Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-7-18
Uploaded: 2018-06-08T20:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-7-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-7-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-7-18

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you what's going on just
checking in on you
how's your thursday afternoon going oh billy billy baloo he left ireland he
left dublin
for fuck's sakes and um now i'm in uh i'm in london i've i flew into afro yeah
um the typical
he throw experience just i just don't fucking understand what the problem is
with that goddamn
airport i hate that fucking airport i love it because i'm going to london but i
hate it when
i get there oh i was flying from dublin to london which is like flying from
fucking l.a. to san
francisco essentially nice easy flight you're on southwest they're doing stand-up
you're waiting
for it to be over and by the time they finish their routine they're already
landing and they've begun
where they're we're now landing routine where they imitate fucking c-3po and
fucking darth vader
whatever it is that those people are trying to do over there
um
anyways i guess they feel like there's a lot of nervous flyers over there and
for some reason
bad stand-up comedy is the thing i guess then you're not afraid to die because
you're like well
at least if the plane crashes i don't have to hear the end of this routine oh
bill
that's no wait it's thursday man it's supposed to be a happy event here so
anyways i'm flying from dublin
into afro and um
everything goes great take off on time land a little bit early gate is ready
you know
but i did the unforgivable i checked a bag which i never do i didn't want to do
on this trip but you
know my wife talked me into it which i'm actually glad she did once i get the
bag and i unpack and
actually have some of my stuff you know i have some options for different
outfits sorry um
so everything goes great and then you know i get off the plane i'm standing
there i get the
information oh i don't have to go through customs because i was already fucking
in dublin or whatever
which i didn't think was part of the uh the whole great britain fucking reach i
thought i would think
if i was in northern ireland if i felt flew from belfast to london they'd be
like all right i was in the
republic of ireland you know i was they're not part of great britain are they
other great britain was
was was uh england wales scotland oh and uh northern ireland whatever maybe
because i'm in the european
union i don't know what the fuck it is but then i thought they they did the brexit
thing but maybe
that hasn't happened yet i don't know all i know is i haven't gone through i
didn't have to go through
customs so i was sacked and um i go down to the fucking stupid carousel thing
whatever the baggage
claim and it's already turned on i'm like you fucking kidding me and i see
three bags come out
then there's a little space little space little space i see two bags coming out
i'm like holy
shit they're already unloading it so i stand there for a good five minutes and
it's just those three bags
little space little space little space then the two bags and then i start
recognizing the bags
saying oh these are just bags that were sitting here you know five people didn't
make it we're
sold into human trafficking and they haven't cleaned their bags i don't know
what the fuck happened
right um or they went ahead of their flight or their bags got on and they didn't
who the
fuck knows so now we're standing there 10 minutes goes by 15 minutes goes by 20
minutes goes by
the belt's on the same fucking three bags a little bit of space a little bit of
space a little
fucking two bags and um i'm just like you know this is just every fucking i
went up standing there for
like 50 fucking minutes wait for my fucking bag it's just like that fucking
airport it just breaks your
goddamn spirit because every fucking time it's a different fuck over and so you
never see it coming
if that always happened i would be like okay here's the deal i'm not checking a
bag or if i check the
bag it'd be like just settle in because you know it's going to be 50 minutes
all right go sit down
get yourself some bangers and mash whatever the fuck it is these people eat
over here and you know
show up 45 minutes later and pick up your fucking bag what killed me is how
everybody else just accepted
it and i was the only person standing there going what the fuck is wrong with
this airport what do
they got three fucking baggage handlers
then what killed me is when they finally started unloading the bags they unload
like five of them
and then and you see people on your flight grabbing them and then there's no
more bags for
like 10 minutes it's like what the fuck happened
the guy doing it just just have a fucking stroke there's nobody back there to
help him you get like
concerned um oh i wasn't concerned i was selfish all i gave a shit was about
was my bag so anyways
i get my fucking bag and uh i make it over here to the hotel and uh after the
night before i was
played the three arena in uh dublin one of my favorite shows those fucking
people are just
and it's like double specific to to dublin they're like the best fucking hecklers
i don't even know
how but they made like 9 11 funny just in an absurd way i was on stage and i
was talking about like
how much the country changed you know since 9 11 when i said 9 11 somebody in
the crowd went whoo
you know and they might have been an american agreeing like whoo yeah you know
the country did
really change after that which is kind of an obvious statement now that i'm
repeating it
but the way they did it it made it seem like they were cheering on 9 11. so i
riffed about that i said
oh yeah you're excited about tragedies oh yeah i you know i've always hated
skyscrapers i just said
something like that and made everybody laugh so then i started the joke again
and i go you know
ever since 9 11 and then the whole crowd goes whoo
just to be dicks you know so then i roll with it and i just start start every
fucking joke now with some american tragedy i was gonna yeah blah blah blah
blah blah you know i believe
that was around uh pearl harbor and then they all go it was so fucking childish
and stupid right
so after like the third one i said i go you know what ireland i really wish i
knew about your
fucking tragedies all right but i'm an american i don't have time to care about
other countries and
it was just like this little fucking stupid inside back and forth thing that
will never happen at another
show um and uh i don't know it was just the classic classic i don't know dublin
crowd um
i had such a fucking great i came it's just such a fucking great city so then i
go over uh last night
to do royal albert hall and um i don't even know how to describe it like uh i
still feel like it was
like i dreamed it like it didn't really it went by so goddamn fast and when you
walk in there if you're
a fan of led zeppelin that place essentially looks the exact same as it did
when you watch you know
that concert footage the out for my money the best concert footage um of led zeppelin
that exists
just the way it looks the way it's shot that film um i tried to do a stand-up
special to
to make it look like that you just can't do it it's just of that yeah i guess
you'd have to film it but um
i just walked right out i was like john bonham's fucking that that maple kit he
had was right
fucking here it was crazy and i remember when when i got announced to go out i
can't remember if it was
that concert or not there's one where robert plant walks off stage and grabs a
joint smokes it and holds
it up to the camera like that's what i thought it was such a fucking it was the
weirdest experience
walking out because i felt like i'd been there already just because i've
watched that concert
film so many times and no i didn't get a chance to play drums because uh i did
the show in dublin
the night before which i had to do because you know i had to make sure um i did
one show in europe
you know there's always that just a little bit of a different vibe so i had you
know that was more
important you know to have a good show than uh you know go there and hack away
at the drums for like
an hour but um believe me i definitely got my money's worth the crowd was
fucking amazing um
and i just had this whole weird feeling the entire time i was up there like why
am i so relaxed
with the combination of holy shit i'm in royal albert hall and then you know i
actually
fucked up a couple of jokes because i was looking at the architecture
i can't fucking believe i'm here um my parents came out my wife came out for
the show
um my manager and agent came out and uh it was just awesome it was like
everybody
you know i i can't if you ever get a chance to come over here and see anything
there
um it really is just one of those places and i put some photos up on instagram
and um
yeah that's it and now now billy boy is on vacation i think i did like an hour
and 15 minutes in the
show and i was sitting there going i forgot to look at my watch and i was like
i can't tell if i've been
up here for an hour and a half 40 minutes a half hour or a little over an hour
because i i i don't know
i don't think since carnegie hall there's been a couple of places that you play
and you're just
like um i shouldn't be here that's what you're thinking
just looking at how beautiful it is and then see like when you walk
to the dressing room you can't help but look at the photos and i'm looking like
everyone from
freddie mercury david bowie frank sinatra in like 1963 evidently the fucking
beatles and the rolling
stones played there on the same bill you know and then i'm walking out there
going like hey you know
what what the fuck's up with chairs and you just you know your act just it just
shrinks down you know
that was kind of the thing you had to like fight off but um my agent asked me
like after the show he
goes so what venue do you want to play next here in london i was like uh this
one
you know where the fuck do you go from here um and they're all like well you
know it's like
booked three years out i'm like i don't give a shit i don't care you know um
unbelievable so
thank you so much to everybody you know who came out to the show and afterwards
i was able to uh
you know run out there and um say hello to some people sign some posters and uh
i appreciate the
people that hung out and were patient because like i said i had a lot of family
and friends back there
you know it was sort of my pre-birthday celebration they had a cake and shit
like that so i had to do
that and i ran out there so if you got tired of waiting for me and you left i
apologize but uh for
the record i did come out um and the people there were just like ridiculously
nice and you know there's
all these people i had like i had like those three people from poland going you
got to do a show in
poland um somebody from romania somebody from jordan when i was in dublin i did
a show there
there was this dude from hong kong told me he flew in because he saw a clip of
me on conan o'brien
how fucking crazy is the internet that there's some guy in hong kong watching
clips of the
conan o'brien show and then he sees me as a guest conan makes me look good as
always and now he wants
to come to my show he he goes i got tickets for the the dublin show and the london
show and he was
there by himself i was just like all right this guy's either going to stab me
or this is one of
the coolest people i've ever met in my life fortunately it was the latter
so um anyways now i'm on vacation i'm on vacation do you guys realize the next
part this is my last
podcast in my 40s man oh fucking billy over the hill way to do do do do do do
do do i'm turning
fucking 50 on sunday sunday sunday sunday um
um i actually feel good you know i don't i'm not gonna feel any fucking
different i don't think
between now and sunday other than when somebody says how old are you i don't
say four i say fear now
50 um that's it oh billy oh billy red nuts is 50 fucking years old who would
have a thunk 