Name: the Monday Morning Podcast w/Jim Norton 3-15-17
Uploaded: 2017-03-21T16:57:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast w/Jim Norton 3-15-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast w/Jim Norton 3-15-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-21. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast w/Jim Norton 3-15-17

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for another special edition
of the Monday Morning Podcast.
If you're new to my podcast, you probably think, hey, what's a special one?
Usually, I'm here by myself, laying in my fucking underwear, running my yap,
but every once in a while, I have a special guest, and this person will not let
you down.
This is one of my great friends in this business. This is one of the funniest
bastards I ever met in my life.
He has a new special coming out on Netflix called Mouthful of Shame. That's
already funny.
On March 14th, please welcome the legendary Jim Norton.
Thank you, Bill. That's a nice intro. I don't know how to handle nice things
being said about me.
I know.
Does it make you uncomfortable when people talk?
That's why I was going as big as I could go, because I was feeling you squirming.
One of my great friends. One of the best comics I ever saw, just watching you
squirm over there.
I can handle personal things.
Can you handle how far away we are from one another?
It is odd. My manager is kind of sitting there uncomfortably with his fucking
giant cock bulge in the middle.
He looks like a retired figure skater.
Sorry.
All right. Anyways.
I can handle personal, because we are great friends, but any type of
compliments of work, it makes me so...
Do you like watching clips of yourself?
I'm going to torture you for this next hour.
Oh, it drives me nuts, dude.
When you get to watch a clip of yourself, when they bring you back, and then
the people in the room are like,
Oh, yeah, that was good. It's so fucking embarrassing.
If you ever do a talk show, and then they're like, and they play either
something you've already done, or whatever you're promoting, I literally will,
you know, if they cut to it, and I actually look to the monitor to see if the
crowd's watching it at home, and then I just literally, I'll put my fingers in
my ears if I have to.
If I have to, I'll start humming. No.
Humiliating.
Oh, it's horrific.
I can't do it, man. I can't watch.
Because then they feel like they're fake laughing. Like, they don't really like
it. They're just playing along to me polite.
I feel like they're just kind of being nice to little Jimmy Norton. They're
just being polite to me.
The only way I can watch myself is if I filmed myself at a club, and I'm just
watching it.
But the second that I knew it was going to be uploaded or broadcasted, and I
know that everybody's going to see it immediately, I'm like, oh my God, why did
I do that with my hand?
Why did this fucking, everything just immediately, it's horrific.
But, having said that, I actually made sure in my last special that I sat
through it, I sat through it a couple of times to make sure that at least I had,
like, the look of it, the look of it right now.
And did you do that with your new special, Mouthful of Shame, that comes out on
March 14th on Netflix?
I'm going to hype the shit out of this.
It's funny. Yeah, I did it obsessively. I've probably seen it about 60 times,
but just in editing.
Like, I don't mind watching it to edit. Like, I go point by point over both
shows.
I know exactly what I want from the late show, pull this from the early show. I'm
really anal about it.
That's good. That's good to have.
Yeah, because I don't trust that, like, anyone else.
Netflix is easier because there's no commercials you have to worry about, and
they don't give a shit if it's 56 minutes for promos.
It can be an hour and two, hour and three.
So I was very comfortable doing that, but like you said, as soon as somebody
else is in the room, I want to hang myself.
But I can do it alone all day because I know I'm doing it. It's still part of
the work, but once it's done, I'm like, I can never watch it again.
Oh, I walk out of the room. Second, other people are going to watch it.
Oh, hey, can I see that thing here? Absolutely.
And then they sit down, and I close the door and walk out.
Could you watch it with Nia? Could you watch it with someone you're really,
really close to?
It's not like somebody you need to impress, or you're still uncomfortable?
I would have to be standing up.
I would be standing up with my fucking hands on top of my head like that, like,
eh, is it good? Is it good? Does it suck?
I'd be doing that the whole time, and she literally gets mad going, she knows
at this point, Nia knows to be like, you know, she'll just come up and say, hey,
I watched your special, it was good, or I watched this, it was good, and blah,
blah, blah, and I go, okay, good.
And will you start, like if a part's coming up that you don't like, will you go,
I hated the way I did this thing, like right before it happens, because you're
like, you don't want them to watch it and pretend to like it when you know it's
not, it's fucking psychotic.
I have that thought, but it comes out like this, I just go, ah, I just yell, I
just yell over, over it, and it just, it will bother her.
But I've also learned that, yeah, to just, that you're going to think it's way,
way worse than it fucking is.
But don't you find the comedians who are so comfortable watching themselves,
there's something wrong with that.
Yeah, man, I can't, I can't be around anybody.
A hack could literally watch a fucking marathon of their entire career, and be,
oh yeah, I love that sport coat.
I loved when I wore that, the way I rolled those sleeves up, I absolutely loved,
oh, this one, it was a dog and cat thing.
Oh, you're going to love this.
You know who I've been loop, I've been on a loop, a tear, watching Robert Klein
videos, because we are having him coming in, and he's one of my idols,
and I'm watching like Robert Klein from The Tonight Show in 81, 82, 83,
watching him on 74 on Soul Train or whatever.
He was fucking great, man.
Yeah.
Robert Klein is a guy that most people don't mention.
Like, no one talks about Robert Klein anymore as much.
Like, they'll mention Pryor and Carlin, and Robert Klein is the most underrated
guy, I think, to ever perform.
Seinfeld always gives him a bunch of props, and was talking like how he was, I
think that was one of his guys.
He liked Cosby and Robert Klein, I believe.
Right.
And I forget how he put it, but he was like sort of their age.
Like, when he was doing those things in the 70s, and he was going to colleges,
like, he was like that age.
He was part of that generation, so he was kind of theirs, I think.
Like, Carlin was more of a 60s guy, even though he blew up in the 70s.
I think people from that generation remember him.
But it's weird how some people, despite their contributions, will kind of slip
through the cracks like that.
Right.
I find with most people that are like that, they're not into self-promotion.
So if you're not spoon-feeding it, like, the amount of fucking journalists out
there, if you just tell them, you know, like, I'm one of the edgiest guys on
the scene.
Like, that's too straight.
But if you're like the, I would always like, I don't know, I would equate it to
Detroit that calls itself Hockey Town.
Like, they gave themselves a fucking nickname.
Yeah.
Like, why are you Hockey Town?
Wouldn't it at least be Montreal?
Montreal Canadiens, they have the most fucking, you know, championships.
They got the fans will literally drive people out of town.
I mean, why, because you're that.
Well, no one thinks.
Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, not saying he wasn't good, but he kind of
gave himself that, like.
Right.
That nickname.
But, like, a lot of hacks do that.
And nobody thinks that somebody would be a big enough asshole to give
themselves a nickname, so people just kind of go with it.
Like, people must have called him the King of Pop, because nobody could be that
fucking narcissistic to give himself the nickname the King of Pop.
But he probably did.
And the press loves them because they write the story for him.
Right.
That's why they'll love a Rex Ryan but hate Bill Belichick.
Like, Belichick is smart enough to be like, you cunts are going to take any
little thing that I say and turn it into bulletin board material.
That's why he stands there going, oh, you know, they're good.
And I think next week's going to be a tough game and just taking a long week of
time.
And then they want a guy like Rex Ryan going, oh, I'm going to win the Super
Bowl.
Yeah.
And then they love him.
I didn't come there to kiss the rings.
I'm going to go in there.
We're going to shove it right up their ass.
And they're just like, before he's done talking, their article is written.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, they go 4-12.
Yeah.
I love Rex Ryan.
I love what a pervert he is.
I love it that he loves his wife's feet.
He's the best man.
But he loves his wife, too.
Yeah, he does.
Dude, his wife keeps him on the rails.
I swear to God, if he didn't have, that guy would have ate himself to death.
Yeah.
I see it.
Like, all that shit talking he does, you see, like, that's why I love that guy.
When I watch him, like, his flaws, I'm like, oh, my God, this guy, he's a shit
show.
This guy's a shit show.
And he loves his wife to death because she saved him.
You totally see the whole thing.
Yeah.
He's a disaster.
He's a disaster.
I was trying to say it in a nice way.
Yeah, yeah, but he is, but there was something endearing about that.
And, you know, I just started watching football again.
I can't care about it.
I'm a fan.
Wow.
You were the biggest.
When we were coming up, you were a huge Cowboys fan.
Huge Cowboys fan, and then you were a huge Yankee fan.
Yeah, I just, I stopped, I started going on the road more and more, and I just
stopped caring
as much.
And I'm like, I'm putting in so much effort to these guys, and then I meet them,
and they
don't give a shit that I'm alive.
I had a couple of bad experiences with athletes, and I'm done.
I remember.
Yeah.
I was wrong about the Jeter thing.
I was a baby.
I really acted like a little douchebag.
I was fucking, he was a dick to not sign my thing, but I way overreacted on the
air.
I'm embarrassed by that.
Well, if you go to the psychology of the way you overreacted, it wasn't really
just
your love for the guy and the team?
Yes.
You were a jilted lover, as Patrice used to always say.
Jilted lover.
That's exactly what it is.
I mean, you know, the husband that becomes a stalker is the guy that was
obsessed with
his wife.
Like, you know, that's what I was.
I was obsessed with him, and then they didn't love me.
One of my biggest meltdowns was Gene Simmons, because he hurt my feelings.
He blew me off when I wanted a photo, and he was kind of a dick about it, and
it just
ruined me.
I fucking, I killed him on the radio about it, and then I kind of felt bad,
because
he was nice to me the next time I saw him.
I met him one time.
He was teasing me about losing my hair and shit.
I just so wanted to be like, dude, do you think if anybody's buying that
fucking Darth Vader
helmet on your head?
Yeah, because you're wearing a wok on your fucking head.
That's terrible.
He has Chewbacca's hairline.
Dude, and it is like shoe polish black.
I mean, you can't, you talk to the guy, and you just can't not even look at it.
But what I love about him is he would sit here and laugh right along with you.
And not give a fuck, and then just scribble down Chewbacca with hair.
And the next day, there'd be a picture of him dressed as Chewbacca with some
kiss shit
written on it.
And he would make a million dollars, unapologetically go make a million dollars
off of that.
He really doesn't care.
You know one thing I like about Gene, though?
And this is one thing that, Dan Rather interviewed him.
And he talked about his, he's a patriotic guy.
Like, nobody loves America more than Gene Simmons.
Because his mother was in a concentration camp, and she came here when he was a
kid.
And he remembers him.
Why did I think he was Iranian?
I'm not the biggest kiss fan.
Yeah, yeah, no, you're way off.
That's just about as far off.
Yeah, he was, he's, he's.
He's Brazilian?
I thought he was Irish.
Yeah, he's, he's, he was born in, his name, his real name i