Name: the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-17
Uploaded: 2017-06-09T00:16:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-09. Transcript available.

the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-17

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
What's going on? I'm here in New York City, being press boy, talking about
second season of Efforts for Family.
I want to thank everybody once again who's been watching it, tweeting about it,
Instagramming about it, MySpaceing about it, Facebooking, whatever the fuck you
kids do.
I have no idea. I had a long day of press yesterday, but a great time. I had a
great time.
Did the Howard Stern show for the first time in like 15 years. I had a great
time on that one.
And then it was funny. I could barely sleep the night before. I was just
thinking about how much my life has changed in the last 15 years.
Plus, I was on West Coast time. Plus, I was nervous going in there. You know,
you go to do that show.
It's like, oh, my God, what's this guy going to ask me? And it ended up going
great. Thank God.
You know, that's one of those ones you leave. It's like, did he have a good
time? Was it all right? Did I do an all right job?
I did joke with him that I'll see him again in another 15 years.
But it was obviously fucking awesome to do the show. And I had a great time. I
hope he had a good time, too.
And then, of course, I did Jimmy and Sam. I did the Opie show. I'm going to try
to do Anthony's show today.
I did Ron, Ron show. I did fucking.
What else did I do? Barstool sports. I was everywhere. I did something for the
Eminem channel.
I did the trucker show just running my year. I called in the major major league
baseball channel.
And I fucking.
For whatever reason, decided to talk about the Kevin Durant trade on baseball
channel.
We totally got into that. Talk to somebody else on Toronto.
Great game last night, by the way. Finally, a nice competitive game between the
Cavaliers and the Warriors before the former league MVP that they signed.
They hit a fucking dagger three pointer.
I don't know. Gravy train. Gravy train. Jumping on the. It's the gravy train
championship.
That's what I'm going to call it. And I've gotten into so many fucking debates.
A lot of people don't agree with me. A lot of people go, well, LeBron did it.
Miami. So. And I keep saying, I'm not talking about players.
I'm just talking about this as a fan. Nobody seems to be able to hear me.
So last night I'm in a fucking diner.
And I get in this fucking debate with this dude.
You know, one of these young guys, you know, they say, I don't think the
Beatles are that good or I think the Beatles are overrated.
And I always try to tell him, Mike, you're really not going to find any
musician with any sort of knowledge of music that's going to say you're right.
I think why these kids say this, aside from the fact that it's been so long
since the Beatles were around, that it's hard to go back and see the effect
they had on the game.
It's like trying to look back at Johnny Unitas and see how he brought the
quarterback position into the modern era.
How the fuck are you going to do that in 20? How are these goddamn kids going
to do it?
I also think the reason why the Beatles get so much shit from people like it
seems like age 38 and under is I think baby boomers are so fucking annoying.
And that's all they talk about and they act like music ended, you know, in 1970
when they broke up.
But I was arguing with this guy and this is one of the funniest things anybody's
ever said.
He basically said that he didn't like the Beatles because when he puts on the
Beatles, it didn't make him want to get on an elliptical and work out.
That has got to be one of the funniest fucking things.
And I immediately was just like, dude, how many fucking food courts do you sit
in?
Just like, I don't even know what to say to that.
It's like, dude, you know, everybody likes Mozart, but, you know, it doesn't
make me want to put on my leg warmers and get on the exercise bike.
But who the fuck am I to say how people should or shouldn't enjoy music?
But I think a lot of the Beatles backlash just has to do with everybody blowing
them for the last fucking 50 years.
And people will be like, dude, Yellow Submarine, that's a good song.
And it's like, well, dude, Al Pacino has bad movies.
Does that mean he's not a fucking one of the greatest actors of all time?
You know.
Every comedian has a fucking tough set.
Everybody comedian tells a joke that doesn't fucking work.
Richard Pryor did sets where he bombed.
You know, I don't understand the whatever.
It was such a stupid fucking thing.
I got I just literally wasted.
I wasted like two hours of my life arguing about whether the Beatles were great
or not and whether or not what Durant was doing was, you know, a legit
championship or not.
I wasted like at least two hours of my fucking life debating with that, getting
nowhere.
Spinning my wheels.
The other person arguing and it just fucking went nowhere.
And I don't know.
I got another birthday coming up and I really thought I was past this point in
my life.
I don't know why.
Fair enough.
Just didn't pop into my head.
Oh, I know why.
I know why.
Because I was drinking, as always, when I'm on the fucking road.
And I decided this morning when I woke up and I was like, did I really stay out
till four in the morning?
You know, trying to just tell somebody why the Beatles are better than Oasis
and the Foo Fighters.
Did I really just try to do that?
Did I really sit there and debate fucking the Kevin Durant trade?
Sometimes at the top of my lungs until four in the fucking morning.
So now I got to do press at two.
Listen to this shit.
I'm not going to work out this morning.
I could have gone down the street.
I should have gone to fucking bed.
Go back to the room.
That's what I should have done.
I could have gone to bed.
I could have woke up, gone to the gym.
I could have played drums this morning.
And I'm not.
It's fucking 12 noon.
Trying to get my shit together.
And you know what?
I've had it.
I've had it.
I'm fucking shutting it down.
Shutting it down.
You know what?
No fun, William.
That's who I'm going to be.
No fun, Billy.
Billy, no fun.
There you go.
There's my new name.
Billy, no fun.
Oh, Billy, back to the room.
I just, I don't know.
What a fucking colossal fucking waste.
That's all I can think about this morning.
You guys ever do that?
You had to have.
Am I the only person?
Who does shit like that?
Goes out and stays out way past the time he should have stayed out.
Debating stupid shit.
Why do I give a fuck?
If someone likes the red hot chili peppers over fucking, I don't know, fucking
poison.
I'm 49 years old on Saturday.
I'm having arguments that I should have been having in like fucking junior high
and high school.
I don't know.
I want to say I took a long, hard look at myself, but I didn't.
I kind of laid here with the fucking lights off just going like I can't.
I don't know.
Then I'm trying to like make excuses.
Well, I'm just upset because I'm not going to see my daughter for the next
couple of days.
So maybe that caused me to be a little more argumentative.
And then I had to really look at myself and be like, you know what, Bill?
Now, you kind of been a cunt for a while now.
This predates the birth of your daughter.
So anyways, no fun, Billy.
Oh, back to the room, Roger.
That's what I'm going to be.
Yeah.
Tonight, I think I'm going to have dinner with an old friend.
Right.
Which sounds like code that I'm going to go out and go do some heroin.
You know, isn't that code in the junkie world?
Where were you for the last six weeks?
I was having dinner with an old friend.
You know, we eat standing up.
Sorry.
Sorry for the heroin jokes, considering it's a goddamn epidemic here in the
United States.
But what kind of a...
Is there actually a functioning junkie listening to this shit right now?
Do you think you could kick heroin?
You ever see people kicking heroin and you just think like, would I have it in
me?
I mean, I can't even lay off the booze.
I saw this video one time of this guy just like literally on his knees.
Folded down on top of himself in the tub.
Just like with water running over him.
And this woman was sort of giving him shit.
I mean, like, oh, how do you feel?
He just sort of looks up like, I can't imagine it.
But I've read a couple of rock stars books.
And they talk about, you know, trying to kick heroin and all that stuff.
And it's, I don't know why, it sounds like fascinating.
Whenever I, uh...
Whenever I'm in your arms again.
Dude, that song's better than the Beatles.
That, like, I like that song makes me want to get up and go on a power walk.
I know I'll love you much better.
This time will never end.
Sorry.
What was I talking about?
Kicking heroin?
Who the fuck was that that I just sang?
That's not Spando Ballet.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
I know this.
That was Spando, right?
That was a tough summer when that song came out.
You know what I mean?
You'd have a crush on a girl and she'd pull up in a car.
And as much as you loved her, you just couldn't quite love her as much
when she pulled up and she was listening to that song.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
You know?
It's kind of impossible, if you love music,
to start to sing that song without beginning to cry.
It's such a bad song, right?
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, I know this.
Sorry.
Anyways, I want to thank everybody once again, as I mentioned,
that helped me come in.
I wasn't there from like 8.45 in the morning until 4 in the afternoon
just running my yap about this show.
And I got to do it again this afternoon,
then I have a little more in the morning, and then I am done.
And I have like one more press thing that I think I'm doing,
and then that's it.
That's it.
Then I wash my hands of it, and if you fucking like it, you watch it.
If you don't, you don't.
I apologize for the click here.
There you go.
This probably was overly loud.
I got to look at my fucking notes here.
I thanked everybody.
Yes, I did.
I talked about the guy with the elliptical.
Yes, I did.
I've actually been paying attention a little bit to the Red Sox-Yankees.
The Red Sox, the new evil empire, $210 million coming down
and playing these upstart Yankees, you know, all from the farm system,
the anti-Golden State Warriors.
You know what I mean?
You know what the Yankees in like 99, 2000, to like, I don't know, 2009, 2010,
right to the end of George Steinberg, his life.
That was like when Hulk Hogan has, you know, he still has the blonde mustache,
but his beard is black.
You know, he's the bad guy.
And right now what the Yankees are doing, they're like Hulk Hogan when he has
just the blonde mustache, and he's a good guy.
And he's wearing the red with the orange writing on his fucking ass shorts.
He's not wearing the black shit, letting you know that for some reason he's in
an
evil place.
And the Red Sox right now, the Red Sox got the black beard.
We are the black beard, fucking blonde mustache version of Hulk Hogan.
Coming to town, throwing our fucking money all over the place, you know?
I don't know.
So we'll see.
But we got a fucking asses kick last night.
I think we won the night before.
I'm starting to pay attention.
I'm going to get the fucking MLB package.
I'm going to see what $210 million does.
You know, I actually think it's, you know, it's probably going to be bad.
I'm going to sit there thinking about having my daughter on my lap watching
those
games.
I think there's not enough movement for a toddler to, is she a toddler?
I guess a baby to appreciate.
That's what's great about hockey.
By the way, how about those Predators coming back and tying up the series?
How about that?
You know, I'd be very excited if I was a Predators fan, but I would still be
nervous,
obviously, playing the Penguins.
And I'll tell you why.
It was because of the way Crosby celebrated that breakaway goal the other night.
I love that he just went in, he fucking scores the goal, and rather than
flipping out, he
just, he puts his arms out to the side to bring in the teammates.
Like, all right, there's