Name: NFL Pregame
Uploaded: 2016-11-11T21:30:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NFL Pregame' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-11. Transcript available. Bill talks about how awful pre game banter is.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NFL Pregame' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-11. Transcript available. Bill talks about how awful pre game banter is.

I'm sitting at the airport and they have all this NFL pregame going on and I'm
thinking, fuck, I'm going to miss everything.
And I'm watching the pregame and which I never watch.
And I haven't really watched it in years.
It's why I don't know anybody's names anymore.
And I'm really bad at that.
I mean, part of it's because I'm on the road all the fucking time.
But I think I don't know.
Sorry, guys.
Can you tell I'm looking at something else here on the computer?
So I'm sitting there watching it.
And the first thing I see and I started tweeting this shit and it kind of
started.
I got a little thing going on Twitter of just the dumb shit that they say.
And the whole fucking the NFL pregame, you know, like freeze the tape right
there.
OK, you see right there.
He's making decisions.
He is making decisions.
And that is a good thing.
He's looking at it.
Not only last year, he was just looking.
It was his first read.
He was telegraphing where he was going to throw the ball.
And if you see right here what he's doing, he is now checking down the field at
second and third reads.
Now, I can tell you when a quarterback does that, that is when he's starting to
play the quarterback position at an NFL level.
Fucking all of that shit.
Just a bunch of fucking people in suits breaking down the game the way it never
needed to be broken down.
It is completely a product of fucking 9,024 hour sports channels.
I mean, dude, I'm sitting there.
It's like two and a half hours before kickoff.
And they're already doing pregame.
It's like, dude, pregame used to be a half hour before.
Brent Musburger, Irv Cross.
That Kennedy woman, whatever the hell, Jackie, not Jackie Kennedy.
What the hell was her name?
And then Jimmy the Greek.
That was CBS.
And then NBC, you had fucking Brian Gumbel and Mike Adamley.
NFL 81.
Right?
That's what the fuck you would do.
That's all you just watched that.
And they went around the league.
And it was cool.
Bing, bang, boom.
And you were done.
And then you went to your local feed.
Now you just got these guys that are out there.
They're acting it out on that half a football field.
Over.
And I'll tell you right now, what they're trying to do is they're trying to
turn around the culture in the locker room.
For years, it has been a mentality that we are not going to win the big one.
And that's why they brought in Joe fucking bag of donuts to come in there and
try to turn around and go.
It's the stupidest shit ever.
Over and fucking over and over.
So anyway, so I go, I get on, I started tweeting all of that shit.
And, you know, just making up player names and all the dumb shit that they say.
I'll tell you, he's a changed man.
He came into camp in the best shape of his football life.
He's listening to his coaches.
He hasn't hit his wife and he only tested positive to weed.
And I'll tell you, that type of attitude, that type of attitude is contagious
in the locker room.
How many fucking times?
Did they even sit there rolling their eyes with their football speak?
Drives me up the fucking wall.
Oh, anyway.
See, what he needs to do is he needs to feel the pass rush.
You have to, in the National Football League, what you have to be able to do is
feel when that pocket is collapsing around you.
You've got to have a clock in your head.
You've got to have a clock in your head.
And once it's clicking down, you have to know you must get rid of the football.
Because I'll tell you right now, if you don't do that and you take a sack right
there, that is a drive killer.
Mike?
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely agree.
What he's doing there, as you can tell, he's patting the ball.
He is telegraphing his passes.
This is the type of stuff that they worked on in the offseason.
He showed some promising moments in the preseason.
But I've got to tell you today, I don't know where that was.
And I've got to wonder, is it time to hit the panic button down in Tampa?
Who the fuck can sit there and watch that horse shit?
And then what I love is sports fans watch that shit.
And then it gets, it's like a virus.
And then it gets in their fucking heads.
And then they go out to sports bars and you talk about football.
And then they start sounding like those people.
You know, dude, you got to have a fucking clock in your head, kid.
You know?
One, one, thousand.
Two, one, thousand.
Fucking get rid of it.
Throw it out of bounds.
Dude, you're allowed to do that as long as you're within the confines of the
fucking pocket, dude.
I can't, I can't fucking.
I can't go to sports bars.
Why would you?
I don't give a fuck how fucking broke you are.
There is no reason to not have the NFL package.
There isn't.
All right?
You can go 40 fucking days without food.
As long as you got water, you're fine.
Do yourself a fucking favor.
Starve yourself.
And yes.
Okay?
I'm advocating anorexia to get the NFL package to not go down to the fucking
sports bar.
Eating that heart attack food.
Watching a bunch of grown men walking around in jerseys like they're dating the
fucking player.
Dude, all day.
All day.
That horse shit.
You're going to go down there looking at those tired waitresses.
Trying to whore it up in their fucking cut off ref shirt.
Listening to that bullshit.
Unbelievable.
Is it time to make a change?
I'll tell you.
I mean, if I am, if I am the offensive coordinator, he has had, you got to
understand what this kid, this kid has had 19 offensive coordinators in the
last seven seasons.
Okay?
I still don't think that we have seen what this kid is able to do out there.
I'm still holding on.
Yes, but you have to understand that he has had eight seasons.
I don't know.
I can't fuck.
Right, right, right.
I'm annoying myself just even listening to this shit.
And I'll tell you, you know, these teams, they know each other.
They meet twice a year.
These teams, they know what they do.
And I'll tell you, I'll tell you right now, it's hard to beat a team three
times in one season.
I'll tell you right now, if I'm a football fan, I've got to be looking at that
first matchup of these Seattle Seahawks against those San Francisco 49ers.
Can the 49ers get over the hump?
I mean, this is the question.
I mean, there's rumors that Jim Harbaugh is losing the locker room.
How can you sit and watch that?
Anyways, I'll tell you, New England, I'll give you my predictions for week two.
Week two pregame football analysis.
And now off to New England where, shockingly, last week they lost decisively to
these Miami Dolphins of the Dolphin Miami County Dane Wade fucking area code.
I'll tell you right now, I mean, what do you think is going to happen when they
come in and they play the fucking Austin City Isotopes?
What do you think is going to happen?
Well, I'll tell you right now.
You know, I mean, look, we all know what Tom Brady can do.
We all know Bill Belichick is a genius.
But I'll tell you right now, I mean, talent or no talent, I mean, you've got to
be concerned about that second half.
I mean, they're lifeless out there.
It's going to be a lot of that shit.
I mean, if they lose today, they're 0-2 for the first time in the Brady Belichick
era.
Like, they're going to be doing that for a fucking hour.
Not for an hour.
They'll do it for a little bit.
And then they're going to, I don't know what the fuck else they're going to
talk about.
I see the world through my team.
And I know that they're going to be doing that shit.
Or you can just skip all of that.
You can go fucking work out at the gym.
Right?
Go for a hike with your fucking dog or some shit.
And you can come back.
The wonderful world of fucking DVR.
You can come back an hour before the game, after the game started.
And you can just plow through all the fucking halftime, everything.
And just get right to the third quarter.
Right?
Let your wife watch the real housewives during the first half.
You know?
And you just make, before you go out to the gym, you just say, listen,
sweetheart,
you grab her by a handful of hair, the back of her head, you say, listen,
if you fucking shut off the recording, I swear to God,
I'm going to have you live under the coffee table.
No, joking.
Joking blogger world.
Joking blogger world.