Name: Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-19
Uploaded: 2019-06-10T18:50:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-10. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-19

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, June 10th, 2019. What's going on? How are ya?
June 10th, my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy 51st
birthday, dear Pastie.
Happy birthday to me. All right, before I get on with my birthday stuff, real
quick, very relieved, as I'm sure most people are, why wouldn't you be, that
David Ortiz is going to be okay, it looks like.
And they said there was no collateral damage, meaning no damage to his organs,
which is also great. Thank God. Thank God. I was fortunate enough to meet him
one time. I did a roast with Josh Wolfe and all those guys.
A couple years ago, and he could not have been. He was just such a nice guy and
loved. The more you trashed him, the more he loved. It was such a fun night.
Who the hell shoots David Ortiz? You know, that's like shooting Santa Claus. I
don't understand why somebody would do that.
I saw a video. It seems like other people in the immediate vicinity agreed and
did to him what would have happened if you shot Santa Claus, but she got the
shit kicked out of him.
What a world. Of all the fucking people, I just don't even understand it. It
didn't even seem like it was a robbery. He was just trying to kill him.
Is that one of those lunatics, like that guy who tried to shoot Reagan just so
he can get famous?
I don't get it. But fortunately, he's going to be okay and all of that stuff.
So, good for that. And a shout out to Aaron and Fred at Rivington Music Studios.
Thank you guys for, you know, they've been hooking me up here.
I've been playing drums over there when I can while I'm in town. Keeping my
chops up, you know, I have to for all the gigs I don't have.
And with that, and with that, it's Freckles birthday and I got a nice birthday
gift early last night when the Bruins came out.
Took it to the Blues and won game six in an incredible atmosphere in St. Louis.
I mean, they pulled out all the stops as you knew they would. They had Brett Hull,
who was hilarious.
And I don't understand. People are like sort of teasing him with his enthusiasm
and just immediately thinking that he was absolutely shitfaced.
That guy was always outspoken. He was always hilarious. And he's not introverted.
I'm not saying he didn't have a couple, two or three, but who cares? He was
having a great time.
My voice cracked. I smoked a cigar last night. Guy was having a great time.
And yeah, those fans were on the edge of their seats. They wanted the cup.
And the Bruins had their backs to the wall and figured out a way to beat them.
And now it is game seven on Wednesday. So, you know, who's going to win? Who
the hell knows?
All I know is we made some adjustments to what they were doing.
So, you learn more in a loss than you do in a victory.
So, Berube is going to make his adjustments and we'll see what happens on
Wednesday.
I was so frigging nervous during that game where I, you know, even when we went
up a couple of goals, I always knew, you know,
the Blues just always seem to have this ability that after you score a goal,
they come right back down and they score.
It just really just, it just takes the momentum out of what you did.
And I literally said to my buddy, I was watching the game, I was like, we need
a garbage goal.
We just need a garbage goal.
And we got one fucking knuckleball that was, came in like Phil Necro through it.
Yeah, that was a garbage goal.
But other than that, it was a nice solid victory for us.
But this series has been too back and forth to feel comfortable on either side.
But there's going to be a game seven Stanley Cup final in Boston on Wednesday.
And the Stanley Cup is coming to the Garden and somebody's going home with it.
I obviously hope that it's going to be us, you know, either way, if you're not
a hockey, you know, if you, this is a great game to tune into.
Game seven, Stanley Cup final doesn't get any fucking better than this.
The poor Blues fans have been waiting for 51, 52 years, longer than this old
fucking former redheads.
Well, I guess I'm always going to be a redhead.
It's still alive, has been alive, sorry.
And we're trying to win our second cup of the decade.
So we shall see.
It was, what a game.
I was so fucking nervous.
I was, you know, we scored the first goal.
I was watching in a bar.
You know, I'm not drinking now, so I'm just drinking waters.
And I brought a cigar, so we smoked in between the first and second period, put
it out, you know, watched the second period, relit it back up, put it out, and
then went in for the third period.
And I, but I spent most of the game outside the bar pacing, watching, was never
comfortable, I think, until we got the fourth goal was when I, when I finally
felt like I could relax a little bit.
And for whatever reason, I remember there was like seven minutes left for like
20 minutes, it felt.
And at one point, I remember looking in the bar, looking at a different TV, and
I saw Bryan Cranston.
And I was like, what the hell is Bryan Cranston doing at the Stanley Cup final?
I didn't know he was a blues fan.
He looks all happy, and he was wearing a bow tie.
He really dressed up for the game.
I didn't realize they had the Tony Awards on another TV.
And I got to see Bryan Cranston win a Tony, so congratulations to him.
And I also thought it was hilarious that they had the Tony Awards on in a
sports bar, you know what I mean?
Who said that, you know, a big, dumb sports bar can't be progressive?
We had on the Tonys!
And yeah, that was it.
And then we, we, oh my God, we somehow, yeah, somehow went into their building
and got a victory, which we needed to.
So, uh, but they, they're, they're a tough team.
They are a tough team to beat.
So somehow we're going to try to beat them two times in a row.
I have no idea what is going to happen on Wednesday, but, um, this has been a
hell of a final.
Um, and I got to tell you, man, like just hockey's the best fucking sport,
period.
That's it.
You know, it's just, there's nothing, there's nothing like playoff hockey.
It's just, it's the fucking best.
I would say a close second, match madness.
Um, just as far as like the adrenaline excitement level, just not letting up.
But, um, somebody asked me, said, oh, you're from Boston.
So you like all the Boston teams?
I was like, yeah.
So he goes, well, who was your favorite growing up?
And I was thinking about, I was like, yeah, I guess it was the Bruins.
It was always, it was always hockey, football.
Um, and then basketball and baseball were tied.
I think not tied in a bad way.
They just, you know, I hated the Yankees and I hated the Lakers.
Equally so I watched, you know, this is the one great thing.
I think the, why Boston has such crazy sports fans is because when I was
growing up, other
than the Celtics, we never won.
And not only did we not win, but our biggest rivalries rivals always seem to be
the most
successful people, you know, franchises in the sport.
And we were always like the Washington generals, like, you know, the Yankees
had won a zillion
fucking world series.
And we hadn't won in forever.
And the, our biggest rivalry rivalry with, was with the fucking Yankees, which
was hilarious.
I mean, it was a ridiculous rivalry to say it's a rivalry.
We've just, we were there fucking punching bag for like fucking 80 years.
Um, and then in hockey, we could just, we can never win in Montreal for them.
We would like regular season or playoff.
We didn't win a game in their fucking building for like two decades.
It was crazy.
I remember one time we had them beat and they scored in a regular season game
and they like
tied it up with like two seconds to go in the game.
Back then they didn't have overtime, just like ended in a tie.
So Montreal had a zillion cups and we had like five and we hadn't won in
forever.
Um, and then the Celtics, our biggest rivals were the Lakers and, uh, we owned
them right
up until 84.
But since then, uh, you know, they, they beat us in 85, 87 in 2009 and we beat
them in 2008.
So they, they turned the tide.
They won a bunch of titles and all of that shit.
So it's just that level of, uh, you know, you just hate them.
It's like if you live in Colorado or Detroit, how much the avalanche and the
Red Wings hated
each other.
We had that in all four sports.
And the Patriots was the fucking dolphins, believe it or not.
I don't even know if the Miami dolphin fans even realized that those fucking cunts,
they
went from Bob greasy couple of years.
They had David Woodley and Don Strzok, but then they went right to Dan Marino
and they
just beat our fucking ass from like the seventies, all the seventies, all of
the eighties.
And, and then all of a sudden Jim Kelly and the bills came along and, uh, I don't
know.
I was just, I was just looking and we just had, I don't know.
We did get to a super bowl in 86, but then got the living shit kicked out of us.
Cause we finally beat the dolphins in the orange bowl.
That was nothing.
We can never win in the orange bowl.
We can never been in the Montreal forum.
We could, we could never win in Yankee stadium.
Like just, we had these fucking places and we're just tortured.
And I think that that's why you have this.
I don't know why it's just such a great, uh, you need the rivalries.
I think, you know, I think that's why Pittsburgh's a great town sports town.
Like that Patrick division, they fucking hated each other.
I don't know.
I'm babbling because I'm so excited that we're, we still have a chance to win
this fucking thing.
Um, so anyway, uh, moving on, moving on here.
Um, I didn't get to see the formula one, but I saw the highlight and Sebastian
Vettel had
the fucking race.
One Lewis Hamilton was right on his ass, of course.
And I don't know what happened if he fucked up or what looked like he fucked up.
He missed this turn and he had to go into the grass, which is fine.
Um, but when he got back on the track, Lewis was trying to pass him on the
right and Vettel
defended, or he said he didn't have any grip because he had grass on his tires,
but they
gave him a time penalty.
So even though he came, he came in first, they took the race away from him.
And, uh, which as a race fan sucks, I understand the call, I guess, but it
sucks because it
would have been nice to see Ferrari win one and make this a little more
competitive instead
of giving the golden boy there, Lewis Hamilton, another fucking 25 points.
I just hope he doesn't pull away and it's like over by July.
I, you know, that's been a frustrating thing to see.
You want to see a nice fucking back and forth or at the very least between, you
know, the
two teammates there, um, Botas and Hamilton.
I don't know.
So, uh, anyway, I'm walking around.
I've been doing this movie.
I've been having such a great time.
Um, and you know, the fireman mustache looks good when I'm being the guy that I'm
being,
but I swear to God, this is hilarious too, cause it's gay pride week.
When I just walk around New York, I look like, I just look like an old queen
that never found
love.
You know, and it was, uh, it was pride week.
I, you know, I thought I would be getting some more looks, you know, I'm a vain
son of a
bitch, I'm a little disappointed.
The fellas weren't checking me out the way I thought they would go.
It's like, I'm in movie shape right now.
I got a big red village people mustache.
Like, come on, you know, give me a little fucking ego boost here.
You know, I was walking down, I was down, going to do a spot over in Caroline's.
Right.
And there was just, you know, I was at pride week.
Is that what it is?
I don't, I don't know.
I'm always out of the loop with all that social shit, but I knew it was, it was,
it was gay
day pride week, whatever the fuck it was.
And so everybody's, you know, doing that thing.
And there was one guy just standing there and he wrote us, he had this big
fucking sign
and then he wrote in small letters.
It was funny.
He, like, he didn't use the whole canvas.
He just wrote, God hates LGBT beha