Name: Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-18
Uploaded: 2018-10-29T19:33:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-29. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-18

be um hey what's going on what's going on
it's bill burn it's time for the monday morning podcast for monday august 29th
2018
oh happy baseball championship happy baseball championship why am i in such a
good mood
why do i want to walk down the street with the fucking bass drum kicking my
fucking feet up in
the air because your 2018 boston red sox once again are world series champions
do you believe it
i think i speak for all in new england when i say fucking
unbelievable unbelievable i remember after 2003 thinking all i want to do is
just see these
fucking assholes just one fucking time have a clutch fucking moment in your
fucking life
you red socks wearing cunts that's where i was at all right and the very next
year they win it and i
was like you know what that's it i you know i'm in such a good mood i don't
give a fuck that my phone
is making noise in the background that's what's already a great mood i'm in all
i wanted to see
it was just some win it once not only did you get to see him win it once now i
had three times four
times they won behind the patriots so all you haters out there just in case you
lost count
in this century we've won five super bowls four world series titles an nba
championship and a stanley
cup and one of those soccer championships mls whatever that we're winning
championships and stuff
i don't even give a fuck about all right and for all you guys don't it doesn't
get old after a while
don't you get tired of it no it's fucking awesome it's fucking awesome you know
and you know if it
doesn't happen to us i hope it happens to you someday unless you're in fucking
new york or in
montreal or a laker fan other than that i i i got no fucking problem with
anybody
um unbelievable uh i don't know what to say you know what's this i don't know
if it was jackie
bradley jr or jd martinez one of them said after game three that i was at can't
believe i was at the
game um he said i've never seen a team get just get punched in the face and
then just get up
like nothing happened like this team something like that i know i'm butchering
it but
it was just perfect um they were just never out of it i have not seen a team
score this many
fucking runs with two outs be down this much since the 1998 new york yankees
which is probably the
best team i've ever seen um the only other team in my lifetime and i vaguely
remember seeing them
was maybe the big red machine um i mean that team that team was fucking
incredible
that was just another team that was just like they were just stacked all right
you know what i'm i'm
not i'm lying a little bit that that phone thing is gonna bug me here if this
continues to happen
um anyways um congratulations to the dodgers man jesus christ another great
season he just came
up short all i can tell you having been through that um you know it just makes
it all the more sweeter
when you finally win it but uh you know so we went to game three what a fucking
great stadium by the way
and not only is it a great stadium that the dodgers have like the stadium just
considering when it was
built and there was so many of those soulless cookie cutter um baseball stadiums
that they made
they were multi-purpose basically all of them were designed so you could play
football and baseball
back there a very like forward thinking money saving environmentally friendly
thing that we did
and then we all decided like you know what fuck these stadiums they're old why
fix them up i don't
understand why you just can't fix them up they're made out of metal and
concrete they're not going
anywhere that's like any fucking car you have the fucking engine block is made
out of steel
like as long as you take care of it it's gonna it's gonna run forever everybody
just throws shit out
so they knock down all of these fucking stadiums and then rebuild not at one
but two more stadiums
we want i want my own stadium i don't want to share it although you know i did
boomer esiason show
boomer and and it was a gino and uh he was talking about what it was like to
play
for the cincinnati cincinnati bengals in the same in riverfront stadium he said
down they used to cover
home plate with a piece of wood and then just threw astroturf on top of it so
if you got tackled on
basically it's like you landed on somebody's tree fort so i guess you know
maybe that's a reason but i
would would have thought they could have come up with some sort of technology
where they didn't have
the fuck that was just basically because there was astroturf right i don't know
i don't pretend to
understand but um me and my buddies we went to game three and uh i didn't wear
any red sox shit still
almost got into a fight fucking west coast still almost got into a fight
un-fucking-believable you know there was like what killed me was we went to the
game and there
was so many empty seats because stub hub just gouged the shit out of every they
were charging
like 700 bucks i was at the top of the stadium those tickets were over 700 and
you know i guess
stub hub was content to be like well you know we're making four times the
fucking face value of the
ticket what what do we give a shit if every you know three out of every four
seats is empty almost
you know it wasn't that bad but there were big giant swaths of fucking rows
that were just nobody
was there um from the bottom all the way up to the top and you know people got
flat screen tvs they
don't need that shit they're gonna come home they'll see the fucking replay
they'll know the pitch count
they'll you know all of that shit rather than being like me trying to figure
out the scoreboard with
my fucked up eyes at this point um so anyways my buddy you know he was having a
few beers and
when he was finishing we just sat in the row behind us that was like basically
empty so there was a guy
behind there and you know all he had to say was hey guys do you mind just
keeping your empties on
you in your row just because uh you know me and the kid my wife and the kid
wanted to try to get by
here and oh sorry dude no problem that's how it would have gone down but
instead because he's a west
coast guy you know they're so fucking laid back out here he immediately just
says to my buddy this is
how he enters the conversation he goes he's like hey buddy is there something
wrong with the
underneath of your chair and my friend turns around looks at him immediately
with that look on his face
like wow i'm about ready to get into a fight he's like what he goes is there
something wrong with the
underneath part of your chair and he's like no he goes well why don't you put
your empties there
and he goes oh well there was nobody sit back and then it fucking in in like
literally like fucking
flash paper escalates to this level so i'm sitting there so i just go you know
i've been out here long
enough i'm a veteran like i know this is gonna happen like you could literally
go to the game
fucking uh dress like jesus or santa claus whatever the fuck you're into and
still somebody's gonna be
like you know hey hey fucking uh hey whitey you think you cannot have your
fucking beard blowing over
your shoulder blocking half the fucking feel like something's gonna happen
hey santa why is your suit red what are you a fucking cardinals fan you know
and all of a sudden
you're into it so i just turn around i look at both of them i just go ladies
ladies ladies which
usually diffuses it somebody's saying ladies all right then you realize like
all right i'm acting
like i got a fucking tampon on right i go we're at the world series game four
huh come on let's have
a good time right so i go to shake the guy's hand behind me and he leaves me
hanging so now i'm
fucking mad i don't say anything to the guy and then i just got just fucking
sit out so we sit down
and then i for for fucking hitting and loudly talking about what the level of
fucking asshole fans
fucking asshole fans that are out here on the fucking west coast it's just like
they go to the game to get into a fight it's just like
so after the inning half of that i'm like dude do you really want to keep doing
this it's like no
i don't so i get up i go down to get a beer and i'm coming back and i'm i'm
walking up the aisle
this fucking guy is sitting there mean mugging me now this guy he's got to be
like fucking 50 pounds
over fucking weight there's four of us there's one of him now granted he's in
the road behind us
i guess maybe he could fall on us and do some fucking damage but if we wanted
to we all probably
could have picked him up and thrown him over we were the second to last row
literally just thrown
him off the back of the fucking stadium all right and when you're dealing with
people from boston
that is a that is a there's a chance that there's that level of fucking anger
involved
it wasn't us but i'm just saying and this guy could give a fuck so he's fucking
staring at me as
i'm walking up he's with his wife and kid and he's fucking staring at us like
like fucking william
wallace staring at me i should say as i'm coming up so i'm literally my eyes
are fucking bad at this
point so i'm like is this guy staring at me so when you're fucking old you got
to either squint or you
kind of look away and then look at back look back at something so i had to look
away to focus on
something else and then i look back at him i'm like yeah he is staring at me
and i just looked away
so he probably thought that was a moment of weakness so now he's probably there
it is he's going
extra hard with his face now i swear to god so i just got up there and i don't
know what happened
all of the anger all this shit it just went away i was just like buddy we
really gonna do this man
come on i respect the dodges i respect you we weren't trying i apologize for
that stuff so i go to
so i see his face finally relaxed i go to fist bump the guy he's so fucking
macho he can't even
like stick his hand he makes the fist but he has his hand still near his body
it's like my daughter
when i when i first like was like teaching her how to wave and she wouldn't
like lift her hand her arm
up she would just like open and close her hand while i just rested on her leg
it was like adorable
but with this guy it was just i don't know what it was it was just like wow
this guy's got a lot
of pain i don't know what the fuck happened to him so he fist bumped long story
short
by the end of the game even though his dodgers are losing we're like friends
we're friendly anyways diffuse the whole fucking thing and my my angry fucking
uh italian
boston guy and what he's like dude how the fuck did you do that how the fuck
and i just said to
him i was just like dude i go i'm fucking done with it i'm i'm not i'm not
fucking doing this anymore
i'm not gonna fucking go to a fucking baseball game and then almost getting as
a 50 year old
bald fucking dude almost get into a fight over an empty fucking bud light beer
can and where it was
placed within this concrete structure i'm just i'm just not i'm not fucking
doing it anymore
right i had already almost gotten into a fight with my wife and i diffused that
because we had pregame
at my house and evidently my wife didn't feel like she was invited i don't know
why we were in the
house she's always been invited but what happened you know what happened i came
off the road and i was
under the gun where i didn't have a lot of time between getting back to the
house giving her a hug and a
kiss checking in with my kid and then making sure i had beer for people coming
over to go to the game
because the game starts at five and i didn't get back from phoenix until uh you
know one o'clock
didn't get home till like two right so you know they're coming home they're
coming back i'm sorry
i got home at like one one o'clock and my friends were coming over at two so i
i barely hugged
and kissed my wife and then asked her to go out and uh and get some beer for
the guys
you know which is something i never do i usually handle everything you know she's
always got the
honeydew list for me but i 