Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 6-2-16
Uploaded: 2017-06-30T06:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 6-2-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 6-2-16' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-30. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 6-2-16

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i just checking in on you what's going on whoa whoa
jesus the levels
the levels what happened you know one of these days i'm actually going to have
like a little
podcast room i mean they have one of the all things comedy studios i just never
get over there
i never get over there because i'm a working stiff i go to work every day i
haven't had a job in
fucking 20 years and i'll tell you right now i didn't miss it oh i didn't miss
getting in the
fucking car bump up but do do do do right i don't think i'll ever get over how
fucking awful the
drivers are out here i just their complete lack of sense of where their fucking
car is if one more
cunt in front of me is going to make a left and they're just sitting right in
the middle of the
lane get over to the fucking left so everyone around you can go around you i
know you've been
the guy trying to get around the person did you learn nothing obviously you
didn't obviously you
didn't i try i play like a little game like how long can i go before i lose my
shit like i could
literally just make a great youtube show if i just put a i don't know about
great but it'd be interesting
if i just put a gopro up on the inside of my fucking prius dashboard and just
just maybe you
just call the show how long can he go right it'd be like every day okay bill
drives from here to here
right i might do this bill drives from here to here whatever you say the
distance and then you you guys
can gamble it's like fantasy football without the fucking football and you you
the over you'll have an
over under how many times is he gonna snap um or whatnot you know i already
forget the name of the
show but whatever it could be it could be interesting to me i don't know if it's
interesting to you
and you know what car i've been seeing lately that i'm actually i like is that
volkswagen uh gti they
brought the thing back and every time i peek in creepily into the fucking cars
as i walk by i see that
they still have the stick shift there's not a lot of those left that's a great
car good bang for the buck
right all frugal freckles yeah god forbid he buys himself something flashy um
i swear to god you think that i lived in the depression
i always hear like my parents how frugal their grandparents were i think it rubbed
off on them
and then it's on to me i'll buy my wife anything but i i won't buy myself i
just won't do it i always
get there i'm gonna buy it i'm gonna do it and i go what the am i gonna do then
i'm gonna have it
and then what then what am i gonna do with it then it's just gonna be sitting
there it's either gonna
get dust on it or someone's gonna drive into the side of it what's the point
you know a very wise man once told me you know what true wealth is walking into
a into a mall being able
to buy anything and then you don't and he goes and you walk out and you have
the freedom of that lack
of debt and i'll tell you it's fucking addicting it really is although recently
somebody just gave me
a wireless speaker and i was freaking out about the thing i actually synced up
my phone to it i
couldn't believe how great it sounded and i was gonna add it into my gym of
course until uh the lovely
nia heard how good it sounds she was like that should be in the house we should
both use it so i
you know i got out of that thing but um so i'm like an asshole i think i might
even told this story
on monday i was actually texting people telling them you got to get a wireless
speaker this thing is
incredible and every one of my friends wrote me back like uh yeah i kind of
bought one of those like
five years ago and i was like oh you know just you know case your head you know
i just uh figured it
out you know what i'm actually recording this because my wife's still sleeping
and it's her birthday
right so i don't want to wake her up which i probably already did so um i'm
gonna i'm gonna i'm
in this room and i have these are all my old drum i can't even say dvds most
most of these are vhs i
bought i bought like every instructional video you could the classic i got the
tommy aldridge
rock drums soloing and double bass workout i got another one double bass drumming
i don't even
know who that is i don't even play double bass uh kenny aronoff's power workout
number one and two
with the workout booklet i got the carter beaufort one that's a dvd i got steve
gad up close
i got the funky drummers who have the david garibaldi's tower of
groove omar hakim let it flow the modern drummer festival year 2000 this is all
just drum geek
shit i i got fucking everybody keith carlock dennis chambers the drum
ambassadors
the drummer collective 25th oh then i got steve glad up close on dvd and in
session two copies of
that for some fucking reason jesus christ look at all these fucking things
modern drummer what year is
that one 2008 that's not bad john blackwell greg bissonette i got i got them
all i got them all
dave weckl victor wuton and carter beaufort
zoro i got i got them all got them all god knows it didn't help but you know
what i bought them all
oh i bought them all um by the way so recently i said to a buddy of mine um
i was like you know what i think the best guitar sound my favorite guitar sound
i ever heard on an
acdc album was the for those about to rock album he was like really i never
listened to that
fucking thing and blah blah blah blah and uh that was the album that came out
right after the back in
black album which sold you know like 90 zillion copies so there's no way to go
after that right
there's no way to go after that so no matter what you come up with people are
going to say it's a flop
but i love that album and um and it just so happened dean del rey from um oh jesus
i just spaced on the
name of his podcast for those about to talk no let there be talk i knew it was
one of the acdc albums
um he uh he sent me this great article on the making of the back in black album
and i it was so crazy to
me because i was old enough when that came out like i remember when back in
black came out i was 12 years
old and then dirty deeds came out which was actually a bond scott and he was
already dead obviously and
then they they released that for whatever fucking reason now looking at it um
which is crazy because
bond scott dies right after the highway to hell album and acdc gets brian johnson
and it's literally
like if this guy doesn't make it they go right back to playing pubs who knows
what the fuck happens
the band's over and they end up having one of the you know this basically a
back in black album sold
um more copies than anything probably other than like michael jackson thriller
or pink floyd the wall
not the wall the dark side of the moon whatever jesus bill get to the point
here so you think the
last thing you would fucking do is after you've established a new fucking
singer is then put out
some old shit by the last guy who's now dead so the the fucking new guy has to
re-establish himself
all over again um i never really even thought about that because i just loved
everything that they did
and i remember um being confused of why back in black the back the guy on back
and black sounded so
different on dirty deeds because there was no fucking information back then
there was no internet
shit just came out and you're like oh another acdc album then you'd put it on
you had no fucking idea
especially at 12. i didn't know what the fuck was going on and then for those
about the rock came out
after that so there's this great article talking about all of that and how that
was atlantic records
they thought acdc was a flash in the pan and they thought the back in black
album i don't know how
the fuck you make an album as great as that you don't think that they have
anything else left in the tank
so they were like going well let's strike while the iron's hot and they put out
dirty deeds and the
band didn't want them to it had been released i believe in australia and then
also in uh
in um england under a different fucking name i forget i used to know all this
shit when i was super acdc nerd um and also i hadn't talked on a cell phone for
20 years so i had a
memory um but then for those about the rock came out i remember this kid in gym
class going like you
hear a new acdc album those bunch rock i was like i haven't heard yet he goes
yeah it sucks i remember
thinking like what do you mean i don't think it sucks i like that album you
know i like the first
song and i finally i never bought the album because he told me that it sucked
until years later i finally
was just like fuck this man i'm gonna buy this album and um to this day i i
still listen to that like
when i go downstairs you know walk right into my garage with my fucking gym
right which is so awesome
that's what i play that's what i've been playing lately and uh it's fucking
hilarious like i literally
when i go to to my gym now which is just like back in the day when i lived in
my parents house and i
just would go down to the basement and i would play either appetite for
destruction the whole
fucking album i used to play that whole album lift to it and then i would go
play drums to it
or whatever whatever album i was into i would lift weights to the entire album
and then i would play
drums to it or try to so i'm in the middle of doing that yeah uh yesterday it
was fucking uh you know
benching day your favorite fucking day the only only fucking exercise you
really keep track of what
weight you're putting up and i had a flashback i fucking i was half asleep you
know writing all day
and i'd try to get the workout in before i go into the writer's room so i don't
become a fat pasty
fuck and um so i had the 45s on either side right i do a set and then i was
going i thought i grabbed
tens right to just do 155 and i wasn't paying attention and i picked it up off
the bars wow this
feels really fucking heavy and i just brought it down to my chest and i was
like yeah and i couldn't
lift it back i grabbed 25 so i went up to 185 which you know i mean when you
get that's a lot of weight for
me i mean that's more than what i weigh so so i'm sitting there i got it on my
chest
and nia's asleep and i'm going nia nia i can't get it off it took me back to
the days when i was
living at home with my parents and i'd be going mom mom and she'd be going i'll
be down there in a
minute and i'd be down there like with fucking like you know 185 190 sitting on
my fucking pasty
chest trying to get it off i have 200 pounds it was always like i was always
trying to get up to
that but i was just i'm a middleweight man like seriously if i wasn't such a
fucking booze bag
like i probably should weigh like between 160 165 instead of a buck 80 but that
last 15 pounds i'm
telling you is nothing but scotch and pizza right so i got this sitting on my
chest and i'm like holy
i don't i i didn't have clips on it but i didn't want to fucking i didn't want
to dump it off to one
side you know when you do that and then you get whipped around because i was
worried i was gonna fly into the
mirror right so i ended up having to roll the thing down like back in the day
and there's that brutal
part where it gets right on your hip bones and then you got to do the little up
and over your junk
before all the weight rests on your thighs
no it's the worst i i hadn't done it so long and the closer it gets to your
kneecaps and then finally
you got to do that fucking thing where it just it just scrapes your knee bones
and then boom hits the
floor and uh yeah i did that as a a 47 soon to be 48 year old man that was my
fucking yesterday morning
i love the hole in this wall isn't that great you know why i like the hole in
the wall that i'm looking
at right now as i can see the copper pipe that i had put in there finally gonna
get this fixed get this
fucking room painted and that's it then all i need to do is redo the kitchen
and then it's a brand
new house it's the house that i