Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 3-7-16
Uploaded: 2017-04-14T07:41:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 3-7-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 3-7-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-14. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 3-7-16

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast
for Monday, March 7th, 2016.
What's going on? How are you? How was your weekend? Do you listen to The Weeknd?
I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I like it.
Oh, what are you doing, man? You're fucking some chick on blow?
You didn't do blow when you were with her. Now you're with her. Now you're
doing blow.
Boy, I can't believe that shit came back.
You know, I thought Coke was just done.
You know, after all the people did what they did for my generation,
you would think that the next generations would be like, you know what?
Yeah, I'm going to stay away from that shit.
Right? It's not how it works. One generation does it.
Like, my generation, we were like, wow, man, let's stay away from, hey, man,
like, let's stay away from LSD and heroin,
because that's like a bad trip, man.
And then we fucked with, like, Coke and crack, crank, all of that shit, right?
That ruined all of our fucking lives.
And then the next generation was just like, yeah, man, fuck all that stuff.
Let's fuck with crystal meth.
Right? So now this next wave is like, fuck crystal meth.
You know, let's kick it old school. Let's go back to the Coke.
Right?
You have an entire generation of people that not only can't feel their faces,
but yeah, evidently they like it.
Oh, God. Where do you go from there? Sorry.
I'm trying to update my musical tastes.
I've decided that after fucking 40 years of listening to the same fucking 10
bands, you know, not 40, like 30.
I mean, Jesus Christ, how many fucking times can you listen to it?
I was like those, you remember those people walking in the circle, the circle
in the jail at Midnight Express?
Remember that? When they were walking counterclockwise, and then the dude who's
going to escape, who had the drugs, you know?
Whose girlfriend put her titties up against the glass, he started walking
around the other way.
Remember that?
Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now.
I'm walking around the other way, and every of my generation is just going,
what are you listening to this shit for?
It's like, I don't know, how many times can you listen to it?
Hey, mama said it, where do you move?
I've been listening to that for fucking 30 years.
I gotta get, I gotta pull myself out of the mud, man.
I don't know, I just, yeah, I would like to listen to something new.
So, the lovely Nia was watching all the performances from the Grammys last
night, so I just started downloading everything that I was seeing.
Whether I liked it or not, I'm like, I'm just going to listen to this shit, you
know?
It's kind of like when I try to put a new hour of stand-up together, where I'm
just like,
Ah, you know, this doesn't, this isn't a good idea, but I'm going to say it
anyways, because I can't say the other shit, because that's coming out.
So, I just start throwing shit against the wall.
So, this morning, I was listening to, I listened to a little bit of The Weeknd.
Dude sounds just like Michael Jackson, right?
I think he does.
And, uh, who else did I download?
That girl who looks like MC, uh, MC Search.
Right?
The fuck's her name.
I don't know, she was singing about a relationship and she was over it.
And she just looked like she had this high-top fade.
You know, but also knew how to, like, make a fucking rocket.
She looked really smart.
You know?
Yeah, like, you wouldn't want to fuck with her.
I don't know.
She kind of had it all going on.
It's like, is this a nerd?
Is this a bully?
Is this a rapper?
Or is she a witch?
Um, but the band is fucking great.
So, she.
I don't, you know.
After all of that shit, I'm probably not going to say who the fuck it is, even
if I figure it out.
Because I don't want to shit on people like that.
Um, anyways.
I had a killer SG, though.
The fucking three pickups.
You know?
That's Surf and Green.
They went out.
They crushed it.
Right?
I actually saw, what's his face there?
The fucking, uh, the dude who's getting the worst tattoos ever.
He's got the Lamborghini and fucking, uh, didn't like Ella.
No, Keyshawn Johnson chased him up his front door.
The fuck is his name?
Justin Bieber.
I actually watched that.
That guy can sing.
He's fucking talented.
I just don't.
You should just, just do that.
Just do that.
Stop filming yourself playing basketball and whatever else it's doing.
Mean mugging your fucking GoPro.
Just sing your song and fucking go home.
Why wouldn't you do that?
He's actually a talented kid.
Although I didn't like when he threw the acoustic guitar down in the end.
You know?
What are you fucking Pete Townsend?
You're not.
Okay?
You got the inner ear fucking monitors.
You're protecting your hearing.
Okay?
You're not, you're not, uh, nobody's blowing up a drum set and part of the
fucking drum set
goes right into your fucking ear.
Okay?
Nobody's getting crushed at your fucking concerts.
They've worked all of that out.
You know?
Sorry.
See?
And then I go right back to the grumpy old man.
I've seen all of this before.
I'm just, I'm trying to give the kid a copy.
He's fucking really talented.
He can actually really sing.
Um, so anyways.
And then I was listening to the other dude there.
What the fuck's his name?
I can't, I, for the life of me, I don't understand why I can't just download
shit and then just
find it.
And every fucking time it goes back to the album thing.
I like when they just list the songs.
I don't need to see the picture of the album.
Every time this happens, I forget how to do it.
Oh, okay.
Artists, songs.
There we go.
Um, oh.
And speaking of which on, um, everybody was, uh, sending a bunch of each week
when I do
the Thursday, uh, Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning
podcast, you
know, when we go into the greatest hits of the Monday morning podcast, there's
always
a little musical interlude.
I do not pick that music.
That's Andrew Themless.
And then he posts on the Twitter site, what the name of the music is.
So last week it was snarky puppy.
Okay.
That's who the fuck it was.
They post it every week.
Just fucking look it up.
All right.
At the MM podcast or some shit.
I forget what, I don't know what the Twitter account is.
What am I going to follow myself?
Um, anyways, plowing ahead.
So Friday night, I took a night off from standup.
All right.
Friday, that's a big night to take a night off.
That's like not showing up Thanksgiving.
You know, if you like to eat, you know, so I went down to the will turn theater
and, uh,
with Andrew and I saw mute math and they were fucking unbelievable.
Cannot, I tweeted, I couldn't, I cannot overstate how great a fucking show that
was.
And, uh, I wish I remember the name of the opening band too.
They were all so great, but what just killed me was I had never been to a show
like that.
Like whatever that style of music is.
I don't even know what the style of music is, but, um, just going from, you
know, the shit
that I've been listening to for 30 years straight, right?
She're walking in bars, driving in cars, right?
I listen to say, I listened to the same 90 songs for 30 fucking years in a row.
Um, I never wanted to be that guy.
So just going to those, seeing those bands, just how they use guitar where it's
more used
for like mood where, but when I was growing up, like the guitar was like the
dick that got thrown on the table, right?
Just slapped you right in the face with it.
There was always the lead singer.
And then you had the guitar God and then the fucking dude playing rhythm guitar
who was
not appreciated until at least 25 years into that band's career.
You know, like Malcolm young really didn't get his props until, until like the
mid nineties.
I feel Brad Whitford, same fucking thing.
You know, Ronnie Wood, all of these guys just playing rhythm guitar, holding
the whole
fucking thing together.
Right.
And they don't get shit for the longest fucking time.
Um, but Jesus Christ mute math live, man.
They're fucking unreal.
So by the way, they're playing Portland, Oregon tonight.
That's Monday, depending on when you listen to this Tuesday, they're in Seattle.
Then they're off for a week.
And then they start back up again in Richmond.
If, uh, you get a chance to see them, um, you will not be disappointed.
And if you're an old fuck like me, they are a great band to go see, to try to
bring you
into the modern era.
You know, if you're listening to this, come on, you can't tell me somebody who's
a little
bit younger than me.
You haven't been listening to that fucking Pearl Jam record.
10, you know, where they're all giving each other the high five, the big bro
picture.
We're all in this together, man.
Right.
Um, you can't tell me that you haven't been listening to that.
How many times are you going to, Jeremy spoke it yet?
Hey, fucking 25 years later.
I'm not saying don't ever listen to it again.
Right.
Look, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but I never wanted to be that guy
going, ah,
this isn't music.
Right.
Then going into my house.
Right.
Going in there and doing the fucking jitterbug.
Having said that, Jeff Beck is playing the Hollywood bowl and I have to see
that guy.
He's like 70.
He's buddy guy is opening up and there's no fucking way I'm going to miss that.
Um, you know, guys, one of the greatest, he is the guy, you know, I think from
that whole
fucking era, other than Jimi Hendrix, I think, yeah, I think you got to give it
to Jeff Beck.
Right.
Man, out of my mind.
I'm sure there's some black guy out there that I'm forgetting, you know, who
got stolen
from, but I'm just as far as white dudes who listened to black dudes and then
reshaped
it.
Right.
I think you got to give it to that guy.
No.
Well, you know, it's just my opinion.
You don't got to get fucking upset by it.
So anyways, what I'm obsessed with right now is far like the drummer, Darren
King, the guy's
fucking insane.
And it was funny because, um, you know, Andrew got to know those guys.
So I got to go backstage and meet him briefly.
And, uh, you know, after the show, they were going, Hey, did you learn anything
watching our
drummer?
And I was just like, no.
And I heard the drum.
Darren goes, Oh, like I didn't mean it.
I hope I didn't come off in an insulting way.
It's like, dude, I can't, you're too fucking far beyond anything that I'm doing.
Watching him.
It was like watching like Keith.
It was like Keith moon playing drum and bass.
And then they have this sick ass fucking light show going on.
And I was just sitting there squinting, watching, just going like, what, what
is he doing?
Ain't no fucking clue.
Um, I did take one video while that, while they were playing.
Cause I, I, I, I, as cool as, you know, the iPhone is and how great the video
is and
everything.
I just fucking hate like being at something and then just sitting there filming
it.
Like I'm working for CBS nightly news or some shit.
It's like, I want to stand here and I want to take this in.
There's enough other cunts here.
Like filming this shit.
I can watch this.
It'll be on the internet forever.
Right?
So anyways, there's this song clipping that they play.
And, um, I had no idea what he was doing.
And Andrew was going, watch what he does here.
And he literally has like two drumsticks and, uh, two drumsticks in his right
hand.
and he's playing this is going to be some drum geek shit so you might want to
pass through this
he's put as far as i can tell he's basically playing 60th no triplets two three
four right
but he's only he's playing like he's doing it with two sticks in one hand so
the one on top
sitting the top of the hi-hat the one underneath is hitting the bottom of the
hi-hat so up top
what he's really just he's playing like every other note of the triplet like
but he gets the
as he's bringing that stick up the one underneath hits it so that's how he gets
the full 16th note
right sorry i know this is really nerdy shit and then with his left hand he's
basically ghosting
the offbeat and and then playing the backbeat on two and four and then dragging
i believe on the
final note of