Name: The Monday Morning Podcast 11-14-16
Uploaded: 2016-11-17T18:37:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Monday Morning Podcast 11-14-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-17. Transcript available. Bill rambles about Pats/Seattle, lingerie and having a platform.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Monday Morning Podcast 11-14-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-17. Transcript available. Bill rambles about Pats/Seattle, lingerie and having a platform.

The Monday Morning Podcast 11-14-16

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
november 14th 2016 what's going on how are you uh my voice is a little messed
up here because uh
you know i've been traveling traveling traveling i've been taking my vitamins
as they say over in europe oregano vitamins tomatoes
um basil i don't understand why with ingredients you know everything else we
pretty much pronounce
pronounce the same as fucking great britain but when it comes to spices
everything is different
we say oregano we say basil they say oregano basil whatever the fuck they say
tomato vitamins um
the only time i really experienced that in the united states is we say carnegie
and pittsburgh
says carnegie bill what are you talking about i don't know i just got off a
goddamn plane and i uh
watched all the football on the way out oh my god underrated flying on football
Sunday
when there was two games back to back with seven lead changes
um the boring nfl with their ratings down how great was sunday amazing amazing
amazing man
um that dallas pittsburgh game was incredible
um and the pittsburgh seattle game was great and uh i know a lot of people
think like the thing you know
what the thing i was most upset about it wasn't the final score it wasn't the
the lack of a call on
on the last play with grunk it was the tom brady picture
what the fuck was that with his hand on his hip and his other hand up
underneath his jaw what in the
fuck was that that's what happens when you date a supermodel she's in his
goddamn ear just be like tom
you're just standing there like everybody else you need to establish your brand
have fun with it be a
little sassy um yes you're probably not gonna hear this from a lot of uh patriots
fans but i love the no
call at the end of the fucking game i'm forever sticking up for cornerbacks in
the nfl when it comes
to their right to be there to try and prevent a score you know you know how
this all started old
jim ursay out there in indianapolis couldn't beat the patriots defense so he's
the one that created
the whole hey the quarterback can't even look at the receiver past five fucking
yards you know
so i love the no call i thought grunk did that thing where he ran right into
him
he didn't quite push off but it was one of those gray area things you usually
get a call on that
i feel like 70 of the time i'll just throw that stat out there you know i don't
read right um
i love the no call i wish that they would do that more um but other than that
it was just a great
fucking game and i liked it too because seattle kind of just played the game
rather than doing all
that peacocking around every time they do something there was one guy that fat
guy the nose tackle for
seattle i was dying laughing on the plane that first drive the patriots had
where they just went right
down the field and gave him the old right there fred every play was positive
yardage except for one
so we had like six seven plays in a row where we're just crushing it 15 yards
10 yards 8 yards 20 yards
right down the field if you judge the game on that first drive you'd be like oh
my god this is gonna be
be a landslide right and then one play i think they handed it off to like legarrett
blunt and he just
runs in to the offensive line for no gain and that fat dude stands up and he wags
a finger like matumbo
over at belichick in the patriots bench hey all those other plays are gonna
work but not that one
don't try that one it's the funniest ever to me but um you know it was an
amazing game and i actually
liked the fact that we lost to him even though they didn't have bennett you
know they were kind
of hurt and we still lost to him and it was in our house you know did i just
say our house i'm sorry
it was in our stadium um that didn't bug me because if we meet him again in the
playoffs i'd rather have
lost the regular season game um you know they always say that shit like you
know you gotta you always
learn more during a loss i liked way better losing you know i think the biggest
thing that
fucked the 2007 uh 7 patriots undefeated regular season patriots was the fact
that we were undefeated
also spygate everyone was just rooting against us i would have loved it so much
more if we went into
the playoffs 14 and 2 or 15 and 1 just to you know so everybody didn't like
didn't have such a chip on
their shoulder to fucking play you um i can't even why the fuck i just made
that point oh i know why
because i've seen so many times like it's like you beat them in the regular
season and then they see
you a month or two later and then they come back and beat you giants did that
to us the jets did it
to us we beat them first no they beat us first then we destroyed them at home
and then a month later
they beat us in the playoffs and it's just kind of how it goes so uh i'm all
right with it um i'm still
not too thrilled with our defense and uh can somebody by the way for the love
of god
and i don't want to hear this from a fan i need it from a football coach
can somebody explain to me the prevent defense i know i've asked this before
but for the love of god
can somebody please explain to me at the half the patriots score a touchdown we're
playing with
these guys we're covering them they're not getting any big plays we completely
abandoned that
there's 59 seconds to go in the half we completely fucking abandon that we
start playing a zone defense
or maybe we're playing zone up until then i don't know whatever the fuck we
were doing was working
we're in a zone defense giving them a 20 yard cushion basically you concede a
field goal
okay and we just in 59 seconds these guys seven plays seven 75 yards in 59
seconds
and the last play for the touchdown watching that wide receiver going from one
zone of the defense to
another you know what he looked like you ever see when a fan just runs out on
the field and he's
just running by players and they're just looking at him you know what i mean
because that's a fan
security will handle that this guy because of the prevent defense was standing
by himself
like a yard out from the end zone if not on the end zone line waving his arms i
mean he might as well
have been dressed in street clothes the level of like non-coverage that is and
i understand the concept
behind the prevent defenses is basically we'll give we'll give up the middle of
the field
we'll protect the sideline and they'll make completions we'll tackle them and
then they're
going to somehow eat up this 59 seconds it never happens i swear to god i think
it's a conspiracy
it's a business move by the nfl it's to increase scoring slash add to the drama
if another team is only up by one score and the other team goes into a prevent
the game is going
to end with three or four shots at the end zone or they're going to kick a
field goal to try and win
it it just it just doesn't work and you know what's funny so we go into the
prevent and they go right
down the field give us the old right there fred score a touchdown all right
very deflating no pun
intended for the patriots as we go into the locker room all right now we got to
kick off to seattle
we kick off to seattle we play defense they go three and out it's like why the
didn't we do that before
the half sorry half of this is emotion the only half is i smoke two cigars two
nights in a row which i
can't do um i don't understand that on any level i also don't understand
when the end of the game seattle scores a touchdown they go up by seven points
why wouldn't you just
kick an extra point go up by eight you're acting like a two-point conversion is
a done deal which is
isn't which we saw when seattle went to go for it and didn't get it right am i
nuts there because i
kind of looked away from the screen um they went for two there right and they
didn't get it and then
they were only up by one maybe i'm maybe i'm wrong here i might be wrong if
that's what happened can
somebody explain that move that they went to go up by two so they'd be up by a
touchdown and a field
goal rather than just going let's go with the fucking 90 something percent
thing and kick a
fucking extra point go up by eight and make the patriots not only have to score
a touchdown but then
convert a fucking two-point conversion if that is in fact what happened like i
said i was on a plane
and uh you know there is shit to fucking look around at um and also kind of
like what i like
to do is i like to uh i like to listen to like ac dc and shit like that when i'm
on a plane so i
listen to like the whole flick of the switch album while i was watching the
game it's actually pretty
fucking cool um and also you you can actually just sort of watch the game and
not get nearly as emotional
you know because when your team is losing you start thinking that the announcers
are against your
team and vice versa and all that type of shit so i um i don't know but i i
thoroughly enjoyed that game
i'm not one of those fucking fans that fucking you know his team loses and then
thinks oh we got
fucked and blah blah blah and all that bullshit okay i don't uh i don't think
that it was a
fucking great game and i know you guys didn't have bennett and uh you know and
it was great seeing two
of the most fucking uh the two biggest cheaters facing off with one another one
guy who gets all the
press the other guy doesn't do you know seattle since like 2010 um i think they
recently got
passed by the redskins they they were the the most they had the most um people
busted for uh taking
roids you'd never know that they're in seattle man they make coffee nobody
gives a fuck you do that
where there's a little bit of foliage and all of a sudden it's a fucking
national story for a
fucking year and a half because you let a cunt's hairs wet the air out of a
fucking ball it's hilarious
it's amazing to me um anyways let's plow ahead here i uh i also got to do one
of my favorite
charitable events um other than the patrice o'neill comedy benefit um tickets
are on sale they are on
sale i will tweet out the link again today it's going to be at the new york
city center i believe february
21st i think it's a uh tuesday bill it'd be kind of nice if you had the actual
fucking information
wouldn't it clicking on the camera camera clicking on the calendar all right
going in it's yes february
21st bam um i got to do the uh the comics come home event and uh this is a
really special event for me
because i got to do i did it 20 years ago was the first time i did it and i
think it was at the orpheum
and i got to meet cam neely chris nylan was there i got to meet dennis leary
and i mean i was literally
three and a half years in my career and um it was such an unbelievable event to
be
a part of and i went out and thank god i i had a good set and i remember leary
called me and left
a message i was so bummed i wasn't home when he called me this is like 20 years
ago so i didn't
have a cell phone i had an answer machine and you know i actually remember
listening to the message
like over and over again and he was like uh hey bill it's uh dennis uh i just
want to say thank you
uh you're really funny and uh you killed this and thank you for uh for doing it
all right all right
fucko and he just hung up and i listened to it like 20 times in a row it was so
cool and um
and i was also in a panic like oh i didn't pick up the phone when he called was
that my big break
we would have talked we would have became friends he would have opened all the
doors for me you know
that those those over the talk panic moments that you have when you're trying
to make it in this
business that you think you every every little thing you think you blew it um
and you actually what you
end up realizing is this is not one thing it's a series of things all just
building this
fucking snowball that rolls down the hill before you finally get there um so
anyway so i got to do it
and uh it was jay lassen it was his first one he did great wendy liebman uh lenny
clark with his
fucking lime green pants uh probably