Name: Bobby Lee Messed Up & Andrew Santino is HEATED!
Uploaded: 2025-05-20T18:20:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Messed Up & Andrew Santino is HEATED!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Messed Up & Andrew Santino is HEATED!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-20. Transcript available.

- I'm in a very good mood, but you know what I,
I'm gonna say something to you, pal.
'Cause you're my best buddy.
You know what I mean?
And your redness really, I think about it at night.
I know I just said that, but I do.
I like the, I want the pain.
I'm addicted to the pain.
- The pain of relationships?
- If you look in the mood for love, Wong Kar Wai,
you know how they can't,
they're in love with each other, but they can't.
- Yeah, they just can't do it.
- Paris, Texas, they can't.
- Brokeback Mountain, they do.
- And they do it good.
When they do, they do it good.
And they do it hard, but they do it sensual.
I never saw the movie in my mind.
- You never watched it?
- No, but I've, I've had dinner with Jake before.
And I saw it in his eyes.
- I've never watched it.
I didn't watch it either.
Isn't that weird?
- You know what it is?
We have to watch it because I, you know what it is?
I think it's because maybe I'm like,
I'll be uncomfortable, but I'm, I'm into that kind of love.
Why don't we do a bad friends viewing party of Brokeback Mountain?
- We have to do it.
- And invite all of our fans to come out to watch it with us.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have to watch Brokeback.
There's a couple of things.
La La Land, I can't watch.
- Never seen it.
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, what movies can't you watch?
There's a string of them.
Like when you said Aurora.
- What?
- Whatever.
- Anora.
- Anora.
- Anora.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, you watched it.
- Never saw it.
- Oh.
- Because of you.
- It's worth a watch.
- Yeah, yeah.
And so there's just certain movies, Baby Girl, I can't watch it.
I buy it, I can't watch it.
- Would because of the social restriction behind it.
You feel like you're not supposed to watch it.
It's not you.
- Lisa Gilroy killed it on Black Mirror.
- I didn't see it.
- The first episode she's in Black Mirror, she killed it.
- I'm watching a third season of Netflix's autistic love show.
What's it called?
- Love on the Spectrum.
- Love on the Spectrum.
- So good.
- Dude, I finished.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you about that.
May I tell you about love on the spectrum?
- Yeah.
- Bro, I had a, I cried.
- I'm excited for your episode.
Are you on the third or fourth season?
- I am.
- No, don't.
Now you ruined the bit.
- No, I can't, I can't, why can't I do that?
- You are autistic.
- Yeah, I am, Andrew.
- Okay.
- Connor is the best.
- Connor is the king.
- He's the king and also.
- Connor, come on this show if you're a fan.
- Did you finish the very final episode?
- I haven't done all of them.
Don't do that, don't do anything.
- Or can I just say something at the end of it though?
- No, don't, please.
- I'm not gonna ruin it for you.
I have to say what I need to say.
- It's gonna, if it ruins it, I'm gonna be pissed off, dude.
- Well, you're always pissed off at me.
- It's my nightly watch.
It's my favorite thing to watch at night.
- I burned through it.
- Dude, I'm saving it.
You know what's so funny?
You know when you get something from your mom
when you're a kid and it's sweet and delicious
and you're like, I wanna savor this.
And I take little tiny bites
'cause I know I wanna eat the whole thing fast.
- Mine was squid, dried squid.
Yeah, I wanna take the tentacle, the dry tentacle,
and just suck it through my mouth.
- Well, don't you have to do that before they suck,
they suction to your mouth if you don't do it, right?
Don't they suction to your mouth when you're eating them?
- We have our own styles of doing it.
- You do.
- Exactly.
- I thought of you the other day at sushi.
The chef looked exactly like you.
I'm not even kidding.
He looked exactly like you.
And I kept looking at him thinking, I miss Bob.
- Yeah.
- I do, I missed you so much while I was gone so long.
- Went to the Abbey, I was thinking about you.
I mean, how does that feel?
- I don't get it, what is that?
- You're gay.
- I'm gay?
- Can I finish my, can I finish my thing?
- Oh, Abbey, the gay nightclub?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I haven't worked there for a year.
- I know, but when you did, oh wow.
- That was me hanging upside down.
- So what I'm gonna say something is,
is that in the last episode of,
the very last episode of Love on the Spectrum.
- If this ruins it, I will fucking fight you.
- That's your problem.
I'm setting boundaries with you right now.
- This is me setting a boundary.
I don't wanna hear if it's gonna ruin the season.
- Well then close your eyes and your ears.
- No, we're on a show together, don't ruin it.
Don't ruin it for the listeners.
- I'm not gonna ruin it, I'm gonna say it
as lightly as I can, okay?
- No, listen, I promise.
Listen, put your headphones on.
- No.
- Are you my friend?
- Not right now.
- Do you have trust with me?
- Not with Love on the Spectrum.
- Just, you're acting like them right now.
All right?
And you're mocking them, I don't like it.
- The one kid that puts on headphones
and listens to white noise on the dates,
one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
He's like, "I'd like to listen to white noise."
Instead of her, it's so great.
So anyway, the last episode, there's a first time kiss.
I'm not gonna tell you who it is and who it's with.
Is that better?
- Just finish.
- Okay, there's a first time kiss and his reaction,
his or hers reaction to the kiss, right?
What?
- So the last episode, you know what I mean?
An individual kisses another individual
and the purity of his reaction or her reaction.
- So annoying, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You're so annoying.
- I know.
Let's just say it, Connor.
His reaction.
- God, you're fucking dead.
- I know, but that's life.
Yes, Bruce Willis is dead in fucking that movie.
- You don't even know the movie.
Yes, I do, dude, Sixth Sense, all right?
And if you haven't seen it by now, that's your bad.
It's been out.
- Yeah, but "Love in the Spectre" just came out.
You're actually- - Burned through it.
- No.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Anyway, he gets a kiss.
- Giuseppe wins one of the seasons of fucking Bake Off.
- Yeah, he does.
- Right?
- Okay, so he gets a kiss.
- Right, and his reaction, it's so pure.
And it's like, let's be honest.
Can we all be honest with each other?
- I can hear him in my mind going, "Wow.
That was the greatest kiss I've ever had."
I love him.
He's so emotional.
- He went into convulsions.
- Well, yeah, you ever got some good pussy before?
- Yeah, that's not pussy, it's a kiss.
- I'll be shaking.
- It was a closed mouth kiss, and he does this.
And his last line is, "I can't feel my legs."
- Oh, he has a heart attack?
- He almost died.
- He has a stroke?
- What I'm saying is that there's a purity.
And you and I, bud, we're so jaded,
and we've been in the saddle for so long,
we've lost that innocence.
- Of the first kiss?
- Of the first kiss.
And what I'm saying is that I want that.
- Do you remember your first kiss?
- Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep.
- Yeah, and then she ghosted me.
We didn't have that terminology.
- She didn't shake?
- Yeah, yeah, that's her.
- She didn't talk to me, right, Monday at school.
- Why?
- It was middle school.
- Really?
- She was ashamed that she kissed me, right?
And then two years later, I was at a McDonald's
and she was working there,
and I laughed right in her face.
- Okay.
- I did.
I went, "You working here?"
I did that.
- What was she working, the fry, the-
- No, front desk.
Listen, I wouldn't have done that.
- Front desk like it's a fucking hotel?
- I don't know why McDonald's works, but it's like-
- There's a concierge at McDonald's?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- She was the host.
And I laughed at her face, I'm supposed to-
- Party for one?
- Yeah, that was mean, what I just did,
but that's the truth.
And it's like, she ghosted me and I did that,
and then, I don't know, she's doing some sort of-
- That's street justice.
If she ghosted you, you get a laugh.
You're allowed one laugh.
- Well, it's like one of those things where it's like-
- 'Cause it hurt your feelings, obviously.
- There was a girl in Dallas
who had sex with a lot of comics, right?
And then what happened was, years later,
Russell Peters comes up to me and goes,
"You know so-and-so from the club, the girl?"
And I go, "Yeah."
I mean, she said, he goes, "I had sex with her too."
I go, "I did too."
And she goes, "She didn't mention you."
So I'm embarrassing.
And this day stops here, right now, all right?
- I'm a cool guy.
- No longer not a cool guy.
- You know what somebody called me the other day?
Zaddy.
- Oh, that's awesome.
- I'm a zaddy.
I have style.
- What's the Z?
- I don't know.
- Just zesty.
- Zesty, dude.
- That's gay.
Zesty means gay.
- But zesty's kinda cool in California.
- No, but zesty in Young Talk is gay.
- I'm an older man, right?
I'm stylish, charming, and self-confident.
- But look at what zesty means.
- But you're not self-confident.
- What am I?
- You require outside validation for the case.
- And inside, though.
I do sometimes inside, all right?
So that's fucked up, what you just said.
Yes, I require a lot of outside.
- Zesty typically means having a lively,
spirited, and pleasing character.
- Look at me, dude.
Look at me, a lot lively.
Hello.
- It's often context to suggest a person's behavior
is effeminate or flamboyantly gay.
- Oh, can you be metrosexual?
- That term is gone now.
No one uses that anymore.
- I'm in Casablanca.
Let's do Casablanca, yeah?
- Hello, my d--
- You're being real zesty right now.
- I'm trying to be zesty right now.
- No, don't, don't, don't, don't.
Well, that takes,
dude, that doesn't improve my self-esteem right now, dude.
I'm trying to be real, dude.
- Frankly, you know what?
I don't give a damn.
- That's not Casablanca.
- No.
- Well, I never saw it.
But that era.
- Yeah.
- Hello, my lady.
No, that's not.
- You sound like you're trying to sound
like a white guy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hello.
- More Asian?
- Yeah, more Asian.
Be a smooth Asian.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hello, my lady.
You hang out in Monaco often?
- Here's Rooking at you, kid.
Could have never done that.
- Okay.
- Here's Rooking at you, kid.
- You be suave.
- By the way, he's smoking a cigarette,
squatting down when she gets, when she--
- All right, guy.
Of course it's not, it's opium.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Here's a Rooking at, wait, zoom into that one.
That's the one, zoom in.
Yeah.
- You be 1950 suave.
- If that Prane Reeves, and you're not with him,
you'll regret it.
- Dude.
- Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.
- That's fucked up, dude.
- But soon, and for the rest of your life.
- Dude, why can't we remake these Asian characters?
- So funny.