Name: How (Not) to Act in Public
Uploaded: 2025-04-22T17:30:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How (Not) to Act in Public' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How (Not) to Act in Public' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

do you ever hang out with him in social settings yeah yeah and he is he is hard
he is the best
social human being i've ever seen nobody can schmooze like this guy it is the
best
it is remarkable best at it it is remarkable i want to learn from him and that's
why he's always
around the high people oh i i know i know because dude we had a meeting at sony
today and he's best
friends with everybody he all the famous people whenever i see him like on a
golf course with
somebody at first i would i would see it yeah yeah no no no he knows that's why
you're watching
this is actually i'm gonna tell you this is good compliment i'm glad that you've
seen as well 100
we went to dinner once first of all never go to dinner with him i don't i try
not to this is what
dinner is yeah yeah before you even sit down yeah somebody goes santini goes oh
i'll be right back
guys and then he just goes table by table by table yeah like he's don rickles
just shaking exactly and
then we're sitting there like are you sinatra oh yeah answer can we order you
something yeah do you
want some yeah cocktail or something yeah yeah get me whatever you guys get he
gave me this he was
yeah yeah get me whatever you guys get we were in a meeting at sony executives
and he's telling the
you know this happened he's telling the group where he met certain people this
is the first time i met
any of these he's like bill clinton in like 2009 man remember you had that
office over on this and this and
this yeah he's like yeah man it's fucking with you for a while that's who you
are okay how are you
no no no i love the i've i've always no no no no it's something thank you andrew
it's something i
admire and i have a heart this is the thing i have a hard time like if there's
somebody that like i
really like or admire it's very easy for me to talk to them yeah yeah but it
almost becomes like an
interview i'm like really i'm like hey you're really good at this thing and i
want to know all about
it yeah everything you hang out with people in a way where they're like they
you you're acting like
they find you cool yeah like you know what i mean like they're kind of trying
to win you over you
got to sell them on that you're the one yeah i sell them on you're the one you're
you're meeting me
i'm watching it yeah so what so give me the okay i'm glad that you've also
known it praise the lord
put one down so we're on the same team yeah please come on your heart goes out
make your heart go
doesn't your heart go no all right you get your kanye shirt do we get those kanye
shirts do they
show up yet or no we ordered 100 of them all right okay hold on that's this is
how you're like really
double double down he tells me i can't get in this okay so tell me tell me what
is it like when you're
when you meet somebody who's like really famous yeah how are you making them
feel so
comfortable because you know everybody wants their attention yeah what is your
what is this social skill you've developed i mean this is going to sound awful
no it's not i'm
fascinated but i think it is a true character i just don't praise the lord you
know you notice
this right yeah yeah i just don't hallelujah i don't care i don't care to treat
them other than
a guy i just so you're just ball busting i just don't care and if they're like
oh i don't like that
you're too too uh comfortable familiar i then i don't care then so you remove
yourself then we're
not cool if if i can't treat you like a human then i'm not interested so you're
immediately it's just
like the most famous people i've ever met i treat them just like a regular and
they probably
love it because everybody treats them so weird yeah and the fact that there's
somebody who's
treating them like they're in high school again there's a comfort that they
have i'll tell you
the real trick if you want if you want the honest truth if you want the honest
truth yeah the reason
the reason that's all we wanted the reason that i got well first of all i'll
give context to what
he's saying we were in a meeting at sony with one of my best friends in los angeles
who got us the job
you're welcome freebie what's the job what's the job we're doing an animated
show yeah we're doing
a movie movie a movie animated movie sorry but but i will be honest the reason
that i did get
comfortable not caring about famous people is when my first job in la was on
punked and i was so in
my head all the time all these celebrities would come to the studio and at some
point i i just stopped
giving a about trying to like you know oh my god you're so good to meet you and
all that stuff because
i was so worried about the bits i didn't give a about the celebrity and they
didn't give a about
me so it's kind of this great equalizer of when i was young i met all these
famous people and they
didn't give a i was a player on the show i was a nobody and so i just kind of
thought i'm not
going to kiss ass to these people it didn't mean anything to me so i never
wanted to earn their
friendship because i didn't care and honestly i met them all when i was 25
years old that's when i met
every famous person from punked all these people andrew man i didn't give a
they didn't like me
anyway it was like i was a young broke gay player i'm going to give you some
insight yeah he's going
to be very mad about it i love learning about you guys don't get mad yeah i'm
listening all right
when we go to the airport yeah he acts as if he's jason born hat down you know
what i mean yeah
right rifling yeah it's it's it's he's a star yeah i mean to see i'm open hair
no i know right
i mean say hi to everybody yeah right this guy thinks he's ethan hunt yeah
someone wants that
tension thank you thank you someone wants that tension i was waiting for i was
waiting for a little
backup you spaniard fuck you spaniard i'm acting normal spaniard okay so what i
do is i wear a hat at
the airport i go sit down and i go relax away from my flight yeah this guy moseys
about
yeah i can't want oh really how did it turn to me is that bobby lee that's what
he wants so
fucking bad yeah and i just want to chill have a coffee wait to get on my plane
this guy he'll
purposely tussle up his hair so it's fucking huge he'll go in and out of that
fucking wh smith or
whatever that convenience stores can't he's just it's a good convenience you're
not buying anything
it's good i like to look at the golly ranchers he moseys he moseys until he's
recognized correct
he that's not what i do and fuck you does it fail you does it feel good does it
feel good to be
recognized what is the feeling he fucking loves it if it was sold in a can he'd
buy cases of it can
you come sit over here come sit over here come hang out is this mike on is this
mike on he will be
yeah yeah yeah yeah i feel so much more balanced yeah so here's the deal okay i
need you to back
me up okay okay so well you just here's the logic yeah yeah yeah yeah and and i
want you to be up
your heart open this outfit is subdued this is this is not an attention-seeking
outfit thank you yeah
thank you so much dude it is subdued right right so this guy goes to the
airport he's wearing a bright
pink beanie yeah a bright blue jacket he's carrying bags like he's dave a towel
he's got like 30 bags
around him all right but but he loves people looking at him one time you said
to me yeah we weren't at
the airport yeah i was just sitting there on a curb or something yeah and you
turned to me goes i like
your fashion yeah i think it looks so you know that i dress a certain way you
got great fashion
i think so undoubtedly yes so what i'm saying is is that i don't dress
differently in my regular life
than the airport okay secondly this i can't go into the convenience store yeah
are you parched ever
yeah you want a bottle of water yeah are you allowed to get one yeah if
somebody if somebody
accidentally goes yo andrew schultz are you attention-seeking you usually send
carlos to buy
you stuff that's right carlos has to go be the gopher and go get that's not can
you do an american
accent yeah thank you he's doing it right now i don't feel like he even tries
like thank you can
you can you speak like us can you i can't try just give it a go say hey it's
great to meet you
andrew schultz hey it's great to meet you andrew schultz he's a he's a robot
yeah he's a siri
and andrew i want to say one last thing and this is a truism yes okay yes i
have ozempic burps i just
took a shot don't are you doing the ozempic yeah i did it like an hour ago so
oh is that the weight
loss yeah yeah yeah we'll govi we govi i mean oh so check this out okay many
years ago is he really
on yeah yes what's that how does that what does that i'm nauseous all the time
like i'm on chemo
let's move on well you're just getting ready for a couple years down the road
yeah prepping
stop if i do get cancer dude you're gonna feel bad we're all gonna get it yeah
yeah yeah we're all
gonna get it all right so um i was doing um a radio show yeah with patrice o'neil
oh the legend in
new york and i was complaining about um how dr ken is getting everything at
that time right and he
pulled me outside when we were done he goes yo son that's what he said yeah he
goes ken jong said that
no no he wasn't there and just goes you know you and i are similar right i go
in what way he goes
we don't know how to do that social shit you know i mean we don't know how to
bend or bridge the gap
right we're so insecure and so we're comics you know i mean yeah that we can't
go to a party and fake it
and have this you know this mask that some people wear you know that's about
the only thing you and
producer o'neill have in common that's it nice go sit in your chair nice yeah
anyway i can't believe
he's saying you're faking it no you don't think you fake it no i think you
actually love those
environments i think it's a fun thing for you i think if it was work you wouldn't
do it no i enjoy
i enjoy talking to people who i talk to i don't there's some people i don't
care to see ever again but
i want to talk about you for a second too what i do what i do so the first time
i met you was where
uh montreal exactly yeah we had a lovely lovely meal that you paid for you're a
gentleman yes
and at that moment i go this kid is going to go places oh wow because of the
just the
what your vision of what hollywood's going to be like was spot on right and
that what we're doing
online is the future and all that stuff and that you said that many many years
ago yeah yeah yeah
and you were very kind that that uh that weekend i will say that you were the
guy because i'm a kind
person i think you are i do think you are admit that i'm a kind person i didn't
make you feel
insecure at all exactly you were like the most confident like some how some
people why do you
think andrew makes you why does he make you feel let me tell you another
example dude i'm taking it
all day today i'm trying to compliment you i'm trying to say i'll make it he'll
somehow he'll spin
it dude he's a evil i'm not an evil person a little korean spider yeah yeah
spin this into whatever
narrative he wants yeah he'll take the fucking web and he'll just spin it
exactly they don't have web
spider monkeys anyway um yeah they're just they have longer i put monkey on it
but that's yeah okay
this is how i feel so what i want to say to you is this okay is i don't know
what i was going to say
oh yeah so this um i forgot all montreal we met we met at montreal right right
we connected and then
i thought i had good ideas about how the business would go right and you were
right on but you had
a confidence about you right that was very just confident you know what i mean
and you fulfilled
all those things yeah yeah i mean all your dreams came i kind of put you in his
category in many
ways ah yeah i mean i think i think he's better socially oh i know what i was
going to say that's
only what i was going to say okay that's i'm a social butterfly i'm a i'm an
only i'm an only
i'm an only child who loves to run into people i had no if you i i would never
guess you're an
only child well i had a sister but our gap was almost 10 years so it's like we
didn't grow up
together okay my my half sister we were so we're friends as adults were you
like a cul-de-sac kid
where like they're like the neighborhood you're talking to people on the block
like you're allowed
to go outside your house i i sports all sports he lived like the movie the wire
the wire yeah yeah
yeah urban baltimore i was in three gangs when i was a kid yeah yeah yeah i got
beat i got jumped
well no you've been joking about it but didn't you have did you live in like uh
when i was a kid kid
and then when i was a when i was a teenage when i was in high school we were in
the suburbs all right but
but i dude i was i wanted to be social all the time i could i'm like my mom i
hate being home i want to
be out as much as possible i want to go see people i want to go do homebody i'm
the antithesis of home
body really hate being at home so you've got a beautiful home home is a place
to sleep at night
that's it for me really i don't need to be i don't even dude i don't give a
fuck i've never in my heart
have ever had the like need for like a like to to make a house a home don't
care a house is just a
place to keep my shit that's nice anyway um i know what you're doing i know
what you're i'm saying
you're leaving get him a water oh there's one right by you right by your foot
right by your foot okay
no i'm trying i'm trying to say very good the truth is i don't i don't home is
a place to sleep
i don't care about i mean great job well i mean i'm just telling him something
god you're there's rage in your eyes no no i'm just you're stepping on me i'm
telling
something i'm sorry i'm sorry but no go do come do some of your bullshit tell
me about how you're
like patrice o'neill the greatest fuck one of the greatest comics of all time
tell me how similar
you are to that guy go ahead tell me that wow tell me that bomb story that you
told over there
oh you're getting fucking bomb story what do you mean getting personal you're
shooting at
me bring put your gun up there i don't have a gun dude well then i have a
flower then get
off the rain the flower in your gun off the range right like the fucking 60s
right
right you do he steps in front of a tank and and surprise that we want to run
him over
yeah but it's for peace and love well don't get in the way of a tank yeah yeah
anyway
it's not even funny dude i'm not you know you know what i'm not even going to
say what i want
you started this i'm just going to say what i'm going to say because it's going
to oh i'm going to
say my point it's not funny it's an observation oh go ahead so wham the band
yes okay
what yes he says we're the band wham oh so the wham broke up that was the first
half why did
why did the wham break up uh why egos yes that every band happens ego i
understand this philosophy
but you guys human nature you guys never have that issue we never have a do you
know why why is that i
give him majority of the power oh yes i do when i give him 60 when he says
power you know that we
were trying to say responsibility work responsibility yeah jobs yeah yeah i
give him all of the work
and i just mosey on in so that i don't bring up the band it's out of love for
you you don't even bring
the instruments we had to bring them for you i know because it's a cyber agent
this guy shows up to
practice like did anybody tune my yeah we have a garage band now what do we
need instruments for
but anyway um no i'll tell you why this band is so good tell me tell me yeah
for real be honest
because i thought what i was said was kind of honest but now why do you guys
think you've had so much
success for so long i well i think oh because our our jo our love is uh i say
it i said it before
no matter what we say to each other it there's love beneath all of it anyway it's
like you could say
the craziest i love them so much it doesn't matter i don't care the truth be
this okay if i may yeah
okay and i'm not attacking you i'm not attacking you i love you so much right
oh dude all right so um
good okay there's a flower in that go okay so um you do have fun i know when i
know like there was one
time yeah and he knows with me too yeah there's one time where i told the crew
i don't think today's a
good day to like let andrew be he's going through something because i know he
goes to the depression
yeah yeah he goes through really deep depressions really yeah yeah it's really
bad like it's like
clinical almost i feel no not almost it literally it is literally clinical yeah
he shut he literally
shuts down and he doesn't say anything all day long yeah and sometimes he needs
to drift away
so you isolate big time yeah yeah if i'm in a bad mood i don't i just so if
what would
if i went what the fuck's your problem that would cause a riff yeah so i let
him be him yeah and then
when i'm going through my stuff he lets me be me i lift him up i have i have a
story about him doing
that with you what i remember you were going hold on no you were going through
a really hard time and
i remember i was like i was just talking to you and i was checking in with you
about something and
then you were uh yeah you were just saying that you were i don't know if you
had relapsed or something
like that i forget exactly what it was but like you were just saying that he
was going through a
really hard time and that you guys needed to be uh i was really sweet you're
like you have to let
him go through these things you got to be for there for him and uh ultimately
he's going to pull
himself through it we just got to love him through it yeah
you

How (Not) to Act in Public

do you ever hang out with him in social settings yeah yeah and he is he is hard
he is the best
social human being i've ever seen nobody can schmooze like this guy it is the
best
it is remarkable best at it it is remarkable i want to learn from him and that's
why he's always
around the high people oh i i know i know because dude we had a meeting at sony
today and he's best
friends with everybody he all the famous people whenever i see him like on a
golf course with
somebody at first i would i would see it yeah yeah no no no he knows that's why
you're watching
this is actually i'm gonna tell you this is good compliment i'm glad that you've
seen as well 100
we went to dinner once first of all never go to dinner with him i don't i try
not to this is what
dinner is yeah yeah before you even sit down yeah somebody goes santini goes oh
i'll be right back
guys and then he just goes table by table by table yeah like he's don rickles
just shaking exactly and
then we're sitting there like are you sinatra oh yeah answer can we order you
something yeah do you
want some yeah cocktail or something yeah yeah get me whatever you guys get he
gave me this he was
yeah yeah get me whatever you guys get we were in a meeting at sony executives
and he's telling the
you know this happened he's telling the group where he met certain people this
is the first time i met
any of these he's like bill clinton in like 2009 man remember you had that
office over on this and this and
this yeah he's like yeah man it's fucking with you for a while that's who you
are okay how are you
no no no i love the i've i've always no no no no it's something thank you andrew
it's something i
admire and i have a heart this is the thing i have a hard time like if there's
somebody that like i
really like or admire it's very easy for me to talk to them yeah yeah but it
almost becomes like an
interview i'm like really i'm like hey you're really good at this thing and i
want to know all about
it yeah everything you hang out with people in a way where they're like they
you you're acting like
they find you cool yeah like you know what i mean like they're kind of trying
to win you over you
got to sell them on that you're the one yeah i sell them on you're the one you're
you're meeting me
i'm watching it yeah so what so give me the okay i'm glad that you've also
known it praise the lord
put one down so we're on the same team yeah please come on your heart goes out
make your heart go
doesn't your heart go no all right you get your kanye shirt do we get those kanye
shirts do they
show up yet or no we ordered 100 of them all right okay hold on that's this is
how you're like really
double double down he tells me i can't get in this okay so tell me tell me what
is it like when you're
when you meet somebody who's like really famous yeah how are you making them
feel so
comfortable because you know everybody wants their attention yeah what is your
what is this social skill you've developed i mean this is going to sound awful
no it's not i'm
fascinated but i think it is a true character i just don't praise the lord you
know you notice
this right yeah yeah i just don't hallelujah i don't care i don't care to treat
them other than
a guy i just so you're just ball busting i just don't care and if they're like
oh i don't like that
you're too too uh comfortable familiar i then i don't care then so you remove
yourself then we're
not cool if if i can't treat you like a human then i'm not interested so you're
immediately it's just
like the most famous people i've ever met i treat them just like a regular and
they probably
love it because everybody treats them so weird yeah and the fact that there's
somebody who's
treating them like they're in high school again there's a comfort that they
have i'll tell you
the real trick if you want if you want the honest truth if you want the honest
truth yeah the reason
the reason that's all we wanted the reason that i got well first of all i'll
give context to what
he's saying we were in a meeting at sony with one of my best friends in los angeles
who got us the job
you're welcome freebie what's the job what's the job we're doing an animated
show yeah we're doing
a movie movie a movie animated movie sorry but but i will be honest the reason
that i did get
comfortable not caring about famous people is when my first job in la was on
punked and i was so in
my head all the time all these celebrities would come to the studio and at some
point i i just stopped
giving a about trying to like you know oh my god you're so good to meet you and
all that stuff because
i was so worried about the bits i didn't give a about the celebrity and they
didn't give a about
me so it's kind of this great equalizer of when i was young i met all these
famous people and they
didn't give a i was a player on the show i was a nobody and so i just kind of
thought i'm not
going to kiss ass to these people it didn't mean anything to me so i never
wanted to earn their
friendship because i didn't care and honestly i met them all when i was 25
years old that's when i met
every famous person from punked all these people andrew man i didn't give a
they didn't like me
anyway it was like i was a young broke gay player i'm going to give you some
insight yeah he's going
to be very mad about it i love learning about you guys don't get mad yeah i'm
listening all right
when we go to the airport yeah he acts as if he's jason born hat down you know
what i mean yeah
right rifling yeah it's it's it's he's a star yeah i mean to see i'm open hair
no i know right
i mean say hi to everybody yeah right this guy thinks he's ethan hunt yeah
someone wants that
tension thank you thank you someone wants that tension i was waiting for i was
waiting for a little
backup you spaniard fuck you spaniard i'm acting normal spaniard okay so what i
do is i wear a hat at
the airport i go sit down and i go relax away from my flight yeah this guy moseys
about
yeah i can't want oh really how did it turn to me is that bobby lee that's what
he wants so
fucking bad yeah and i just want to chill have a coffee wait to get on my plane
this guy he'll
purposely tussle up his hair so it's fucking huge he'll go in and out of that
fucking wh smith or
whatever that convenience stores can't he's just it's a good convenience you're
not buying anything
it's good i like to look at the golly ranchers he moseys he moseys until he's
recognized correct
he that's not what i do and fuck you does it fail you does it feel good does it
feel good to be
recognized what is the feeling he fucking loves it if it was sold in a can he'd
buy cases of it can
you come sit over here come sit over here come hang out is this mike on is this
mike on he will be
yeah yeah yeah yeah i feel so much more balanced yeah so here's the deal okay i
need you to back
me up okay okay so well you just here's the logic yeah yeah yeah yeah and and i
want you to be up
your heart open this outfit is subdued this is this is not an attention-seeking
outfit thank you yeah
thank you so much dude it is subdued right right so this guy goes to the
airport he's wearing a bright
pink beanie yeah a bright blue jacket he's carrying bags like he's dave a towel
he's got like 30 bags
around him all right but but he loves people looking at him one time you said
to me yeah we weren't at
the airport yeah i was just sitting there on a curb or something yeah and you
turned to me goes i like
your fashion yeah i think it looks so you know that i dress a certain way you
got great fashion
i think so undoubtedly yes so what i'm saying is is that i don't dress
differently in my regular life
than the airport okay secondly this i can't go into the convenience store yeah
are you parched ever
yeah you want a bottle of water yeah are you allowed to get one yeah if
somebody if somebody
accidentally goes yo andrew schultz are you attention-seeking you usually send
carlos to buy
you stuff that's right carlos has to go be the gopher and go get that's not can
you do an american
accent yeah thank you he's doing it right now i don't feel like he even tries
like thank you can
you can you speak like us can you i can't try just give it a go say hey it's
great to meet you
andrew schultz hey it's great to meet you andrew schultz he's a he's a robot
yeah he's a siri
and andrew i want to say one last thing and this is a truism yes okay yes i
have ozempic burps i just
took a shot don't are you doing the ozempic yeah i did it like an hour ago so
oh is that the weight
loss yeah yeah yeah we'll govi we govi i mean oh so check this out okay many
years ago is he really
on yeah yes what's that how does that what does that i'm nauseous all the time
like i'm on chemo
let's move on well you're just getting ready for a couple years down the road
yeah prepping
stop if i do get cancer dude you're gonna feel bad we're all gonna get it yeah
yeah yeah we're all
gonna get it all right so um i was doing um a radio show yeah with patrice o'neil
oh the legend in
new york and i was complaining about um how dr ken is getting everything at
that time right and he
pulled me outside when we were done he goes yo son that's what he said yeah he
goes ken jong said that
no no he wasn't there and just goes you know you and i are similar right i go
in what way he goes
we don't know how to do that social shit you know i mean we don't know how to
bend or bridge the gap
right we're so insecure and so we're comics you know i mean yeah that we can't
go to a party and fake it
and have this you know this mask that some people wear you know that's about
the only thing you and
producer o'neill have in common that's it nice go sit in your chair nice yeah
anyway i can't believe
he's saying you're faking it no you don't think you fake it no i think you
actually love those
environments i think it's a fun thing for you i think if it was work you wouldn't
do it no i enjoy
i enjoy talking to people who i talk to i don't there's some people i don't
care to see ever again but
i want to talk about you for a second too what i do what i do so the first time
i met you was where
uh montreal exactly yeah we had a lovely lovely meal that you paid for you're a
gentleman yes
and at that moment i go this kid is going to go places oh wow because of the
just the
what your vision of what hollywood's going to be like was spot on right and
that what we're doing
online is the future and all that stuff and that you said that many many years
ago yeah yeah yeah
and you were very kind that that uh that weekend i will say that you were the
guy because i'm a kind
person i think you are i do think you are admit that i'm a kind person i didn't
make you feel
insecure at all exactly you were like the most confident like some how some
people why do you
think andrew makes you why does he make you feel let me tell you another
example dude i'm taking it
all day today i'm trying to compliment you i'm trying to say i'll make it he'll
somehow he'll spin
it dude he's a evil i'm not an evil person a little korean spider yeah yeah
spin this into whatever
narrative he wants yeah he'll take the fucking web and he'll just spin it
exactly they don't have web
spider monkeys anyway um yeah they're just they have longer i put monkey on it
but that's yeah okay
this is how i feel so what i want to say to you is this okay is i don't know
what i was going to say
oh yeah so this um i forgot all montreal we met we met at montreal right right
we connected and then
i thought i had good ideas about how the business would go right and you were
right on but you had
a confidence about you right that was very just confident you know what i mean
and you fulfilled
all those things yeah yeah i mean all your dreams came i kind of put you in his
category in many
ways ah yeah i mean i think i think he's better socially oh i know what i was
going to say that's
only what i was going to say okay that's i'm a social butterfly i'm a i'm an
only i'm an only
i'm an only child who loves to run into 