Name: Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-18
Uploaded: 2018-12-31T22:24:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-18' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-31. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-18

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, December 31st, 2018.
In case you thought there was 32 days in December, this is the last day of 2018.
What are you going to do with it? Are you going to seize the day?
Seize the day, a.k.a. cram too much shit into a 24-hour period so you're
fucking stressed out for the next day.
That's how I do it.
That's how I do it.
Oh, by the way, guess what?
I finally got that little fucking piece I needed for my headphones and it works
great.
And as you see, I sat there and I fucking bitched about it for what, six
fucking, felt like nine years.
I just ordered it on Amazon.
It showed up, you know, some fucking eight-year-old put on a welding mask and
made it.
And then somebody else flew it on a fucking, what do you call those goddamn
things that hover over your neighborhood?
Drone?
You know?
I don't know.
Anyways, Happy New Year to you.
Happy New Year to you.
If you're going to get shit-faced, call an Uber or a Lyft.
I'm actually going to be going out tonight for the first time in a long time.
I'm going to be going, I'm just going out with my whole family, my family back
east.
We're just going to go out to dinner.
It's cool being a dad, you know what I mean?
Rather than go out and go booze and all that shit.
You just fucking call two days before.
Do you have a reservation at four in the afternoon, 4.30?
They're like, why, yes, yes we do.
It's like any other day here at four or 4.30 in the afternoon.
However, you know, starting around 7, no, we don't.
I'm completely booked and everything's going to be jacked up the A-hole.
So we're all going to go out and have a, hopefully a pleasurable meal.
Enjoyable dinner and all that type of stuff.
And then I go to the Rose Bowl the next day.
And then the following day, give me a ticket on an aeroplane.
Going to go fly to fucking Eastern Europe.
Going to go to Cologne, Germany.
And then it starts.
And I am ready, baby.
I put in the tide.
I did the fucking work.
I was down at the Comedy Store every night the last three nights and the Ice
House.
You know, I fucked up Thursday night.
I fucking, I fucked up twice on my gigs this week, which I never do.
I actually was headlining the Ice House and I forgot.
And I put it in at the Comedy Store.
So I'm pulling into the Comedy Store at like 9 o'clock.
And I just happened to look down at my phone and I see a Joe Rogan phone call.
And he was the one who told me to, you know, that they wanted to book me at the
Ice House.
Then I was like, oh, fuck.
And then I saw I had a bunch of messages from the club.
And then I called up.
I was like, what time was I supposed to be on stage?
He's like, right now.
Ten minutes ago.
So I drove out there like a maniac.
I finally learned how to use the supercharger in my car.
You know?
So I was in intense mode.
Whatever the fuck they call it.
Like I drove that car for fucking two years never using the supercharger
because I didn't know you had to push a button.
I just thought when I stepped on the gas, like the old days, it would just
engage over there.
But it didn't.
So I finally learned how to use that thing.
And what is going on with these fucking wires?
Why can't I get them ever not to be just?
I just don't understand how this fucking happens every single time.
Every week.
Every week.
You know what's weird?
You could take a handful of wires and throw them on the ground.
And then once you pick one of them up, they all tie together.
You know, it's so weird that you can do that with like wires, but you can't do
it with snakes.
If you throw them on the fucking ground and you just pick one of them up, there
wouldn't be a bunch of them all tangled up in it.
They'd all just fucking slither away.
So what I'm saying is, is we need to start making wires the way the good Lord
makes the snakes.
Anyway, so then I had to drive all the way back to the comedy store.
Because I was so fucking late at the ice house, I hung out, took pictures and
signed shit, you know, to make up for that.
Did the full hour.
Then I went all the way back to the fucking comedy store.
I got there by like a quarter to 12 at night.
And I got to tell you, I haven't gone up.
You know, I never went up really late at the comedy store because I never got
past there to go through that.
And I went back to, you know, I auditioned for Mitzi.
And she said, I didn't, she didn't say anything.
She left in the middle of my set.
That's how fucking awful she thought I was.
And she's probably right.
If I'm going to be mature about it.
And then I just, I moved back to New York and I sort of did the late night
thing in New York.
And I never got to do it at the comedy store.
And that's probably the latest I've gone on there since I can remember.
And it was just a completely different animal.
I went on in the main room and then also in the original room.
And in the main room, I was on stage and I was thinking about Richard Pryor for
some reason.
Because I know that there was some older guys there told me how he used to work
out his stuff late night there.
And then when I went into the OR, I was, you know, I just went up there and I
had like this fucking set where I was just totally free.
Riffin said all this shit, didn't tape any of it, just shit that I would, a few
things I remembered now in my act.
But like, and I remember hearing this story that Jim Carrey came up with Fire
Marshal Bill late night in the OR at the comedy store and all that shit.
So it was really, ended up being really cool.
And then I worked two shows Friday there, two shows Saturday.
And then last night I was running my hour in the main room.
And then I was running over to the whiskey because Steven Adler was playing.
And I also had another spot in the OR, but instead of just doing an hour, I did
like an hour and 40 in the main room.
And I was going to be late for the Steven Adler show.
So I was like, is it cool if I just don't do that spot?
Because I didn't know that they advertised me in that room too.
I thought they just advertised me in the main room.
But they had also advertised me in the OR.
Had I known that, I would have gone over there and done it.
I just thought I had a spot.
And I missed it because I was supposed to go up at 10.15.
And by the time I got off stage in the main room, it was like 10.40.
I was like, I don't want to fuck it up over there, you know, for the other
people.
So anyways, long story short, I saw Steven Adler's fucking great show at the
whiskey.
And then I'm walking back to the store and I'm walking in front of the store.
And these four people are standing there like fucking 2 in the, 1.30 in the
morning going like, you got to be shitting me.
Are you going to go on now?
I go, what are you talking about?
I was on in the main room.
He's like, no, we were in the OR.
We were sitting there for five hours.
The whole crowd was fucking pissed off.
So I don't know.
I got to try to figure out how to fucking make that right.
But I felt like a fucking asshole.
So I took a picture with them and I don't know.
And I was thinking, why the fuck did I do that?
Because then I went over to the Adler thing and it started like, you know, 20
minutes later.
I would have had time to do it.
Then I wouldn't have disappointed those people.
And now I feel like a fucking asshole.
But having said that, you know, I basically did like seven sets and missed one.
So what are you going to do?
But dude, the fucking Adler Appetite show, that thing was fucking great, man.
And I was just sitting there the whole show.
I was just watching Steven because I started listening.
You know, I don't know.
I kind of tuned up my drums and I got some different heads and shit.
And they sound fucking killer.
And then my drum teacher came over and he fine tuned it.
And now it just sounds fucking unbelievable.
And I was listening to just that Appetite album again.
And I'm such a drum nerd.
Do you realize that Steven Adler does not hit his rack tom until like the
fourth song?
Like halfway through the fourth song.
He crushes that album just with a bass drum snare and his floor tom.
The only time he really hits the floor tom is the breakdown during Welcome to
the Jungle.
Out to Get Me is all just kick snare.
No, I'm sorry.
What's the next?
I would say I think it's Out to Get Me.
It's So Easy is all kick snare.
And what's the next one?
No, that's on the other side.
I don't fucking know.
But anyway, so I was watching him.
And then when I watched him last night, the fill that I thought he was doing in
one of those fucking songs, he actually didn't do on the rack.
He actually went from the snare over to the floor.
So I actually think he goes maybe to Mr. Brownstone.
No, but even then that's a floor tom.
But I remember seeing this whole fucking thing.
I'm sure this is boring a lot of you guys.
But I remember seeing this whole fucking thing on him that for a while he only
had a three piece.
And it's just amazing how his whole style came out of being a broke musician
and just crashing at people's places.
He couldn't have a big drum kit if he wanted to.
He started out with a double bass kit.
I remember reading in his book.
And then they got rid of that.
He got rid of that somehow.
Somebody said, don't play double bass.
You just play a single bass drum or some shit.
Almost like a Bonham thing.
And then he was down to like just a floor kick and snare.
And just the amount of music that that guy got out of it.
But it was awesome.
It was just, dude, what a bunch of characters at the whiskey last night.
Jesus Christ.
There was this fucking guy there, right?
And I just, he looked, he looked like he was like in his 50s.
But he looked like he had a hard life.
So he was probably like in his 40s.
And he's just standing there.
And all of a sudden the bouncer comes up.
And he just hits him.
Like slaps him on the arm.
Like what the fuck?
And then the guy kind of gestures like, hey man, you know, I mean, it's cool,
whatever.
And the bouncer just grabs him and fucking throws him out of the club.
So my buddy I was with went up and said, hey man, just out of curiosity, what
did that guy do?
And I guess the guy had taken out his lighter.
And was fucking lighting the ass of the person in front of him.
Like some other dude.
So when the bouncer hit him, like what the fuck are you doing?
He was making this gesture like, yeah, it's kind of funny, right?
And the bouncer, just get the fuck out of here.
You fucking lighting people on foot.
What are you, giving somebody a hot foot?
50 years of fucking age?
And my other buddy I was with was laughing his ass off.
It was so loud.
I mean, I could have just gone to him.
But he was sitting there going like, was laughing, going, yeah, I saw the whole
fucking thing.
Like you didn't even try to hide it.
Just a complete fucking asshole.
So anyways, that's what I did.
And my apologies to the people that came down to the OR last night.
I feel, I really feel fucking badly about that, man.
I mean, there's a hand.
I don't know how many times in my life I've missed a spot.
I would think it's under 10 my entire fucking career.
The first nine times, nobody gave a fuck.
So my apologies.
I hope that somehow I can make that up to you guys.
Anyways, plowing ahead here.
Speaking of shows, we've added two more amazing comics.
These guys are kids to me, but they're not.
They're fucking, they're like legit.
I'm just old as shit.
Joe List and Mark Norman have been added to the lineup for the seventh annual
Patrice O'Neill
Comedy Benefit.
I had the privilege of working with both of them.
Mark Norman, I worked at the West Side Comedy Club in New York City.
And Joe List, when I did Gotham about a month ago, I got to work with both of
them.
And just fucking like they're like the next guys.
Just legit, legit, straight up fucking comedians and will be monster headliners.
So come down and see them now while you still can.
And also on the show, as I've been mentioning, Michelle Wolf, Chris Redd, Jim Gaffigan,
Gary
Goldman