Name: 400 Pounds of Sweet Lovin'
Uploaded: 2025-04-23T16:03:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '400 Pounds of Sweet Lovin'' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '400 Pounds of Sweet Lovin'' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-23. Transcript available.

this like uh this boat went into the bridge and you see it at night it like
shuts the lights off
and it up with people on the road yeah i don't know i don't know if anyone died
in that no people
did die a few people did die yeah yeah the cars yeah a few people around no one
on the boat died
and all the containers were safe by the way but everyone likes to go like oh
terrorist this was a
terrorist attack or whatever but just like the small jet that almost got hit
this time just like
a guy being an idiot being like dude is that is that plane about to take off it's
like coming
down and you're like it's a and someone's just yelling your name in your ear
going like bobby
bobby i've said that when i was entering a woman oh yeah that's a yeah no but
no in a panic like
that like i shouldn't be doing it oh right you know yeah and somebody dies yeah
have you ever
had sex with somebody you didn't want to have sex with i don't know how to
answer that
you mean like just like i thought like i wasn't physically attracted to or that
no but you just
knew that they were a little cray cray you know sometimes you're like what's
going to happen once
i enter this that's my early 20s brother yeah man yeah yeah i don't know if you've
ever been to tucson
arizona yeah yeah brother brother tell me about it bro i was living it did you
have any did you have any um
double xl do you ever go down that road anybody heavy yeah i like a larger lady
i mean double xl oh
no like vastly outweighing so yeah so i i have a weight you're a big dude and i'm
not lying i had
sex with one time you're many many years ago with a 400 pound woman that is
that's not i don't think
that's physically possible it happened in phoenix 20 years ago did they have to
lower your brother hooked
it up did they have to lower you down into her i don't know if it's a hookup
well yeah it's a hook down
hook down yeah yeah for sure yeah but she goes it was like a medical procedure
yeah i'm gonna lay on my
back then you're gonna enter me and i um i did it though like a soldier yeah
you went through with
it yeah because sometimes you're numb right you're in hamburger hill hmm yeah
you really get it right
going through it right and your sergeant goes we gotta take over this hill and
you're up first and you
yeah and you don't want to but you end up up there anyway you get friends
slaughtered and whatnot but
you're still fighting for your life yeah black hawk down black hawk down
say it's so asian yeah yeah black hawk down you know i recently saw the netflix
documentary on it
yeah and i re-watched the movie are you getting like third-hand ptsd from these
movies
yeah you're coming back so anyway um oh yeah so i that's what i did with this
lady how was it
um 400's pretty big i mean you did have sex with a waterbed yeah yeah well at
that see the thing is
at that time this is pre-mad tv oh before you got on yeah so before i got on
let me tell you she liked
you for who you really were through yeah well she saw me emcee the improv in
tempe she's eating a
bucket of chicken a nice saturday night special and a tv comes on and she goes
yeah my little lover my
little i used to my little spelunker but here's the sad part of the story and i
feel so bad about
it i think about it all the time and i feel so bad about it and i've never
shared it on group level
i don't even know if i should go on but i'm gonna do it anyway right so years
later when i was kind
and got on mad this and that i redid the room i think as i was featuring for
someone big you know
what i mean and i don't know why but i was walking you know when they bring you
up i was walking
toward the stage somebody grabbed my jacket or my shirt long shoes shirt and i
look over and it's her
no i just had this fat hand on my how strong was that grip you know what how
strong was that grip
it was like a gorilla grabbed you or walrus where you go it was a walrus flipper
you know when
animal trainers realize that it's out of control yeah dude like bobby gave one
of those where he goes
give it back okay okay we're not playing anymore no kiko stop kiko stop
no it was more like a leper grabbing you back in the day oh you're like i did
this i went
i pulled it away like that yeah and then after my set i ran down out so she
couldn't grab me damn
and i stayed in the green room so i wouldn't run into i feel so bad about it
she was clawing at the
door yeah can you hear it like a dog gonna smelling you under the door what's
your fattest you think oh
jesus uh i don't know you know i'm over 200 so i would imagine probably over
that what do you what
do you hover at to walk around at 215 do you really i would like to be 210 what
are you six
three yeah yeah that's good yeah but i nothing nothing extreme yeah you've
never have you ever
been like embarrassed when you step on the scale have you ever been like jeez
dan yeah what was it
what was the jesus dan 240 whoa and it was just like uh after a breakup and it
was just
sweet season i just quit drinking yeah i'd quit drinking like a couple years
before and then it
was just like eating everything sweet seasons do you never had a sweet season
when you quit doing
drugs and alcohol you're not really a sweets guy you like what is it savory
over sweet right that's
interesting to say that because you're absolutely wrong really i don't know you'd
eat a lot of sweets
whenever we get that i hide it you do secret sweetie pie yeah i do i have a
drawer in my bedroom with
um gummy colas great right i've never seen you be a sweets boy and then i have
bags of these like
candies with like salt in it in the middle of it oh so it's sweet and savory
yeah yeah right you know
what you're a little your candy with the mexican like when they use the mango
and they put that
stuff up what's it called what are you talking about baby bobby's oh oh oh you're
talking about um
tajin tajin yes yeah there's a tain in the middle yeah so it's got a little
spice a little bit of
spice yeah you know it's funny dude because whenever we go eat you you like the
savory stuff and then
when we get dessert you'll take a bite but but you're not like a because you
know what reason why
i take a bite huh i have bites at home yeah you do in the hotel you're goddamn
right how do you
fucking know are you a secret sweetie i'm out in the open with it yeah brother
i live it it's easter
season so i'm in i'm in knee deep in the there's doing jelly beans i just
picked up two bags of
jelly beans didn't even mean to what wow because you got jolly rancher it's easter
season so everyone's
doing their like their jelly bean i got jolly rancher and airhead jelly beans
wow i'm a savory
guy dude late night i want i know that i want a food food yeah because you
drink you're getting
all your sugar through the booze that's when you cut it that's when you want
that that's what it is
yeah i didn't give a i didn't give a shit about sweets when i drank i mean i
still like having a
little bit of sweet tooth thing when we go out to eat i always have a little
bit of dessert
took down a mini bag of cadbury uh eggs bad boy dude just landed and thought
why not
i want to say something to you i've always thought this and i i don't want to
be rude oh man erica and
i want to cause any friction i think it's going to do both no i don't think so
okay i think i'm being
very mindful about it but it's the observation i've had over the years i've
never been brave enough
to tell you but you're one of those comics like if you didn't do comedy i just
don't know oh what i do
yeah yeah you know what you i have a prediction what you would have been doing
yeah i know yeah so
you know that you go to soho and they have those boutique shops it's always
some sort of arbitrary
like name like f-z-z-n-y you know i love f-z-z yeah yeah they got some good
stuff let's go into
or whatever right and then you go in there and there's like this guy he looks
like a john wick
villain he's got a black overcoat oh yeah right and just like tattoos on the
neck eyeliner yeah eyeliner
a lot of jewelry yeah yeah yeah and i don't know how much they make probably
not good who cares who
cares that's what you'd be doing i can't think of something that is more
opposite of who i am
no i'm saying you i have never seen an in just an insane miss like that that is
you have you know you
have zero working knowledge of me as a human being i know if you think i'm
anywhere close i have dressed
the same like i'm moving since i was 12 years old yeah you don't understand i
don't understand what i'm
saying to you dad he's a labor baby i would never wear rings i can't wear a
watch no he's i have thin
wrists this is information i was not privy to well guess what brother before
you diagnose take a look
at the x-ray because i'm sitting right here i'm a kind of doctor but i don't
look at the x-ray
you come in you go i'm a diagnoser you go it's cancer and they go is it you go
could be though
yeah yeah it could be always could be dr lee this is a dentist's office he's
got stomach cancer i can
tell yeah yeah sorry you