Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-16
Uploaded: 2016-11-05T02:22:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-05. Transcript available. Bill rambles about the Cubs, the rain delay and Indigo Girls.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-05. Transcript available. Bill rambles about the Cubs, the rain delay and Indigo Girls.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-16

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you sorry cleo my dog just
popped up like what
the fuck dude what's going on everybody how are you how's it going do you guys
watch any sports
lately oh jesus what happened with the baseball there um jesus christ what a
difference a couple
of fucking days makes my god the fucking cleveland indians up three games to
one looking to end their
streak dude did i call it or did i fucking call it huh what did i say did i say
it to you guys i
thought i said that this is just fitting did i say that on monday because i
think it was three games
or two by then i said that whatever team was gonna fucking win was gonna look
like they were
gonna lose so they tortured the shit out of their fans whatever team was gonna
lose was gonna look
like they were gonna win because they take their emotions right through the
fucking stratosphere and
then slam them right down on the pavement and game seven was literally the
microcosm that that the way
that whole fucking game played out was basically if you ever wanted to know
what it was like to be a
chicago cub or a cleveland indian fan and the only reason why they both didn't
face plan each other
is because mathematically it was not an option somebody had to win the fucking
thing but neither
team was just neither team was just gonna win this fucking series that was
basically it that was the
point i was trying to make the other day they were going to torture the fuck
out of their fans to
the point that even if they did win this thing you'd still have some sort of
nervous fucking twitch or a
tick for like three days afterwards jesus christ what a game if you didn't
watch game seven i feel bad
for you as a fucking human being you know as it's fucking 71 degrees in cleveland
ohio
in november there's no reason to be concerned let's play ball oh jesus enjoy it
enjoy it well last people
before we get to the tipping point where this global warming thing isn't a fun
thing in november anymore
anyways back to bread and circus let's talk a little baseball here talking
baseball um congratulations
to the 2016 world series champions the fucking chicago cubs
i never thought i'd i'd yeah i didn't i mean i guess i thought i'd say it at
some point when i
finally saw the red sox win it congratulations to the cubs fans i've been there
you know and i only i
only last you know out of the 86 years i only saw 36 years of it right of
course you know whatever the
first 10 you're just a kid running around fucking sticking shit at fucking you
know you're poking
dead skunks and stuff you don't give a fuck about a curse right some from my
teen years on i i've
suffered for 20 fucking years if i'm honest uh i vaguely remember 78 and you
know 86 was my was
my christening as a red sox fan like hey bill this is what it's gonna be like
buckle up right so i've
been there and cleveland indian fans my condolences i've been there too i've
fucking been there too but
what a fucking game that was jesus christ and you knew it the cubs had to go
out early they had to
score a bunch of fucking runs because as the game went on it was gonna tip in
favor of the indians
because they had they had fresher arms and everybody was fucking shitting on uh
oh fucking uh the guy from
the devil race i don't know anybody's names by the way i don't know anybody's
names to just fucking
deal with it and they were all shitting on him for putting chapman in there i'm
on the death chart now
so i can look at the face and know who the fuck i'm talking about right but
keep putting chapman
judy she's overusing him what is he doing it's like dude they've played three
elimination games in a row
you gotta use the guy don't you think he brought him in a little too early i
love when people say that
they haven't even coached a little league fucking team to a victory yet and
they're questioning what a
major league i mean i guess you can question it but and it's always like well
the guy who i would have
put in who didn't go in so you have no idea what would have would have happened
if you put him in
i'm gonna hypothetically say that we then would have won the fucking game or it
would have gone smoother
so i look smarter they had to put that guy in there and um what was what was
the big problem you put the
fucking guy in instead of throwing 105 he was throwing 98 i mean well what are
you gonna do
you had to do it cubs go up i can't remember what the fuck happened there was
so many goddamn twists
and turns what was it it was like five to one then like a wild pitch or
whatever and fucking lawhead
jesus you want to see the funniest fucking if you want to see the funniest like
like run of tweets go
look at jason lawhead's twitter that fucking guy he quit in the fifth inning
you know i'm just gonna
wait to the pitchers and catchers report right and then fucking two seconds
later wild pitch it's five
to fucking three it's still a game oh i never saw a guy he just well he was
packing it in packing it in
packing it in um and he said he wasn't gonna tweet anymore until the catchers
and pitchers reported
and then all of a sudden they fucking tie it up that home run who the fuck can
i gotta get his name right
the way it's cleveland's depth jar davis right was that who it was the left fielder
holy shit and i gotta tell you something right now i flip-flopped so many times
who the fuck
i wanted to see win initially i was with cleveland because everybody wanted the
cubs fans
i saw that 30 for 30 with bartman and i was just like you know what these guys
they're not the fucking uh salt of the earth people that they try to make them
out to be
the happy-go-lucky take your shirt off maybe we win maybe we lose as long as we
enjoy the
america's pastime these aren't who these people are they're just like me
every red sox every yankees every philly fan i actually argued with a yankee
fan today was going
like fuck the cubs that's steve bartman shit they ruined that kid's life that
wouldn't have happened
in new york i was like get the fuck out of here that wouldn't have happened in
new york what happened
in new york it would happen in boston but you know what in fairness to cubs fan
base what that really
was was the morning you know the shock jock guys and what they did was they
they stirred up the lower
10 15 of people you know as pissed as i would be or whatever there's no fucking
way would you really
get on a phone and start making depth death threats i mean really think about
the level of mouth
breathing moron that you would have to be to take it to that level um so i i
don't so whatever so
initially that's kind of i was i'm a contrarian everyone's for the cubs so i
was rooting for the
fucking indians and then what happens they went up three games to one and i'm
texting with a couple
of my indian buddies and one of them it she's just so fucking like you know
when you they were winning
uh game four and it was like you know i don't nine to something and he was
going to do it i i hope i hope
it goes all the way up to like fucking i hope we score 19 runs i hope they run
out of pitchers
immediately i was thinking like jesus christ how quickly the suffering forget
why would you wish
that on him you just want to win right and then he was going like now we got lebron
this is just the
beginning we're going to go on a run like they were going to stick and and
somebody tweeted or texted
cleveland title town after two fucking titles you don't even have a fucking
hockey team
and then the browns don't you you lost your fucking team you know the city
treated them so shitty they
thought baltimore was a better fucking option all right you're far from fucking
so then they started
bugging me i'm just a contrarian cunt i didn't have a dog in the fight and i
was happy that one
be honest with you i was happy for cleveland or chicago that one team's uh
misery was going to end
right so at that point then i was like well fuck this i'm going to root for the
cubs
right i got a couple of relatives they're cubs fans i guess fuck it you know i'll
go with this
shit then i was kind of like yeah but i like the indians man i like i like cleveland
you know
cleveland needs a fucking hand dude that downtown area it's gradually coming
back every time i come
there it looks better i love the midwest well chicago's midwest too but i don't
know that's
kind of like the new york city or the midwest um tremendously underrated city
still but anyways
so it's still kind of hanging in there for him and uh you know what the final
tipping point was when
mike francesca trashed the fucking cubs for showing bill murray going like i
don't want to see that
you know in the whole bill murray uh daffy duck thing uh you know it didn't
work for me mike francesca
who gives a fuck what works for you and what doesn't your team's not in the
playoff
all right you're a non-factor your team's a non-factor it's the funniest
fucking thing man
yankee fans they cannot handle the fact that other people are winning
championships and having a good
fucking time and that's sort of the unwritten rule because whenever the yankees
win a world series
which god knows is quite a bit like espn their their stock line is they'll go
and all is right
in the baseball world again it's like aren't you guys supposed to pretend that
you're kind of rooting
for any you're not really rooting for anybody um so anyways fuck mike francesca
mike francesca he's
one of those fucking guys who doesn't realize that he's just as stupid as i am
he's one of those guys
where he's just been doing it so fucking long that he really he forgets that he's
just commenting
on shit that doesn't matter dude you're talking about a baseball game okay all
the shit that has
happened even in new york fucking new york city all the shit that's fucking
happened there the
cataclysmic world events that have happened there and the level of seriousness
that that guy takes
himself oh with his stethoscope fucking headphones that guy he drives me up the
fuck i've never been
more happy than for fucking mad dog when he got the fuck out of there jesus
christ to be looking across
from that pompous ass is there anything worse than the box seats fucking sports
fan that is just so
fucking impressed with themselves and their dumb sweaters and shit i don't know
you
give him a little more fancier seat i'm telling you it's it's like the space
shuttle for their ego and
they just go right up over yeah the daffy duck thing didn't work for me oh oh
god well maybe maybe
the cubs ought to fucking you know rethink their relationship with bill murray
hey mike are you the fucking bill murray of of of sports broadcasters
fucking jack off he's just another guy who watches sports and never gets on a
treadmill i don't understand
how can you look at all those guys in that level of shape and when you're at
the end of the game
when you're going to brush your teeth you don't look at yourself like jesus
christ can i at least
eat a fucking salad every once in a while oh this feels great this feels great
to totally overreact to
what he said it's a fun thing so anyways um congratulations to the chicago cubs
you got the
fucking goat off your back whatever the fuck you want to call it was the dumbest
curse ever
okay you can't bring livestock to a baseball game all right you know what you
really did is you did
not have a curse the same way the red sox didn't have a curse what it really
was was you were fans
of an unbelievably inept franchise for a long fucking time and uh thank god you
know we finally got
theo epstein we finally got terry francona we finally got the ownership that
the red sox have and
it all came together and we finally did what teams like the fucking yankees the
cardinals the patriots
teams like that that know how to fucking win well actually can't say the patriots
that's even modern
modern era the celtics back in the day um you know as much as i hate th