Name: the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-9-17
Uploaded: 2017-02-10T08:27:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-9-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-9-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-10. Transcript available.

the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-9-17

hey what's going on it's bill burrow and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in on you
seeing how your
week's going how's your week going huh did your fucking team have another
championship parade like
mine did well you know what i wish it did why the fuck should my town have all
the goddamn success
you know it's fucking unbelievable i still can't believe you won that fucking
game but i'm not
going to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it
um i'm in charlotte
north carolina came in a day before the comedy zone gig i went to the uh charlotte
hornets versus
the brooklyn nets you know and when you try to go to a home game sorry i'm
gonna i don't have my
fucking microphone so i'm just recording right off my laptop so anytime i click
on something
might be goddamn issue um but uh when you're trying to do what it is that i've
been doing
which is to basically go to all of the uh to go to a home game of every fucking
team in all four
major sports every once in a while you got to go to a game that's not the best
game you got to go see
a couple of franchises that even though they've had their moments this is not
their time they are
they're currently rebuilding and that's what that's what happened when we saw
the charlotte hornets
play the brooklyn nets um a couple nights ago jesus christ it was it was just
like
it was i don't know i don't know what it was it was like a fucking wnba game wnba
at its worst
you know in the first couple of seasons you know where they they just didn't
look good i mean they
look way better now the fundamentals and all that if you watch any the wnba but
those first few years
i couldn't understand why it looked so bad because women's college basketball
looked better
than the wnba but jesus christ charlotte versus brooklyn jesus did i say that
enough time oh jesus
this is how fucking boring that game was the kids that played at halftime was
fucking more exciting
because they were running the court big smiles on their faces it was fucking
hilarious the game was
like something like you know 16 to 14 and it was all layups it was just all
fucking running the court
layups it was tremendous and um but anyways last night uh we went to um you
know we were at the
comedy zone and uh i did the smartest thing i've ever done on the road in a
long time was when the show
was over i just went home and i went to fucking bed um because the charlotte
brooklyn night you know i
had a couple of pops uh about 17 and uh the next day i woke up i'm like what
what am i doing
what the fuck am i doing okay i got a newborn at home i can't get any goddamn
sleep i'm on the road now
i should be like a like a fucking sober as a church mouse and just go right to
bed and that's what i did
last night fucking phenomenal other than the goddamn fucking cleaning ladies
coming by every 10 minutes
yeah they didn't they this place i'm staying it doesn't have the fuck off sign
um so they just
keep coming housekeeping i love how they fucking knock right housekeeping and
then immediately open the
goddamn door there's that there's the lost art of knocking on a door waiting
for a response and
then coming in somewhere along the line these goddamn kids today oh yeah i just
said that these goddamn
kids they think the fact they just knocked that they can just means they can
then enter the room
you knock you wait for somebody to say you know hang on a second or blah blah
blah blah you don't just
knock on a fucking door and walk in you got to give the person a chance you
know put their dick away
or something you know well who knows what they're doing maybe they're just
sitting there in their
right i don't fucking know you fucking knock and you wait and then you enter
sorry just saying it fucking can't stand that's one of my pet peeves in life
people knock and then
they just fucking walk in um that shit or if you know when you go into to a
parking spot you know
where two cars could fit and you just stick your fucking cunt car right in the
middle of both
so no one can fit two cars can't fit anymore unless you're driving a smart car
um so anyways tonight
you probably think jesus bill after uh that patriots super bowl how could your
sport
how could your sports world get any better you know what i mean well after a a
major dip
i believe on monday which i think they they did on purpose because the bruins
had a little gap in
their schedule and with all the buzz about the duiggler patriots excuse we have
yardic here
be a good time to get rid of uh claude julian and uh i just want to thank coach
julian
for uh being the best bruins coach since i've been watching them um for the
last you know close to 40
years um oh jesus oh it's verzi everybody hey verzi i'm doing my podcast all
right um you're gonna be
done within an hour you think or no uh this is just the thursday one i'll be
done like a half hour
all right cool i'm gonna eat some eggs and shit and then if you want to go for
a steam hey paul you
go eat those eggs and then i'll meet you for a steam all right we got breakfast
coming in like 20
when it's done i'll call you okay all right buddy okay pal okay pal all right
there cutie
anyways um
the fuck the fuck was i talking about um yeah
claude julian jesus christ i've never seen a guy more of a victim of the gm and
for the i do not
understand that fucking move whatsoever you know i guess maybe if he had fallen
out with the people
up top i have no idea but um how are you just gonna blame it on him and not get
rid of your fucking
gm i don't know what they see in this our gm i have no fucking idea i don't
know uh
i have no idea what this guy's doing i mean he got rid of everybody and i just
didn't i don't see
they we actually were playing our best hockey of the year i felt you know we
won three in a row
lost a tough one of the fucking capitals not a tough one they actually kicked
our ass five or two but
i mean what the fuck they're the capitals we didn't do bad for a seventh seed i
don't know i think
it's a dumb move you get rid of the guy it's like okay you want to get rid of
the guy who are you
going to replace him with who's out there you know and actually tweeted
congratulations to every
every other nhl team out there that needs a fucking coach that knows how to win
a cup
um because that's what we just dumped um i don't know i don't know i don't get
the shit that stuff
where the ownership gives into the fan base it's like what are they listening
to the fucking
dopes that call into sports talk radio i've never called in a sports talk i
watch sports all the
fucking time i would never call in a sports talk radio show you know just
specifically to talk about
the sports thing i mean i'll call in in to hype a show you know whore myself
out oh i would absolutely
do that i was speaking of whoring myself out um but wait wait wait wait let me
get back so uh thank
you to clo julian and uh for bringing us a stanley cup and uh ending up you
know 40 year drought
um and continued success wherever you go i know you're going to do great
wherever you go
hopefully you got a better gm at the next place you go to um so anyways um
after all my ranting and
ravings about uh award shows i think i might be a presenter at one old hollywood
bill is the uh
writers guild awards and um they asked me to be a presenter or whatever and at
first i was like
nah i'm not gonna go down and do that fucking bullshit but then you know what i'm
actually i guess
softening up or selling out depends on how you look at it but what i realize is
that on our show
um it's those award shows are a big deal for uh for the writers because that's
how
they actually get money so if you win an emmy um or a writers guild or a sag
thing or whatever
it's great for the writers in the writers room because they can say that they
wrote on an emmy award
winning show and blah blah blah blah blah so old freckles has to play the game
a little bit um
go put on a goddamn monkey suit it's a fucking black tie thing i gotta go
i'm gonna go to one of those fucking prom places where they have the cheap tuxedos
because i don't
think anybody can fucking tell just come out in those goddamn plastic bowling
shoes um i don't know
who the fuck decided that they wanted me to be a fucking presenter but like if
they've never they've
obviously never listened to me read out loud on uh on my podcast but uh i don't
know i figured this
would be a good one to try out see what i think about it because uh it's not
televised you know and um
i don't know we'll see if i can actually read out loud i don't know me has been
on me about this
shit you gotta do it you gotta play the game all right i'm playing the fucking
game why make a
fucking difficult business even more goddamn difficult um so fuck it i'll give
it i'll
let you guys know how that goes how am i reading out loud if that's in fact
what they have me do
but it's not bad it's only like two hours long um so it kind of seems like the
best one to go to and
patton oswald is hosting it and i think he's a fucking genius so at least i'll
get to listen to
his monologue um but i am without a doubt i'm gonna get the fuck i'm gonna get
a nice fucking
i'm gonna get a senior prom special
the clip-on fucking tie and all of that shit that's like the dumbest shit ever
to go out and uh
go buy some expensive tuxedo it's like what are you a fucking rockefeller
uh but i guess people trash it then right when you watch walk the red carpet or
something like that
um so anyway so there you go there's my full of shit moment after making fun of
all those
fucking award shows uh i'm actually gonna uh go to one i don't know what are
you gonna do the
fuck am i gonna do right i'm doing it for the team okay can i get out of it by
saying that so anyways
i was saying um how my um my uh my sporting world how it could get any better
after the uh
the patriots win and then they uh the letdown of seeing them give in to the fan
pressure whatever
the fuck they did getting rid of coach julian um tonight me fursy and uh joe
bartnick are doing
a bucket list thing for any person that's even remotely into sports we're going
to
the uh the duke versus uh north carolina tar heels game tonight and we got some
great seats we're
sitting right behind the the duke bench coach k is going to be there if it wasn't
so goddamn loud in
that place we could hear him you know during the timeouts and everything it's
going to be crazy so uh
i don't know there's a chance you might see the three three of us dummies on tv
um
but beyond excited to go to this like this is a this is a huge one this is a
huge one um as far as
the bucket list sports stuff to go to uh years ago i told you i don't know if i
told you guys i went to
the um i went to uh indiana university versus um what was it michigan state and
i believe it was the
the year that michigan state won the national championship and bobby knight was
still coaching
there and um i've never seen anything like that all the years everything i've
ever every sporting event
i've ever gone to i have never seen anything like watching bobby knight coach a
game i mean that guy
you watched him more than as much if not more than you were watching the game i
was actually rooting
for the spartans you know i came there rooting for indiana but bobby was so
fucking entertaining
i started rooting for the spartans because i wanted to see him flip out even
more i've never seen somebody
with he actually made me feel good about myself like just complete loss of composure
oh obviously or whatever his coaching style motivating people i remember they
let up a couple
of easy buckets and this kid the point guard starts bringing it up to court and
bobby knight is like
10 feet onto the court and he's yelling so much he's like did you ever see uh
was it ben kingsley and sexy
beast when he when he's when he's yelling it'd be in a right cunt and he's like
throwing his head
into everythi