Name: The D4vd Situation is Messed Up...
Uploaded: 2025-10-08T20:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The D4vd Situation is Messed Up...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The D4vd Situation is Messed Up...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-08. Transcript available.

The D4vd Situation is Messed Up...

what's up with this guy that killed this girl and they found her in the trunk i
wouldn't even know
it's so dark dude this guy named david he david he's a rapper in la they found
his tesla in a
dump yard i heard and a year went by he they found the body of this girl he
killed a year ago it was
she was sitting in a car for that long so where was the tesla in his driveway
no it was in a dump
yard in a junkyard right well but they also interviewed the neighborhood like
the neighbors
that he lived in they're like oh my dog would always like sniff at the car and
there was a foul
stench so he kept her in the car for a long enough time then he turned it into
like a
impoundment lot and it just sat there and somebody what what what what a bad
what a bad criminal well
let's not kill let's not cut don't do that but if you're going to but if you're
going to think it
through think it through yeah yeah like you know you got to know you know like
the wolf in um in in
paul fiction yeah yeah you need one of those guys you call that guy they take
the tesla and they crush
it in that crushing machine and it's gone forever it's gone forever no this guy
didn't do his due
diligence yeah yeah you just leave it there also i listen to some of his music
because i'm not
familiar with him good um no it's bad so they should get him yeah i gotta get
him it's terrible
yeah what would you do though how would you do it if i was going to kill you no
no but how to hide a
body hmm hmm well you've obviously thought about it so do you want to divulge
no that's what i'm
asking now i've never even thought about it you know so you know what what does
one do is there
okay let's say that here's a scenario someone attacks someone you love which
one someone hurts
your mom now oh my god forget it now you're a renegade and you go to arizona to
kill this person
you find him you kill them you call me well my brother would kill him first he
how is he going to get
a ride to arizona he has a car it's never going to make it i've seen that thing
it's brand new i bought
him one wait i just bought him a new car yes why'd you do that he's my brother
you buy me a new car
you have my name the cars you have all right jay leno you could buy me and andres
a new car
yeah no you don't you know what because that wasn't on all right and then the
sign this you know how
annoying that is i actually said to him i go you're gonna need a new car at
some point he goes i'm gonna
ride it to the wheels file off his car has 270 000 oh my god it still runs well
even though the
engine light check engine but it smells in there because those cloth seats
after like 20 years they
there's so much stuff in those seats how many times have you hooked up in that
car i don't hook up in
my car you've never hooked up in your car when you're in high school you never
hooked up in that
car i don't really hook up with people in high school mccone you never hooked
up in a car in high
school you've never hooked up on the back seat of a car i have but not my car
you're you're a
pussy you're a pussy dude you're weak you go in their car i have be a gentleman
whose car uh there's one
girl at after we saw waymo at the americano so funny to fucking awaymo someone
was the other
that will stop doing that behavior please you're going to get come all over the
streets stop stop
against policy rules stop stop stop yeah so let's go back to he gives her
criticism my my mom use your
hands a little less yeah yeah you're doing it too wrong um my mother gets
murdered your mother gets
murdered and you call me and you go dude we need to we need to take care of
this guy i i have already
already i wouldn't do that you wouldn't call me no witnesses you would no
connect i don't want to
connect you to the crime i'd if somebody hurt your mother i would you would
never help me dude
what are you talking about is that real you really believe that murder i don't
as a friend i wouldn't
want you an accessory to murder well if your mom is dead and you're gonna go on
a hunt to kill this
person this show's over so i might as well it's not over because i'm gonna get
away with it you're
never gonna get away with it yeah yeah i'm gonna google it they don't chat gpt
hit you're gonna end
up like david oh i'm david no you're gonna end up just like one step ahead of
david really he can
dance yeah yeah you have no steps he's got steps yeah give me what you're gonna
do then the guy that
you go to kill okay give me the scenario because i don't even know what the
scenario is some random
guy here's what happened your mom your mom was playing pie gal and she took the
table she's good at
pie gal she's killer at pie gal and there's a guy well then i have some
questions huh is it an
underground tournament no no this is public it's that it's that it's at um
talking stick the casino
right near your mom's house she's at the stock talking talking stick she's by
herself she's in a
room at a pie gal table it's late at night there's two or three people at the
table who are the people
that are on the table uh there's a short um there's a short little tiny black
guy who's who's really
good in his maybe puerto rican there's a short little tiny puerto rican guy who's
really good
he's in his mid-60s now it's fun now it's fun he's divorced the second guy okay
then there's
another man there a mysterious man white gotta be a white guy who just moved to
arizona he has
an underdeveloped hand both of his hands no just one of them one of his hands
is a claw hand not just
claw it's just like a nub with just two fingers like peace and they call him
peace because every time
you know he waves people think he's doing the peace yeah peace man but he's
just saying hi and bye
okay i like it i like it he's got one leg much longer than the other one so it's
hard for him to
whoa yeah he kind of walks he does a little people well he's got good rhythm to
be honest yeah yeah
that's why he's the people can see this guy coming too yeah oh yeah yeah you
can hear a shoe yeah yeah
and so this guy has it out for your mom because she's killing the table he's
got his mortgage on the
line he loses it he's waiting out for your mom by the car he's smoking a
cigarette and he thinks i'm
gonna rob her because she killed it tonight she made fifty thousand dollars
cash so he's making
me so angry he tries to rob your mom but he acts oh my god this makes me so
angry i know what are you
gonna do oh my god well i'm setting you up what do you do now did she die yeah
how he pushed her she
fell oh that's it she's a hundred years old oh yeah okay and then so how do i
know about it
it breaks on the news in arizona and an elderly w456 uh welcome back to the
evening hour tonight
a woman was killed out at talking this is me watching it an elderly chinese
woman was killed
tonight at talking stick after playing pie gal her name bobby mom
she was murdered she was killed in the parking lot of the talking stick casino
this is that this is
the suspect on the run photo up you see where he is he's somewhere in rural
northern what's the photo
look like he's leaning well it's peace we know what he looks like yeah yeah he's
seen last in flagstaff
northern arizona his name is doug peace mcgovern doug peace mcgovern if you
have any information about
him please call the arizona hotline the first thing i would do is call my
brother not you wow because
you're not gonna help me murder i think you're i think you're you're grossly
underestimating what
i would do for you i really think you are but i bet that's fine no no don't
change your i'll call you
if you don't want my help when you kill somebody don't call me no go to prison
with me because we
could do the pot in prison really bad friends bad friends live from la county
jail yeah yeah and um
in the middle of the show some guy's like you boys ready for you ready for
lunch i'm like yes sir
yeah i call you ding ding ring ring hey bob what's going on are you okay my
mother was murdered
my mother was murdered your mother was murdered yeah it was just on kt or
whatever the oh my god
i'm so sorry i think his name is peace mcgovern or something are you telling me
peace mcgovern did
this how do you the fuck do you know peace mcgovern dude killed my mother
that's it i'm coming over yeah what did he do to your mother oh yeah i remember
i hung up
i know i but whenever you hang up talking to the dial talk i know i keep
talking because you know
you hang up too early i do and i want to i want to keep talking yeah i spent
hours after you hang
up i hang up so fast on everybody i always love to hang up fast listen what are
you doing now you're
calling your brother be real you call your brother i call my brother and my
brother already is going to
be livid like out of his mind yeah of course somebody might pick me up he picks
me up we'll go
straight to arizona you're gonna drive or fly how much if the cops can't find
him how am i going to
find them do you have to take revenge in your own hands have you never seen
taken have you never yeah
but i don't know how to do any of that i show up to this crime scene in the
back of what chopsticks
casino what is it chopsticks casino yeah yeah and i'm wandering around and
there's the the yellow tape
yeah you know my brother and i have flashlights you come well it's the lights
are on but you can have
flashlights if you want we have to have flashlights well the lights are on i
have to have a pad you
should have a pad yeah a legal notepad yeah yeah and um i'm dressed like um you
right now you're not
changing no i have to change you do yeah you're gonna buy a suit no i have to
change like sherlock
holmes like 17th century english attire beautiful hello hello i'm here you know
what i mean we have
notes flashlights and then it's like what am i i don't have the technology to
get fingerprints
that let's say that you did find him okay good how do you kill him guy that
kills your okay good
how do you find him we find out his address well how do you kill him oh my god
what do you do
well first of all i'm gonna have to have a conversation with my brother you can
use that
chinese water torture kit i got finally yeah it'll come to use i would say to
my brother steve all
right i know you're gonna i don't know why you have the machete but um i go we
want to torture him
yeah you got to slowly don't just go swinging no you know what i mean no
so what we'll do is we'll um well i'll tell you what we'll do hmm we'll capture
him yeah you got
him i'm going to rent a warehouse somewhere arizona that's a big i mean right
now the prices are
through the roof but yeah it's fine i would spend every dollar that i have how
many square feet are
we talking to this warehouse i don't know about square feet but probably 500 by
nine
500 feet by nine feet yeah okay yeah it's an odd layout narrow but i do like it
it's very
a long hallway 500 by nine it's a long haul yeah because there's gonna be a lot
of running
back oh he's not oh you're gonna make him run back and forth this is actually
very smart yeah yeah
500 by nine 500 if anybody can please draw this up this torture chamber that's
500 feet by nine
also actually very intelligent because the 500 looks like there's hope down the
road yeah but the nine
feet is that's you know what i mean yeah so he can he's got a little bit of
space well no but the 500
fluctuates get shorter as we know it's like one of those remember like in star
wars that the trash
can machine the oh the garbage yeah closes in yeah like that that's what kind
of looks yeah yeah it
closes in and out that would give you nightmares nightmares dude like a long
neon lights no windows
out and so what we'll have at the very end of that hallway right is a surgery
surge surgical table
oh a surgical table i'm gonna what i i i don't get it yet but a surgical table
i didn't get it so i was
like oh yeah that's good why is that there yeah no i'm no doctor right neither
but i will hire a black
market right surge a surgeon okay sure and what we're gonna i'm 