Name: How Long Can Bobby Lee Survive in Prison?
Uploaded: 2025-12-09T19:45:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Long Can Bobby Lee Survive in Prison?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Long Can Bobby Lee Survive in Prison?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-09. Transcript available.

- In prison, can you wake up whenever you wanna wake up?
- No, I think there's a bedtime, there's a wake-up time,
there's a yardage.
- But I can't go, I'm gonna sleep in,
I'm gonna express.
- You would, the prison would hurt you a lot.
- Oh, I bet.
- 'Cause bedtime.
- I wouldn't be able to walk or anything.
- And honestly, then you'd have to get up and do .
- No, but I can't go, hey, yo, prison guard,
what's your name?
Larry, prison guard.
- Yeah.
- Tomorrow?
- I'm Larry.
- Hey, Larry.
- Hey.
- So tomorrow, you know, breakfast, all that stuff,
I'm gonna sleep in.
- No, wake up.
- You gotta do exercise and clean.
- Yeah, but I'll do that after lunch.
- No, well, we'll just beat you then.
- What do you mean?
- We'll just beat you, we'll physically come in.
- I didn't do anything, I just wanna sleep in, I'm tired.
- Too bad, no cameras.
- Oh, you'll beat me?
- Yeah, I'll get it.
- With what?
- What'd you beat me with?
- What do you wanna be beat with?
- Baton.
- Do you think they would beat me?
They would make me get up in the morning, like a military?
- Abso, that's what they do.
- You have to work.
- You gotta go to fucking-
- Can you sleep early?
Like, yo, I'm gonna sleep early.
- I think so.
- Do we even go to bed early?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I think, yeah, I don't know.
- Lights out is 11, it says.
- Can you Google it?
I don't think, do they make you wake up?
I don't think- - Of course they do.
- There's no, I don't think so.
- Yes, they do.
- No, this is not-
- Also, it depends on what level of prison you're in.
Yes, you do have to wake up in prison around 6:00 AM.
Structure daily schedule includes mandatory head counts
and work assignments.
Yeah, man, they do, you gotta do shit.
- You're forced to do labor.
It's, it's, you're late, you're doing late, yeah.
- Oh my God.
- They get paid.
- But they would let him do stand up and get out of it.
- Yeah.
- You know what I'd do.
- What?
- Fuck everyone.
- Yeah.
- You would get fucked.
- Whatever.
Whatever it takes.
I wanna sleep in.
- You'd be bottom.
- How did it go?
How did that Friday go?
- It was okay.
I mean, I love San Francisco.
The punch is great.
And you were there before and that, you know,
they talked all about you.
Bobby was just here.
- That was a cool week 'cause it was me Tuesday, Wednesday,
then you Thursday, Friday, Saturday, right?
- And on Friday during the day, matinee shows was Doug Benson.
How funny is that?
- No.
- Yeah, he did 4:00 PMs.
- Wow.
- He does like 4:20 shows in certain cities.
He'll do-
- Oh, that's fun.
- At 4:20 PM.
Yeah, I think he did Saturday before me, I think.
- That's a lot of fun.
- I didn't even get to fucking see him though,
'cause obviously he's on the road in and out.
But no, dude, that club punch was great.
San Francisco's awesome.
There is also a perception of San Francisco
that comics have sometimes,
where they're like, ah, San Francisco liberals snooty.
They were fucking-
- I feel the same way.
- I said everything, it was rad, it's fun.
I just think San Francisco is misunderstood as an audience.
- Also the homeless seem safer.
- They're not as knifey.
- Yeah, they're not as knifey
and they're having conversations with themselves,
which is nice.
- That's, I just saw a guy doing that on the way here.
Yeah, you ain't got no clarity within this time frame.
What do you mean, Jamal?
- They're like talking to each other.
Infinity stones, create the magic.
You know what I mean?
- I get it, man.
- And they're having conversations with each other.
- Yeah.
- And so you're just kind of walking by, you can't add.
- No.
- You can't go, the mind frame is down below.
And they're like, what'd you say to-
You know what I mean?
- They'll go down below.
- But you can listen to them.
They're not, you know what I mean?
Like, knife, shanky.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- We need it.
That would be funny to put a homeless guy at an improv
and sign him up for 101 or whatever over at UCB.
- Yeah.
- Just a homeless schizophrenic guy and he just kills.
He gets on SNL year two.
- Yeah.
- That'd be cool.
Yeah.
- Ladies and gentlemen, crazy bones.
- But there is a lot.
Do you see a lot of homeless there?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- But they're so sad.
- Well, we live here.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I see it fucking here.
- I love the homeless here.
- It's so crazy.
I saw one person in Spain in those two and a half weeks.
- Yeah, 'cause you kill them.
You kill them.
You get rid of them.
You guys are, you got, what do you do with the homeless?
- Yeah, what do you do with the homeless there?
- Airplane in LA.
- I saw a couple of TikToks today about Japanese homeless.
You know what I mean?
And the typhoons get 'em.
- Yeah, the typhoons, that's what they do.
- That's real?
- The typhoons fuck them up, yeah, yeah.
- Well, they look so cool.
- No.
- That's just a cool guy.
- No, it's like a famous meme,
'cause it really is a homeless dude.
- No, I wanted to start a clothing line called Hobo,
and that was, when I brought it to a company,
that was the photo.
- I mean, you look like that.
- I wanna do a line of clothing that looked like that.
- You wear that shit all the time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Balenciaga kinda does that.
- Yeah, they get it off of that Russian dude.
You know that Russian dude?
Okay, look up Balenciaga and then the Russian streetwear guy.
- That's right.
- Have you seen this before?
- No.
- You're gonna love this.
- This guy.
- This guy right here, right?
He goes to thrift stores, and he's influencing fashion trends.
He's like a homeless guy in fucking Russia.
- Are they paying him?
- No.
- They keep this man homeless just for his art ideas.
- That's a good idea.
- Smart.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, don't let him in.
- And they steal his fashion ideas by looking at his photos.
- And he knows this.
- Look at it, that's what he normally wears,
and then look what they do.
- I mean.
- It's incredible.
- That's fucking dark.
- Who's who?
- What?
- Who's who?
- Who's who?
- The guy on the right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back to some of these other ones.
I mean, dude, dope.
No?
- Yeah, he's got a cool style.
Yeah, he's got a cool.
- Yeah, he's got a cool.
- Obviously, he was an artist of some kind.
- I don't know.
- Harper, yeah, bizarre, just.
- Ukrainian magazine.
- Wow.
It's incredible.
- It's crazy they're just stealing from them.
- Oh, let me tell you something that happened.
- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
You just pissed me off, dude.
- Yeah.
- So, flying to San Francisco, do you have a driver?
- No.
- How do you get to the hotel?
- Just Uber.
- Okay, well I have a driver.
- I know you do.
- Okay.
- Yeah, he tells me.
- Yeah.
- You get the driver for me.
- I get the driver for you, it's not in his deal.
- Yeah.
- You pay for my driver?
- I pay for your everything.
- Okay, so anyway.
- No, he pays for his own fucking driver.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
- So this guy, I land, there's a guy, he has a signed Lee.
I go, "Hey, it's me."
He's like, "What's your first name?"
I go, "Bobby."
He's like, "Okay."
I'm not lying.
It gets worse.
Then we actually, we're walking, smoking to the car.
- Yeah.
- He goes, "What hotel are you staying at?"
- He doesn't know?
Isn't it in the fucking thing?
- That's why I ask him.
- Testing him.
- Go, "Don't you know what hotel I'm staying at?"
'Cause I do.
Do you?
I go, "I don't know.
It's in some of my, I have to go to my emails
and check it out."
- Just getting kidnapped by a fan?
- No, just check out.
He goes, "No, I can't put you in my car
unless I know what hotel you're staying at."
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
And I go, "Well, what, I already gave you my name, right?"
He's like, "It's rules, man."
- "It's rules, man."
- I've never heard this in my life.
- Yeah.
And now I'm going through my emails.
Then I finally go, "The hotel."
He's like, "Okay."
- Wow.
- And I still give him a big tip.
- Yeah, I knew you did.
I was just gonna say, I bet you gave him a hundred bucks.
- But I did, I threw at him almost.
You know what I mean?
I go, "Here you go, man."
I whipped it at him.
- Yeah, fuck him.
- Right?
I just got out, didn't say goodbye or anything.
It pissed me off.
- Yeah, that's fucking weird, dude.
- Do you know why?
He doesn't think that I am anything.
- How many Lees have he seen, you know?
- It's San Francisco.
- I also said Bobby.
You know what I mean?
- That's a rare Lees.
That's a less common Lees.
- Yeah.
- It's also like, you know, I don't know.
Did I read it wrong?
- No, that's fucking weird though that he did.
I don't know why he-
- Has that ever happened to you?
- I take Ubers.
- You've never gotten a car?
It's the same amount of money.
- No, I have, but they've never, no, I have.
It's not the same amount of money.
- What do you mean?
- It's more expensive for sure.
- Yeah.
- It's way more expensive.
No, but I have taken, we've gotten-
- I'll do Ubers from now on.
- No. - No, you're paying for it.
- You deserve it.
- I don't deserve anything.
I just like, it's easier.
- I like the torture of a foreigner
who's speaking on the phone.
I like that.
I like to go to a new city
and hear their foreign local, you know?
- Yeah.
- Redhead, I would like, I want to hear that.
- Yeah.
- No, but I've had that before.
I've had it before where I'm like, oh, that's me.
And because I use an alias,
I don't use my name.
I'm like, that's me.
And then they have to like check to make sure,
'cause it's not, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's not my name.
- I see.
- 'Cause it's weird that they hold your fucking name.
That's the weirdest thing.
- That's why I put mine when we go on the road.
- Yeah, that's smart.
But you're so fucking famous.
Bobby Lee, the name is famous.
- Oh, this guy had no idea.
- He knows who you are.
- No.
- Yeah, maybe he was fucking with you.
- He wasn't, dude.
- How old was he?
- He was like Brazilian.
So he had a thick accent.
- Oh.
- You know what I mean?
But I almost gave him a bad review,
but I didn't do it.
- No, no, you can't do that.
- Why, why can't you?
- You can't, it's not, let him suffer.
You're living a great life.
Fuck him.
- You're right, you're right, you're right.
- I was like an Uber driver in Detroit.
- What Uber?
- Remind me.
- Remember we were three packed in the back of the car.
- Yeah.
- He was being so rude to us.
And you were asking him if he could turn the AC on,
and he just wasn't listening, kept turning his music.
- Was that the one where we were laughing really loud?
There was one Uber I was in with you.
- That was with me.
- Well, no, that was in-
- London?
- London.
- Oh, but that was so funny.
- We were on the way to the show with Chappelle.
- Yeah, yeah, that was so funny.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And you asked what this building was,
and he was like .
- And he goes .
And we, and that's all he did, he turned back around.
And there was dead silence at first.
And then all of a sudden, we just walked out.
- I died, I died left.
Although we also validated him.
We were like, oh, cool.
- Oh, you were in the car.
- Yeah, I was like, oh, cool.
- Pretended to be on the phone afterwards.
- Yeah.
- What?
- You pretended to be on the phone afterwards.
You're like, what?
Okay.
- That was so funny.
- But then you guys were like, we're gonna bomb tonight.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, we could feel it.
Something was in the air that night.
As soon as we passed fucking Abbey Road,
I was like, we're dead, we're legends.
And then we're fucking penis jokes.
- Thank you for being a bad friend.
*sad music*