Name: Howie Mandel Gets DESTROYED by Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2025-05-18T15:30:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howie Mandel Gets DESTROYED by Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howie Mandel Gets DESTROYED by Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-18. Transcript available.

I think I've told this story before, but I'm going to tell you.
I don't want to hear it.
Okay.
Let him tell the story.
Is that rude?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Howie.
I went to Skechers because I like...
I'm not plugging.
This is the absolute truth.
I like the slip-ins because I don't like to touch laces.
I don't want to touch the fucking shoes.
So when I'm not doing a show, I go there and I bought the slip-ins.
I walk up to the counter.
This is in Marina del Rey.
You can check all these.
These are facts.
I walk up to the counter.
The girl at the cash register says, are you Howie Mandel?
I said, yes.
She goes, oh, you're obviously an ambassador.
You get 30% off.
I went, obviously.
And I...
Wow.
My wife was standing behind me.
She kicked me.
She goes, you don't bullshit for 30 bucks whenever I was getting off.
But then she goes, so she gives me...
I pay for the shoe.
She gives me 30% off.
And then she says, I can't find your name in the computer.
Oh, my God.
That's what I said.
I went, oh, my God.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong.
But they give it to you anyway, right?
What?
She goes, I'll give it to you anyway.
Here we go.
Here's what you got to do.
Yeah.
You got to take the shoes, hold them up.
I'm going to take a picture of you and send it to the head office.
Whoa.
My wife is kicking me.
You fucking idiot.
Don't do that.
You're so embarrassing.
Yeah.
And then they take a picture of me.
They send it.
So, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
30% off?
You got to do with this riveting story.
And I'm finished.
Okay.
There's an ending to this riveting story?
So, then I fucking end it.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
So, they take the photo.
You can edit it out.
With this.
And then what happens?
Two weeks later, I get a call from my agent that said, Skechers called.
And I go, for 30 fucking dollars, they're calling.
They found me.
They tracked me down.
And they said, they want me to be an ambassador.
And they made me do a commercial telling this story that I told.
Wow.
See?
It's not a great story.
I love it.
I love it.
It feels so good.
What?
I love you so much.
He interrupted you with the fucking photo.
And then it fucked up the fucking rhythm of the story.
And there's no rhythm.
And look at his shirt.
Look at his shirt, dude.
Wow.
The jealousy is so gross on you.
Who did you go with?
Oh, let me guess.
Jason Bateman.
Ryan Reynolds.
Who knows, Howie?
That's where he's in line with.
Who did you go with?
I went with Armie Hammer.
You know, I just had him on the-
Did you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shit.
I know.
I was going to make a fucking joke.
And you didn't even let me get it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm off today.
This shit's a comedy show.
I'm so tired.
Armie Hammer.
I was going to say, 30% off.
Did they owe you money?
I mean, fuck, dude.
Now it doesn't work.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, my rhythm's off.
This is not live.
I was trying to sketch or zing.
This is not live, guys.
You could re-edit this in post.
No, he fucks it up all the time.
No, post.
My rhythm's off.
Was that irony again?
Just for my clarity.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You got it.
So last week, I had Armie Hammer on.
And my daughter, who I do-
I have my daughter-
I like your daughter.
She's sweet.
I think she's hot.
She wouldn't do the show.
What the fuck are you doing?
She wouldn't do the show.
She's old.
You can't-
You can't say she's hot?
Well, you can't say she's old.
She's 40.
Yeah, she's hot for 40.
And Alex is handsome.
Why can I say that?
No, no, you know what, dude?
I think what you're doing-
It doesn't sit right.
Let me say that again.
With you?
She's hot.
Why are you offended?
Wait, say your daughter again.
I'll start it over.
My daughter, who I do my-
She's ugly.
Jacqueline-
Love it.
She's so ugly.
It's a comedy show.
Wait.
There it is.
That doesn't sit right.
I hear it when she talks.
Yeah, that doesn't sit right with me.
See?
Look at that piece of shit.
No.
No.
What do you want then, guy?
Say nothing.
All right, say it again.
My daughter, who I do my podcast with.
Yeah, yeah.
Better?
Go on.
I don't have it.
The timing was ruined.
Yeah.
No, no, but your daughter?
She wouldn't sit in the room.
With army?
Yeah.
Right.
Oh, she's one of those.
Well, she doesn't want to be bitten.
Oh, no, that's-
What?
Yeah, bitten.
He's Spanish.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If he wasn't, it's like a speech impediment.
Yeah.
Is that true?
That he likes to eat people?
Ask Howie.
He had him on the show.
He said no.
Yeah, I don't think he's-
I don't know.
He said no.
He doesn't-
Your honor, he said no.
He didn't get charged.
That is true.
That is true.
He's never eaten anybody.
Never eaten a person.
I think it'd take a lot to eat somebody.
I also think he has podcasting chops.
I've seen clips.
I like it.
Don't say chops, because-
He has poor chops.
Bad choice of words.
Yeah, wow.
Did you give him like-
Why don't we go ahead?
Give him like a fork and a fucking knife.
Like, thanks for coming on the show.
Sit down.
Don't get this away from the guy.
Well, he was a nice guy.
I would imagine that if people-
You know, some people don't watch a whole podcast.
So if you tune into that episode halfway through
and you don't see my daughter,
you're going to assume he ate her.
Right.
Right.
Right?
That's what we'll show clips without her there
with no explanation.
And then people would go-
I want him to hear this show and be like,
why would he talk about me like that?
He's so fucking bummed.
That's your Armie Hammer?
I've never heard the guy.
I don't even know how he sounds.
Oh, let me try.
How does he sound?
My name is Armie Hammer.
Yeah, see, we did the same kind of thing.
That's exactly it.
I was on the movie with Johnny Depp
where he plays the Indian.
Perfect.
That's a flawless impression.
Lone Ranger, right?
That's a Lone Ranger.
Chancho.
What's his name?
Chancho?
Chancho.
Chancho.
I'm off.
I'm really off.
Chancho is when the Lone Ranger had a Chinese sidekick.
You know, fuck you, man.
Making fun of the Chinese.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You said Chancho.
Oh, you're right.
I love you so much.
I put the CH into the Chinese.
Look at him.
Chancho is Native American.
That's the Cologne commercial he does?
Is that what that is?
That's the Lone Ranger.
Oh, that is.
That movie, what are you talking about?
He doesn't do a Cologne commercial?
Who?
He dresses the exact same.
Johnny Depp?
Sauvage.
Johnny Depp?
Look at Sauvage.
Dresses like that?
No, he doesn't.
Look at Sauvage.
Sauvage.
Look, it looks the exact same.
I've never seen this.
What's the difference?
Show me the difference between the two photos.
Sauvage.
Sauvage.
You've never seen that?
And then Tonto.
That's his sketch.
Show me Tonto.
That's his sketch.
Well, you're right.
Exactly the same.
You know what Johnny Depp looks like?
Go back to the Tonto one.
Argus Hamilton in the 70s.
Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom?
Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom?
It was a cocaine.
Oh, I'm laughing.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm laughing.
Can you imagine him walking into his room looking like that and saying to his
ex?
You're a man of poo-poo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what that is, right?
No.
His ex-wife.
Look at that photo.
What's that Argus Hamilton joke?
He goes, I didn't like cocaine.
I just liked the way it smelled.
That was Argus.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
His ex-wife, Johnny Depp's ex-wife made a poo-poo in the bed.
Have you ever done that to a boyfriend's bed?
No, but I sometimes poo myself in the car.
Do you remember what I-
You see my poo.
You poo yourself in the car?
Yeah.
Howie.
I was a Titovalli.
You know, it's Uber, not pooper.
He's seen my poo.
He's seen your poo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Who hasn't?
With that accent, it sounds like seen your poo.
I imagine that was a sitcom.
It's always like a bad line reading.
We'd have to get that over with.
Who hasn't?
Do another one.
I mean, you're-
Yeah, yeah.
What do you mean, who hasn't?
You're like fucking-
Let's do that again.
Let's do that again.
So, you know-
From the room.
Yeah.
That's right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He, yeah.
It was that kind of line reading.
How did you see the poo?
I will not.
That's exactly what it is.
That's exactly what it is.
White Wissau.
Tommy Wissau.
Yeah, Wissau.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, he's seen my poo.
I've seen it.
He's seen my poo.
Who hasn't?
It's a good reading.
Better reading.
Much better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who hasn't seen your poo?
Yeah.
Why did you see his poo?
He relapsed in Cancun, and he got shit all over the walls.
Well, talk about missing.
Anyway.
That's true.
That's literally true.
Let's move on.
Is that you and Bobby in Cancun, that picture right there?
No, that's those two guys now.
Yeah.
Is that your poop on the wall?
And on your face?
By the way, did this movie bomb?
Yes.
It did.
What a bummer.
He was the man from Uncle also.
Oh, yeah.
Also, the Winklevoss twins.
The Winklevoss twins.
Call me by your name.
Timothy Chalamet.
He made that movie, too.
Social Network?
Yeah.
Yes.
Such a good movie.
I love Timothy Chalamet.
What's the kid's name?
What's Spider-Man?
I love Andrew Garfield.
That kid's phenomenal, too.
What the fuck does that have to do with anything we're talking about?
He was in Social Network.
Oh, okay.
I named the whole cast.
How do you poo in the car?
Why do you poo in the car?
I just had diarrhea, and I couldn't hold it.
Okay.
You never shit your pants, Howie?
Yes.
Yeah.
There's no way.
But she's saying it gets always in the car.
Yeah.
I'm 70 years old.
I've done it many, many times.
I could do it on command.
Do you have a leaky butt now, because you're old?
Good question.
Very good question.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nope.
Okay.
It's still tight.
Yeah, I got a tight ass.
Hey, Jules.
These are all hard.
It's a gaping hole.
It's like being on 60 Minutes.
What are you doing?
What are you eating?
What are you doing there?
Donut.
What is he doing to it?
I have diabetes.
If I don't eat this, my blood sugar gets really low.
But what are you doing to it before you eat it?
He chops it up.
He chops it up.
Chop up a donut?
Yeah, yeah.
Try the other one.
Who eats a donut with a fork?
I've never seen that.
People who are friends with John Mayer.
But I've never seen somebody eat it with a fork.
I got to be honest with you.
Yeah.
It's the only way to eat it.
These people use their hands.
I mean, you of all people.
You should know.
Why touch it?
So, Andrew, can you teach me how to do this?
Yeah.
So, I did a movie with Billy Armstrong from Green Day.
And we're talking.
We're going to make up together, right?
And I'm trying to get his number, right?
But I don't want to directly.
You know what I mean?
So, I start angling.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah.
So, Jawbreaker started when you started.
I'm trying to get into like.
You know what I mean?
But I can never get it to a place where I can get his number.
I can tell you the hands don't help.
I mean, I wouldn't give you my fucking phone.
Really?
I go, Billy, check it out, dude.
I love your shit, dude.
That's not good?
Billy, Billy, Billy.
No?
No.
Oh, fuck.
Looks like you're doing this.
Well, if you're going to use your hands, you should have held up fingers.
Like, hint.
If you held up fingers.
Like, if you just.
When you're talking to him, you just go.
You just keep talking.
Oh, hey, Billy, I love the stuff you do.
Really?
And he'll go, what's with those numbers?
And you go, what?
Those numbers aren't yours?
And he goes, no, my number is.
And then you get it.
No.
Really?
Let me try that.
That's how I would do it.
All right.
Hey, Billy, man.
I love your music.
Good.
Thank you.
Well, no.
Here, check it out.
If I'm saying something wrong, go.
Stick your finger up.
You got it.
Right?
Hey.
Really?
No.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
Billy, what's up, man?
No?
What?
Yeah, what's up?
You never say that.
I know.
I'm not being in makeup.
Are you sitting beside him in the makeup chair?
What's up, playa?
No, no.
What's the movie?
What?
What were you doing?
She ain't a dog.
What's up, bro?
Oakland.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
He's from San Diego.
But he's from Oakland.
But you're not.
I know, but I know that he is.
So I go, what's up, Oakland?
No.
Okay.
All right.
So you're not Marshawn Lynch.
Let's be real.
I'll do it real.
Okay.
Hey, man.
Thanks for putting me in your movie, man.
Oh, you were in his movie?
Yeah, dude.
What movie was it?
He wrote a movie.
When?
What?
Some of these are first.
How did he call you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he called you.
You don't have calls?
He went to my agent.
Oh.
And then the agent goes, yeah, Billy wants you in the movie.
So I said, yes.
So I show up.
So I'm like, what's up, Bill?
Thanks for putting me in your movie, man.
You're welcome.
Okay, cool.
Anyway, I haven't seen you in like 20 years, dude.
You and your wife were so nice to me back in the day when we used to hang out.
406-9734.
That's how you do it.
Yeah.
That worked.
It worked, didn't it?
How'd you get John Mayer?
I'm going to need you guys back on set.
Yeah, yeah.
How'd you get John Mayer's?
His phone number?
Yeah, I know how.
Are you good friends with John Mayer?
What is that?
Yeah, gay guy.
You just go on AGT right there?
What was that?
How was your experience here, Howie?
Did you have fun?
That's a goodbye, isn't it?
What's that?
You have time this week to come do mine?
I'm leaving tomorrow morning.
Fucking liar.
Howie, Howie, he's never coming back.
Let me be your agent.
He's never coming back.
Where are you going tomorrow morning?
Miami.
He is.
A golf thing.
With John Mayer.
Yeah.
I actually am going with John.
John is going to fly me out.
And I'm busy too.
We come on.
Now, you know why I won't come back on the show?
No.
Because I don't do anybody else's podcast because I already do ours and mine
and that's all I want.
He can test it.
Me too.
No, that's a lie.
You do shit all the time.
I've been slowing down.
I mean, look at me today.
I was all over the fucking place.
But ask these guys.
Ask these guys that's true.
Do I do other shows?
Well, you're starting a new one right now.
No, my own.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, but do I do other people's shows?
Well, you're not doing...
You're getting rid of whiskey?
Whiskey?
I'm probably going to...
Whiskey's going to be around for a little bit, but I have to do the golf show.
It's a show.
It's a podcast, but it's a web show.
So why don't you do mine?
I'm going to do one, too, then.
You can.
I'm going to do my Star Trek one.
Andrew, you didn't say that.
You're more than welcome.
Okay.
Dude, honestly, I'd love to fold this podcast.
So why not?
No, forever.
No, no, this thing is done for me.
I won't do it then.
You can do yours.
Fuck, dude.
Do everything you want.
But, Andrew...
The fans...
I'm sure the fans would like that, though.
But you won't...
So you won't.
But it's two good organizers.
You and Adam.
Just two guys that'll hunker down.
You said, I will in July when I'm back from the tour.
What is that?
I said, you want to do the tour?
You said, I will soon.
Then I said, okay.
Give me a month or times.
And you go, I will in July when I'm back from tour.
And then I read, are you ready for a podcast?
Hey, brother, I shell in a bit.
We're playing catch-up on our two shows, but I will.
It's true.
I will.
And then I come here and say, so?
You ready?
You go, I don't do podcasts.
Yeah, sometimes he has to be direct after a lot of my kids.
Oh, color me wrong.
I'm texting him right now.
I just got a DM.
It says, I don't do podcasts.
So anyway, I got to tell you, all kidding aside.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I think you're really funny.
We love you.
I watch everything you do.
You're also really, both of you, really good actors.
No, no, no, no.
He's better.
He's a better actor.
You've got to potty train yourself, young lady.
And then you'll be somebody I'll appreciate.
Okay.
Okay.
No, I'm serious.
You've got to stop pooping.
It's just sometimes.
Yeah, but there should be no time.
Is it weird that Howie Mendel's sitting next to you or no?
No.
Okay.
She's used to it.
You're used to it, right?
Because my assistant, you know, my assistant Melanie.
I know.
The first time you called her.
Yeah.
She called me freaking the fuck out.
Yeah.
But this girl.
She goes, what the fuck?
Howie Mendel just called me.
And do you not remember?
And do you remember when I came and did your show and she sat right beside me?
Yeah.
And you said, do you know who he is?
Yeah.
And what did she say?
No.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I spent the next 20 minutes explaining deal or no deal to you.
That's what I remember.
Yeah.
I remember that.
And at the end of it, she was like, no deal.
Howie, can you look in the camera and go, thank you for being a bad friend?
And thank you for being a bad friend.
I knew the whistle was coming.
Yeah.

Howie Mandel Gets DESTROYED by Bobby Lee

I think I've told this story before, but I'm going to tell you.
I don't want to hear it.
Okay.
Let him tell the story.
Is that rude?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Howie.
I went to Skechers because I like...
I'm not plugging.
This is the absolute truth.
I like the slip-ins because I don't like to touch laces.
I don't want to touch the fucking shoes.
So when I'm not doing a show, I go there and I bought the slip-ins.
I walk up to the counter.
This is in Marina del Rey.
You can check all these.
These are facts.
I walk up to the counter.
The girl at the cash register says, are you Howie Mandel?
I said, yes.
She goes, oh, you're obviously an ambassador.
You get 30% off.
I went, obviously.
And I...
Wow.
My wife was standing behind me.
She kicked me.
She goes, you don't bullshit for 30 bucks whenever I was getting off.
But then she goes, so she gives me...
I pay for the shoe.
She gives me 30% off.
And then she says, I can't find your name in the computer.
Oh, my God.
That's what I said.
I went, oh, my God.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong.
But they give it to you anyway, right?
What?
She goes, I'll give it to you anyway.
Here we go.
Here's what you got to do.
Yeah.
You got to take the shoes, hold them up.
I'm going to take a picture of you and send it to the head office.
Whoa.
My wife is kicking me.
You fucking idiot.
Don't do that.
You're so embarrassing.
Yeah.
And then they take a picture of me.
They send it.
So, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
30% off?
You got to do with this riveting story.
And I'm finished.
Okay.
There's an ending to this riveting story?
So, then I fucking end it.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
So, they take the photo.
You can edit it out.
With this.
And then what happens?
Two weeks later, I get a call from my agent that said, Skechers called.
And I go, for 30 fucking dollars, they're calling.
They found me.
They tracked me down.
And they said, they want me to be an ambassador.
And they made me do a commercial telling this story that I told.
Wow.
See?
It's not a great story.
I love it.
I love it.
It feels so good.
What?
I love you so much.
He interrupted you with the fucking photo.
And then it fucked up the fucking rhythm of the story.
And there's no rhythm.
And look at his shirt.
Look at his shirt, dude.
Wow.
The jealousy is so gross on you.
Who did you go with?
Oh, let me guess.
Jason Bateman.
Ryan Reynolds.
Who knows, Howie?
That's where he's in line with.
Who did you go with?
I went with Armie Hammer.
You know, I just had him on the-
Did you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shit.
I know.
I was going to make a fucking joke.
And you didn't even let me get it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm off today.
This shit's a comedy show.
I'm so tired.
Armie Hammer.
I was going to say, 30% off.
Did they owe you money?
I mean, fuck, dude.
Now it doesn't work.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, my rhythm's off.
This is not live.
I was trying to sketch or zing.
This is not live, guys.
You could re-edit this in post.
No, he fucks it up all the time.
No, post.
My rhythm's off.
Was that irony again?
Just for my clarity.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You got it.
So last week, I had Armie Hammer on.
And my daughter, who I do-
I have my daughter-
I like your daughter.
She's sweet.
I think she's hot.
She wouldn't do the show.
What the fuck are you doing?
She wouldn't do the show.
She's old.
You can't-
You can't say she's hot?
Well, you can't say she's old.
She's 40.
Yeah, she's hot for 40.
And Alex is handsome.
Why can I say that?
No, no, you know what, dude?
I think what you're doing-
It doesn't sit right.
Let me say that again.
With you?
She's hot.
Why are you offended?
Wait, say your daughter again.
I'll start it over.
My daughter, who I do my-
She's ugly.
Jacqueline-
Love it.
She's so ugly.
It's a comedy show.
Wait.
There it is.
That doesn't sit right.
I hear it when she talks.
Yeah, that doesn't sit right with me.
See?
Look at that piece of shit.
No.
No.
What do you want then, guy?
Say nothing.
All right, say it again.
My daughter, who I do my podcast with.
Yeah, yeah.
Better?
Go on.
I don't have it.
The timing was ruined.
Yeah.
No, no, but your daughter?
She wouldn't sit in the room.
With army?
Yeah.
Right.
Oh, she's one of those.
Well, she doesn't want to be bitten.
Oh, no, that's-
What?
Yeah, bitten.
He's Spanish.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If he wasn't, it's like a speech impediment.
Yeah.
Is that true?
That he likes to eat people?
Ask Howie.
He had him on the show.
He said no.
Yeah, I don't think he's-
I don't know.
He said no.
He doesn't-
Your honor, he said no.
He didn't get charged.
That is true.
That is true.
He's never eaten anybody.
Never eaten a person.
I think it'd take a lot to eat somebody.
I also think he has podcasting chops.
I've seen clips.
I like it.
Don't say chops, because-
He has poor chops.
Bad choice of words.
Yeah, wow.
Did you give him like-
Why don't we go ahead?
Give him like a fork and a fucking knife.
Like, thanks for coming on the show.
Sit down.
Don't get this away from the guy.
Well, he was a nice guy.
I would imagine that if people-
You know, some people don't watch a whole podcast.
So if you tune into that episode halfway through
and you don't see my daughter,
you're going to assume he ate her.
Right.
Right.
Right?
That's what we'll show clips without her there
with no explanation.
And then people would go-
I want him to hear this show and be like,
why would he talk about me like that?
He's so fucking bummed.
That's your Armie Hammer?
I've never heard the guy.
I don't even know how he sounds.
Oh, let me try.
How does he sound?
My name is Armie Hammer.
Yeah, see, we did the same kind of thing.
That's exactly it.
I was on the movie with Johnny Depp
where he plays the Indian.
Perfect.
That's a flawless impression.
Lone Ranger, right?
That's a Lone Ranger.
Chancho.
What's his name?
Chancho?
Chancho.
Chancho.
I'm off.
I'm really off.
Chancho is when the Lone Ranger had a Chinese sidekick.
You know, fuck you, man.
Making fun of the Chinese.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You said Chancho.
Oh, you're right.
I love you so much.
I put the CH into the Chinese.
Look at him.
Chancho is Native American.
That's the Cologne commercial he does?
Is that what that is?
That's the Lone Ranger.
Oh, that is.
That movie, what are you talking about?
He doesn't do a Cologne commercial?
Who?
He dresses the exact same.
Johnny Depp?
Sauvage.
Johnny Depp?
Look at Sauvage.
Dresses like that?
No, he doesn't.
Look at Sauvage.
Sauvage.
Look, it looks the exact same.
I've never seen this.
What's the difference?
Show me the difference between the two photos.
Sauvage.
Sauvage.
You've never seen that?
And then Tonto.
That's his sketch.
Show me Tonto.
That's his sketch.
Well, you're right.
Exactly the same.
You know what Johnny Depp looks like?
Go back to the Tonto one.
Argus Hamilton in the 70s.
Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom?
Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom?
It was a cocaine.
Oh, I'm laughing.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm laughing.
Can you imagine him walking into his room looking like that and saying to his
ex?
You're a man of poo-poo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what that is, right?
No.
His ex-wife.
Look at that photo.
What's that Argus Hamilton joke?
He goes, I didn't like cocaine.
I just liked the way it smelled.
That was Argus.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
His ex-wife, Johnny Depp's ex-wife made a poo-poo in the bed.
Have you ever done that to a boyfriend's bed?
No, but I sometimes poo myself in the car.
Do you remember what I-
You see my poo.
You poo yourself in the car?
Yeah.
Howie.
I was a Titovalli.
You know, it's Uber, not pooper.
He's seen my poo.
He's seen your poo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Who hasn't?
With that accent, it sounds like seen your poo.
I imagine that was a sitcom.
It's always like a bad line reading.
We'd have to get that over with.
Who hasn't?
Do another one.
I mean, you're-
Yeah, yeah.
What do you mean, who hasn't?
You're like fucking-
Let's do that again.
Let's do that again.
So, you know-
From the room.
Yeah.
That's right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He, yeah.
It was that kind of line reading.
How did you see the poo?
I will not.
That's exactly what it is.
That's exactly what it is.
White Wissau.
Tommy Wissau.
Yeah, Wissau.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, he's seen my poo.
I've seen it.
He's seen my poo.
Who hasn't?
It's a good reading.
Better reading.
Much better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who hasn't seen your poo?
Yeah.
Why did you see his poo?
He relapsed in Cancun, and he got shit all over the walls.
Well, talk about missing.
Anyway.
That's true.
That's literally true.
Let's move on.
Is that you and Bobby in Cancun, that picture right there?
No, that's those two guys now.
Yeah.
Is that your poop on the wall?
And on your face?
By the way, did this movie bomb?
Yes.
It did.
What a bummer.
He was the man from Uncle also.
Oh, yeah.
Also, the Winklevoss twins.
The Winklevoss twins.
Call me by your name.
Timothy Chalamet.
He made that movie, too.
Social Network?
Yeah.
Yes.
Such a good movie.
I love Timothy Chalamet.
What's the kid's name?
What's Spider-Man?
I love Andrew Garfield.
That kid's phenomenal, too.
What the fuck does that have to do with anything we're talking about?
He was in Social Network.
Oh, okay.
I named the whole cast.
How do you poo in the car?
Why do you poo in the car?
I just had diarrhea, and I couldn't hold it.
Okay.
You never shit your pants, Howie?
Yes.
Yeah.
There's no way.
But she's saying it gets always in the car.
Yeah.
I'm 70 years old.
I've done it many, many times.
I could do it on command.
Do you have a leaky butt now, because you're old?
Good question.
Very good question.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nope.
Okay.
It's still tight.
Yeah, I got a tight ass.
Hey, Jules.
These are all hard.
It's a gaping hole.
It's like being on 60 Minutes.
What are you doing?
What are you eating?
What are you doing there?
Donut.
What is he doing to it?
I have diabetes.
If I don't eat this, my blood sugar gets really low.
But what are you doing to it before you eat it?
He chops it up.
He chops it up.
Chop up a donut?
Yeah, yeah.
Try the other one.
Who eats a donut with a fork?
I've never seen that.
People who are friends with John Mayer.
But I've never seen somebody eat it with a fork.
I got to be honest with you.
Yeah.
It's the only way to eat it.
These people use their hands.
I mean, you of all people.
You should know.
Why touch it?
So, Andrew, can you teach me how to do this?
Yeah.
So, I did a movie with Billy Armstrong from Green Day.
And we're talking.
We're going to make up together, right?
And I'm trying to get his number, right?
But I don't want to directly.
You know what I mean?
So, I start angling.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah.
So, Jawbreaker started when you started.
I'm trying to get into like.
You know what I mean?
But I can never get it to a place where I can get his number.
I can tell you the hands don't help.
I mean, I wouldn't give you my fucking phone.
Really?
I go, Billy, check it out, dude.
I love your shit, dude.
That's not good?
Billy, Billy, Billy.
No?
No.
Oh, fuck.
Looks like you're doing this.
Well, if you're going to use your hands, you should have held up fingers.
Like, hint.
If you held up fingers.
Like, if you just.
When you're talking to him, you just go.
You just keep talking.
Oh, hey, Billy, I love the stuff you do.
Really?
And he'll go, what's with those numbers?
And you go, what?
Those numbers aren't yours?
And he goes, no, my number is.
And then you get it.
No.
Really?
Let me try that.
That's how I would do it.
All right.
Hey, Billy, man.
I love your music.
Good.
Thank you.
Well, no.
Here, check it out.
If I'm saying something wrong, go.
Stick your finger up.
You got it.
Right?
Hey.
Really?
No.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
Billy, what's up, man?
No?
What?
Yeah, what's up?
You never say that.
I know.
I'm not being in makeup.
Are you sitting beside him in the makeup chair?
What's up, playa?
No, no.
What's the movie?
What?
What were you doing?
She ain't a dog.
What's up, bro?
Oakland.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
He's from San Diego.
But he's from Oakland.
But you're not.
I know, 