Name: Bill Burr: The State of New York Sports Rant
Uploaded: 2010-07-10T21:01:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: The State of New York Sports Rant' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: The State of New York Sports Rant' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-07-10. Transcript available.

Hi, what's up? This is Bill Burr, hanging out at the Comedy Store during the
day because I have no life.
And that guy just asked me if my Prius was a Lexus.
I don't know what he's listening to, but I'm going to download it the second I
get out there.
Yeah, I'm a huge fucking sports fan and all that LeBron shit that was going on
this week.
Out of everything that was annoying about that, that players are actually
getting together now to decide what team they're going to piggyback on,
the thing that bugged me the most was all those New York fans, all the Knicks
fans.
When LeBron didn't pick New York, we're trying to say that the guy was afraid
of New York in the big stage.
And I just wanted to address this point because I have no fucking life.
And I actually have the time in the middle of...
I have so little going on in my career that I can actually address this in the
middle of the fucking day.
What big stage are you talking about, Knicks fans?
What are you talking about? What? Madison Square Garden?
You guys are acting like it's fucking Yankee Stadium.
You haven't won a championship since like 1973.
So what is he afraid of? What pressure is there to carry the fucking torch to
not win it for the 38th, 39th, and 40th fucking year?
I just, you know, I would never, as a Red Sox fan, act like Fenway Park is this
big stage in baseball,
knowing that the Yankees are down the street with 20 more fucking championships.
The Celtics have 17 fucking banners hanging from their arena.
All right, so stand the fuck down. You don't have a big stage.
You know what Madison Square Garden, you know what it's a big stage for?
Fucking like, what's that chick who can't talk anymore?
Who went on the road with Franks? Liza Minnelli.
It's a big stage for her when she goes down there and she does her Fosse
fucking hands in front of all those Elton John fans.
Haven't you ever noticed the fucking draft when you go to a Knicks game?
Or a Rangers game, for that matter? You know what that is?
That's from all the open air, from all those lack of championship banners up
there.
All right?
The fucking Minneapolis Lakers, who disbanded in like the early 60s, have three
more fucking championships than you.
Okay?
I'm not trying to be a cunt here, even though I am.
You guys don't have a big stage there.
You've got a little fucking stage.
A little fucking, let's go do some summer stock.
Maybe do a little bit of Shakespeare.
All right?
The big fucking stage.
What, because you've got to look around Tyra Banks' weave?
That makes it a big fucking stage?
Fucking, who's that little shit with the Buddy Holly glasses?
Spike Lee spinning his towels?
The last guy in Madison Square Garden to show you that his jersey brought up to
the rafters was fucking Reggie Miller.
All right?
LeBron was not afraid to go there.
There's no winning tradition in New York City.
What was he afraid of?
Fucking Phil Mushnick and his fucking man tits and his laptop?
Oh, LeBron isn't getting it done.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Phil Mushnick is never in a good mood.
He makes me look like a happy guy.
And you fucking pussies are sitting there giving LeBron shit that if he goes to
the Miami Heat, that if he wins down there, it's Dwayne Wade's team.
So, you know, no one's going to respect LeBron if he wins down there.
Well, then what the fuck are the Yankees?
Last 12 years, everybody from fucking Kevin Brown to A-Rod have piled on that
team.
You guys invented that shit, so quit your fucking crying.
All right?
And get on your fucking knees and thank the fucking...
Look at me, I'm running, I'm stuttering.
Because it's daylight out here.
No, it's bugging the shit out of me.
All right?
I fucking respect the Yankees.
You guys are the epicenter of professional fucking baseball.
But don't fucking try and act like the fucking Knicks are.
You're not.
You're not.
The fucking Spurs have more flags than you.
Have you ever been to San Antonio?
You haven't.
And I'm sick of people acting like New York is a hard fucking place to live.
You can make it there.
You can make it anywhere.
Look at your life.
Look around your apartment right now.
You're in New York, right?
You're making it.
You can get a fucking slice.
It's not that hard.
Frank Sinatra was from New Jersey.
Stop trying to claim him, too.
He was bridging tunnel, and he came in, and he took over your fucking town.
Came in there, he ate your pizza, and he fucked your women, and you did nothing
about it.
And now you play his song at the end of the Yankees game.
All right?
That's all I want to say is you don't have a big stage in MSG until you get
into double digits with your fucking flags first.
Have a little bit of fucking respect.
That's like the twins talking shit to the Yankees.
So whatever.
Your fucking conclusion.
You don't have a big stage down there.
You don't.
All right?
Yankees are the big thing.
Other than that, New York City is a horrific failure in sports.
You double down in half the fucking major sports.
You know?
Jets haven't won it since 69.
Knicks haven't won it since 73.
The fucking Rangers have won one cup in 70 years.
Where is this big state?
The fucking Mets haven't won it since 86.
The Giants are a respectable franchise.
But they're respectable.
That's it.
They got three Super Bowl rings.
You know who else has three?
It's the fucking Patriots.
The Green Bay Packers.
The fucking Oakland Raiders.
You're in the middle of the pack.
Upper echelon in football is fucking Steelers, Cowboys, and 49ers.
Then there's a moat because nobody has four.
So you really don't have a big fucking stage there.
And Ray's famous pizza isn't fucking famous.
So stop thinking everything in New York is a shit just because Times Square's
up there
and you can jerk off in front of the fucking MTV building.
All right?
That's it.
Have a nice day, New York.
And I'm glad you didn't get Cliff Lee, you fucking cunts.