Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18
Uploaded: 2018-01-29T22:46:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-29. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
january 29th 2018 what's going on how are ya um all right well this was a
boring this would have
been a boring sunday because there was you know there's no football right they
got the uh you got
the week off in between there between the super bowl and the championship games
they had the pro
bowl today which was kind of cool looked like football in the future where they
would you know
they'd start to tackle somebody they were like all right all right all right
all right you know i don't
know if that's the concussion thing or the me too i don't know what it is he
does not want you touching
him do not throw him to the ground i have a special guest to liven up my sunday
there that's right there
oh jeez it's the one and only todd rex for christ's sake todd you're one of my
favorite people in this
business business and you are one of my favorite comedians so it is a pleasure
dude i feel that the
the feeling is mutual manager you don't have to compliment me on this you're
one of my idols man
dude you are you are the silliest dude you make me feel mature that's what i
like about you
todd rex okay yes todd rex who checks off a lot of boxes in this day of caring
that's right you do i
don't even know what that means i don't know what it means either i'm just
trying to be progressive
you would think that somebody would come his way and finally tap the magic wand
on his head and make
something happen and say todd you've been destroying at least three times as
hard as ten times of the
whatever whatever the math is all the comics out there i love working with you
but i hate following
you you fucking murder finally this fucking asshole he got himself a special
that he's taping and he needs
some people to come down and then you can you know go on and i can open for you
make you sweat a little
there no no not a chance all right he's gonna be at the satellite theater in uh
silver lake uh it's
the satellite la.com for tickets that's right uh february 11th uh you're gonna
be doing the show it's a
sunday there but you should come out there and support there all right sunday
which is a week
after uh the super bowl right so everybody knows seven thirty and nine thirty
two shows two shows two
shows two shows two shows so you're gonna go out there you fucking you knock
the first one out you
go all right i got it and then the next one you just go off cruise is that what
you do when you do
yours you like you button the first one's tightened up and then i spend the
whole night trying to forget
that i'm taping one really stop trying to think like oh my god i missed that
tag
fuck that needed to be documented in the comedy universe i just try to look at
it like all right
this is just i'm just documenting where my hour was on this night and this is
how it came out and i
want you to do that because every night when you go up there i don't know about
you but i mean i'm
constantly fucking up jokes are constantly leaving shit out and then it adds to
something else right
and i never think of it never think about it like i never thought to get you a
glass of water before
you sat here for a fucking hour what an idiot i might have to pause here in a
minute but no i'm good um
that's just how uh i had to do it that way just because i wanted to think about
your i wanted to ask
you about your thought process because i was curious um like i know that the
night before i'm gonna be a
wreck you know just thinking about it and making all the funny guys worry hacks
don't worry hacks are
already working on their next hacky hour yeah they're not even nervous they're
just and
they'll go off stage with their shitty material be like dude i crushed i
crushed and every funny guy's
like was it good oh my god that was terrible i do that every every time i just
really in a roundabout
way compliment to myself i know i'm you know i got a ways to go people i got a
lot of beast you're one of
them they're beasts um yeah so i i uh someone told me i think louis ck told me
and i think he heard
this from bill cosby how funny is that um he heard that uh you worked this hard
to get there
um uh don't forget to have fun right so make sure yeah because if you're having
fun that's going to
be you're going to feel better about it afterwards right if you're someone who
nitpicks at himself
there's no way you're going to be happy at the end of it so just be forgiving
just be the
fucking silly fucking hilarious guy you are you'll be fine yeah i'm not really
too worried about it
but i just want to make sure that i already can tell you worry about it you see
you seem tighter
than usual yeah geez well i'm doing your podcast this is kind of a big deal for
me too i feel like
it is didn't the whole thing now that you've peeked behind the curtain it's
just me with the
a 99 mixer from guitar santa we're sitting here on the couch like ernie and burt
all i did to prepare for you is i turned on the ac and i squirted some febreze
that's it i know everybody has these fancy studios i just did uh i did your mom's
house uh with uh
tom segura and uh christina uh brisansky i just did theirs and they have this
whole studio rogan has
like a literally like a stern level studio geez and um i should step it up at
some point yeah but
your house is dope i don't know no one can see it but your house is dope oh
thank you it wasn't when
i bought it but now that i've dumped all this money into it and i can never get
my money back
yeah it is it's pretty good i this house was like almost 100 years old when i
got it almost 90 years
old i should say cool people living here before though right uh yeah i don't
want to talk about
that though because then people will figure out where i live oh yeah i already
have to edit
out one of the comments you made earlier that will do people are lunatics and
that's what they
i'll tell you later just it was just enough of something to make some psycho
just turn around and
faces speaker and start writing down information but i'm a paranoid dude um
yeah anyways um what was
i talking about what the we just talking about my add i don't know either i
have no idea you've been
watching any hockey did you see marchand's elbow no dude it was a thing of
beauty really it was a
thing it was so it was perfect filthy really he's he got tripped i know and he's
the size of barney
rubble so nobody he's not going to get called out like alf was probably one of
the worst but
dude he was and i love marshall and i love the bruise but i love him come on he's
but but the thing
is i don't like that aspect like doing that did you see when uh but i also
destroyed him
oh dude my god oh that was a brutal hit oh i thought he had like internal
bleeding after that
look like like he just because he kept he kept skating but he kept skating yeah
and he was just going
like oh and it seemed like beyond the way the thing about pk well i'm so glad
he placed her nashville
not from montreal anymore it was he racist bastard he used to he used to get us
all the time and everybody
knew that was his move and i don't know why no one could he just knew exactly
when your head was down
for a second it was two crossovers he was inside and then all of a sudden he
was just in front of you
and he just ended your life for like i don't know like two shifts but um yeah i'm
uh i always like
that guy i never take it to the to the point if there's a guy on a team that i
don't like right you
know like when derek jeter played for the yankees i couldn't i couldn't get
myself to to get to the
point of like actually hating him it's like the guy's great right he is good
yeah all you're saying
is i wish this guy was on my team yeah you know yeah i've been watching some
hockey watching my son
play hockey he's a beast of course i know you showed me all the uh the video of
him yeah he
like picked it up in two c he was like playing drums or something right yeah he
also plays the drums too
and he plays drums and he plays hockey jesus the kid's gonna be crushing it he's
going to get more
he's going to get more leg than i am you're gonna be a grandfather by the time
this special comes out
jeez where you've been working to uh i just uh i just flew back today from phoenix
i was with craig
craig robinson you know i've been talking with him for like a couple years now
when he's not shooting
television shows which is all the time that guy works yeah um so yeah uh where
were you guys
working we were working at stand-up live in phoenix oh okay i know that place
five sold out shows it was
fantastic they had a ball i did the uh you know it's funny that's fucking nuts
but as far as like that
downtown area how lively it is yeah if there's something going on but the
second the work day
ends like during the week if you're there like at five o'clock town yeah it's
fucking creepy if the suns
don't have a game right it's over right yeah i love it though i mean i couldn't
live there i don't
think but i had a really good time there um i had a good time traveling with
you though we went down
south i was just like reading some comments about give me the keys just give us
the keys oh yeah yeah
that lady i thought about that the other day we went to check in that hotel and
that lady was just
fucking with the instructions our gym is on the fourth floor it's open from
nine to nine
there's a continental breakfast blah blah blah like and i'm sitting there going
like oh my god
how long is this going to take and she's in the middle of you just choose the
keys
she got like offended she was mad for real
dude i was laughing like i was in high school man it was one of those laughs i
was just like oh because
what it was was the fact that she didn't find it funny right it was already
hilarious but the fact
that she didn't find it funny it hurt her feelings she didn't know how to deal
with it and then she
got mad all in like like like half a second right then i felt like i was in
class again where it's
like oh my god don't start laughing or you're gonna you're gonna get like
detention or something
yeah you also took me to that that uh was it that barbecue place or something
oh yeah what is it
called like was it don't say the name of it because it was terrible well what
the first place we went to
then we went to the we went to that we went to that one where it was a giant
place and they had
like 40 fried murdered chickens that you could see you don't remember that
place it was gigantic you
know oh my god this place is unbelievable is that the place where you ate and
then we went to the
to the nascar track and then you were like t-rex wishing you had a salad
where was that in uh i was in charlotte that was charlotte okay and we did the
nascar experience
that was very cool though it was talking about crushing it that dude who was
driving us around
he's 20 years old named dylan remember that i know and he weighs as much as a jockey
right
because he doesn't want to slow the car down i couldn't believe what what a
piece of
shit a race car looks like when you walk up to it i've seen formula one cars up
close they look like
absolute like it looks like if you've stepped on it the whole thing would fall
apart because all it
is it's just it's just an engine suspension and tires and everything else is
just the lightest right
did you see the uh the gas pedal was just like a stick it was like a bent coat
hanger
it's like really like if you had like that just the floor thing whatever that
the pedal is to rest your
foot on if you have that and then that's the difference between you like i
guess winning the
race or uh coming in like third right because that thing's sitting there the
piece of rubber that's
in the way the car down um that race that actually they're um nascar is not
doing well it's not the
numbers are down no and i went to the uh daytona 500 they they painted the
seats like every other
seat like they had like three colors and they would paint them to make it look
lik