Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-7-19
Uploaded: 2019-02-08T18:36:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-7-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-7-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-7-19

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before
Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm checking in on you, although the way I
was just coughing,
you should be checking in on me. What are you thinking? Hey, what are you
smoking a bunch
of cigars here, Bill? No, I'm not. I was just, I got a little sick. I got a
little sick,
but not and tired. I just got a little sick. I just wrapped on my general
hospital, my 72
episode arc on general hospital, 12-hour day, six days a week, and we knocked
it out, and
I actually got to see a sneak peek of the, obviously it's not general hospital,
I got
to see the sneak peek of this thing that I'm going to be a small part of, as
always. I always
paratroop into things that are really cool. I'm never the main guy, all right?
That's
not the road for me, you know? I'm a bald, redheaded male, okay? I know the
deal. I'm
in the background. I get it, all right? You know, you don't see me complaining
like some
of these fat chicks out here in Hawaii, I almost said Hawaii, out here in
Hollywood, like, oh,
how come I'm not starring in a fucking movie? Because you look like me with a
dress. That's
why, okay? And people invest money, and they want to make it back, okay? So at
some point
you're going to have to deal with the fact that, you know, you're in the van,
man, all
right? You're not picking the fucking safe, the lock on the safe. Anyways, we
wrapped on
it. I had a great time. I took some chances as an actor. I learned some things.
I learned
what I always learned whenever I go on a shoot like that, just the sheer amount
of fucking
work, how hard everybody works on those things. And it just kills me whenever
these politicians,
whenever these politicians run for office, who do they talk about? Do they talk
about people
busting their asses like people who fucking write scripts, and people who got
to figure out
how to then, you know, fucking shoot the thing and all these different looks.
And now we talk
about Joe six pack. Joe six pack fucking putting his pants on one leg at a
fucking time. He's
got time to go drink a fucking six pack. You know, some fucking dope just
driving around in
a fucking ice cream truck. He's getting more love from the next potential
president of the
United States than somebody who's got to stand there holding a fucking
microphone over some
bald jackass like me for 12 hours a day. I don't know. I think these
politicians are wrong.
Maybe if all these fucking Hollywood people would quit shitting on half of them,
maybe the
hardworking people in the movie industry would get a little more love. That's
just just I'm just
thinking out loud here people. Anyways, I had a fucking awesome time. And I got
to work with some
amazing actors and, you know, just great storytellers and all that. And I had a
great
fucking time. Having said that, I'm old and I'm exhausted. All right. And I got
to jump on a red
eye tonight to go out, fly direct to fucking Atlantic City. Because I'm doing a
gig at the
Borgata tomorrow night. All right. I'm taking off my acting hat and I'm putting
on my standup
shirt. Anyway, speaking of shirts, did anybody see that stupid sweater Gucci
made? I'm getting all
my news from Twitter, by the way. I've just given into the fact that I'm not
going to be an informed
person. All right. You're listening to the wrong Bill. OK, you want to listen
to Bill Maher. If you
want to if you want to listen to somebody who knows what the fuck is going on.
OK, you want to listen to
that, Bill. All right. You want to listen to some shithead who reads hashtags
and whatnot. You're
listening to the right podcast. All right. Gucci sweater. One of these fucking
idiots, right? Goes
out and he designs this fuck he or she. All right. It was either some dumb guy
or a strong, brave
woman. Is that my is that how you're supposed to say it politically? Designed a
turtleneck that was
black that you for whatever stupid fucking reason you pulled up like right up
underneath your nose
and then your mouth came through it. And then there was these big red lips
around it.
So if you've seen the picture, just Google a picture of it. All right. African-American
people,
you know, not all of them. I don't even know how many. I don't I didn't take a
fucking census. Start
going. Jesus Christ. Can we stop with the fucking blackface? This is offensive.
You know,
they said the sweater looked like. It was blackface and they immediately made
it about
themselves rather than the real issue, which was that it was an unbelievably
ridiculous and ugly
fucking turtleneck sweater. That's all it was. It was an ugly turtleneck
sweater, you know, and I
don't I don't want to get involved in a racial debate here, but as a privileged
white male, I want you to
know that I was triggered by the fact that all those black people ignored the
fact that there was also
half a white face. Behind that turtleneck. OK, and how do you think I felt to
not feel represented
in that sweater scandal?
Isn't it fucking amazing, the shit that just get like somehow gets traction on
social media?
You know, what about the fucking eight year old, you know, who usually goes to
bed at three in the
morning after sewing those fucking things together in some sweatshop? Now we
had to stick around for an
extra half hour to sew the extra fucking thread to make sure it went up and
over your mouth.
Right. And then what happens? Everybody in the first world country makes it all
about themselves
and everybody forgets about that little fucking kid there. Right.
Little fucking Joe six pack. Right.
I don't know. My wife is really into fashion. I so much of it is just ugly shit,
you know, and then they just have some beautiful woman walk down the runway
like looking confident,
you know, but that one, I swear to God, that was like something out of the Muppets.
Wasn't it, it was like the dumb Donald fucking, no, dumb Donald had a hat
pulled down over his
fucking, I used to know all the fucking Cosby kids. It was weird, Harold. One
of them had a sweater
yanked up over its face, right? Over, it's, well, it's a cartoon, right? Hold
on a second. Fat Albert
kids. All right. Who were they? Let's see. What did you have? What did you have?
Images.
There was one, was it Weird Harold? No.
Didn't one of them? No, I guess they didn't. There was Russell, Rudy,
Bucky, Bill, dumb Donald, Weird Harold. Who was the last one? Mushmouth.
One of those fucking cartoons had somebody with a thing yanked up over its face.
I don't fucking
remember. Um, anyways, that was a big scandal, everybody. It was a big fucking
scandal, you know,
but thank God people spoke out and those sweaters will not be mass produced. So
whatever ones that
they have will now be thrown into the ocean and we'll let the porpoises and
dolphins deal with it.
You know, I mean, it could have kept a lot of half, the lower half of a lot of
people's faces warm.
You know, they easily could have dyed it, you know, made it a different color.
And then what? Then you get Asians and
Native Americans start fucking complaining. It's just a bad idea. I think that's
what we learned this week. You know, you can't get mad at somebody for trying.
I mean, it was a turtleneck sweater. What the fuck can you do with it?
Can you lower it? Can you lower it a little bit? It's already been done. Mock
turtleneck sweater. What do we do? Well, let's fucking let's keep it going.
What do you think? What do you think? Underneath the mouth?
No, right up and over it. That looks weird. I'll put some fucking lips on it.
You know, if you're sitting there going like, Bill, who the fuck talks about
half a turtleneck fucking blackface sweater for fucking eight minutes? Well,
you know what? It's not football season anymore.
Football season is over.
Um, and your New England Patriots, your New England Patriots are the fucking
champion.
Your Boston Red Sox are the World Series champion. I mean, it's fucking
unbelievable. Do you know? Bruins are playing all right. I don't know what's
going on with the Celtics.
Somebody asked me today on set, they go, hey, is Kyrie Irving going to go to
the Lakers?
There's kind of a room. I heard a room. I have no idea. All I know is I don't
think that they've been playing as well as everybody thought they were going to
play.
So I have no idea. But I'm going to try to check in on that. All I have to do
now, now that I'm on the other side of that acting gig.
All right. All I got to do now, you know, I keep doing the F is for family
stuff.
And at night, I'm just going to be running my hour because I am taping my hour
special.
I kind of kept it under wraps as to where I was taping it, where I was
recording it.
And I feel like now is the time, you know, because it's a very weird time in
comedy.
You hear that a lot. Now is not the time for those jokes.
I'm a white woman who's not even funny. And I'm telling you that now is not the
time for that.
Have you noticed that most people who are saying what you should and shouldn't
be saying comedically are about as funny as your average feature act?
They're like middle act funny, telling like fucking really funny people what
they should be saying.
Oh, yes. Yes. You, by all means, who with your best joke, you just make me
raise my eyebrows a little bit like, yeah, that was a funny, wasn't it?
By all means, tell the world what is funny.
I am going to be recording my next hour special at Royal Albert Hall in London.
That's right. I'm a traitor. I'm going back to the motherland.
Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? I mean, I'm on my six one. I got to try something
different. I'm going to go over there.
Be funny. Half of my shit. People will be like, I don't understand that.
And maybe they'll bomb for part of it. We'll see if it's funny.
Anyways, I'll be doing it at Royal Albert Hall on Monday and Tuesday, March.
What the fuck is that? Third and fourth, fourth and fifth, fifth and sixth.
So, I'm going to be doing a run of dates out here.
While I do the Borgata, what the fuck month is this?
Oh, that's October.
Why is this in October?
This is the last time I actually put anything in my calendar.
October 29th, I put Jimmy Kimmel.
How the fuck do I get out of this?
Click on this.
Today. Click on today.
All right, here we go.
I'm sorry. March.
Yeah, March 4th and 5th.
All right.
So, next week on the 15th, 16th and 17th,
I'll be in Santa Barbara.
I'll be in Pasadena and I'll be in Riverside, California.
And then I go to New York City on the 19th
and I do the Patrice O'Neill benefit.
And then I'm in New York for a little bit doing some spots out there.
And then I embark on a little run of dates
through the United Kingdom, Great Britain, whatever the fuck you call it.
And then I end up at Royal Albert Hall.
And there you have it.
And then when I get on the other side of that shit, when I say thank you, good
night on March 5th,
then all I have to do is worry about wrapping up the writing on season four of
Epis for Family.
And I don't have shit until the summertime.
And I'm just going to be fucking hanging in Cali doing, you know, getting ready
to do my new hour.
Working my, that's the game plan.
All right.
Because I love my daughter and I don't like leaving the way I used to.
You know, she tried to get out of her bed.
I saw her two months ago.
She was swinging her leg up and over the crib.
And my gut said, you better put some pillows down around the floor in case she
goes up and over.
And I just, you know, I didn't listen to my gut like a fucking idiot.
So I was coming home from that amazing shoot that I was on that I can't wait to
fucking tell you guys about,
but I'm just not allowed to, who's so awesome.
But I came home last night and, you know, after I got off set,
I never bring my phone down to the set or a watch, you know,
because I don't want to know what time it is because then it just makes it drag.
So I just focus on whatever the fuck it is I need to do.
And then I come walking out at like one in the morning, however it works.
So 