Name: The Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-16
Uploaded: 2016-11-23T01:23:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-23. Transcript available. Bill rambles about Top Gun, stingrays and putting on weight.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-23. Transcript available. Bill rambles about Top Gun, stingrays and putting on weight.

The Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-16

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
november 21st 2016 what's going on how are you how's it going oh i'm doing good
man i hope you
guys are doing oh it's a holiday weekend do be do be do and scoodily bop you
only have to work
three days unless your boss is a fucking cunt there's always other ones too or
if you're
fucking self-employed or if you're not happy with your home life you'll come up
with a reason right
to go back into work just to fucking avoid it um yeah you know what this year
because uh you know
we've been getting the fucking kitchen done we don't have time to cook or
anything so we're actually
going to uh friend's house for uh thanksgiving which is which is great because
they live in the
same city as us so we don't have to go to the fucking airport right all these
fucking people
waddling around you know those people just oblivious of other you know it's a
great fucking human being
just totally being all about yourself oblivious moment is when fucking people
you know there's a
whole herd of people just riding down an escalator and people like the second
they step off it
they don't keep walking and get the fuck out of the way they just they're just
all fucking oblivious
it's like you you you were just on the escalator there's 50 people in front of
you 100 people
behind you touchdown fucking redskins sorry i got the game on what a fucking
throw what the fuck is
going on with the packers this year man i don't fucking get it um anyway sorry
about the screaming there
you know you got 50 people in front you got 100 fucking people behind you you
know and people are
getting off they're kind of meandering and you're on the escalator thinking go
go get out of the way
before we all fall down on each other right if you're any sort of a thinking
human being going like
oh assessing the problem well when in in fucking eight seconds when i become
that person i'm gonna get
the fuck out of the way so whoever the fuck is 20 people behind me will not be
having this panic
moment because of me gonna become part of part of the solution not the fucking
problem right i don't
even know what i'm talking about at this point i can't even remember the point
i was trying to make
but what oh i know what i'm saying yeah but the kind of fucking people like you
know
what was that i was talking thanksgiving that's right right so we're gonna
fucking i have no idea
what point is you know what i mean i just said a bunch of shit i hope it was
funny because god
knows there was no point and i think that actually is the point of the monday
morning podcast for all
you people out there who you know who tend to take it unbelievably seriously
those of you out there
who think that i influenced the fucking election isn't that hilarious seven
billion dollars was spent
to get trump and all these fucking people a chance to get elected but you know
that all goes out the
window the second some fuckhead who can't even read out loud does a podcast all
out the window
i'll tell you if that's true i'm gonna start i'm gonna start charging more for
my fucking advertising
you know what i mean maybe i'll use that as a selling point 2017 uh evidently i
was i was the
reason trump got into fucking office oh jesus hey hey trump supporters you
liking what you're seeing so
far huh you're liking these fucking you know you thought trump was old look at
the fucking people
he surrounded himself with jesus christ if they're not in a nazi fucking movie
they're like 450 fucking
years old rudy giuliani this is like when some old hair metal band gets back
together again thinking
they're gonna put out a fucking relevant album you're not it's over you had
your time it's fucking done
you know what i mean these guys are gonna get the fucking band back together
and start singing about what
huh girls in a strip club and the devil maybe the pmrc or whatever the people
used to sing about back in
the day i i don't pretend to know um you know we were either way all these
people by the
way i got to give a shout out to somebody um what's her name from cosmopolitan
magazine laura beck
calling out snl for the horse that that was that was that opening completely
agreed when they were
singing the woman who plays uh clinton hillary clinton played hallelujah it was
kind of confusing
like is was this a uh tribute to uh leonard cohen dying or what was this a
political statement
and uh she kind of called him out going didn't you guys have trump as a host
while he was running
for president and now all of a sudden you know you helped promote the guy didn't
you i mean
shit if i did by trashing both fucking people right she actually said it was
bullshit it was
fucking hilarious it's a great read i'll give you guys a uh a link to it but i
mean it's a tv show
that's what they do they did that to a buddy of mine they did that to fucking
dane cook they had him
fucking uh host it twice he made him a bunch of fucking money with high ratings
and then all of a
sudden there's a little blip on the fucking internet you know tide turns a
little bit and then
they use him as a fucking cheap joke when he wasn't even uh he wasn't even on
the show that's what
they do over there that's what they do in this business they're not your
fucking friends see that's
why you know what you do you stay where i stay right my little cave you do a
podcast by yourself and
then no one can hurt you anyways um so i uh every time i do a stand-up special
you know it ends up
being a little bit too long at least the last couple ones so you start thinking
what if we take this out
here what if we do a little fucking thing here we have to do and you end up
fucking the whole thing up
what you really have to do is you just got it you got to cut off a limb you
know you got to remove a
kidney basically you just got to take out a chunk and i figured out what chunk
it was going to be or
i had an idea that that's what i wanted and then the director jay had the same
idea we took it out and
it flows and it went from a too long of a special now it's like fucking perfect
and now we're gonna uh
and and all i've seen at this point is just the raw feed of it so it's not even
like in hd and it looks
way over lit and i'm like fucking pasty goddamn whitehead i look like an
asshole and it still looks
like a good special so i'm very excited i got that done f is for family second
season we're starting to
fucking you know tighten these things down for the final fucking edit and um
and then next month i'm
going to start uh the process of what should be a quick edit is editing the
audio from when i did
madison square garden a year ago for the new york comedy festival sorry hiccups
new york comedy festival
i didn't almost get emotional there new york comedy festival um and then if
once i get i get all that
shit done right then i'm just like done i'm done i can just enjoy the rest of
the fucking year i got
nothing to do really right and then uh then it starts all over again in january
you know it'd be nice if
i did cardio for the rest of the week and just you know then i can fucking
throw down that's another
good thing about going to somebody's place for the holidays they got to clean
up you know you don't
leave with a bunch of fucking food it's gonna be good um i'm excited about when
he wants me to make
this fucking stuff and i knew she wouldn't let me just go over there it's like
why can't i just be
the 12 pack guy you know that's the best guy you put on a sweater right you go
over there you make
people fucking laugh you show up with like a 12 or fucking whatever whatever
the fuck you want you
know i tried this ipa lately and i'm really not an ipa guy i go in and out of
that shit i usually drink
just drink shit that's considered uh white trash beer and um because i just
like getting fucked up you
know i'm not into the taste i just won't get fucked up right and i know what
you guys are saying well
those ipas have a fucking high alcohol content i don't give a shit they're
fucking they're heavy
fucking heavy as hell but i tried this one it was called the green line and i
got it i don't even
because they only had a couple beers at this place it was this foofy place and
i just wanted a beer and
that's one of the only ones they had i actually really liked it remind me of
living in boston
fucking going out to fucking chestnut hill and the green line dude kenmore
square go to the
fucking socks rich get me dude he's the next captain fisk um gary allenson oh jesus
there's a couple of
red sox names from way back in the day anyways um i tried that shit i actually
really liked it and uh
i don't even want you guys i'm just fucking talking in circles because i haven't
been home
haven't been to my house in like fucking two months and uh i've had it me and nia
have been living on
top of each other and uh you know i i don't know about her but i'm i'm pretty
sick of us
being this close to one another so hopefully tuesday we get back in the fucking
place oh nice
fucking throw aaron rogers over the top db complaining saying he fucking pushed
off course
you're gonna say that that's what you say when a guy fucking what a tight end
beat you that deep
is a fucking corner how the hell does that happen how do you let that happen i
ask you guys
he pushed him within five yards i think that was all right um anyways how about
those bruins huh
handling winnipeg i was all nervous they're the top two scorers in the league
what did we do we put
fucking three of them three goals in the second period right who scored my sean
fucking bergy
bell ski whatever the fuck his name is and then i don't know the fuck we
actually went up four
nothing one four to one that's another thing when i get back i got my bruins
and celtics package i can
start watching that so i can really start boring you guys with the sports talk
you know i didn't see the
patriots game today because i've been running around i haven't been spending
time with my wife so i took
her out someplace today uh she'll come on later tell you all about it and um
but all i know is it's the
usual all my friends who are pats fans like dude why'd we trade chandler jones
why'd we get rid of
jamie collins our defense stinks dude um so i think it was you know what should
have been an easy game i guess
evidently wasn't but uh i didn't see any of that i watched the boxing though
who the
fuck that russian guy that ego larry are enough was that his fucking name
whoever was a real hacky
russian name was sergey kovalev which is like every russian guy in the nhl he's
either his first name
is sergey or his last name is cold that's really like the john smith of russian
names so he's fighting
this american dude so i gotta go for the fucking american and uh i gotta tell
you something
the first first first round all right ego larry aronoff comes out and he
fucking punches andre
reed is that the guy's name or is that the guy in the bills i can't fucking
remember i'm not a big
boxing fan i love the sport i love it but uh it's been ruined it's been ruined
because every three pounds
there's a new weight class that has yet another champion and then there's like
15 different
boxing federations it's a show like there's more boxing divisions than there
are podcasts and i'll
tell you that's ain't something because there's a lot of them out there um
you know what i mean when i was a kid it was like it was like flyweight
it was like flyweight featherweight middleweight welterweight heavyweight
something like that i can't
remember i can't remember the fucking divisions now everything's like there's
like 15 offshoots
of each one of them it's you know what it's like those superhero movies like
back in the day like
superman was in a superman movie batman was in a bat they didn't fucking know
each other
they weren't all hanging out at the same place maybe on the the super friends
they were
super friends they did at the hall of justice but they they only did that they
they did that
when th