Name: Rudy Wants Trump's Golden Visa
Uploaded: 2025-04-17T17:23:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Wants Trump's Golden Visa' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Wants Trump's Golden Visa' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-17. Transcript available.

You play chess.
A lot of people look at you and think checkers, Chinese.
No, no, no one thinks checkers.
Everyone thinks chess.
Guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or my gao or whatever.
Pai gao.
A lot of people look at you and they think Pai gao.
Pai gao, yeah, yeah.
But you're actually playing savant level street.
Russian opening.
Chess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, seriously, you are.
Because he's done this since I've known him.
A castle, en passant, you know what en passant is?
Yeah, yeah.
And you have little pawns all over the place, right?
And you're the queen.
You are the queen.
And you've always been the queen.
I'm the king?
No, buddy, you're the queen.
I'm the queen.
The queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess.
All right.
You should know that, you play chess.
I'm the king.
You're the king, okay, you're the king.
Because we're partners.
Bishop, Andreas.
Rook, rook, rook, rook, rook.
He's a rook, yeah, he's a rook.
That's a rook.
All ricks.
No, no, no, no.
McCone is a pawn.
Oh, yeah, yeah, pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is a?
Carlos, you know, honestly.
Yeah, knight.
He might be a knight.
Yeah, 'cause he goes, he lies.
Oh, he deceives, deceives, deceives, deceives.
Yeah, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, what is she?
She's the bishop.
Angles, angles, angles.
Angles, angles.
Precise to tact.
Watch this, watch this, watch this.
That's how good she is at attacks and angles.
You ready?
Yeah.
On the floor.
Your mom's a hoe.
Okay, see?
It's an attacked angle.
You little fucker.
That was so good.
You little fucker.
You are a good fucker, though.
Well, so she is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was Bishop moves there.
Yeah, that's great.
So we have it all figured out in the studio.
He's so mad at you.
You don't know about this guy?
Those little things, they seep into his-
You know what's really funny?
The guy who read his face in.
You know what's funny?
You said to attack.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
I could never be mad at you.
Yeah.
It really, it kind of sucks.
Yeah, it sucks.
Like if one of the clowns did it.
Yeah.
It would be a fight.
Do you remember when she was mad at us?
Oh, yeah.
That was the most heartbreaking two weeks.
It broke my heart.
It really did hurt my feelings.
What?
It hurt my feelings.
What?
Your mom's a hoe?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It just settled.
It just settled.
It just settled.
It settled right now.
Now I see the river as-
Yeah, yeah.
I'm mad.
It was-
I knew.
No.
That was good.
No, never in a million years.
Wow.
But you planted a seed.
Congratulations.
Very good.
It was very good.
Yeah, very good.
And you know what another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend?
What?
Since we're doing this.
Yeah, get it out.
What?
You never watch it.
But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it.
Like what?
Like I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it.
And I've been telling you-
See, right now.
Notice?
Did you notice?
I saw.
Yeah.
I've been telling you.
That?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
I'm busy and I'm so tired that I can't watch any show.
It's so funny.
Can I kind of counteract that?
Yeah.
You live with me.
Yeah.
Right?
Do I have ears?
Yeah.
Do I hear you playing shit down there?
Yeah.
Oh, wah wah wah.
You know what I mean?
Wah wah wah.
All kinds of fucking Asian shit.
That Japanese.
Wah wah wah wah.
24 hours a day.
And she's giggling.
Right, right?
Right, right?
And I recommend nothing.
Nothing.
Yeah.
It's TikTok.
It's different.
It is.
That is true.
Don't ever raise your voice like that to me.
Okay?
Why is it different?
Because you can just scroll.
You don't have to think about it.
You don't have to actually like watch it.
It's just scrolling.
I gotta stop.
My TikTok time is bad.
It consumes my life.
One day, I'm not gonna lie, I did six hours.
I do too.
That's a lot.
It's a lot.
Anytime I'm on a flight and it has Wi-Fi.
Yeah.
I'm TikTokin.
Then the government has us.
Well.
You wanna enslave us?
Well, the good government.
The Chinese government.
The one we love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one we love, yeah.
Back then they did it with religion.
Right?
Now they're doing TikTok.
Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism.
Get ready with me.
And we're all slaves.
Right?
And I love it.
Get ready with me to become a Chinese slave.
I love being a Chinese slave.
Me too.
We're there.
Nezah.
Nezah.
Did you see it?
The what?
Nezah.
He recommended Nezah.
You didn't watch that, did you?
No.
Nezah 2 is out.
Okay?
It made $2 billion in China.
It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen.
You better watch it before they make a third one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What did you say?
Did we ever what?
Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app?
What?
Red zone or whatever it is?
Red line?
No.
Yeah, red pipes.
What is it?
The, what is it?
It's the red note.
Red note.
Red note.
So was I close?
It's.
When I said red line, was I close?
Did you hear that?
It's already in Chinese.
It's all in Chinese.
Was I close?
Yeah.
Thank you.
It's named as a Chinese social media app that allows users to share and
discover
different content about fashion travel and more similar to Instagram with a
layout
similar to Pinterest.
There was a Mongolian guy in my show and I kissed him in the lips.
Yeah.
And he just came here from Mongolia.
And he stood up in petrified and he goes, I don't know what going on.
Like he was like, I don't know what going on.
Imagine a Mongolian guy who's like literally never been to the United States.
That's his first trip.
Look at that.
Look at them.
They're all data from fucking Goonies.
They're still dressed like that.
What a peaceful life.
Don't you want to do this with me?
Dude, zoom in.
That's so funny.
What?
I just realized, look at his hat.
I realized why they like Spider-Man.
Why?
Look at those eyes.
That's the closest superhero they have.
Yeah.
Might as well do a Mongolian Spider-Man.
Might as well do it.
There's a window open.
Let's go.
Spiderman.
Come on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees.
No, stop it.
Yeah.
So they're doing trees maybe.
There might be trees.
Trees.
Spiderman.
Spiderman.
Yeah.
From tree to tree.
You will see.
Anyway.
Wow.
This Mongolian Spider-Man.
That is kind of, it does make sense when you see the mask now.
I've never even thought about that.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, what a cute guy.
It was Chinese Spiderman.
Yeah.
Asian Spiderman is out there.
That's so cute.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right, Jules.
I want to hear what's going on besides you being tired, which is the narrative
that's been
happening for the five years I've known you.
I'm just living with you to Bobby because of the fires.
Yeah.
I have all the dogs, school, work.
Well, I could see you working at like Chick-fil-A and that would help us
because I'd like to eat
it more often for free.
Yeah.
I also want to do that for free food.
Well, then go get a job at Chick-fil-A.
There's one near here.
Well, I need a visa.
Oh, yeah.
Can you buy the five million gold visa for me?
What does that mean?
Trump says it's giving us will sell five million gold dollar.
Wait, sell five million dollar gold card to wealthy foreigners.
So you have to pay five million dollars.
Yeah.
And then you get a really easy path to citizenship.
But apparently it's not even that much money for a lot of people.
So it's going to attract like grifter.
Five million dollars is not much money.
Every country has a gold visa, which is like if you invest enough money in the
country,
you're going to.
Well, I understand that.
But this is just your buy outright buying a visa for five million.
If you're an entrepreneur who's invested and has work here, then it's different.
But this is you just pay five million.
Buy a house or whatever it is.
Wow.
Yeah.
But the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean?
He can't go.
If he had a dollar for every grain.
That's true.
That is true.
That's true.
We're going to be selling a gold card.
I love that it's a gold card.
Gold card.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You have a if you have a green card, this is a gold card.
I love dude.
He puts everything in toddler perspective.
You have a green card.
This is a gold card.
But do you know why he's doing this?
Because Elon Musk and the tech stuff, remember?
Yeah.
And so you mean all the doge shit?
What?
All the doge stuff like the doge employees that are clearing out the government.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But there's a lot of tech people from other lands.
And then Trump goes, I don't know.
You know what I mean?
And he got it.
There was a controversy.
So now I think this is a way for them to get in.
Five million dollars is insane.
So you're telling me enough people.
That's a very limited amount of people that have five million dollars laying
around.
That's why they do it.
Yeah.
But I mean, but then it's like a tease.
No one's ever going to.
How many people can really do it?
I mean, I guess Chinese money may be a lot.
There's a lot of billionaires in China.
Yeah.
Doesn't China have the most billionaires in the world?
Of course, yeah.
Yeah, but they're the most people.
I know.
No, but even still per capita, they have the most billionaires.
Really?
By far.
We don't even have that many.
We have the most billionaires.
We do.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
We're the best.
Holy shit.
There's Indian billionaires.
Do it.
What?
I am the Cody King.
Yeah, that's it.
I will be a billionaire.
Wealth and technology, pharmaceuticals and energy.
Wow.
Wow.
Germany.
We made a lot of mistakes.
Yeah, yeah.
But we're back.
Yeah.
Russia.
Of course.
We stole this money and killed.
They killed for all that money.
Yeah.
Wow.
Russia will kill you.
Yeah, well.
813 billionaires.
Do you want that card?
Really?
I was wrong.
What would you do for us if we got you a $5 million gold card?
And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it.
Yeah, yeah.
But what?
Well, if you were going to do it.
What would happen?
You would do this podcast every week.
You're basically buying her.
Yeah.
That's like you bought a human.
Yeah.
That's like you would buy a human.
Which, by the way, you know this is going to enact human trafficking.
For sure.
That's inevitable of what this is going to do.
There's no way this is a positive program.
Fuck.
Yeah.
What could you even offer us?
If Bobby and I got a bunch of investors to give us enough money to pay for you
to become
a $5 million gold card citizen, what do we get in return?
I can clean.
I can cook.
I can wash the dishes.
You've never cooked me anything, bitch.
Because you never asked.
You never kicked me one thing.
Today I woke up from my nap.
Bacon.
Were you cooking bacon?
Love bacon.
Yeah, yeah.
Bacon throughout my house.
Done for me.
You cook bacon and don't leave extra?
No.
That's insane.
Yeah, it's insane.
That's crazy.
Another thing she does is, do you not like me?
Because even when we live together, we never see each other.
That's because I wake up in the morning, you wake up at night.
We don't see each other.
There is fact that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave.
And what do I give you?
Donuts.
Old fairy donuts.
Right?
I like the pistachio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, guess what you've gotten me as a gift?
What?
Zero.
A burden.
A burden.
You're a burden.
Trust me, Light.
Let me ask you something.
What?
Everyone in the room.
When you cook bacon at home, you cook the whole package.
No.
No.
What?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
You don't cook the whole thing.
I'm not gonna eat 15 strips.
I don't know.
I know.
I know.
No, but I mean-
Three.
No, what you do is you cook the whole thing, and then you have some for the
dogs, and then
you have some in the fridge that you make later with a sandwich, so it's cooked
already.
No.
Oh, that's- I never thought of that.
It's the best.
Okay.
Every time I do it, you cook the whole fucking- you don't do this?
I do it.
I microwave my bacon.
Maybe this is some Midwest shit.
Yeah.
I've never been into a house back in the day when we were growing up.
Yeah.
You always had to have extra bacon, because what she's doing is violating you.
She's cooking in your home, not leaving leftovers for you.
It's a complete violation.
It's a complete violation.
It's a complete violation.
I agree.
It's a complete violation.
You cook the whole fucking sleeve.
You leave some for Tito.
You give some for the dogs.
Give some to bacon, Tito Bobby.
No, but-
Rapper, Rapper, Rapper.
Rapper, Rapper.
Tito Bobby doesn't even eat, like, cold stuff already.
You heat it up!
No, even then, he doesn't eat leftovers.
Once it's like-
Oh my god!
There it is.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
Baseline fact.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't.
But don't say it out loud.
Yeah, don't tell anybody that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but honestly, you cook the whole sleeve.
Maybe that's in the Midwest, because every house you go to, they would cook the
whole sleeve.
You absolutely wouldn't save it.
It doesn't make any sense.
Also, once you've opened the package of bacon, slimy, sloppy, greasy bacon.
You put it in the thing.
It's a thing.
It's a spill.
It's a thing.
It's a fridge.
It's a nightmare.
Don't do it.
Cook the whole sleeve.
Cook your bacon.
And you give some to the dogs.
Or do you not feed the dogs bacon?
I love it.
Let me ask you another question.
Who gives the dogs treats?
You.
Exactly.
Do you buy any treats?
They already have their food.
No, no, no.
Yeah, she's doing Filipino rules.
That's insane.
Yeah, yeah.
We're in America.
Get one meal a day.
Yeah, I know.
That's what it is.
The dog's food is to keep it alive.
Treats are to keep it happy and engaging.
Exactly.
I just give it like once a week.
What the fuck?
It's insane.
And also, she measures the food.
You only get this two pounds.
Whatever.
You weigh it.
I don't want them.
You weigh it.
I don't want them to be fat.
I don't want them to be fat.
We have dog ozempic now.
Yeah, they do.
They make it now.
Right?
What's up?
Waggovy.
They have Waggovy.
Waggovy, dude.
Let me tell you something.
Yeah.
That's fucked up.
You gotta feed dogs treats.
That keeps them happy and engaged.
Yeah.
Trust me.
My fear is when she leaves one day with the dogs, they look at me with sad eyes.
Yeah.
They go, daddy.
They do.
Bye-bye.
You know what I mean?
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel so sad about it.
You know what you're basically doing?
It's like when a prisoner, they slide the meal through the door slot.
Yeah.
Giving them regimented door slot.
They're not even satisfied by that.
That's so they can get through the day.
You gotta go get some more treats.
And I want to say another thing, okay?
God, dude.
Let me just say another thing, okay?
They move out of my house, right?
I have a dog, older dog named Remy.
Yeah, I know.
All right?
Perfectly walking, spine fine.
Fine spine.
Perfect eyesight.
Mm-hmm.
The next time I see it, right?
Broken.
Not just broken, 50 pounds less, twisted spine.
Oh!
Legs.
You know what I mean?
Gray eyes.
He's blind.
I go, what are you doing?
You gave a dog spina bifida and made it go blind?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give it some fucking peanut butter.
No treats, dude.
That's why.
No, because he's just getting old.
Okay, you're right.
Maybe you're right.
Do you ever give the dog like peanut butter or anything like that?
Sometimes.
God, dude, what?
The joy.
You're like ripping the joy of a dog.
There's a pill though that, have you seen that you can extend the dog's life
already?
I'm buying it already.
Get on it.
Get the pill.
Biohacking your dog's life.
Oh my God.
Second drug for canine healthy lifespan extension.
Receives what?
A grant?
FDA support.
You can do it already.
Zoom in.
A developmental drug that aims to extend the healthy lifespan of senior dogs
has received
an acceptance by the FDA Center for Veterinary Medicine.
For Remy, we're going to get it now.
The drug is called LOY002.
LOY002.
Target's age-related metabolic dysfunction and is also designed to improve
quality of life
in canines aged 10 years and older, weighing at least 14 pounds.
Remy's older than 10.
One pounds.
One pound.
He's 10 pounds?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, then if you fed him some fucking treats, maybe we could get him the LOY.
Well, he has to be 12.
What did it say?
What did it say?
It said 14.
You got to fatten up Remy, dude.
I'm going to get him this.
You got to get him that.
You got to get him fatten him.
You want Remy to live?
Yeah.
I'm going to fatten him up.
Okay.
By the way, fat and happy is the way most people like to live.
They like to live like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is great.
I want to buy this immediately.
What a great day.
How do you inject it?
Do you inject it or do you feed it?
No, no.
It seems like it's a pill, right?
Or it's something they chew on.
Yeah.
By the way, I don't know if you ever have to give your dog pills.
We just had to give her pills when we were back home because she was sick.
Oh, no.
But by the way, impossible.
She won't eat it.
And we bury it in the treats and the food still knows it's in there.
We'll eat all the treat and then spit out the pill.
It pissed me off.
Yeah.
She did it every time.
Yeah.
We buried it.
Then I put it.
Then I put it in a, oh my God, the, you know, the Kong chew toy, you know?
Yeah.
And I put it in there with all sorts of fucking bullshit.
Yeah.
She cleared it out.
Around it.
And left the pill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking little asshole.
It's incredible.
Yeah, woo-hoo. Yeah, woo-hoo. Yeah.

Rudy Wants Trump's Golden Visa

You play chess.
A lot of people look at you and think checkers, Chinese.
No, no, no one thinks checkers.
Everyone thinks chess.
Guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or my gao or whatever.
Pai gao.
A lot of people look at you and they think Pai gao.
Pai gao, yeah, yeah.
But you're actually playing savant level street.
Russian opening.
Chess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, seriously, you are.
Because he's done this since I've known him.
A castle, en passant, you know what en passant is?
Yeah, yeah.
And you have little pawns all over the place, right?
And you're the queen.
You are the queen.
And you've always been the queen.
I'm the king?
No, buddy, you're the queen.
I'm the queen.
The queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess.
All right.
You should know that, you play chess.
I'm the king.
You're the king, okay, you're the king.
Because we're partners.
Bishop, Andreas.
Rook, rook, rook, rook, rook.
He's a rook, yeah, he's a rook.
That's a rook.
All ricks.
No, no, no, no.
McCone is a pawn.
Oh, yeah, yeah, pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is a?
Carlos, you know, honestly.
Yeah, knight.
He might be a knight.
Yeah, 'cause he goes, he lies.
Oh, he deceives, deceives, deceives, deceives.
Yeah, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, what is she?
She's the bishop.
Angles, angles, angles.
Angles, angles.
Precise to tact.
Watch this, watch this, watch this.
That's how good she is at attacks and angles.
You ready?
Yeah.
On the floor.
Your mom's a hoe.
Okay, see?
It's an attacked angle.
You little fucker.
That was so good.
You little fucker.
You are a good fucker, though.
Well, so she is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was Bishop moves there.
Yeah, that's great.
So we have it all figured out in the studio.
He's so mad at you.
You don't know about this guy?
Those little things, they seep into his-
You know what's really funny?
The guy who read his face in.
You know what's funny?
You said to attack.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
I could never be mad at you.
Yeah.
It really, it kind of sucks.
Yeah, it sucks.
Like if one of the clowns did it.
Yeah.
It would be a fight.
Do you remember when she was mad at us?
Oh, yeah.
That was the most heartbreaking two weeks.
It broke my heart.
It really did hurt my feelings.
What?
It hurt my feelings.
What?
Your mom's a hoe?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It just settled.
It just settled.
It just settled.
It settled right now.
Now I see the river as-
Yeah, yeah.
I'm mad.
It was-
I knew.
No.
That was good.
No, never in a million years.
Wow.
But you planted a seed.
Congratulations.
Very good.
It was very good.
Yeah, very good.
And you know what another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend?
What?
Since we're doing this.
Yeah, get it out.
What?
You never watch it.
But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it.
Like what?
Like I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it.
And I've been telling you-
See, right now.
Notice?
Did you notice?
I saw.
Yeah.
I've been telling you.
That?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
I'm busy and I'm so tired that I can't watch any show.
It's so funny.
Can I kind of counteract that?
Yeah.
You live with me.
Yeah.
Right?
Do I have ears?
Yeah.
Do I hear you playing shit down there?
Yeah.
Oh, wah wah wah.
You know what I mean?
Wah wah wah.
All kinds of fucking Asian shit.
That Japanese.
Wah wah wah wah.
24 hours a day.
And she's giggling.
Right, right?
Right, right?
And I recommend nothing.
Nothing.
Yeah.
It's TikTok.
It's different.
It is.
That is true.
Don't ever raise your voice like that to me.
Okay?
Why is it different?
Because you can just scroll.
You don't have to think about it.
You don't have to actually like watch it.
It's just scrolling.
I gotta stop.
My TikTok time is bad.
It consumes my life.
One day, I'm not gonna lie, I did six hours.
I do too.
That's a lot.
It's a lot.
Anytime I'm on a flight and it has Wi-Fi.
Yeah.
I'm TikTokin.
Then the government has us.
Well.
You wanna enslave us?
Well, the good government.
The Chinese government.
The one we love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one we love, yeah.
Back then they did it with religion.
Right?
Now they're doing TikTok.
Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism.
Get ready with me.
And we're all slaves.
Right?
And I love it.
Get ready with me to become a Chinese slave.
I love being a Chinese slave.
Me too.
We're there.
Nezah.
Nezah.
Did you see it?
The what?
Nezah.
He recommended Nezah.
You didn't watch that, did you?
No.
Nezah 2 is out.
Okay?
It made $2 billion in China.
It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen.
You better watch it before they make a third one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What did you say?
Did we ever what?
Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app?
What?
Red zone or whatever it is?
Red line?
No.
Yeah, red pipes.
What is it?
The, what is it?
It's the red note.
Red note.
Red note.
So was I close?
It's.
When I said red line, was I close?
Did you hear that?
It's already in Chinese.
It's all in Chinese.
Was I close?
Yeah.
Thank you.
It's named as a Chinese social media app that allows users to share and
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There was a Mongolian guy in my show and I kissed him in the lips.
Yeah.
And he just came here from Mongolia.
And he stood up in petrified and he goes, I don't know what going on.
Like he was like, I don't know what going on.
Imagine a Mongolian guy who's like literally never been to the United States.
That's his first trip.
Look at that.
Look at them.
They're all data from fucking Goonies.
They're still dressed like that.
What a peaceful life.
Don't you want to do this with me?
Dude, zoom in.
That's so funny.
What?
I just realized, look at his hat.
I realized why they like Spider-Man.
Why?
Look at those eyes.
That's the closest superhero they have.
Yeah.
Might as well do a Mongolian Spider-Man.
Might as well do it.
There's a window open.
Let's go.
Spiderman.
Come on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees.
No, stop it.
Yeah.
So they're doing trees maybe.
There might be trees.
Trees.
Spiderman.
Spiderman.
Yeah.
From tree to tree.
You will see.
Anyway.
Wow.
This Mongolian Spider-Man.
That is kind of, it does make sense when you see the mask now.
I've never even thought about that.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, what a cute guy.
It was Chinese Spiderman.
Yeah.
Asian Spiderman is out there.
That's so cute.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right, Jules.
I want to hear what's going on besides you being tired, which is the narrative
that's been
happening for the five years I've known you.
I'm just living with you to Bobby because of the fires.
Yeah.
I have all the dogs, school, work.
Well, I could see you working at like Chick-fil-A and that would help us
because I'd like to eat
it more often for free.
Yeah.
I also want to do that for free food.
Well, then go get a job at Chick-fil-A.
There's one near here.
Well, I need a visa.
Oh, yeah.
Can you buy the five million gold visa for me?
What does that mean?
Trump says it's giving us will sell five million gold dollar.
Wait, sell five million dollar gold card to wealthy foreigners.
So you have to pay five million dollars.
Yeah.
And then you get a really easy path to citizenship.
But apparently it's not even that much money for a lot of people.
So it's going to attract like grifter.
Five million dollars is not much money.
Every country has a gold visa, which is like if you invest enough money in the
country,
you're going to.
Well, I understand that.
But this is just your buy outright buying a visa for five million.
If you're an entrepreneur who's invested and has work here, then it's different.
But this is you just pay five million.
Buy a house or whatever it is.
Wow.
Yeah.
But the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean?
He can't go.
If he had a dollar for every grain.
That's true.
That is true.
That's true.
We're going to be selling a gold card.
I love that it's a gold card.
Gold card.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You have a if you have a green card, this is a gold card.
I love dude.
He puts everything in toddler perspective.
You have a green card.
This is a gold card.
But do you know why he's doing this?
Because Elon Musk and the tech stuff, remember?
Yeah.
And so you mean all the doge shit?
What?
All the doge stuff like the doge employees that are clearing out the government.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But there's a lot of tech people from other lands.
And then Trump goes, I don't know.
You know what I mean?
And he got it.
There was a controversy.
So now I think this is a way for them to get in.
Five million dollars is insane.
So you're telling me enough people.
That's a very limited amount of people that have five million dollars laying
around.
That's why they do it.
Yeah.
But I mean, but then it's like a tease.
No one's ever going to.
How many people can really do it?
I mean, I guess Chinese money may be a lot.
There's a lot of billionaires in China.
Yeah.
Doesn't China have the most billionaires in the world?
Of course, yeah.
Yeah, but they're the most people.
I know.
No, but even still per capita, they have the most billionaires.
Really?
By far.
We don't even have that many.
We have the most billionaires.
We do.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
We're the best.
Holy shit.
There's Indian billionaires.
Do it.
What?
I am the Cody King.
Yeah, that's it.
I will be a billionaire.
Wealth and technology, pharmaceuticals and energy.
Wow.
Wow.
Germany.
We made a lot of mistakes.
Yeah, yeah.
But we're back.
Yeah.
Russia.
Of course.
We stole this money and killed.
They killed for all that money.
Yeah.
Wow.
Russia will kill you.
Yeah, well.
813 billionaires.
Do you want that card?
Really?
I was wrong.
What would you do for us if we got you a $5 million gold card?
And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it.
Yeah, yeah.
But what?
Well, if you were going to do it.
What would happen?
You would do this podcast every week.
You're basically buying her.
Yeah.
That's like you bought a human.
Yeah.
That's like you would buy a human.
Which, by the way, you know this is going to enact human trafficking.
For sure.
That's inevitable of what this is going to do.
There's no way this is a positive program.
Fuck.
Yeah.
What could you even offer us?
If Bobby and I got a bunch of investors to give us enough money to pay for you
to become
a $5 million gold card citizen, what do we get in return?
I can clean.
I can cook.
I can wash the dishes.
You've never cooked me anything, bitch.
Because you never asked.
You never kicked me one thing.
Today I woke up from my nap.
Bacon.
Were you cooking bacon?
Love bacon.
Yeah, yeah.
Bacon throughout my house.
Done for me.
You cook bacon and don't leave extra?
No.
That's insane.
Yeah, it's insane.
That's crazy.
Another thing she does is, do you not like me?
Because even when we live together, we never see each other.
That's because I wake up in the morning, you wake up at night.
We don't see each other.
There is fact that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave.
And what do I give you?
Donuts.
Old fairy donuts.
Right?
I like the pistachio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, guess what you've gotten me as a gift?
What?
Zero.
A burden.
A burden.
You're a burden.
Trust me, Light.
Let me ask you something.
What?
Everyone in the room.
When you cook bacon at home, you cook the whole package.
No.
No.
What?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
You don't cook the whole thing.
I'm not gonna eat 15 strips.
I don't know.
I know.
I know.
No, but I mean-
Three.
No, what you do is you cook the whole thing, and then you have some for the
dogs, and then
you have some in the fridge that you make later with a sandwich, so it's cooked
already.
No.
Oh, that's- I never thought of that.
It's the best.
Okay.
Every time I do it, you cook the whole fucking- you don't do this?
I do it.
I microwave my bacon.
Maybe this is some Midwest shit.
Yeah.
I've never been into a house back in the day when we were growing up.