Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-17
Uploaded: 2017-10-02T17:17:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-17

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for my
october october 2nd oh my god get out your fucking barracuda dude it's the
fucking fall
it's officially the fall isn't it lovely huh the leaves turning different
colors and falling off
the trees and crunching under your feet halloween comes and then thanksgiving
and it'll be a good
75 80 degrees with uh whatever but the oceans rising or whatever it's gonna be
very interesting
it's gonna be very interesting falls i feel coming up oh do you feel it bill
was this your own idea
did you stick your head out the window and assess it or did you listen to a
bunch of shit on tv all
right you got me you got me but it is the fall the fall is one of my favorite
seasons what i loved
about the fall was the beginning of the school year and i absolutely loved
school i just when i was a
child i just i craved knowledge i don't know what it was i of course the other
kids wanted to go
outside and play and engage in contests of sport but not me now i just wanted
to curl up in the corner
just couldn't just my mother just couldn't get me enough books i know i was
obviously um it was
obviously a non-truth none of that was true uh what i liked about the fall was
i got new clothes for
school you know which back then was you got your hand-me-downs from your
brother and you got a new
pair of sneakers all right and uh they were new until the first time it fucking
rained or something
happened and then they were just you know that was it and those were your
sneakers for a year you wore
sneakers for a year your mother bought them like a half size or a full size too
big depending if we
know she was trying to gauge you know when your balls were going to drop
considering how big your
feet were going to be right um it was one of those you know one of those things
back then there was like
nine grades all in one class now i'm with you um i like the new sneakers and
the new clothes and whatever
hand-me-down that i got from my older brother and then uh and then it was
football and then also it
was starting to get cold so i didn't have to deal with any more dude look how
white your legs are i
didn't have to deal with that with the summer i didn't have to deal with sunburns
i liked it i was
more of a winter guy um but other than that everything else sucked i 180 days
of school to go
can you believe that you used to think that that was hard and he actually used
to up
in school if you were like me i always look back it's just like why did i just
come home why don't
just pay attention come home and just do my homework i could have gone to like
a really good college like
and to me a good college is it has it has a sports program that i can follow it's
division one
and you know they battle for at least to win their conference
you know what i mean i don't i don't know i i don't like
these colleges you should go to where everybody is i don't know what it is like
take vanderbilt
in the sec by the way who played a hell of a game this weekend right scared
this out of florida
um i always thought that you know i always i always assumed that that school
sucked because
their football team was no good for so long now they're actually halfway decent
but i i judge schools
by how good their sports program is and you know there's a lot of people on
real sports or one of those
shows that you know everybody wears suits and for some reason they have a pen
but they're never really
writing you know those shows that take it really seriously and they're like
what does that say what
does it say with the educational system that people judge a school by their uh
sports programs well
know this you pencil pushing nerd there would be no campus without sports okay
100 000 fucking freckled drunks like me phyllis stadium that money goes right
back into the school
doesn't it god knows it's not paying the players all right and that's why when
you go to the university
of michigan it's its own city it's not because of the science department or the
engineers that know
how to build the buildings it's because a big blue down the street
pull what are they pulling 100 400 500 10 000 people a goddamn game that's what
pays for it
you know even if it's not all that money the level of attention and that makes
people all around the
world you know know that song hail to the victors valiant hail to the victors
get on a raft
get over here and go to that school right isn't that how it goes i don't know
um
i don't know what the what was i talking about why i like the fall yeah i just
what a nice study
so stupid i can't believe i can't imagine if i actually understood calculus
what my what my world
would be like right now if i just took the time to i mean it's not like they
just dumped it all on you
the first day i forget when i stopped paying attention somewhere around seventh
grade i just was like
yeah i just i'm just not into this
um oh my god i could have studied and then i could do one of those extracurricular
things and got like
a scholarship you know participated in a bunch of other then i would have that
all fleshed out i see
you're on the debating team you're on the swimming team and all that remember
those kids
the kid next to you's locker was like neat you know and it wasn't all dented
and
fucking always had his homework wore like sweaters you know you just be looking
at him like how the
fuck does this person is like my age and they have their that together
i always had a thousand papers falling out of my that just it was a mess
and every year i'd be like okay this is the year i'm going to study i'm going
to
in i'm not drawing all over my books i'm going to pay attention i'm going to
try to get all a's
and b's that's all that's all i wanted to do and i just i couldn't do it
i put up a good fight through about i get to about september 10th
then i get like that first fucking c c c c what's that what's that a reference
to
speaking moving movie lines c c c was it summer rental or summer school is that
what it was
the guy who's been on tv for 40 years but never does interviews so people kind
of mark harman is that
his name it was that guy like chainsaw some of course they made the latino girl
pregnant because
you could still do that back then you can't do that now you get called out on
it
they would never do that now now they would make the white guy pregnant
to show that they're progressive that's how it would work you know what i mean
there's nothing wrong with having a latino woman be pregnant but when she's the
only latino in the
movie that's when it becomes a problem oh so she's going to summer school and
she's knocked up
and she's dressed like fucking zebra man in heavy metal parking lot
do you know i'd never seen that i thought that was an entire fucking movie nice
for years i was like
i gotta get around to watching heavy metal parking lot i never fucking saw it
and finally somebody
referenced it again um oh i know why dean delray from the let there be talk all
things comedy network
podcast he sent me a link and one of one of judas priest's guitarists uh who
that was kk downing and
glenn tipped i think it's glenn tipped and he bought i hope i'm saying his name
right he bought
a fucking porsche in 1985 or 86 he went to the factory when he was on tour and
that's back when they
made him it was hand built none of this robot shit none of this outsourcing it
to fucking
wherever the fuck they do it now um they were hand built okay by the same
people that brought you audio tape
in world war one and world war two all right it was they were hand built that's
right the same people
that brought you oktoberfest and the holocaust you know i mean they're all over
the map over there
that's why germany's still such a scary country it's like what's going to
happen over here
are we all going to get drink beers and get faced or are you guys going to try
to take over the world again
you know that's what's on their weather channel
that's a monitor all the psychos over there what are they what is what is the
general population
planning right now or possibly a small group of really motivated people within
deutschland
so anyways i had never seen heavy metal parking lot i thought it was a full
movie so i sit down to watch it
right out of the gate i love it because the concerts at the cap center and that's
where i used to watch
the uh you know whatever the bruins used to play when they'd go down and play
the capitals and they
had rod langway who looked like my math teacher back in the day man my math
teacher was a dead
fucking ringer flunked his class two years in a row it's two summers i'll never
get back actually my senior
year i didn't go to summer school i was like but what's the point i can't get
into a school that has a
good foot you know football program a basketball program i don't have no sports
here so it um
anyways what the am i talking about yeah so i'm watching this thing so they had
the cap center
which i never really saw what it looked like because i never really showed the
outside that i
can remember there's be the broods tonight in the cap center barry peterson
leading the league with
40 something goals that great year he had um and we traded him i believe um so
i go to watch this
thing and uh i gotta be honest with you like the memories that came flying back
first of all my first
concert ever was judas priest with docking opening up of course it was docking
they open for everybody
they opened for everybody in tesla opened for fucking and cinderella opened for
everybody
that was my first on the turbo lover tour right and i guess i found out all
these years later that
that judas priest guy glenn tipton or whatever bought a porsche that was a
turbo and he loved it so
much that he's you know was inspired to write a song and then uh rob halford
took it in whatever direction
he wanted to take in it you know that we remember that song i'm your turbo
lover made no sense right
you won't see me something but you'll feel me
i like crazy music right um i saw them on that tour so anyway so i watched that
heavy metal uh parking
lot and um i it was great that's exactly i mean whoever film that i know i'm
way way way past the
whole everybody knows it by now whoever filmed that thing thank you so much for
filming that
i do the first time i ever saw anybody do blow i went to an ac dc concert i
remember i pull up my big
stupid red hair right you know and i can't grow it long my hair just grew out
so i i was like i missed
it man i should have come up in the 70s i would have been fine would have been
rocking that bernie
from room 222 but you know everybody kind of had their you know i don't know
what
the it was in the 80s it wasn't short but it wasn't long it was right before
the mullets
feathered everything was feathered farrah fawcett was so hot even the guys try
to have their hair
like hers right that's what was going on and me i was just like you know i was
a man without us without
without a country so i would pull up you know not a whisker on my face i'd pull
up
my stupid looking like i swear to god looking like a giant opie taylor and and
i was totally into the
music but i i just looked like a freak you know i should have grown my i go
actually i couldn't grow my
house i should at least go on the malachi route and just been drunk enough and
just got out of the car
and screamed outlander and then everybody would left me alone i don't remember
i pulled up to the the acdc
thing and this guy was doing blow i think he had a toyota pickup truck rusted
out of course back then
everything fucking rusted out especially the toyota hunks hunks of shit but the
engines would never die
right you'd be driving down the street you could literally see the fucking
engine still working
so this guy gets out of the car and i'm like looking at him like i know we like
the same kind
of music but we are not the same person i remember he was yeah this blonde hair
like look at he cut
his own hair it was like some like a