Name: Harland Williams WALKS OUT on Bad Friends Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-09-02T16:01:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams WALKS OUT on Bad Friends Podcast' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams WALKS OUT on Bad Friends Podcast' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-02. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, Harlan Williams in the studio.
Hello.
You don't have to clap, dude.
Well, I shouldn't have because now I've delayed putting these on.
Get it on there.
You don't have to if you don't want to.
You can hear us just fine.
Oh, this will be a good bit.
Hang on.
Talk.
You got it.
Stupid.
It's so stupid.
It's so stupid.
Where'd you get these things?
It's so stupid.
God damn it.
Well, I didn't make the thing you did.
Polls.
Why are you so stupid?
Why?
Why are you acting so dumb, dumb, dude?
Is this a podcast or Rubik's Cube?
All right.
Don't break it.
I'm a technician.
Take your time.
McCode, help him.
Take your time, dude.
Somebody, please.
Jesus Christ.
Not easy, right, guy?
When a hippie can't do it.
Exactly.
Okay.
That's my buddy.
You know that guy, right?
Yeah.
I love that guy.
You do?
Yeah, yeah.
He's my buddy.
He helped mentor me.
Did he?
Really?
He helped me.
What year?
What year?
It was thanks to you, but we'll save it for later.
We'll save it for later.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something.
Just a minute.
Let him get settled.
Okay.
Is it?
Good to go?
I want to go.
Get out of here.
Yeah, get out of here then.
Assholes.
Just get out of here, dude.
Anyway, Harlow Williams, everybody.
Harlow Williams.
There he goes.
He doesn't know how to use those things.
No, he's never.
Come back.
Come back.
All right, McCone, get up there and set it up for real for him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get the hippie out of here.
Yeah.
I like that.
We should start calling him the hippie.
Good job, hippie.
Thank you, dirty hippie.
Dirty, smelly hippie.
He's smelly, boy.
He's smelly.
You know why he's smelly?
He's nice.
He doesn't have an apartment.
He doesn't have anywhere to live.
Well, they live in the back of a Volkswagen van with flowers on the side.
He stinks.
Dirty hippies.
Coming from a guy that goes to Burning Man every year.
Yeah.
Not this year, though.
Why not?
Why?
I need a break.
Daddy needs a break.
What do you do at Burning Man?
What's your day?
What don't you do?
Everyone in the world should go.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
But you don't take any drugs or anything like that?
Burning Man gives you that window of exception.
Not that I've ever taken any.
It's like, if I were to, that would be the exception.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, you don't do them, right?
I don't do Burning Man.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you ever done hardcore drugs?
Yeah, in my lifetime, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Of course, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
What's your favorite?
I haven't, but if I did, I would do it there.
Yeah.
If I drive out there, do I need a van or a bus?
You should rent an RV.
You're out there with an RV.
Yeah.
They don't accept money out there.
No, you can't buy anything.
Right.
So it's, um, you're trading.
Yeah, that's what they say, but it's, it's, it's, it's not like, but like a bartering
system.
It's just, if you need something, like if you need a sandwich, you knock on a
trailer.
Give me, could you have a sandwich?
They'll give you a sandwich.
What do you give them in return?
Whatever they ask for.
Yeah.
Drink, uh, what's another sandwich?
You could do sandwich, oh, sandwich.
Like I could knock on a door and say, hey, could I get a tuna salad sandwich?
Yeah.
And they would say, sure, but I need an egg, I would like an egg salad sandwich.
And then you do like a sandwich trade, which you don't see a lot anymore.
Nothing says a good sandwich in the desert.
Yeah.
Like tuna and egg salad.
Exactly.
Nothing.
In that heat?
In that heat.
Oh, it's grilled.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Are there ladies out there?
Yeah.
Beautiful, beautiful women.
Really?
Beautiful.
Yeah.
All the Victoria's Secret models go out there.
They like to dress up.
Right.
And there's our, there's our dancings.
There's dancings, there's, uh, it's mystical, it's magical.
Is there any documentation of you at Burning Man dancing?
Yeah.
I actually made a documentary called Burning Man, which I've never released.
I actually shot, me and Michael Rosenbaum went one year and I made a
documentary of it.
Burning Man.
Burning Man, I called it.
Wow.
I should release it one day.
It's all done, edited, everything.
What's holding you back?
I don't know.
I just, I do a lot of that.
I'll make things and then never put them out in the world.
I think we all do that as artists.
No.
No, we put it all out.
We put it out.
All of it.
Yeah.
We've never not put anything out.
Wow.
Okay.
I've put, a lot I haven't put out.
Well, I think you should start putting more out.
Yeah.
Because you're so valuable.
Everybody wants you.
Say again now?
You're on the rise.
You're on the rise.
Like yeast?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you let it sit.
Exactly.
Get yourself some bread.
Do you feel that though?
Do you feel like that you're on the rise?
No.
Oh.
Okay.
Why are you winking?
Don't.
You're tricking him.
I didn't wink.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did one of these.
Yeah.
Have you ever brought Harlan Williams on stage?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's brought me on stage too.
Yeah.
We've done it.
We've done it both ways.
Mm-hmm.
We go both ways.
Mm-hmm.
Do you know how athletic he is?
It's unbelievable.
I know.
I've touched his legs before.
They're so strong.
It's unbelievable, this guy.
You've touched my legs?
Yeah, we've all touched your legs.
Yeah, yeah.
He asked if I brought you on stage.
Your legs are so very strong.
Yeah.
You know that?
I just literally came from the racquetball court about an hour ago.
I was playing racquetball.
Who do you play with?
Just the guys on the list.
But I thought you said that there's another comic that you play.
Dane plays with me sometimes.
Dane Cook.
Dane plays.
Who else?
Vinny Vaseline.
Yeah, Vinny Vaseline.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me ask you about Dane.
Yeah.
Is he aggressive?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got a temper.
He's fired up, but that's what you want with sports.
Have you played Warzone with him?
No.
It's insane.
Is it?
Get behind the wall!
Yeah, like he takes charge, dude.
Can you beat Dane at paddleball or racquetball?
Easily.
He's new.
I've been playing for like nine years.
He's just starting.
He's going to love this, that clip.
Yeah.
Easily.
What?
Oh, he knows.
It's going to fuel his fire.
Harlan, how come you haven't had one of your pool parties?
You know what?
I love your pool parties.
I know.
You got to come up for one.
I still have to have one this summer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This summer you haven't had one.
I haven't.
I've been busy.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
I was down in Florida fishing and scalloping and, you know, just taking it easy.
I've been taking a class at DeVry.
What are you taking?
Well, people always say that I have trouble communicating a lot.
And sometimes people say I always like make up stories and they have trouble
like communicating and getting like a real story out of me.
This type of nonsense.
What does that have to do with DeVry?
So I took a night class in communication.
I'm taking, it's immersive.
It's called Ouija therapy.
Oh, whoa.
Have you heard of Ouija?
I know Ouija, but the combo I haven't, they combine the two.
They combine it.
So what they do is they train you to, because your face is so expressive.
So when I can't get the words out, they sort of assign areas of your expressive
face, almost like the keypad on your computer or typewriter.
Everything's a letter.
Yeah.
Wow.
And since I have trouble, like sometimes getting answers or stories out.
Right.
I have sort of been trained by them to assign letters to my face.
Do W.
Well, what you do is you ask me a question.
Oh, okay.
And then I do, because I can't get it out, but if I practice my Ouija
communication, it sort of helps.
Yeah.
Let me ask you a question then.
Okay.
What is your favorite nocturnal animal?
Okay.
The answer is...
You brought a Ouija...
What is it?
You brought a Ouija...
Dude, I'm trying to grow.
He's in class.
Don't make fun of him, dude.
He brought a Ouija thing.
Because he's taking a DeVry.
He told you.
I know.
I thought he was improvising, but this is kind of real.
Okay.
I apologize.
I thought it was a joke that you...
I thought you were doing improv or whatever.
So this is real.
I didn't get what you were saying there, but could I...
Ask again.
Wombat.
What is my what?
Wombat.
Your favorite nocturnal animal.
What were you saying with the wiki?
I have to ask again.
All right.
All right.
What is your favorite nocturnal animal?
Jesus.
Fuck off.
Oh.
That was it, not me.
Oh.
It was this.
It's a spiritual thing.
There are spirits involved.
It's Ouija.
Wow.
It's Ouija.
I didn't know.
Yeah.
You ask a question, Andrew.
I feel like I know the answer.
You fuck off.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I see it?
Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's toss it.
Good toss.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Ask me a question, Harlan.
Okay.
Let me think of something deep and meaningful.
What is the meaning of life?
Well, that's too broad.
Let me ask you a personal question.
Sure.
What makes you sad?
This.
That.
This makes me really sad.
Yeah, this bit makes me sad.
The bit makes me sad, too.
It makes me sad.
Yeah.
Well, maybe you shouldn't enroll at DeVry.
I'm not going to.
Well, I'm glad you enrolled at DeVry.
I mean, that does seem like it's working very well.
Yeah.
Do you read?
Yeah.
It's a lot.
Recommend me a book.
Have you been to his office?
Yeah, I have.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
He's got books.
He's got so much shit all over the place.
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
You have also the best view of the city.
I mean, I don't know.
Shrankshu.
Shrankshu.
I would say, man, I would recommend The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
I've heard of it.
I heard it's good.
You're reading a lot of Ayn Rand lately?
Have you read The Fountainhead?
Oh, dude.
Is it good?
Oh, yeah.
Because they did a movie, no?
I don't know if they ever made a movie of The Fountainhead.
I think they attempted it.
I think they did.
They attempted it, but I don't think it was that great.
It's too big in scope.
Okay.
But it's a very, very...
Gary Cooper.
Oh, Gary Cooper.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
Ayn Rand.
Yeah.
Read it.
I'm going to read it.
Yeah.
Are you being real?
I feel like you're being real right now.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, I am going to read that tonight.
Well, it's really big, so you won't read it in a night.
No, but I'm going to start tonight.
I'm going to audiobook it.
Is that okay?
That's up to you, but it's one of those books that draws you in, and it's one
of those savory
books where it becomes part of your life for the time that you're reading it.
Oh, wow.
And also Stephen King's The Stand is like that, because it's a big thicky.
Yeah.
Cujo is like that with me, too.
Cujo.
Yeah.
You love a good...
Scary dogs.
You love...
I love it.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead.
What are you reading?
The Insightful Man.
By who?
I don't remember the guy's name.
Look up the name.
What's his name?
The Insightful Man book.
Yeah.
The Insight of a Man.
The Insight of a Man by Leon Mopipi.
And at first, it got me.
The Mopipi got me.
I was laughing when I bought it.
Yeah.
I bought it because of the Mopipi.
Yeah.
I'm not going to lie.
I bought it because I saw Mopipi, and I thought it was funny.
Yeah.
And it's actually given me a lot of knowledge and insight.
Yeah.
It actually is.
Well, I'd invite you to read my latest book.
What is it?
It's called Uncle Milton.
Whoa.
Yeah.
And?
And what is it?
Is it a...
It's a collection of short stories.
Are you being real?
Yeah.
Wow.
Uncle Milton by Harlan Williams.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's short stories.
Three short stories.
That you wrote.
Yeah.
Wow.
Let's see the reviews.
Yeah.
Click on the...
There's a review.
It just came out, so I don't know.
Harlan Williams is good at anything he decides to do.
His short story collections are no exception.
In the realm of suspension, supernatural, the stories are unique.
Good read.
I've read a lot of Stephen King's short stories, and this gives me similar
feels.
In this collection, there are three separate stories touching on different
aspects of relationships.
Three is a magic number.
The heart and the mind and the body.
Harlan focused on each of these in turn.
Overall, very good.
Hoping to read more books from Harlan in the future.
Wow.
Wow.