Name: Our Conspiracy Theory on the New Jersey Drones
Uploaded: 2025-04-26T17:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Our Conspiracy Theory on the New Jersey Drones' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Our Conspiracy Theory on the New Jersey Drones' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-26. Transcript available.

Had a great time in the city of Minnesota.
So Andrew did his special.
He did four shows.
I did.
To cut it together.
It's going to be a wonderful piece of artwork.
Well, I hope so.
It was a little bit of a challenge at the beginning,
finding everything the way that I wanted to find it.
And also, boy, oh boy, was I upset at my team.
Shane Gillis was in town.
Kevin Hart was in town.
I was like, what the f***?
Oh, I saw a photo with you and Shane.
Gilly played the Target Center where the Minnesota Timberwolves play.
And Kevin played a big theater.
Like he did like four, five theaters or something.
All in Minneapolis that weekend.
But were your shows full?
No, yeah, they sold out.
What's the problem?
No, no, no, no.
I'm just saying, thank God Shane sells out same day.
Because imagine if Shane was playing big theaters
and he wasn't an act that could sell out an arena same day.
Then we definitely share some audience.
Do you know what I mean?
Right, right.
Kevin and I, definitely no crossover.
We joked.
We were like, Kevin was, Shane goes,
I guess you and I had to split all the whites in town.
I was like, yeah, Kevin.
There's no competition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I mean, thank God Shane's so famous.
He sold out the Target Center the same day.
Wow.
That's how famous he is.
Like, I'm lucky we got around to it.
But I think it's a bummer because ticket prices are so stupid now.
And we can't control them anymore.
It sucks.
The promoters, Ticketmaster, the venues.
It's disgusting what they do now.
And people can't go to both.
People couldn't see me on Friday and see Shane on Saturday.
There's no way they could afford that.
I think it fucking sucks.
So I wish they communicated to go, hey, this guy's in town shooting.
Can we reserve this weekend?
If we could, skip it or come back to it.
You're complaining about something that didn't happen, though.
No, no, no.
I do think it affected the way that I moved at the end.
Moved tickets at the end.
Oh, I see.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, it definitely changed people.
Because people...
The first time I played the Philadelphia Helium.
Yeah, I love that club.
I showed up at the club.
I'm not kidding you.
It's not an exaggeration.
I showed up at the first show on a Friday night.
There were seven people.
Oh, my God.
Right?
And I kind of looked around and I go, oh, I guess it's...
I'm not big here, right?
And they're like, oh, no.
It's just literally right across the street, Chappelle's there.
And I go, oh, I got booked, right?
And then the second show was full.
And half the audience was like, oh, we saw the Chappelle show earlier.
And we came to both.
That's pretty rad.
Still, the first show, I was going to kill myself.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When you can't say...
I understand what you're saying.
Well, when you're fighting upstream,
because people can't see both.
And he takes a lot.
I mean, he's so famous.
Shane's the best.
He's the biggest.
So it's, you know, you can't fight that.
But anyway, it was a good weekend in Minneapolis.
I love Minneapolis, although I was scared to come home once again.
Because of the flights.
Bro.
I had turbulence last night.
But it's getting out of control.
It is.
Today.
How many today?
Another cash?
No, no, no, dude.
A Southwest plane almost hit a private jet today.
Today.
Today.
Oh, my God.
Look at this near miss.
It's landing or taken off.
It's landing and...
Is that it?
The jet's right there.
Yeah, the jet's right there.
Look at that.
It's landing and the jet is coming.
And so he took off again.
Oh, my God.
Is it the...
What do we call the people of the tower?
The F.A.
Well, no, the control tower.
Yeah, yeah.
The control tower.
Control tower people.
Control tower people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Air control.
Is it their fault?
What is going on here?
I don't know, man.
Something's going on, though.
Like, do you not believe...
That could have been a disaster, dude.
Yeah, everybody dead.
Everyone dead.
How is this not...
Yeah, they're going to work it out.
Do we think something's going on?
Can we make up a conspiracy, please?
Did they fire all of the...
F.A.
Okay, I have a conspiracy.
Is that real?
No.
They fired all the white ones?
I have a conspiracy.
And I think it's connected.
So hear me out, guys.
I heard your joke.
And I'm sorry they didn't laugh.
It's okay.
I didn't like it.
Just please, okay.
Your resentment right now is so evident, so it's like...
No, you're gaslighting me, dude.
You're trying to get me resentment.
Look, we know you're not high now.
Andrew, was that gaslighting?
No, there was no lighting there.
Thank you.
There was no lighting from Andrew.
My mistake.
I thought I saw a little light.
Yeah, there's no light.
And if you saw one, it was dim.
Soty!
Soty, sit down, you dum-dum.
No, you're not a dum-dum, dude.
Yeah, he's one of the dumbest, dude.
He's one of the dumbest on earth.
You really think that?
Yeah.
He's one of the smartest dudes in comedy.
No.
No.
You're right.
Wait, let me finish this point, and then we'll get to you.
Yeah.
Dan Soder.
Yeah, dude.
Love you.
I love you, too.
The last time we did a gig together, you weren't that nice to me.
Bullshit.
That is 100% in your head.
But there's no real this.
Well, yeah, because it was two gigs we hung out with.
I know.
Where was it?
On the Burt tour.
On the Burt tour.
So it's chaos.
You're just in the middle of chaos.
Yeah, but he, you know, I try to start conversations.
There's no dick locking.
No, no, no.
I want to dick lock with you.
First off, I'll dock with you all day.
He will.
He'll dock.
I'll go get foreskin put on my penis in order to dock you.
Wow.
I'll do whatever the reverse.
You know what?
I believe you.
Whatever the reverse.
Let me finish my theory here, Dan, and we'll get to you.
Okay.
All right?
Anyway.
This is good.
You're going to want to hear this.
Yeah, so I think the reason why there's a connection between the flights, you
know what I mean?
Getting in these accidents.
All the flight crashes.
And the drones that we saw a month ago.
Oh, the Chinese drones?
Yeah.
Wasn't there a lot of drones a couple of months ago?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Around, right?
New Jersey.
New Jersey.
It was in California as well.
It was everywhere.
Really?
Yeah.
Could there be a link there, you think?
Something in alien airspace?
Something UFO airspace?
What could it be?
Are you thinking like the drones are causing the accidents?
Maybe there's a connection is all I'm saying.
I like that.
You're saying it like a CIA guy where you go, there could be a connection.
Yeah.
I'm not saying affirmative.
I'm not saying negative.
Do you ever see Zero Dark Thirty, brother?
Oh, yeah.
Have you seen Zero Dark Thirty?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't.
You haven't?
No.
There's another documentary called Manhunt.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, guess who caught?
Who did they track?
Let me ask you.
Who did they track to get to Osama bin Laden?
Exactly.
Right?
The courier.
The mail delivery guy?
No.
He used one guy for information.
So there was one guy.
Yeah.
They would drive to his-
Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwaad.
Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwaad.
Yeah.
Right?
That dude?
Right?
Is that Amir K?
It is Amir.
You know what I mean?
And now he's doing stand-up.
And he's very successful.
You know what I mean?
What a second act.
Yeah.
Right, right, right.
Just being a hilarious stand-up comic.
Yeah.
You don't use the courier for Osama bin Laden.
In a movie, I would cast Michael Pena, I think.
100% looks like Michael Pena.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And not Amir K.
No, it'd be Michael Pena.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so I think-
So in the-
One lady in the CIA was like,
I think we should track the courier.
And everyone was like,
no, no, no, no, no, right?
But that ended up being the truth.
Yeah.
And she didn't even really know
what the connection was,
but she followed a gun's instinct.
I think that's what I'm doing
with the fucking drones, dude.
So your instinct is that the drones
are making the planes crash.
I don't know exactly the connection
between them,
but there's a gun instinct there.
You just feel like it is.
You go, I feel like these two-
I feel like it is.
Yeah.
What's your theory, Soter?
I don't know.
These plane crashes are crazy
how many are happening.
There was also an avoided one.
Did you guys see the one?
We just talked about that.
We just talked about that just now.
That, I have-
Whenever something like this happens,
I immediately empathize
with the other plane.
Just like, remember when the bridge
in Baltimore,
where the boat drove into the bridge?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Just this moment of like-
I don't know anything about it.
Please explain to me
that catastrophe, please.
There was a boat that like-
It was like one of those
short stack boats,
almost like a-
You can bring it up.
I want the clinical version
of the boat
because I don't get short stack boats.
I don't even know what that means.
I made that up.
Oh, that.
See, it's like a freighter boat.
Freighter boat ran into a bridge.
Dark Knight.
They had those in Dark Knight.
A Dark Knight boat.
Dark Knight boat.
I call it a Dark Knight boat.
In the biz,
we call it a Dark Knight boat.
Because remember in the first Batman movie,
wasn't there like a thing
where he first goes,
I'm Batman,
which is a dead-on impression.
Yeah, it was perfect.
Yeah, thank you.
Really good.
I thought Christian Bale was in the room.
These are called container ships?
Container ships.
But doesn't that sound
more made up than short stack?
Container, I know.
It sounds like bullshit.
Mine was completely made up.
Short stack sounds great.
It's a short stack ship.
I call Brad William short stack.
I call Brad William short stack.