Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 9-25-17
Uploaded: 2017-09-26T16:44:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 9-25-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 9-25-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-26. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 9-25-17

yeah and today's the 25th of september all right hey what's going on it's bill
burr and it's time
for the monday morning podcast for monday did i say podcast podcast for monday
september 25th
2017 what's going on how are you what's up i am back from uh toronto canada and
every once in a
while every once in a long while i have a i have a guest and i always get good
guests and this is
no today is no exception we have the great felipe esparza on here who has a uh
welcome first of all
welcome thanks for having me what's up fool there you go felipe esparza from
the what's up fool podcast
and uh let's get all the hype out of the way at first we got uh you have a new
hbo special yes a
new hbo special on september 30th at 10 september 30th at 10 on hbo that's
where the hbo specials
are called translate this so uh let's get into it tell me about that what's it
like to shoot a uh
hour-long special for hbo um it was it was good um i shot it myself um i i um i
got the money together
i stayed up some money and my wife and i we um we chose san jose improv and we
got cloud shires
uh-huh and um it was all diy you know so you did it yourself and hbo liked it
so much
they bought it oh so when you were doing it you were thinking like holy shit i'm
doing an hbo special
i don't know where it's gonna go like hope we go to netflix somewhere even
amazon no but that's i think
that's a uh that's a great way to do how the fuck is nobody giving you a shot i
don't know you know
why you're not white like me um i gotta be honest before i did this you know i
always look up like
uh videos and all that type of stuff to make sure i got something to talk about
so it doesn't become
this like my biggest fear with these interviews is it's just gonna become this
horrific staring contest
because i'm such a huge fan of what you do and i had never seen the um the ari
shaffir when ari
shaffir was hosting the show uh this isn't happening yeah when you told that
whole story
about uh being in the gang and fighting the guy biting his ear off and shit it's
just like like
i was listening to that that story it was like this is like at least three
different tarantino movies
and then you ended it in just such a nice place um i don't want to force you to
tell the story again
but if you could just recap mine um like start by where did you grow up i grew
up in um boyle heights
california you know los angeles but east alay but it's called boyle heights you
know east alay is like
further east east of los angeles you know it's by almost close to monterey park
but boyle heights
is the neighborhood wait how far away is that to put it in white perspective
how far away is that from
the staple center oh if i were to walk it'll take me like an hour and now if
you were to drive
probably 50 minutes with 15 minutes okay cool a 30 minute bus ride okay 30
minute bus ride so you
grew up uh what you what what decade you're a child of what you can't you're
the 80s i grew up in the
80s so that was the real deal yeah i grew up in my neighborhood was in the
housing projects
pico gardens and there was like three separate housing projects there was aliso
village pico aliso
and then pico gardens from first street to like sixth street okay and there was
like
man there was like a shitload of gangs like maybe 11. how did you know when you're
not in a gang
and you're a young kid how do you negotiate like i gotta get from my house i
gotta go pick up my i gotta go
do my laundry i gotta go to school how do you negotiate uh is it uh now are
gangs 24 7. oh yeah
man they're 24 in that neighborhood they were 24 7. yeah i i always thought
they came out around five
like anybody with like just living the regular lifestyle goes to bed and then
they just kind of
give up this the area there and then those gangs they come out at five they're
like the gangs that
they are still living in a gentrified neighborhood okay they don't come out in
the daytime they might call
the cops on them oh yeah man but most gangs you know from echo park they come
out at night man robbing
people really yeah they come out at night those guys wherever there's gentrification
those gangs
are still around but they come out at night and they gang bang at different
areas you know but they're
still gang banging they don't forget how old were you the first time uh you got
mugged i got mugged um the
first time when i was like 18 years old my friend um coco that's pretty good
man yeah i got hometown
crossing when i was like in eighth grade that i was like i was i was sat in
crack on my first day
like the within one hour i got robbed somebody put a knife behind my back
another knife in my like in
front of me and they took all my my crack away took all your crack away so then
then what do you have to
do oh i had to go back to the guy who gave it to me a friend of mine who i grew
up with you know he
passed away already they used to call him coco and we grew up together him and
i were um from second
grade to adults i needed money at the time i got somebody pregnant and i didn't
know how to make money
so i asked him for a job in the criminal business you know hey man i had no
money how does that go down
you're probably trying to avoid it it's like i don't want to sell drugs but i i
kind of have to now
i got a kid coming so help me so he gave me like a hundred dollars of crack you
know 100 to just bring
me back 100 then i give you more to sell so as soon as i got out they didn't
know who i was in that
neighborhood they just came around me and they took all my stuff they didn't
hurt me or anything i was
begging for mine just can i keep my id and they gave my id oh they did how
scared were you i was
scared man i thought they were gonna kill me right there i was i felt like i
was young i was really
scared but i was calm you know i wasn't like uh right just take it man just
take it leave me alone
you know i just walked out of it take it i didn't fight them or nothing because
i knew they would have
killed me or stabbed me or worse so i went back to my friend coco and i told
him what happened
and i thought you know he was gonna be okay man you know it's all right you
know it's your first
it happens it happens no man man that night escalated like it took with he gave
me the crack
like around midnight i got robbed about 1 30 at 2 30 in the morning i'm back at
his house what
who robbed you cuz so what happened he gave me a gun he gave me a pistol right
he got himself a
pistol and he put a blue handkerchief on his head and he put a black beanie on
and we both went looking
for those guys and you must have been praying to god like i don't want to
murder somebody the first
oh hell yeah i'll pray please don't find those guys wow because right there i
was like i would
have probably done anything he would have told me i was vulnerable i was weak
right you know i have no
i don't know what to do so we went together and we saw one guy that saw what
happened but he didn't
do anything and and then like he kind of like hit him real hard and who did it
man where are they at
then i said man it wasn't him man it wasn't him so it wasn't him wait how did
that so you hold i
there's a guy remember that guy standing there watching me get robbed so now
this poor bastard gets
dragged into it he gets dragged into it he got like he got a gun slap you know
by my friend he's my
friend didn't even ask him no question he just hit him in the face hard man and
like he started
bleeding from his ear and i like and i just said wow man he was looking at me
like come on man please
tell him it wasn't me so you waited till after the pistol slap oh i i meant to
tell you this it wasn't
him so we got nothing happened to him and we went back and later on those guys
who actually did it
walk back and gave it back or everything gave back the crack to that guy and
everything was cool
because what he said sorry we didn't know that they were afraid of that guy yes
sir we didn't know
batman was with you yeah that was your street nickname yeah so then after that
then they knew
that you were with him so then people stopped with you people stopped messing
with me yeah
jesus christ this is what kills me about you is you have like a thousand of
those stories and you're
the most relaxed laid-back guy ever like where did it all go because dude i
look at me i i sound like i
lived your life and you sound like you lived my life like you sound like you
grew up in a nice little
cul-de-sac area and played street hockey and i'm all wound up how did you do
that
well i have a mom i have parents i have my mom and dad and most of my crazy
friends in the projects
you know the crazier ones didn't have a mom and dad right they had nobody
telling him you better come
home early or there was nobody telling those kids to come home and the lights
go on in the streets
so they had no really nobody telling them what to do how to live right no
discipline i had my mom and
dad my dad worked and my mom stood my mom worked at uh elementary school they
were like be home from
selling crack when the street lights came on right yeah yeah you had that but i've
always that family
foundation but i've always but i don't get that i just now you're talking you
got a home life but
you're telling you you're doing all this other when i was a kid you know when i
was like 13 12 14
years old i wasn't crazy oh i got crazy after high school after i got someone
pregnant i just didn't
know what to do but i was always like a little hustler man my mom would saw avon
and i would go
collect the money for her you know so i learned how to collect money for people
at least for my mom
was always selling her um herbal life avon she was always selling something
could we live by the
warehouses in downtown l.a where the factories are at where all the trucks will
come in and pick up stuff
from the trains and take them to like stores so my mom knew we're like we used
to go to this one
factory and we used to um put a bunch of that synthetic cotton the plastic one
they would throw it away
my mom and i would put in bags like hefty bags and then we go to another place
where they would throw
these raggedy old sheets and then my mom would sew those raggedy old sheets
with the cotton and then
we'll go door to door door to door in a housing project selling pillows
so you guys were a real green family man you were there you were there
recycling that's wonderful
we sold we bought the trash and we sold it like we sold pillows i used to when
i was like 14
i used to walk to downtown what would you do with pallets would you build a
little house and then sell
that no man that's too much work i want we want fast money oh okay cash those
are a bunch of factories
where i live you know i felt like i felt like henry hill from goodfellas right
because they were always
stealing stuff from the airport and we're always taking stuff from these
factories i wasn't stealing
from these factories my friends were i was taking stuff from the trash like um
there was a watermelon
factory and they would throw away rotten watermelons and i would get the watermelons
and cut them in
half what is a watermelon like they make watermelon like that you grew them no
they would get them from
the farmer i guess and they right they would hold them there they have pallets
full of watermelon from
because there's like a grocery area of downtown alay where every grocer oh gets
all this other stuff
flowers stereos you know you name it piñatas i don't know where everything is
that suits cheap suits
i know everything's that so we'll get the water hang out and just go to the
dumpsters and whenever they
threw out you would then go sell yeah i will cut that watermelon in half and
then go sell it to
the mexicans they laborers everybody working in the factories much a bunch of
immigrants right and
i would sell the half a watermelon for a dollar two dollars five i would just
cut the rotten piece
off you know what i mean or once in a while nobody's looking i will send my
little home gir