Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-19
Uploaded: 2019-11-07T20:25:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-07. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-19

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in to see
how your work week
is going um i am here in boston i'm gonna get ready to do the fucking cam neely
dennis leary
benefit on saturday at the boston garden the td north bank garden whatever the
fuck they call it
how about your boston bruins they're just on a tear even though they lost a
close one to the hated
habs that's good for the frenchies up there right they get to cry into their
little fucking pocket
squared hankies um i love the way we're playing man playing incredible and i
have had barely had
any time to watch but i i check out the highlights and i can't hear myself for
some reason i don't know
why do i need to push this button here is that what it is oh there it is oh i
need a new speaker wire
um so anyway uh i haven't you know i moved away from here so goddamn long ago
that like i am having
difficulty a few times understanding the boston accent which is really
upsetting to me because
this is where i'm from i actually i did a couple of shows that laugh boston
um out on the pier it used to be where anthony's pier four was way out there
you know drive out to
this great italian restaurant it was like one of the greatest italian
restaurants in the country
and uh but you kind of took your life in your hands going out there because it
was uh it was
kind of shady out there out there on the wharf um but now it's all built up out
there like everything's
all built up now so i went down there um this was a thursday i went down there
tuesday night
do a quick 15 minute set and uh the club owner says to me he goes hey bill jube
over here
and i was like what jube over here i had to like process it oh he's saying did
you uber over here
jube over here uh yes i ubered over here uh
jube over here hey bill hey burp you fucking uber over here
did you fucking uber over here um yes i did i did uber over here
so uh that kind of surprised me it's the first time in a long time uh i think
ever that i haven't
been able to understand i think it's because uber has happened since i left so
i haven't heard uber
i always knew uh jeep no ju that was did you eat no did you i remember my vocab
improvement
uh teacher in high school used that's how he started jeep no ju saying how we
need to learn to
pronounce our words more so i knew that jew was did you you know most places it's
the beginning of
something anti-semitic but here that is did you ju uber over here jube over
here um i learned a new
one so anyway the first night i went up and the crowd was like a bunch of
teachers i think
because the headliner was a teacher right and uh i gotta tell you i did 15
minutes and when i tell you
that i ate my balls for 15 minutes i'm not i'm not joking it was straight up
just uh i mean i had a lot you know making fun of myself and all of that shit
throughout it but
jesus fucking christ the way comedy has changed um i don't know i feel like i'm
up there playing like
disco music in like the 90s well in 90s it was actually kind of cool and retro
in the 80s like
i don't even know like people just fucking staring at me you know i kind of
went up there trashing
white women in the beginning so i didn't get them on my side then i did the
lesbian story
it kind of like that and then i did the abortion thing and then jesus christ
just fucking ate my balls but i was having a good time
there's just like pockets of people laughing at me now i feel and i just feed
off of them
and i when i watch them laughing they're trying to suppress it it doesn't make
any sense to me it's
like you think it's funny could you help me out here and let it out
you know so but this is a very caring time everybody cares you know it's such
bullshit
did you see that fucking lady on abc when she had the hot mic as they kept
saying and she was talking
about that fucking epstein guy going we had this story three years ago we had
all evidence we had
photos we had film we had this lady we said we're going to protect her and all
of that shit
and abc douched that fucking story because they wanted they didn't want to fuck
up their interview
with prince harry and his actress fucking wife so they walk away from a story
about underage children
being uh underage children that's redundant underage kids being fucking uh uh
sexually assaulted raped and
everything on this fucking island by all these fucking rich guys
and then she did then she just and she fucking backs the whole you know time
she was bitching
she goes oh it drives me crazy i thought that she was bitching more that she
didn't get the story
she didn't get the scoop as they say in that business not that there were
actually kids having
this horrible stuff done to them and then she fucking backs off the whole thing
going that was a
private moment of frustration oh you mean the part where you said you had
evidence about all of these
fucking super rich people banging kids that was a private moment of frustration
and then it just all
and it all goes away all these years you guys talking to me about how i got a
tinfoil hat on and i talk
conspiracy and all of this shit you fucking explain this one to me where a news
anchor says what the
fuck she says and that is it no investigation no nothing do you think if she
said that about you
or me or anybody else if she fucking said that shit in her private moment of
frustration the feds would
be descending on that fucking news agency they'd get all the evidence they'd
find out who that witness was
and then they'd go to your house and you'd be cuffed as opposed to her just
going well that was just a
private moment of frustration can you fucking believe i mean talk about a
fucking sellout it's all about
money at the end of the day it's all about money those guys who are doing that
fucking horrific
shit and they were doing it i'm making so much money that everybody looks the
other way and that woman
there uh the news lady she's you know she doesn't want to lose her fucking job
so now she's just gonna
like be like oh yeah that was just and i was just you know i was a little
frustrated that day so uh i was
talking crazy unfucking believable and that fucking thing and this is what
kills me too is it trended on like
twitter for maybe a day and now it's gone
i don't fucking get it you know what i mean but if you're trying to get on a
sketch show that
shit lasts for a fucking week and somebody's pissed at you or you're a stand-up
comic or a
fucking actor you know let's let's it's time to vet those people but super rich
people on
fucking rape island kid rape island that's fine just yeah that'll trend for
like a day and then
that'll be it um oh the hypocrisy
shouldn't somebody be investigating that uh you had what story what evidence do
you have
who is this witness possibly we should follow up who were the people at abc
that squashed this story
hmm um
i don't know i don't know i don't pretend to know i don't fucking understand it
i don't understand you
um so anyways i'm psyched so last night i went back to laugh boston i did a
full show
did an hour of my in front of my crowd then all of a sudden i was funny again
um i had a great time last night i wish i recorded some of that shit because uh
i said a lot of shit that i don't remember what i said but i remember it was
really funny
um so i've been having a good time the whole fucking boston comedy scene i don't
even know where
it is it still exists i just don't know where it is so i that's been like the
thing all this week trying to find it
um and i felt really fortunate that when i started out there was two caught
there was nick's comedy stop
and there was the comedy connection in faneuil hall and then dick doherty had
all of these satellite
rooms and all of that shit and um you know so thank god laugh boston is laugh boston
is doing the work
of the old connection and um next comedy stop um
it's crazy it's really weird it's really weird this was always an amazing
amazing
place for stand-up and the people here you know just going around town talking
to people
they're as funny as ever and uh i don't know so go out to laugh boston support
the boston stand-up scene
um
great club man it's a great club in what used to be a bad location is now a
nice location the whole thing
i used to i used to go to emerson college way back in the day and emerson has
moved up the street
into where the combat zone used to be where all the hookers and the drug
dealers and all of that
shit and uh it's weird i don't even recognize it anymore um but it's a good
thing it's like i don't
know where all those prostitutes went you know i'm surprised the news didn't
interview them when
they talked about gentrification wait tonight where will the whores go i've
been sucking dick on this
block for like i don't know like 17 years and i feel like i got at least
another seven in me
i just just john's just all disappeared
people walking around carrying books um so
anyway yeah that's been my deal and i've just been trying not to eat poorly but
let's talk a little
bit of sports here the uh your boston bruins had a wild one against the uh the
pittsburgh penguins
um i got to work a little bit of the first and then some of the second period
and i missed the uh
the third period we scored like four goals it's incredible the amount of goal
scoring and just how
we haven't had this hangover anything like that um i'm just hoping we got a
couple of tough guys
on there because uh you know we owe the st louis blues a lot we owe them like
we need to run their
goalie for seven fucking games and sucker punch people and then wink to the
guys on the bench oh
i will never fucking get over that shit i will never get over that that fucking
that style of play that
i love that they just fucking they they douched out of the whole league and
then all of a sudden
it's like but this year we'll let the blues play it in the playoffs and they
let one of the shittiest
fucking teams in a long time win a stanley cup you know be one thing if
everybody had a tough guy and
it was a fucking level playing field those fucking assholes penalized us out of
our own goddamn
game for fucking 10 years and then we show up with the knife to a gunfight yeah
i'd never
fucking get over that shit but congratulations to all the long-suffering st louis
blues fans i'd
never take that away from you but jesus christ they had one line and a fucking
half-ass goalie
unbelievable anyway um plowing ahead here uh i'm gonna be uh doing some more
stand-up probably
tomorrow night uh up on route one at giggles my old pal wayne previty and uh
i don't know i'm really i don't know i'm having i'm having a fucking great time
back here i do i
still have not gotten over to the fucking td bank northgaden to for all my nieces
and nephews to buy
all the fucking you know brewing celtic shit then i got to go out to foxborough
and get the patriots
shit it's just trying to get everybody to give you their fucking sizes has uh
kind of been taken
forever so um i got to admit though you know after sitting there bitching that
there was no
fucking fish left they were saying 90 of all species of fish were gone and then
i was just i
was done eating fish except unless it was man-made salmon um i'm not gonna lie
to you i did go to
a chinese restaurant and i got some crab rangoo i didn't order it my wife
ordered it and i had a
couple pieces of that and i was just like now 91 of crab is gone
can i answer your question how the fuck is sushi still legal you know what i
mean everybody flips
out you can't club a baby seal but all the fucking fish are gone and you can
still go down
and get just fucking to your hearts can all you can eat sushi still fucking
exists
you know there's not all you can eat siberian tiger right you can't eat polar
bears can you
maybe if you're an indigenous person because it's part of your culture they
allow you to do it
you know shark fin soup all of that shit everybody