Name: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Use Dark Magic for REVENGE!
Uploaded: 2025-06-04T16:01:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Use Dark Magic for REVENGE!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Use Dark Magic for REVENGE!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-04. Transcript available.

- So what is that, tarot card reading?
- It's just spells we can put on Death and Ramen's feature.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll have to do that for sure.
- Okay, is it my Wicked Revenge spell?
It's a formidable spell.
It's powerful and long lasting.
- Well, you want to do one now?
- Yeah, but it's $29.95.
- Oh, .
- I don't know, give me a cheaper spell.
- Yeah, yeah, give me a cheaper one, yeah, yeah.
- I don't want a $30 spell, right?
- Rival be gone.
- That's it, that's it.
- Rival be gone.
- Please be cheaper.
- How much?
- 30.
- Jesus Christ.
- I'll give you the 30.
- Can we do it?
- Yeah, I'll, yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, I just feel like $30,
where did they get off charging this?
- No, I got $30.
- Can you imagine if they asked for a tip?
- Yeah, yeah, give him 50, give him 50.
- $30 for a spell?
- Work on the spell, we'll talk about other things,
but work on the spell.
You know, we're gonna need things.
- You didn't know his birthday?
- Yeah, why did you Google my birthday?
- 'Cause I thought it was in October,
but it's in September.
- Wait, you seriously don't know his birthday?
And he knows your birthday?
- It's on my Google calendar.
It's so I don't ever forget.
- We're putting a spell on you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, no, no.
- You're getting spellbound.
No, you're gonna get spellbound.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let me see.
What spell could we cast on him?
- Harry.
- Who are we doing?
- Carlos.
No, no, spell would be negative.
But like everything I think of, I'm like-
- I'll do one.
Dimitri Martin.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sick him on him.
Whoa.
- Whoa.
- I can feel Dimitri in me.
- Yeah, yeah.
- How about this?
- Yeah.
- Ooh.
- Ooh, that's not one.
Ooh's not one.
- Ooh.
- Hold on, I'm conjuring it.
- There's a word.
- Carlos.
- No, that's not a word.
That's not it.
That's it.
You ever seen Harry Potter?
- Carlos.
- Oventus Magico or whatever.
You're gonna do something like that.
- Yes, that's it, that's it.
- That's it, you will forever be bound.
- Yeah.
- To a studio apartment and never get laid again.
- Never get laid again.
- Your dog's gonna get sick.
- Aids.
- Eventually.
- Dog aids.
- Dog aids.
- Eventually.
- Dude, I feel fucked up.
Don't do this anymore.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, your hair's gone.
- I did that.
- Whoa.
- That's a part of my fucking cat, yeah.
Wow, yeah.
Why'd you lose your voice?
- I was singing last night.
- Oh, and you sing, you get this way.
- When I was singing and yelling, I do lose my voice.
- Yeah.
- It was such a loud, it was such a loud.
- Who did you sing with?
- Michael Peña.
- Where Peña was there?
- Yeah.
- You went karaoke with Peña?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- And we sung a song that I absolutely hate.
- Yeah.
- And we knew, there I am, there's my boy.
- Who's that?
- Travis Kelsey.
- Never heard of him.
- Yeah.
I sang with Peña and Peña was like,
what do we wanna sing?
I said, it's gotta be something that everyone knows
what people like.
And so then we're sifting through cool songs.
At first we get, we're pitching around songs.
- I bet you he knows La La La Bamba.
- That's what we sung.
- Yeah, exactly.
'Cause when he goes a la la, he's so good.
- Pa la la la la la la la la bamba.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Para bailar la bamba.
- No, shut up.
Who cares?
- We sung La Cucaracha.
- La la la la Cucaracha.
Is that what it is?
- No.
- How do you sing?
- You're doing the same tune.
- Oh yeah, how do you sing?
- La Cucaracha. - Oh, La Cucaracha.
- Da da da da da da da da.
- Shut up.
- La la la bamba.
- We do it the white way.
- Yeah.
- La la la la la bamba.
La la la la Cucaracha.
They're all the same song.
- My favorite Richard Valens is Donna.
- Da da da da da da da da da da.
- They're all the same.
- Oh, da da da.
Oh, da da da.
- Yeah, and then he died.
- He did.
- Yeah, on that plane.
- We sung that song.
Pour me up another double shot of whiskey.
Everybody at the bargain tipsy.
And it was a hit.
- Bronco, Bronco.
- People liked it.
- No, there's no Bronco?
Let me try to finish, start one of those songs.
- Let me try to finish it here.
- Me and Jack Daniel got a history.
- History books.
- Pretty good.
- Give me another shot.
- I don't know the lyrics.
- That was smooth.
- Make out some, make out one.
- Oh, another song?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hanging 'round downtown by myself
on Easter Island with the statues
and the gifts are with my mind.
- Wow.
That's actually better than the original.
- It's pretty good.
- Can you name the song I sung?
- Yeah.
- Hanging 'round downtown by myself.
- What's the song called?
- That's not what it's called?
- Do you not know what it is?
Do you know?
- Sex and Camp.
- Yes.
- Marcy Playground.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- One of my favorites.
- Oh, let me sing a song.
- I don't know any lyrics.
- I don't know any lyrics.
That's the only problem.
Do I know any lyrics here?
- Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.
He was hung.
The Clintons, they are at fault.
They did it all because of the children.
- All because of the children.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right, I put the order in.
We got the confirmation.
- Rival Be Gone spell.
- Okay.
- By the way, I love that you put out a spell.
It costs $30 and you get an order number.
- But what the fuck does that mean?
- How do we get it now?
- We are waiting on a rush delivery email
confirming that Andrika casted the spell.
- The guy who runs this is just wiping off the pizza
from his finger.
He's like, "Oh, we got one."
- Wait, wait.
- Hold on one second.
Oh my God, we got one.
- That's what it is.
- Yeah.
- Idiot.
- Just some guy in a garage.
- Dude, you were right, $30.
We were gonna charge 10.
- You're right, man.
Idiots will do it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
- So we put in his birth date.
We put in the other person's name, Death and Ramen.
- Yeah.
- And the name is, the cast speller is Andrika.
- Yeah, Andrika.
- We're cursing the show, the movie.
- By the way.
- By the way, it's my favorite.
- You know what, I feel bad though.
- Nah, you're giving them a lot of publicity.
- Lot of press.
- All right, all right.
- Should Andrika cast your spell twice in your behalf
to increase the chances of success?
- Yes!
- No, I press once.
- Oh, you had to pay twice?
- Yeah, yeah, it would have been like-
- Andrika?
- Yeah, $7 or something.
- You drive a hard bargain, Andrika.
I would love to know who this person is
and what they look like.
Oh, hi Carlos, thank you for your order from Andrika,
one of the founding members
of the California Astrology Association, CAA.
I was with that agency for a while.
-
We are writing to let you know what you can expect next.
Your order will be processed shortly.
Rush, quote unquote, orders are processed within one business day.
All other orders within a few days.
Please allow extra time for order processing
over holidays and weekends.
Dude, they're acting like this fucking spell
has to go through a corporate system.
- Yeah, yeah, but this is how you know it's real.
- Yes.
- Yeah, it's true.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Imagine without it.
- I know.
- Like, "Thanks, dude."
- 25% discount.
Did we not get the fucking discount?
We're a first time user.
- But we got a guarantee.
No, Andrika seems to have split off from CAA
and is doing her own thing.
But Andrika provides the same 365 day guarantee.
- Oh, sick.
It's kind of like Seleno and Barnes.
- Oh, let's do that one too.
- No, we already-
- We already did hers.
- Yeah.
- Oh, we did hers.
- By the way, guys,
if you're looking to cast a spell on a friend,
hit up Andrika and use promo code BADFRIENDS
for 15% off a spell cast by a psychic consultant
spirit channeler.
- Yeah, wow.
- You know, honestly-
- This is real.
- You know what's so fucked?
- Don't you feel it's real?
- I know it's real.
- Yeah, in my heart.
- I know it's real.
- It's like a weird thing.
- It is.
- It's like finding gizmo in that china shop.
- It's real.
- It's real.
- It's very real.
- You don't think it is.
- Of course, but it is.
- Well, you're going to go down,
I'm going to get like a lamp, right?
Or I'm going to get like an antique,
you know what I mean?
- A little box.
- Jewelry box, right?
But then there's a little mogwai there.
- Mm-hmm.
- And all those little-
- Yeah, and those little rules.
- Little tiny.
- Yeah, I don't know what to remember.
It's like, don't-
What is it?
- Well, water.
- Don't jerk it off?
- No.
- No, no, that wasn't a rule.
- What was it?
- I thought that was one of the rules.
- Don't feed him after-
- Oh, feed him after Binda.
- Oh yeah.
Oh, those are my rules.
- Yeah.
- When you find me.
- Don't jerk it off.
- Don't jerk it off.
Yeah.
- Wait, go up.
Three rules caring for a mogwai in the movie
are don't expose them to bright lights,
never get them wet,
and never feed them after a minute.
I remember the water one.
I remember that you can't get them wet.
- Yeah.
- Never get them wet.
- They don't need-
They're self-cleaning.
- They multiply.
- They multiply when you get them wet.
- Yeah, but isn't like their own saliva wet?
Something that's-
How do they clean themselves?
They have to be like cats.
Like, you know what I mean?
- No, no, no, no.
- No?
- No, no, no, no.
They don't ever wash.
They sell their-
- So they just smell?
- No, their skin continues to shed.
- They shed.
- Okay, I don't know an animal like that, but-
- What do you mean?
- With fur.
- Bears?
- Yeah, but they scratch their backs
against a fucking tree.
- Mogwai might scratch.
- Okay.
- Mogwai gremlins do not clean themselves.
They're creatures with specific rules and weaknesses,
and their cleanliness is not a factor.
The core rule is to avoid getting them wet.
So maybe they smell like shit.
- That's what I think.
- Fuck, you see a Mogwai, you're like,
"Oh my God, oh my God."
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like, so cute in there.
By the way, it kind of looks like a stinky-
- Yeah.
- Stinky little fucker.
- Also, gremlins look better to me.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, they can get shit done.
- Yeah, they do.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Well, look.
I mean, look at the difference.
- Like, "Hey, steal those speakers from that car."
- Right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And they go to it, right?
- Yeah.
- A Mogwai would be like, "What?"
- Grab that guy's phone.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You know it.
- Yeah.
- Up the tariffs.
- Up the tariffs.
- Yeah, gremlins would do it.
- The gremlins would do it.
- Up the tariffs.
- Ow, 185!
- It wasn't 145, but not 185!
- Mogwai's wouldn't because they're-
- Look, look, they're so scared.
- They're made in China.
- Yeah, that's right.
- We're trying to stop the Mogwai.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
So then feed them at the midnight.
Well, they must get, like, hunger pains at night.
- It must be tough.
Well, there's the gremlins eating popcorn.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh my God, they're so much cooler.
- They are more rad, dude.
They have more style.
Their fashion's better.
- Dude, would you rather have a Mogwai
or a gremlin in a mosh pit?
- Come on, it's not even close.
- It's not even a question.
- It's gremlin all fucking day.
- Yeah.
- I think I saw that guy in the lift at Metallica.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I remember that guy.
- Yeah.
- That's Mark.
- No, that's Rick Ingram.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.