Name: the Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-18
Uploaded: 2018-02-05T20:04:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-05. Transcript available.

the Monday Morning Podcast 2-5-18

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
uh february 5th 2018 what's going on how are you how you doing i'm actually
doing pretty good
after a super bowl loss congratulations to the philadelphia eagles winning
their first
super bowl championship of all time their first one first one's the best one um
if my team hadn't
lost i would have gone online or something like that just to watch grown men
crying in philadelphia
over sports which is one of my favorite things ever um i remember when the
patriots won their
first one i was actually at the game haven't gone previously to when we lost to
fucking brett
and he took off his helmet and ran down the field
i bet his agent cried on that play we're gonna make so much money look at him
he's so adorable
um have you seen a picture of his dick lately no um i just remember when when
we
uh kicked that field goal and we won and i'm gonna say we by the way and people
go oh we uh you
weren't on the field yeah well i get when my team loses all right whenever your
team wins people go um
you weren't playing but if your team loses then they go ah you guys you guys
lost so suck a dick
all right we lost yesterday anyways um
i remember when we kicked the field goal to win the thing and everybody
everybody tackled each other
and i got up there was this guy just standing there was just standing like
tears in his eyes
like he was gonna start crying and my eyes met his and he was looking at me
it's so weird to this day it's the weirdest moment that i've had with another
male
i could see if we were at a funeral jesus christ you know man the up and i also
remember um if i
was in philadelphia i would want to hear from that guy one of my favorite
things this year in the football
season was when um that when carson wentz went down and that eagles fan called
in the radio station
and started breaking down crying to the point he freaked out the radio host he
called up he was
like sort of complaining and then all of a sudden he's just like i mean when's
it gonna happen for
us you know every year it looks like they're gonna win the radio is going like
buddy buddy you're
crying oh it's great it was just great so i would love to hear that guy's
follow-up call he's probably
crying even more so i really wish when i finally saw the eagles win the super
bowl that they they weren't
playing my team so i could have enjoyed it more because that is something as a
sports fan that i
really enjoy because there's only a two two fan bases that i just wish wish
eternal misery on
and that's the yankees because i have to the same way they do it with red sox
fans and the montreal
canadians other than that you know if you i you know i would never wish that
you know a fan base never
got to feel a championship so congratulations to you guys all right now having
said that
um i've had that don henley song in my head this whole morning just thinking
about the game because
there's always that fucking devastating shock when your team loses and the song
i woke up hearing today
for whatever reason was don henley's last worthless evening and i was walking
around the kitchen i was
just singing that was the worst fucking defense that i've ever seen dude that
was the you know it was
an exciting game but if you really look at it that was arguably the ugliest
fucking super bowl i've ever
seen it was like both teams were in a prevent defense the entire game that was
a super bowl
people there was two punts the entire game and no sacks unless you called call
um count the brady
fumble which i don't know how that works if you slap the ball out and then you
tackle the quarterback
if that's considered a sack um i heard them kind of alluding saying this was
the first sack of the
game i was at a super bowl party which i usually don't do but i got a kid now
um and i went actually
you know i had a good times a bunch of kids running around throwing balls and
all that stuff
and i was being the lunatic sitting in the other room by myself trying to watch
the game or whatever
but uh anyways you know what's great about having a kid uh you don't have to
watch the halftime show
i'm gonna put her in the stroller and go for a walk so i don't even know who
played the halftime i just
kept walking by the front door and i kept hearing music and when the music
ended i came back in and
then somebody goes hey great timing great timing it's like hey you know i've
watched a few of these
watched a good 40 of them um anyways i've never seen like the defense was so
fucking bad in that game it was literally like how did either one of these
teams even make it here
i don't know if it was the weird matchup or what i mean i don't know anything
about the
fucking eagles considering i thought that fucking sproles guy was still playing
uh but i did call it with the running game i just didn't know it was that
fucking dude you got from the dolphins whatever right but i knew that that was
going to be a problem
um yeah i don't know what the fuck happened to the eagles but i will tell you
the new england patriots
the game this season where i went like oh boy oh jesus we ain't winning it this
year was when we
played the pittsburgh steelers and we went down we went down and we scored the
fucking game was over
there wasn't enough time left even with big ben and then we gave up a 90 yard
screen pass
and the only reason why we won that game was because of that stupid
fucking is it a catch isn't a catch now when he catches the ball here and he
turns and starts running
with the ball we don't know if he has possession as he possesses the ball and
reaches over the
fucking goal line i they might number one thing i want them to fix in football
is is that fucking rule
um i don't remember there really being a huge is it a catch isn't it a catch
controversy before they
fucked with that rule so every once in a while you know you try to make the
game less controversial
and you do dumb shit like that or even the tuck rule i mean that was fucking
stupid that was a fumble
it's the stupidest he tucked it in i don't know but i don't know the rule book
the way they do it's
fucking dumb and all you raider fans who are jumping up and down because the
patriots fans said that that
was a fumble go watch the fucking roughing the passer call that you guys got
back with old kenny stable
and ray hamilton jumping in the fucking air that gave you a goddamn super bowl
okay so why don't you
take off your fucking uh rocky horror picture show scary raider costume and
shove it up your ass all
right sorry still a little upset that my team lost attacking fucking raiders
fans who are about to
become the most profitable fucking franchise um in the modern nfl era era the
second they go to las vegas
they're gonna do so well in las vegas this is my prediction that i'm gonna say
the rams will
eventually move to reno or laughlin nevada or some shit right so anyways
getting to the game that was the
ugliest fucking game collectively of team defense i've ever seen in my fucking
life i don't remember
seeing a punter the whole game i haven't looked at the stats you know because
my team lost so you know
you go on fucking radio silence i'm not going on social media because not one
eagle fan talked any
fucking shit and i already looked at my feed last night so it was like good all
this shit it's like
where was that before the game when your green knees were shaking um i think
there was two punts no sacks
other than i guess that brady thing if they count that as a sack
okay if you told me before the fucking game started i'll just say because i don't
know what
happened i'll say the eagles punted once and and the fucking patriots punted
once you just told me
all right you're not going to sack nick foals once and the eagles are only
going to punt once
and you'll have one turnover i'd be like oh boy oh this is going to be ugly we're
going to get the living
shit kicked out of us and i bet if you told eagle i mean what the what the fuck
happened to the eagles
i thought they were going to kill us i was like jesus this fucking team looks
like those giant
teams so they got that great front four they got a fucking running game they're
going to
fucking make brady move and we're going to be frustrated and punting and all of
that
shit and then they're going to have the running game chewing up the fucking
clock
um it was still a great game uh and i know there's a bunch of patriots
fans whining about that trick play who by the way chris collinsworth just
couldn't get over that play
going they kept going back to it this guy will be the greatest most iconic play
in football history
it's like you mean the one the patriots just ran five minutes ago
you see that at least five times a year in the nfl regular season it wasn't
like this unique trick
play and if you watch college football you see it about 40 times a year it's
just the standard
fucking play now i guess the legal formation is if there's you need six guys on
the line
and the eagles had five and there was one guy a cunt hair back
so i don't know if you want to say that's a legal formation i'll tell you this
with the defense played
yesterday and they if they actually called that the eagles would have scored on
the next play
all right it'd be one thing if we were actually stopping them i would actually
look at that and be
like well wait a minute blah blah blah blah blah you know my buddy said
something funny he goes you
know if the patriots scored on that and we actually won the game they would be
calling it uh formation
gate for the next three years which is hilarious we probably would have lost a
draft pick because of
that play but there's no way um on any level i would ever take that victory
away from the eagles they
they totally they won the game all right and uh this is how bad the defense was
even on the last play of
the game they still had to give the eagles fan base a heart attack when they
batted the ball all around
i mean like there's like three patriots that had a shot at the ball as it was
like hanging in the air
um just a really uh weird weird game but um i can't say this i am really happy
for uh for eagles fans
and the city of philadelphia and i know that i i will always be sort of
connected to that city as if i
hate them i don't i never did it was just i had a bad show i was in philly and
i went after this
shit that you loved but i i really the only time i ever really hated a philadelphia
team
was when the celtics and sixers had that great rivalry but other than that you
know what i mean
we're in the afc you're in the nfc we were in the adams division you were in
the patrick's division
i actually used to like the flyers back in the 80s because i liked fights and i
remember rooting for
them i think they played edmonton i forget who they played but they were going
to lose the game and
out of nowhere ron hextall had an absolute shit fit and for whatever i've never
seen a goalie do this
just skated out of the crease and started fighting somebody just completely spazzed
out
ran out skated out i should say um but after a while i couldn't become a flyer
i couldn't stay
a flyers fan because they reminded me of how i was living my life i was like
well this worked
fucking 30 years ago let me uh let me keep trying it every year you know they
kept trying to beat their
way to the cup because it wanted because it won them a cup at 74 75 and then
they continued to do it
well into the 2000s um so anyways what else i made a couple of notes here uh
i think that was it i think that was it um
anyways but this one it doesn't hurt the way those giants ones hurt
um this one is just uh this one just kind of sucks but anyways congratulations
that's
fucking great so now philadelphia eagles in the last 10 years they philadelphia
team
the city of philadelphia has won a world series and they won a super bowl so
now they need the flyers
it's 76ers to win which i don't know how the that's gonna happen so um anyways
there yo