Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 10-16-17
Uploaded: 2017-10-16T19:01:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 10-16-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 10-16-17' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-16. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 10-16-17

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
october 16th 2017 what's going on how are you oh freckles is in a good mood
he is in a great mood what a what a great win a gutty great win by the new england
patriots
non-controversial nothing to complain about
i don't understand what the jets are it was clearly hey did the guy look like
uh you ever see
when like people join the mafia and they got to hold that little candle like he
was doing that
from one hand to another clearly not a catch i mean oh he caught it and then it
was a fumble
i'm with you you green cunts i don't get it either that looked like a touchdown
to me
and you know what sucks i wish that they called it a touchdown because then it
would have been tied up
and i could have watched tom brady go right down the field and break your
fucking green hearts once
again the fucking nerve of you jet fans to act like you got fucked out of a
victory what you got fucked
would you know what you got the nf the refs gave you mercy they gave you some
mercy let's just put
them out of their fucking misery come on man think of how many of you fucking
fairweather bastards
because of that call will be able to go down there and get to your fucking
green and white
hyundai whatever the fuck it is you're driving right and left the stadium early
because of that
wonderful accurate call um i'm fucking with you guys i'm just being a douche i
don't i don't get it
either i don't i i wish there was a call i wish it was called a touchdown they
don't have been tied up
it would have been an exciting game i mean it's exciting game but you know add
to the drama tie
score who's gonna win the jets who the patriots have used as a fucking blow-up
doll for the last 15
years they're sick of it they're sick of losing to the they're sick of losing
to these new england
patriots these patriots of new england um this is what i love you know what was
my favorite part of
that game was when the jet scored the first touchdown to go up seven to nothing
if you can look at the
highlight look in the crowd the dude the jet fan with the he's got the jersey
on he's holding his
smartphone and he's giving double fingers that like one of the new england
patriots uh defensive backs
like fuck you i gotta admit as a sports fan i i know what that feeling is like
you know i haven't
known it for a good 15 years 16 17 years but i i remember you know the first 32
years of my life
34 years all you know depending on the sport was well that's what it was we
just did not win that i
i saw myself back when the patriots would always lose to the dolphins and dan
marino like we we'd
finally sack him somehow finally sack him and he'd be on the ground and be like
you like we finally got
him so um i took that as a uh a nod of respect to the patriots as much as the
plus the guy he's a real
fan man if he's if he gives a that much um so anyways i uh i'm out here i am uh
i am manic right now
because i am in a a mild depression i miss my family so much i'm gonna try to i
don't get him
to fly out here this week this is ridiculous um i gotta i gotta see my kid one
way or another i gotta
see my kid so um i've just been i've just been watching sports everybody that's
all i've been doing
i mean i know i always do it but like i literally was like what am i gonna do
on saturday
you know they don't shoot on weekends what am i gonna do out here i don't know
what the to do with
myself so i drove three hours up and three hours back i went to that tennessee
volunteer game
against the um the south carolina gang coxam mcc accent i went up there and it
was it was awesome
it was a great drive um you know if you're a comedian you gotta love driving
after a while and
you also gotta love driving by yourself you know if you're uh if you're
comedian you don't like doing
that you usually end up getting an acting career or a writing career or you
just quit the business
i don't know what it is but i've always enjoyed it so i had a great time
driving up there i never drove
from atlanta into chattanooga up to knoxville i want to see what it looks like
um and i was driving
up there it was a 12 noon game so i didn't leave it like quarter to eight in
the morning
um but this is good because it's gonna go all the way up there it's gonna be
three hours for
the game and three hours to drive back by the time i get back i can still do a
spot down the street at
the club ian edwards is gonna be down there one of the best comedians in the
country
that nobody not enough people know about all right like i looked up the other
day i looked up this
guitarist i found this guitarist that you know was for the while was known as
the greatest guitarist
nobody ever heard of like danny uh gotten or something like that i gotta get
his name right
the guy's unbelievable he's i mean unfortunately he's dead but uh you know
the guy was he was like a yeah danny gatton g-a-t-t-o-n look that guy up and
there's a thing
when he plays austin city limits where i'm gonna be next week i'm at the new
one not the one he was
at they say he plays a song they say with a beer can he actually does it with a
beer bottle i've seen
people do with the slide and all that but um watch what happens because the
beer gets all over like
starts you know there's beer in there so it starts fizzing up it gets all over
his fretboard and then
he puts a towel over the fretboard to dry it off while continuing to play um i've
never seen i mean
i've seen a lot of tricks uh it was amazing so um ian edwards i'm telling you
you gotta you gotta see
that guy it's just there's something wrong with our business that more people
doesn't don't know who
that guy is so it's like i gotta go down and go see him do a set and plus not
only that that'll take
up my whole saturday that'll stay out late enough to come home fall asleep boom
done right so anyway
so i'm dry i'm driving up to northern Georgia into southern tanner state and
there's all this traffic
so the robot lady in my phone starts talking to me creeping me out telling me
there's a quicker
way it's just like how do you have time to pay attention to me who are you but
thank you so i
get off the fucking road and i'm driving up north there and uh i went by this
fucking house you know
those houses where they somebody just has like 20 old cars sit in the front
yard this fucking lunatic
had like 30 not cars he had riding mowers not like the landscape level ones
like the ones like your dad had
you know and you try to you know steal the keys to take it out or whatever you'd
run over a friend of
yours and he'd lose a foot or whatever you know that type of jesus what's going
on out here
oh christ is the gay pride parade still going on is anything on fire um they
had the gay pride parade
out here went right by the hotel yesterday and uh you know it's fucking funny
there's always one guy
who has to just ruin it you know what i mean there's always one guy that just
ruins it for everybody else
like you know sports fans are cool and then just one douchebag at a panthers
game has to turn around
and blast a 63 year old guy in the face not once not twice not three times a
lady four
fucking times at least they caught the guy dude that guy is looking i think at
some serious jail time
serious fucking jail time um you know the first two maybe you get some fucking
you know andy griffith
laura going well you know emotions were running high now that guy he said a lot
of names calling him
going back and forth you know we just well you got a little bit hot on the car
right maybe he could
i don't know what just get him a couple like a month in jail or something it's
the fact that they
broke it up and he came back for those last two brutal ones jesus christ and i
hope old people
learn something out there okay you know as much as it hurts your lower back you
got to keep that head
moving can't you can't just be a stationary target um these goddamn old people
you know it's like they
if you if you want to talk you gotta move your head um i'm sorry anyways this
guy he had like 30
riding lawnmowers sitting in his front yard i was doing like 70 miles an hour
when i drove past
it and i wasn't going to stop because i was worried i wasn't going to get to
the game in time
and it was hilarious the iron ironic part was like the grass had all grown up
around him like
this front yard needed to be mowed but he couldn't mow it because he had that
you know he had all the
fucking tractors do you get it people there's something there's a joke in there
somewhere i
just don't know where um anyways i uh ended up getting up there to the stadium
uh the tennessee
game place i always wanted to go to um and it was it was awesome and not only
that as a freckled
borderline albino cunt i picked the perfect row i called up stub hub and i told
him i said i'm an old
man who who gets sunburned i want to be in the lower deck right above the roof
of the oh you know
of the upper deck and the lady's like okay well actually for once i looked at
the uh the stadium
map you know and uh you know so lazy i know you don't give a fuck you just you
just sold a ticket to
to a world cup game now i'm now i'm and i brought you into tennessee you know
you don't even know where
you're at so i went with row 57 and it was the perfect row it was the last
fucking row that the sun didn't touch because i was on the visitor's side
if you ever go to the stadium the sun creeps up the visitor's side it goes down
on the home side so it creeped all the way up to row 56 and at the end of the
game it was it was on
like from like mid-calf down i i nailed it i mean actually if i did 58 it would
have been perfect
but um it was just it was an awesome time one of the biggest stadiums i believe
it's the fifth largest
stadium as far as the amount of people that it holds and it's an old school
stadium fuck i didn't even
have the nerve to go in the bathroom i just saw this door that looked like a
fucking closet door and i was
like there's a bathroom in there there's no way there's not piss troughs in
there and i am not peeing
in a piss trough i'm not doing it and um i gotta tell you when you're on the
lower level and you're
walking through there you feel like you're in a bunker if you're claustrophobic
i wouldn't do it
um i got all these great pictures i got a poster man they're just like the
stadium is so
fucking cool and i have to go there you know they have a decent team i want to
go there when
to an sec game at night under the lights when it fucking matters um underrated
city knoxville
underrated chattanooga tennessee's the um you go to nashville nashville is like
austin texas
where it's just everybody's moving or atlanta everybody's just they're just
fucking overcrowded
and uh the two great cities so i went there you know the bands playing you know
there wasn't a
bunch of screaming and yelling they didn't have giant flat screen fucking tvs
and explosions and
shit it was just it was like the old school just going to a game there was a
hilarious guy in my
section which there always is you just can't hear him now when you go to a game
it was this
fucking big fat dude dude there was a lot of fatties at the game tennessee what's
going on up there
lay off the barbecue jesus christ i can tell why you guys love those checkered
overalls
hold your beer belly really nicely um this guy was hilarious he looked like he
was dressed like herb
tarlick um except it was all tennessee gear and he was so amped up for the game
and he was getting
the section going and he would always get right up to the borderline is this
guy nuts and then he'd
look at him he'd have this shitty grin on his face like laughing at himself
knowing that he was nuts
that he was getting this amped up for the game but um it was a great game and i
stayed till the end like
my mother taught me and it came right down to the last play i i fucking you
know i videotaped it while
i looked over so i could watch it you know live and not look at it th