Name: Bill Burr - The Monday Morning Podcast: Manning, An Education
Uploaded: 2010-02-15T21:24:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Monday Morning Podcast: Manning, An Education' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Monday Morning Podcast: Manning, An Education' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-02-15. Transcript available.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it is the Monday Morning Podcast for
Monday, February 8th, 2010, one day after Super Bowl 44.
Well, usually I don't begin my podcast with a warning, but I'm going to this
week.
If you live anywhere near Indianapolis, you want to shut this thing off right
now.
Okay? If you're one of those fantasy football playing douchebags with your
stats and your Peyton Manning poster hanging above your fucking bed, you want
to shut this thing off right now.
All right? Because this podcast is dedicated to you guys, you fucking cunts,
who I've been telling you for the last five fucking years that Peyton Manning
is overrated.
I even went off on him last week. Last week I went off on that guy, and you
cannot believe the emails that I got from people.
All just fucking not only defending Peyton Manning, but brushing off Tom Brady
and his three Super Bowl rings.
As if, oh, you can plug anybody into that system.
You know, but Peyton Manning, ooh, Peyton Manning, ooh, Peyton Manning, he
threw, he threw for 50 fucking touchdowns.
During, what, he threw five touchdowns against the fucking Buccaneers in
November?
I said it last week, Peyton Manning is a regular season statistical juggernaut.
All right? If you want to know who the fuck that guy is, if you're still
confused, the fuck, is there an invasion?
You hear that shit?
That's what happens out here in fucking L.A.
Somebody probably just robbed a convenience store.
They got a little overboard out here.
Dude, I'm telling you right now, if you want to know who Peyton Manning is, you
want to know who that fucking guy is?
Picture this.
If Dan Marino fucked Brett Favre, their baby would be Peyton Manning.
That's who he is.
Okay?
And this asshole had only won one fucking time his whole career, and all these
analysts on TV, it was ridiculous.
They're all going, you know, I'm telling you right now, you know, if he wins
here, you're arguably looking at one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.
Because of what?
Based on what?
Based on what?
His regular season stats?
This guy fucking chokes every year in the fucking playoffs.
He's only won once.
He's only won once, and everybody's just fucking talking about him.
And all you assholes who fucking emailed me this week, where are your emails
now?
Huh?
I emailed each one of you, every one of you, fucking back, and I never heard it
from you.
You know?
Maybe you're still fucking stunned.
Maybe you're still fucking confused.
So you know what?
You know what I'm going to do just for all of you fucking idiots out there who
think that Peyton Manning is the greatest fucking guy ever.
Totally disrespecting Tom Brady.
I mean, Tom Brady has to wear, you know, he has to wear a fucking welder's mask
at night to go to sleep.
That's how fucking bright his room is from those three championship rings.
And you guys still disrespect him.
The analysts on TV still disrespect him.
They never talk about him the way they talk about Peyton Manning.
All that counts is what the fuck you do in January.
You know?
Nobody talks about Terry Bradshaw.
You guys ever watch Super Bowl X?
It's up on fucking YouTube.
Watch that game.
Terry Bradshaw.
If you looked at his numbers, you fucking stat boy pussies.
If you looked at his numbers on paper, you wouldn't think the guy was shit.
You'd be like, well, Peyton Manning, he's like twice as good as this guy.
He's closing in on 50,000 yards.
All Bradshaw has is 25,000 yards.
Yeah, and four fucking rings.
Super Bowl X, Terry Bradshaw fades back to pass in the fourth fucking quarter,
gets knocked unconscious, gets a concussion.
Okay?
And on that play that he got a concussion, he throws a 50-yard strike to Lin
Swan for the go-ahead fucking score.
All right?
That's what the great ones do.
And nobody ever brings up Terry Bradshaw.
What the fuck has he ever done other than win four fucking Super Bowls?
So just in case you guys are still confused about your boy Peyton Manning,
I'm going to read you some of his stats.
The stats that fucking count.
All right?
Here we go.
The greatest quarterback of all time.
I got a little music for you this week.
All right.
December 30th.
I'm such an obnoxious ass.
This is Carly Simon, by the way, singing Nobody Does It Better.
You know?
This is what all the analysts have been singing for the last fucking 10 years
of this guy's career.
December 30th.
All right?
Kicks ass in the regular season.
Dolphins beat the Colts.
23-17 overtime wild card game.
Oh, whatever.
Whatever.
That's his first trip to the playoffs.
He'll get better.
2002.
Colts lose 41-0 in a playoff route against the New York Jets.
J-E-T-S.
Jets, Jets, Jets, Jets.
This is the greatest quarterback of all fucking time, potentially.
With one fucking ring, everybody.
Tune in and watch and see how he does against the Saints.
Let's look how he did.
January 8th, 2004.
Colts lose 24-14 to the New England Patriots.
Greatest fucking quarterback, potentially, if ever.
One fucking ring.
Oh, you see his footwork?
He's unbelievable.
I'll tell you, his hand-eye coordination.
He's got the pedigree.
January 16th, 2005.
Colts again lose to the Patriots 20-3.
Greatest fucking quarterback of all fucking time.
January 15th, 2006.
Colts lose to the Steelers.
21-18.
Greatest quarterback of all time.
And right around then, people start going,
oh, is this another Dan Marino?
But no, the next year, he finally fucking shows up.
Finally grows a dick.
Comes back 21 points down against the Patriots.
Wins his first Super Bowl.
And then I'm thinking, okay, he's a fucking man now, right?
I'm going to see some Montana shit.
I'm going to see some fucking Terry Bradshaw.
I'm going to see some Tom fucking Brady.
What's he do the next year?
He loses at home to the San Diego Chargers.
All right.
Maybe he had a fucking hangover.
Maybe he had a fucking hangover.
What's he do the next year?
Greatest fucking quarterback ever.
Loses to the 8-8 Chargers at fucking home.
Right?
And you hear this song?
This is what these fucking analysts have been.
Just continue to sing.
He's the new Brett Favre.
Brett Favre can do no wrong.
Throws against his body over the fucking middle.
And what does Tom Jackson say?
Well, you know, he's never been afraid to lose the game.
He fucking blew it.
He mushed those Vikings purple nuts right into the fucking ground.
And they're still fucking rubbing his goddamn Mississippi cock.
I'm sick of it.
So here you go.
He goes up against the lowly Saints.
They've never won a fucking thing in 40 fucking years of being in the league.
What's going to be the difference?
Peyton Manning.
I'll tell you.
I got to go with Peyton Manning.
Oh, Peyton Manning's this.
Peyton Manning's that.
Peyton Manning lost the fucking game yesterday.
The final drive.
I got a question for you Indianapolis fans.
Does Tom Brady throw a pick six?
At the end of the Super Bowl, does Joe Montana throw a fucking pick six?
Does Terry Bradshaw, does Ben Roethlisberger, one of the most overlooked
quarterbacks of
all time, sitting at home with fucking two rings?
Does he?
No, he doesn't.
All right?
So fuck all you fucking idiots out in Indianapolis.
There you go.
How was that?
Did you like that?
Right in your fucking ass.
God bless the Saints, everybody, huh?
God bless the Saints.