Name: Monday Morning Podcast 10-8-18
Uploaded: 2018-10-08T17:56:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-8-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-8-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-08. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 10-8-18

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
um october 8 2018 what's going on how are ya how's it going i am uh i am good
how are you oh my god that is great can barely hear myself i'm out here on the
road i don't
have all my podcasting equipment oh bill you really you're gonna come in with
the excuses
on monday morning maybe i am um i'm still here in boston after a whirlwind tour
of uh the new
england state springfield boston and then um bridgeport connecticut i want to
thank everybody
that came out um you know an incredible weekend most people i've ever performed
to over a three-day
period in my career and uh could not have gone any better thank you so very
much um
i was in uh i did the boston garden to td bank north garden on um friday night
in the round
got together with some buddies of mine i used to jam with back in the day and
we played in the empty
arena and just had the best time ever right so anyways you know i walk in it's
fucking place is
huge it's like jesus christ so you know you make a little bit of noise in there
so it's not as nerve
wracking then you calm down a little bit you get comfortable and then all of a
sudden the people
start coming and it fills up and then you get nervous again right so i had tony
v the great tony v
the guy who taught me basically how to write by not writing
first guy i met her didn't write shit down and i was like well what if you
forget a joke and he was
just like well it means it's time to stop doing it i just thought it was such a
fucking badass
cavalier attitude it was like i want to be like that guy so anyways i worked
with him and paul verzi
so they both go up and they're just acting like they're just doing a regular
spot and they're
fucking murdering both of them murdering you know first he was stuck in traffic
i think he had a
double park or something before he went in there so i don't think he had time
to be nervous he just
ran out and did it so anyways i'm in the um they put you for the green room
when you did it we were
in the referee's like little fucking uh what do you call it locker room i was
thinking just all the
people that must have been screaming on the other side of the door because you're
not allowed to go
in there um if you're a coach uh player or anything like that so anyways i'm
sitting in there doing
what you do in that moment thinking how the fuck did i get here why me is this
the end
is everybody gonna show up be like you know we don't think he's funny anymore
right so i'm going
through all of this shit trying to talk myself off the ledge so i can just go
out there and act like
this big deal is not a big deal so i can perform the best and right before i go
out there my cell phone
rings and i see it's it's my wife and i'm like ah look at this perfect timing
this is why i love her
this is why she's the best she's you know she's gonna say hey don't be nervous
go out there you
earned it i love you blah blah blah all that shit right well i pick up my phone
and my laugh
she's crying hysterically
and i'm my first thought was something happened to our kids like oh my god did
she fall down did
you drop her did somebody come into the house like what the happened like i
picked out the phone
she's just like baby like i was like what what's the matter what's the matter
oh my god i'm like
what what's the matter she's like nothing bad i'm like what is it she's like i
just saw a star is born
and it was so good
i was like are you fucking kidding me i was like honey i got a show i gotta go
to
all right i thought the fucking shit that went through my head
all stephen king level stuff of what could have been happening to her
in the house and my daughter and all of that type of stuff so it was so fucking
ridiculous
it just made me laugh and i went out there and i just told the story and then i
was kind of fine
for the rest of the show but um
it was uh
i don't know these past two weekends it felt like i dreamed the shows it didn't
feel like they really
happened so i don't know how the hell i got to that
to be able to be the guy that did it but i just want to thank everybody for
coming out and um
uh i i
the boston garden one really freaked me out because i i literally started
my stand-up career i told my first shit and dick jokes literally at nick's
comedy stop
i mean i could have walked over there i mean would have taken me about 25
minutes but still
i could still walk van stage that i'm in um
so anyways i went out there and i had a great time the only thing i had to deal
with was it was
in the round there was a stool was in the middle and i had to keep walking
around either side of it
and i've learned what you want what you want to do is just take the stool out
of the middle and just
lay it down on its side you know then if you want to sit down just pick it up
and sit down i guess
if you're going to do that but i just feel like if it's in the round you have
to kind of be moving
so people aren't uh staring at your backside the whole time
um anyways and then i got on the other side of that one and that one was nerve-wracking
just
because i had all kinds of family and friends and co-workers and people i went
to school with
all of those people coming down and it's just like oh boy what if i have a old
stickaroo
tonight what if i have a bad one then they got to be like no it was it was good
it was good
god did you uh you lost a little weight you look good you going to the gym
people trying to change
the subject i like that shirt your shirt look great things you don't want to
hear after a set
um so anyway so now i'm on the other side of it and the red sox played game one
and of course it
was a nail biter and i was just thinking man if we don't win the chris sale
game we're fucked
and we won it so thank god so then game two comes around the next night and i
am in bridgeport
connecticut and i missed the whole game because i was traveling and then i was
also uh doing my show
and uh once again unfortunately price could not get us a victory in the postseason
and then of course now it's like all the wheels are coming off in boston
everybody's just like oh my
god how could we have played two games with the new york yankees and we won one
and they won one
whoever saw that coming after a 108 uh regular season wins season these fucking
people it's just like
what happened like they were like already writing in the globe going was the
108 win season just a
mirage because we lost one fucking game to a 200 million dollar team that won
100 games that we
played 19 times this year we went 10 and 9 we won one they won one we won two
they won one we won one
they won three we swept them and then they went two and one two and one against
us and then yeah i had
i'm i had 100 bucks on each game betting 50 with versi and 50 with my agent you
know the overall season
thing and the most i got up they were up by like 150 at one point then i was up
150 and in the end
19 games they owed me 50 bucks each we won one more fucking game so everybody's
sitting there
freaking the fuck out and they're going to try to build this thing up like oh
my god this is the
greatest team one of the greatest teams ever to have won 108 fucking games it
doesn't mean shit
the orioles are not going to be there in october i keep saying how many times
do i have to be right
how many times do you guys have to shake your head and discuss and reach for
the stop button because
once again old bald billy old freckles himself is once again crowing about
something that he said
was going to happen i would say as far back as july you know definitely after
we swept him in august
i was like what what exactly like in espn oh my god it's fucking over it's over
it isn't over um
so for all you people out there who get confused with regular season wins okay
just take everybody off the board at the end of the season who isn't going to
go into the playoffs
and then look how they did against the playoff teams it's as simple as that i
think we were about
you know pretty even with uh the indians i didn't look up the indians or the
astros but i think we're
even with the indians and we probably had a losing record against the astros
and we went 10 and 9
against the yankees so those are the teams we're going to be playing that's how
they've matched up
against us why is it surprising that we're one and one um if we lose this playoff
series yeah it won't
be nearly as a surprising fucking thing you know considering the last two times
we played the yankees
we lost both regular season series
right
so i'd say we're due to win this one so we need all fucking uh
whatever his fucking name is
porcelo
to have one of his good games tonight then we'll be up two games to one
before we get the shit kicked out of us by the astros
that's my prediction
that's what i feel is is going to happen if we get by the yankees and if we don't
get by the yankees
uh despite what shaughnessy and all these guys will say it wasn't a major
fucking collapse
despite what johnny damon said
i guess one of my buddies goes dude you believe johnny damon
is fucking uh
rooting for the yankees it's like yeah absolutely i can
absolutely he wasn't a red sock he was an a
and then he became a free agent
and once once you get a fucking free agent
you can't fall in love with him it's like falling in love with a stripper
all right he's gonna go with the money he didn't give a fuck
pay me
he grew his shit out you know
he was at the red socks and then he goes to the yankees
yeah you can sign with us but you got to get a haircut
and he's like okay and he went down there like a good little school boy
they got him all ready for his scouting picture
so now he's he's rooting for the yankees who gets a shit
he helped fucking
end the curse here at boston i'm good with the guy
we had a great time
we had a great fucking time while he was on the team
um
so anyways
uh
i'm gonna watch that game tonight i believe
game three is tonight
and i'm not gonna think that you know
i'm hoping that we fucking win this thing
but like just the way that they're already building this thing up
like this is gonna be
oh my god
like if the red socks
win it all this year right
is this one of the greatest teams of all time
no
i wouldn't say that
even if they had 108 wins
you know compared to some of those other other fucking i mean the old force red
sox could beat the fucking
2018
uh
who's and what's this
was the old 14 one of the greatest teams of all time i don't think so
well bill who do you think is one of the greatest the fucking oakland a's in
the early 70s
those teams
the big red machine
i think those were better teams
i have no fucking idea
i'm just saying everybody fucking relax
put your fucking eyebrows down
um
anyways plowing ahead here
uh
so i'm still here in boston
and uh
anytime i come back i'm like ah man i miss living here but this time
more so than any other time
i don't know why
i just uh
i took a like the day after
the boston garden gig
i was you know still staying in boston and i walked over to the north end
as i always do
and i went down hanover street
and then i kind of you know i always walk about halfway down get back to like
the corner store
and then i fucking
break off to the left
and i try to find shit that isn't
you know hanover street is like the times square in the north end right
and uh
ended up finding this great place to get a sandwich
and uh
me and my tour manager just fucking hung out
in this park eating these sandwiches
on like a perfect day
perfect sunny new england day
in the north end
it was a great italian deli
where they had all of this
just you know italians
it's just like
they take food to the
entirely next level
um
and i was in there just like
wanting to order everything
because i live on the west coast
and you can't get good italian
you can't get good pizza
you can't get any of that shit
but i was just like
all right i gotta stay on my diet here
not get too crazy
i'm already eating bread here
so i just