Name: the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-23-17
Uploaded: 2017-02-23T20:59:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-23-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-23-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-23. Transcript available.

the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-23-17

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you i got bogged down in the
mud on that one
i didn't think i was going to pull myself out but you know what i reached down
deep
showed what i had in on me in on me showed what i had in me um anyways hey you
know what it's nice
to be here it's nice to be back out here in sunny la after uh going back to new
york it was chilly
for old billy back there in uh new york city i'm getting soft out here and you
know what i love it
i fucking love it that's the big thing that east coast people always say when
you go out west hey
don't don't lose your edge bro don't don't be getting all hollywood on me dude
it's like dude
um you're basically telling me don't become happy that's what you're saying don't
don't be getting
too happy what are you gonna do dude you can walk around you're gonna get some
sandals really
you fucking toes hanging out oh yeah whatever dude wearing some fucking clam
diggers um
no it's just nice i went back there and i uh you know i'm one of these fucking
la people now i don't
really have a winter coat coat i have a pea coat um it was funny this woman was
breaking my balls telling
me it wasn't a real one because i didn't get it at the army navy store it's
like those fucking things
that's like wearing thick pajamas peacoat doesn't work the second it's below
like you know 40 degrees
it's one of those that you know what it's got a mid-range jumper that's that's
all that fucking
coat has you know what i mean it can't run the court doesn't play any fucking d
it's too fucking hot
you know once you get to like 58 degrees it's too fucking hot to wear that coat
way too hot 55 right
that coat basically exists from about 39 degrees
to maybe 51 you know what i mean if you get a decent one if you get a decent
one like i bought
a decent one actually nia bought me a decent one but she used my money to do it
so you know what i mean
technically i mean you know she fucking used my money so i guess i bought it
you know i guess i do have
an assistant it's my wife who has access to all my funds you got to do that
with your wife you know
what i mean just give her access to all your funds it just gives you so much
leverage in an argument
just use that next time you know put your shoes over here you were too loud you
were snoring just
honey honey you have access to all of my funds do you understand that you have
access to all my funds
i go to an airport and leave leave you here with access to i don't i don't i
don't even know what
i'm going to come back to is there even going to be anything here
now what what is the problem with the fucking glass that i didn't wash
i always make me out like she's a nag she really isn't she really isn't but it's
just um
i guess it's just a fear of of you know being with somebody that could they can
take you for
everything you got prenup doesn't mean out here in california you know what i
mean you know what a
prenup is in california that's like when there's a blitz and the fullback
misses the assignment
that's what the prenup is you think that is going to pick up that that
Lawrence taylor wannabe coming right around the outside nah he missed it he's
sitting there with happy
feet where is he he's behind you and then you get the old right there fred
right where your
fucking back of your helmet hits the middle of your spine as your head snaps
back that's what a
fucking prenup is out here so um anyways i don't know what i'm talking about
here um i just get back
from new york city i had such a fucking great time going back there doing the
fifth annual patrice o'neill
benefit right out of the gate thank you to everyone that came down to the show
the show was unbelievable
i i mean i i wasn't there last year because of the snow i got snowed in but of
the four that i've seen
that might have been the strongest show that we've had we've always had strong
shows but there was
something about that show it was like the perfect level of um of his friends of
new guys that were
influenced by him and just the ball breaking that was going on during the show
uh jesus christ rich voss making fun of keith robinson
what's his face i think norton of course norton had the best line he was
talking about how funny
keith was he goes you should have had a stroke 15 years ago he goes i don't
understand how keith had a
stroke and he still talks he's still easier to understand than rich voss those
are probably two
of the best ones and uh voss had like this stupid he had like this paisley
shirt from like the early
90s like every drum instructional video that i bought from the early 90s where
they'd have those jazz guys
who were such good musicians you know you get so good that your music sucks
after a while they were playing
like that um 94 7 the way hey that smooth jazz you know he had one of those
shirts and then he had
like a justin timberlake does bing crosby one of those hipster hats that even
hipsters
stopped wearing those things like 10 years ago and it was blue on blue so we
were backstage
and you know all of us jaded people are going no rich it looks good yeah you
should wear it because
he wasn't sure about it and pete davidson the new kid right new kid he's
already on snl that's
how old i am he's he was actually telling rich going you rich you can't wear
that it looks terrible and
i was finally like pete shut up the whole game is that we know it looks don't
tell him that and he
just started laughing then he went along with it and i believe he took it off
his head at the end at
the end of his set we had such a great time and everybody killed um right out
of the gate we had
dan soda went up first after voss and um he went up there and absolutely just
murdered it was like
he'd been doing it theaters his whole life keith killed pete davidson destroyed
even though
he did this whole bit about there's no excuse to go bald that kind of bugged me
um in this day and age
he's saying there was enough medicine out there or something like that uh then
jim norton crushed
then it was david tell and then leslie jones and um then i had to mop up in the
end after all those
guys fucking killing man it was awesome and thank you of course to maureen tarrant
who's the real force
behind the whole thing she puts the whole thing together she gets all those add
comics somehow to
show up at the same place at the right time every year um she deals with all
the finances of renting
out the place she deals with the whole fucking thing um so special thanks to
her and once again
everybody that came out everybody at the stand you know uh dave and chris down
at the stand for
always hooking us up with the after party and all that shit um just had a great
fucking time and that's
it all right um until we do it again next year um it really is my i gotta be
honest it's my favorite
fucking gig of the year it's so much fucking fun because i get none of these
guys i ever get to work
with them now because they all headline now if i get to see him again it's just
such a fucking great
time jim florentine just came down to hang out i'm trying to make sure i
remember everybody but it was uh
it was great and i was in new york for a couple of days and um had a great time
like the first night
monday night i just went out and i started hitting all these clubs that i used
to uh you know i used
to work out in back in the day when i lived in new york i went to caroline's
first and uh jumped on
this show and um you know i was waiting to go on and as always you know i
always always end up seeing
somebody funny it's comedian carmen lynch who i've seen a bunch of times before
but i hadn't
seen her in a while i'm not going to tell you the bit but she did some bit that
was
fucking hilarious and i believe she's going to be on stephen colbert this friday
night and she told
me she was going to be doing the bit the bits basically about um people that
can sleep through
anything um so anyways i went up and i have i just go on stage and i do this
shit that i'm working on
and some older shit that i'm bringing back that i'm putting a new spin on and
it was just wire to wire
this perfect fucking set i was taping it you know i i have a point two percent
chance that i'll actually
go back and listen to it but the fact that i'm recording it makes me feel good
right and i was
actually going to listen to it because i got these gigs coming up in phoenix
right i got to get my
shit together and this set ends and for whatever fucking reason i never touched
the phone it just
shut off after like two minutes i'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me so
then i go up to the car
but i still felt great you know and um i was like i'll remember i'll remember
this shit so i go up to
the comic strip um which was my home club when i first got to new york way back
in the day with lucian
the the late great lucian holt who would sit there going sit there you'd walk
in and be like hey oh
lucian hey i'm a comedian i just moved down from boston and he was just going
oh yeah i already have
enough white guys he would literally say that i already have enough white guys
and i remember
all these white guy comics would get so mad and be like you see you see it's
the same thing that's
reverse facing me it's like no it isn't it isn't you know what the he's saying
he has a million of you and if you're just going to be another white guy that
grew up in
a cul-de-sac he already has it it's like it's a grocery store all right and he's
got he's got
fucking ears of corn stacked up to the fucking you know ceiling and you come in
you want to buy a
bushel no i don't you got any chickpeas there freckles right so i i knew what
he meant when he said
it it's like don't come in here and just be doing the uh what's the deal with
so i
remember when he said that to me i just was a little frustrated but i just said
to myself i'll
get in here i'll get in here eventually but um oh man i remember there's so
many white dude
comics would get so mad at that um you could never say that to another fucking
group of people it's
like yeah but it's white on white so you can get away with it you know what i
mean like black people
can say fucked up to each other it's you can keep it in house it's like your
family you can say whatever
the you want you're still gonna sit down for thanksgiving together you have to
your family
you know what i mean it's the same thing i remember exactly where i was i just
remember him smiling
and nodding and he closed his eyes and i was like oh my god this guy's actually
an open person
you know i'd love to get his spot here and he's smiling nodding i'm like here
it comes
maybe he's gonna give me a phone number or something i already have enough
white guys
i was sitting there with my stupid backpack just walking away we used to always
use the reference of
bill bixby at the end of the hulk you know when he would just be walking down
the road with that sad
piano music that's how i left the club but um i had my little positive things
that i would say to myself
to uh to get me to you know to go over to the next club who the was over at
stand up new york back in
the day he was a good dude and i remember he had a dead tooth that's all i
remember and i would i would
go in there and um he didn't sugarcoat it at all when i walked up to him i
remember telling him that
i was a new comic and the look of pain on his he just sort of looked up like i
was talking to the
side of his head and he just looked up and he just made this this face
literally like he had a major
operation and they were this is the first time they were removing the bandages
that was the look on
his face when i talked to him i think i actually petered out through the
sentence i was like hey
uh whatever his name hey someone's uh my name's bill burr i'm a comedian i just
moved down here from new
york and i uh just want to yeah and then i just walked away
so all these years later to still be a