rank.
How about this?
This is even more.
This is even more because we got in a good debate about donuts the other week.
Let's rank.
By the way, in Los Angeles, I go to Kettle Glaze every time I'm here.
Oh, yeah.
And I went and picked up a half a dozen.
You are a little secret sweet boy, huh?
I'm pretty allowed.
All right.
So I'm pretty raging.
I'm going to tell you something right now.
I'm flaming sweet.
I think you're going wrong with it.
I think you're going wrong with it, and I'm going to convince you otherwise.
Kettle Glaze?
Yeah.
Is the wrong way to go?
Yeah.
I would go, have you ever had Sidecar?
Mm-hmm.
We brought them into the studio one time.
Sidecar?
What do you think of them?
They're good.
They're fine.
Wow.
Wow.
You know it's not my number one.
Oh, are they like a busy donut?
A busy donut, yes.
Here's what I like about this.
Kettle Glaze goes like this.
We're a donut.
See, that's what I like.
Not like we're a donut wearing a fruit hat.
You know what these are?
These are donuts that are, these are, hey, these are single moms now that have
been through
a divorce.
That's who this donut is.
Yeah, okay.
It's got too much going on.
Yeah, you go, you don't need all of this.
You don't need to do it.
But I'm going to double down now, my friends, okay?
And I'm going to show you something that's going to blow your minds, if I may.
Mm-hmm.
Please.
Okay?
In Korea.
I'm already out.
I'm in.
I'm in harder.
That's the right answer.
South or North?
I don't care.
North.
North, yeah, the good side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at Kim Jong-un.
Does North Korea-
Does North Korea have a similar thing, like Northern Ireland has an up the raw?
Like, does North Korea have a fucking chant or anything like that?
Yeah.
Kill American.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah.
Or it's like, it's un time.
So there's a, they have one now.
So this is a Korean company that they have one in Koreatown, and it's called
Old Fairy Donut.
Okay.
Okay.
That's what we call you.
You know what, dude?
That's rude.
You set me up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Old Fairy.
Old F-E-R-R-Y.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, a fairy.
Oh.
It is the best donut in LA.
Oh, shit.
All right.
We'll go to Old Fairy.
Oh, bitch.
Yeah.
Those pictures, Bobby.
You're right.
This is it.
Are you being sarcastic?
No, I'm being 100% for real.
I'm telling you.
You showed me that first fancy shit.
I don't want that.
This is, yes.
I want to rank this.
I want to rank the most, the corporate pizza joints where they go.
Because look, everyone's got their fancy pizza joints.
Give me the corporate rankings.
Give me Domino's, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars.
Give me fucking, Sbarro can be thrown in there.
I can tell you.
Go.
I honestly think Pizza Hut.
Yes.
Number one.
Number one is Pizza Hut.
Because the crust is buttery and something about it.
Also, the way they do their pizza, it stays more of like a pizza.
Domino's, they overload you with the fucking dough and the cheese.
And your swearing is right for that.
Their fucking dough.
Yeah, yeah.
I hate it.
I think Little Caesars is my favorite.
What?
Hot and ready, dude.
Hot and ready.
It's simple.
It's simple.
Little Caesars cheese is fine for me.
What, do you have cricket?
You have a cricket phone?
Yeah.
The fuck?
Yeah, yeah.
Who likes Little Caesars?
I just like the $5.
One of their toppings is cancer.
I bet.
It goes Pizza Hut, Domino's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Papa John's.
Papa John's.
Pre or post N-word.
I don't know.
That garlic sauce, you get in the top three with that.
Yeah.
Dude, I like the hot and ready.
Just it saved me for a long time in my 20s, financially.
I think if you ate it now, you would think differently.
Because we don't have that pizza now.
That's the problem.
I haven't eaten anything like that in a long time.
Yeah, but the pizza, Little Caesars is still around.
Oh, yeah.
Is it?
Dude, what?
Every corner.
Go to Western.
My buddy Matt's kid just-
I haven't seen Little Caesars in forever.
My buddy Matt's kid just tried it for the first time, like last week.
And he was like, he says it's the best food he's ever had in his life.
I've never seen-
We're in Echo Park?
Yeah.
I'm not fucking going over there.
But what if you guys had a Little Caesars pizza party and it was brought to you?
We keep talking about it.
They might end up sponsoring the show.
So I went to-
Pizza, pizza.
When I play Chicago Improv, sometimes they get me a fresh Lou Malnati.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's my-
I love Lou.
It's pretty good.
It's very good.
I like Deep Dish.
I don't care what you feel about it.
It's good just for that special occasion.
We don't eat it on the regular.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I love it.
It's heavy.
It's too heavy for a regular-
No, you eat it once in a great while.
It's cake.
Yeah.
Fork and knife.
So I had this Filipino family, Kalilah's End, come from Philippines one summer.
And we went to that Deep Dish Pizza place in Los Feliz or Echo Park.
Masa.
Masa.
Yeah, Masa.
Yeah.
Very good.
Yeah, it's great.
They didn't eat it.
What?
They don't know what it is.
There wasn't any bugs on it?
No, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no cardboard on it.
If you shave some tree bark on this, it will be good.
Say when on the tree bark.
They're doing it like it's truffle.
Can I interest you in some tree bark?
Yeah.
This is some oak.
We're just going to shave it onto your-
Yeah.
Of course they didn't eat it.
That's not in their flavor profile.
They like spicy.
That pizza's a thick, doughy cake pizza.
It's just a mushed up tomato.
They're not going to like that.
But let me say something to you, y'all.
Okay.
Okay.
When I'm in a different country, I'll check all of it out and I'll try it.
Oh, you're saying they didn't even want to try it.
Yeah.
They didn't even like attempt it.
Look at that thing.
How would you not try that?
They didn't even take a bite?
Yeah.
There was no-
That is, that's like you get, I would see myself getting very upset about that.
Yeah, take a bite.
Being like, take a bite.
I also made reservations.
You guys got to check out this.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Put thought into it.
Exactly, dude.
Yeah.
What did they end up wanting?
They wanted Jollibee, right?
Yeah.
They love Jollibee, dude.
What's Jollibee?
Oh, you know what?
It's their version of like a chain food restaurant.
But it's, but it's, they fucking live and die by this.
So much so that like-
Yeah.
That's Jollibee.
You know-
But they have spaghetti too.
Show me Jollibee's spaghetti.
You know, you know Benny Blanco?
That's their spaghetti.
The producer?
You know how sometimes you're in the mood for spaghetti and a chicken leg?
Yeah, what am I, pregnant?
It's fucking wild.
Benny Blanco did a video of a food review, I think, at his house.
And he caught so much shit from Filipino fans for just being like, this isn't
good.
Benny B?
Yeah, but it's so funny how like they take, this is like their shit.
But the one in the Philippines that I've been to, the quality is different.
It's better.
You think it's just, yeah, it's just better.
Do you think it's like when you get a Guinness in Ireland, it's just better?
That's-
Yeah, that's what it is.
I don't know.
That's true.
They clean out their lines.
I know, but you go to a good spot that serves a good Guinness.
There's a couple of good Guinness spots.
Because I, that, you know, that's my beer.
I don't really drink beer, but if I'm going to have a beer, I'm drinking that.
You know, I was the-
Guinness King?
I was the brand ambassador.
What?
Yeah, that's what got me out.
Julian, you know, Julian McCullough?
I know, yeah, I know.
He did the Guinness brand ambassador thing, and then he quit drinking, and they
were trying
to find a new one, and he's like, you should have my buddy Sodor do it.
Can I talk about him?
What's that?
McCullough?
Yeah.
You cut off his story, but yeah.
What's up?
What's going on?
Me?
Are you going to call him bloated, too?
Finish your story.
No.
No, I was just saying, I got to go to the, I got to like go, they flew me to
Dublin,
and I got to like, I had to drink Guinness for like two years.
The best.
And by the end, I was like, get this mud water out of my fucking hand.
I love it.
See, when he finishes it, we should have cut it off.
This guy, dude, you're, you're a little hot, hot, toxic.
I mean, I almost need you to go to the bathroom.
I think I have to jerk off.
I think I have to jerk off.
Watch you come back, and it's just.
Yeah, yeah.
The greatest.
In fact, I'm not going to get, you know what?
You're right.
I'm going to be more mindful about it.
I'm not going to say what I want to say about Julian McCullough.
I think it's another war.
Go ahead.
Let me hear it.
You might as well, dude.
You're starting it up.
So when I met him, he used to live in LA.
Yeah.
And I thought, what a handsome fella.
He is?
Yeah.
Something happened.
Oh, you're saying he lost his look?
Something happened.
Did you fall out of love with him?
Because he's still handsome.
Maybe you fell out of love with him.
He's a pretty good looking guy.
Yeah, I guess he's still got it.
Okay.
What did you think?
Did you see him on an off night?
I mean, look at it.
Yeah, so when I saw him recently, he just got older.
That's it.
Like we all do.
He gained like six pounds is all.
Dude, Bobby's like Tim Gunn.
He's like, what are you, fat bitch?
Look at this gross pig.
No, I loved it.
Ew.
What a fantastic.
Julian rules.
He's so funny.
He's very, very funny.
I love him.
Anyway.
And thanks for getting me the brand ambassador job in 2011.
Thank you, Julian.
I got to quit waiting tables because of it.
Wow.
It's pretty sick.
Isn't that great when something like that changes your fucking life?
I mean, it changed my life.
I bought a laptop.
I didn't own a laptop from 2007 to 2011.
Slow down.
Is Joe Matarice still around?
I don't know.
You know him?
Yeah, I know Joe Matarice.
Joe Matarice.
The first time I made enough money to buy like a new laptop, like a real one, I
didn't
watch porn on it.
I was so scared.
Yeah.
You don't want to.
Yes.
You didn't want to damage it.
I didn't want to hurt her.
Yeah.
I keep her in good shape.
No.
Only emails and videos.
For years, I was like so afraid.
I was like, no, it's going to fuck it up.
And you go, mine.
And this is the first one I could afford.
So no, I'm not going to fuck it up.
Yes.
That's how I felt about my iPhone.
First time I got an iPhone, I'm like, I should porn on this thing.
And then you're like, oh, you can watch porn on this thing?
That's all I want to do.
And now that's all it is for.
Yes.
Thank you.

The Best Slice of Pizza on Planet Earth

What do you think of Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix?
I know you called me about this.
We talked.
Have you been there?
Yeah, he's Toussaint.
He doesn't know Phoenix as well.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, so South on I-10.
So years ago, a film critic in New York Times
said that that's the best pizza on planet Earth.
And it became a gigantic, it's like hours away.
Big planet.
Yeah.
Big planet to say Earth, dude.
That's insane.
And, you know, I went there again.
It's pretty good.
It's good, dude.
Is it like, have you had Frank Pepe's in Connecticut?
That's like one of the, that's like the OG.
Why would I go there?
I don't know.
You do a lot of shows.
Connecticut has some of the best pizza.
They're trying to make it that, they're trying to make us.
Is Hartford there?
In Connecticut?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this, but Frank Pepe's is in New Haven.
Hartford, Connecticut, Funny Bone.
They just, they were so rude to me.
That's why I've never been back.
The club?
Yeah.
Or the people that went to the club?
No, the staff, the management there.
Really?
I did it one weekend there and the manager at the last night, and I'd seen him
around all
weekend, finally introduced himself and he was kind of like, here's your check.
Oh, damn.
Maybe he had something going on.
He could have had full balls.
No, no, no, no.
What if that guy had full balls?
Twice.
Would you have taken it if he was full balls?
No, twice I've been there.
Like imagine he threw you the check.
And they were not nice to me.
Well, maybe he had full balls twice.
They can fill up real quick.
Okay, you know what?
You're right.
Maybe you're right.
Yeah.
So Connecticut has the best pizza.
They try to.
If you ever go to New Haven, you should have Frank Pepe's.
New Haven.
Yeah.
100%.
Frank Pepe's.
It's very good.
But do you think so far, do you think Pizza Bianco was the best you've ever had?
I think that it's the best in the top five I've ever had, probably.
Well, okay.
Let's rank.
How about this?
This is even more.
This is even more because we got in a good debate about donuts the other week.
Let's rank.
By the way, in Los Angeles, I go to Kettle Glaze every time I'm here.
Oh, yeah.
And I went and picked up a half a dozen.
You are a little secret sweet boy, huh?
I'm pretty allowed.
All right.
So I'm pretty raging.
I'm going to tell you something right now.
I'm flaming sweet.
I think you're going wrong with it.
I think you're going wrong with it, and I'm going to convince you otherwise.
Kettle Glaze?
Yeah.
Is the wrong way to go?
Yeah.
I would go, have you ever had Sidecar?
Mm-hmm.
We brought them into the studio one time.
Sidecar?
What do you think of them?
They're good.
They're fine.
Wow.
Wow.
You know it's not my number one.
Oh, are they like a busy donut?
A busy donut, yes.
Here's what I like about this.
Kettle Glaze goes like this.
We're a donut.
See, that's what I like.
Not like we're a donut wearing a fruit hat.
You know what these are?
These are donuts that are, these are, hey, these are single moms now that have
been through
a divorce.
That's who this donut is.
Yeah, okay.
It's got too much going on.
Yeah, you go, you don't need all of this.
You don't need to do it.
But I'm going to double down now, my friends, okay?
And I'm going to show you something that's going to blow your minds, if I may.
Mm-hmm.
Please.
Okay?
In Korea.
I'm already out.
I'm in.
I'm in harder.
That's the right answer.
South or North?
I don't care.
North.
North, yeah, the good side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at Kim Jong-un.
Does North Korea-
Does North Korea have a similar thing, like Northern Ireland has an up the raw?
Like, does North Korea have a fucking chant or anything like that?
Yeah.
Kill American.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah.
Or it's like, it's un time.
So there's a, they have one now.
So this is a Korean company that they have one in Koreatown, and it's called
Old Fairy Donut.
Okay.
Okay.
That's what we call you.
You know what, dude?
That's rude.
You set me up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Old Fairy.
Old F-E-R-R-Y.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, a fairy.
Oh.
It is the best donut in LA.
Oh, shit.
All right.
We'll go to Old Fairy.
Oh, bitch.
Yeah.
Those pictures, Bobby.
You're right.
This is it.
Are you being sarcastic?
No, I'm being 100% for real.
I'm telling you.
You showed me that first fancy shit.
I don't want that.
This is, yes.
I want to rank this.
I want to rank the most, the corporate pizza joints where they go.
Because look, everyone's got their fancy pizza joints.
Give me the corporate rankings.
Give me Domino's, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars.
Give me fucking, Sbarro can be thrown in there.
I can tell you.
Go.
I honestly think Pizza Hut.
Yes.
Number one.
Number one is Pizza Hut.
Because the crust is buttery and something about it.
Also, the way they do their pizza, it stays more of like a pizza.
Domino's, they overload you with the fucking dough and the cheese.
And your swearing is right for that.
Their fucking dough.
Yeah, yeah.
I hate it.
I think Little Caesars is my favorite.
What?
Hot and ready, dude.
Hot and ready.
It's simple.
It's simple.
Little Caesars cheese is fine for me.
What, do you have cricket?
You have a cricket phone?
Yeah.
The fuck?
Yeah, yeah.
Who likes Little Caesars?
I just like the $5.
One of their toppings is cancer.
I bet.
It goes Pizza Hut, Domino's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Papa John's.
Papa John's.
Pre or post N-word.
I don't know.
That garlic sauce, you get in the top three with that.
Yeah.
Dude, I like the hot and ready.
Just it saved me for a long time in my 20s, financially.
I think if you ate it now, you would think differently.
Because we don't have that pizza now.
That's the problem.
I haven't eaten anything like that in a long time.
Yeah, but the pizza, Little Caesars is still around.
Oh, yeah.
Is it?
Dude, what?
Every corner.
Go to Western.
My buddy Matt's kid just-
I haven't seen Little Caesars in forever.
My buddy Matt's kid just tried it for the first time, like last week.
And he was like, he says it's the best food he's ever had in his life.
I've never seen-
We're in Echo Park?
Yeah.
I'm not fucking going over there.
But what if you guys had a Little Caesars pizza party and it was brought to you?
We keep talking about it.
They might end up sponsoring the show.
So I went to-
Pizza, pizza.
When I play Chicago Improv, sometimes they get me a fresh Lou Malnati.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's my-
I love Lou.
It's pretty good.
It's very good.
I like Deep Dish.
I don't care what you feel about it.
It's good just for that special occasion.
We don't eat it on the regular.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I love it.
It's heavy.
It's too heavy for a regular-
No, you eat it once in a great while.
It's cake.
Yeah.
Fork and knife.
So I had this Filipino family, Kalilah's End, come from Philippines one summer.
And we went to that Deep Dish Pizza place in Los Feliz or Echo Park.
Masa.
Masa.
Yeah, Masa.
Yeah.
Very good.
Yeah, it's great.
They didn't eat it.
What?
They don't know what it is.
There wasn't any bugs on it?
No, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no cardboard on it.
If you shave some tree bark on this, it will be good.
Say when on the tree bark.
They're doing it like it's truffle.
Can I interest you in some tree bark?
Yeah.
This is some oak.
We're just going to shave it onto your-
Yeah.
Of course they didn't eat it.
That's not in their flavor profile.
They like spicy.
That pizza's a thick, doughy cake pizza.
It's just a mushed up tomato.
They're not going to like that.
But let me say something to you, y'all.
Okay.
Okay.
When I'm in a different country, I'll check all of it out and I'll try it.
Oh, you're saying they didn't even want to try it.
Yeah.
They didn't even like attempt it.
Look at that thing.
How would you not try that?
They didn't even take a bite?
Yeah.
There was no-
That is, that's like you get, I would see myself getting very upset about that.
Yeah, take a bite.
Being like, take a bite.
I also made reservations.
You guys got to check out this.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Put thought into it.
Exactly, dude.
Yeah.
What did they end up wanting?
They wanted Jollibee, right?
Yeah.
They love Jollibee, dude.
What's Jollibee?
Oh, you know what?
It's their version of like a chain food restaurant.
But it's, but it's, they fucking live and die by this.
So much so that like-
Yeah.
That's Jollibee.
You know-
But they have spaghetti too.
Show me Jollibee's spaghetti.
You know, you know Benny Blanco?
That's their spaghetti.
The producer?
You know how sometimes you're in the mood for spaghetti and a chicken leg?
Yeah, what am I, pregnant?
It's fucking wild.
Benny Blanco did a video of a food review, I think, at his house.
And he caught so much shit from Filipino fans for just being like, this isn't
good.
Benny B?
Yeah, but it's so funny how like they take, this is like their shit.
But the one in the Philippines that I've been to, the quality is different.
It's better.
You think it's just, yeah, it's just better.
Do you think it's like when you get a Guinness in Ireland, it's just better?
That's-
Yeah, that's what it is.
I don't know.
That's true.
They clean out their lines.
I know, but you go to a good spot that serves a good Guinness.
There's a couple of good Guinness spots.
Because I, that, you know, that's my beer.
I don't really drink beer, but if I'm going to have a beer, I'm drinking that.
You know, I was the-
Guinness King?
I was the brand ambassador.
What?
Yeah, that's what got me out.
Julian, you know, Julian McCullough?
I know, yeah, I know.
He did the Guinness brand ambassador thing, and then he quit drinking, and they
were trying
to find a new one, and he's like, you should have my buddy Sodor do it.
Can I talk about him?
What's that?
McCullough?
Yeah.
You cut off his story, but yeah.
What's up?
What's going on?
Me?
Are you going to call him bloated, too?
Finish your story.
No.
No, I was just saying, I got to go to the, I got to like go, they flew me to
Dublin,
and I got to like, I had to drink Guinness for like two years.
The best.
And by the end, I was like, get this mud water out of my fucking hand.
I love it.
See, when he finishes it, we should have cut it off.
This guy, dude, you're, you're a little hot, hot, toxic.
I mean, I almost need you to go to the bathroom.
I think I have to jerk off.
I think I have to jerk off.
Watch you come back, and it's just.
Yeah, yeah.
The greatest.
In fact, I'm not going to get, you know what?
You're right.
I'm going to be more mindful about it.
I'm not going to say what I want to say about Julian McCullough.
I think it's another war.
Go ahead.
Let me hear it.
You might as well, dude.
You're starting it up.
So when I met him, he used to live in LA.
Yeah.
And I thought, what a handsome fella.
He is?
Yeah.
Something happened.
Oh, you're saying he lost his look?
Something happened.
Did you fall out of love with him?
Because he's still handsome.
Maybe you fell out of love with him.
He's a pretty good looking guy.
Yeah, I guess he's still got it.
Okay.
What did you think?
Did you see him on an off night?
I mean, look at it.
Yeah, so when I saw him recently, he just got older.
That's it.
Like we all do.
He gained like six pounds is all.
Dude, Bobby's like Tim Gunn.
He's like, what are you, fat bitch?
Look at this gross pig.
No, I loved it.
Ew.
What a fantastic.
Julian rules.
He's so funny.
He's very, very funny.
I love him.
Anyway.
And thanks for getting me the brand ambassador job in 2011.
Thank you, Julian.
I got to quit waiting tables because of it.
Wow.
It's pretty sick.
Isn't that great when something like that changes your fucking life?
I mean, it changed my life.
I bought a laptop.
I didn't own a laptop from 2007 to 2011.
Slow down.
Is Joe Matarice still around?
I don't know.
You know him?
Yeah, I know Joe Matarice.
Joe Matarice.
The first time I made enough money to buy like a new laptop, like a real one, I
didn't
watch porn on it.
I was so scared.
Yeah.
You don't want to.
Yes.
You didn't want to damage it.
I didn't want to hurt her.
Yeah.
I keep her in good shape.
No.
Only emails and videos.
For years, I was like so afr