Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-19
Uploaded: 2019-11-21T22:41:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-21. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-19

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before Friday, Monday morning podcasting.
I'm just checking in on you. Oh, how was your week going? Hey, man, it's almost.
Hey, man.
Dig it, man. It's almost fucking Friday. Right. Then, you know, next week you
got the short week.
Huh? Short like your uncle who plays that crazy D every time you play fucking
basketball.
Little hairy fucker running all around, you know, always ends up on the skins
team.
Going by you just a fucking. I remember one time playing fucking pickup hoop
way back in the day.
And there was just this mountain of a man on the other team and who had no
shame.
And it was shirts and skins. And we wanted to be like, hey, buddy, you're fat
enough that we're not going to forget you.
And we're going to remember that you're on the other team. But no, he was like,
hey, I don't want any preferential treatment.
I want to be treated just like everybody else. OK, everybody on my team is
going skids. I'm going skids.
So he takes off his fucking pocket tee because what else is a giant fucking
person going to wear but a pocket tee?
Shout out to people who make pocket tees.
You know. Helping fatties around the world, sweatpants and pocket tees.
You know, shout out to the people that that designed the dimensions for those
for, you know, and then hand them off to those poor people that make three
dollars a month to sew that giant, you know.
They probably say in some sort of different language other than English, why
would you put a pocket on a tarp?
It's actually.
This might be hard for you to wrap your head around, but in other parts of the
world, there's such an abundance of food that your torso could get this fucking
bad.
Jeez.
We'll be right back with chatter, questions in a sweatshop after these messages.
I think that's a show that should be on Lifetime.
And I think Tara Reid should host it or Brooke Burke.
Remember all those shows back in the day?
You know, those travel things or didn't Tara Reid take over for Brooke Burke?
Didn't I do a bit about that with Kumia way back in the day and Opie and
Anthony?
I don't remember.
I have old brain.
Was that a week ago?
Was that 10 years ago?
Or did it happen to somebody else or did it never happen?
I was reading about the Nazi hunters this morning on my phone.
I picked up my phone, see if I had any text messages.
And next thing you know, I was on the Internet.
And next thing you know, I was I was reading about Adolf Eichmann.
How does that happen?
I don't know.
I have no idea.
Maybe my wife was was asking for a pair of boots for Christmas, you know, and I
clicked on boots.
And then it was like, who had the greatest boots of ever of ever, ever?
Sorry.
Not of ever.
Who had the greatest boots ever?
And then if you read enough on boots, eventually you're going to end up with
the Nazis, you know, and there'll be some fashionista out there that's going to
be talking about, you know, as much as what they did was horrible.
I got to tell you, they looked really sharp when they were doing it.
And the next thing you know, you're reading about Adolf Eichmann.
I don't think that's how it went down, but I find that fascinating that.
That after World War Two, for whatever fucking reason, what is it about South
America?
Oh, they even sing that down there.
What is it about them?
That they're such an empathetic continent that even they could see the good in
the Nazis, you know?
Okay, yes, he's instrumental in at least, you know, 500,000 deaths himself, you
know, but here's something else you might want to take into consideration.
Do you know he's really into sailing?
You know, he actually paints portraits of schooners.
I mean, let's try and judge the whole person.
Yeah, are there any movies about that?
I have seen some, like, documentaries on that, but I don't know.
That just fascinates the hell out of me that, I mean, talk about the ultimate
fucking fugitive.
I mean, these serial killers, what do they get up?
30, 40 pedestrian numbers.
These fucking, you're sitting there walking around trying to blend into society
and you've killed 500,000 fucking people.
Hey, what's your name?
Oh, Frank.
What the fuck?
And then the Mossad, they would somehow track these fucking people down, you
know?
And they would then observe them and double-check to make, triple-check to make
sure it's the right fucking person.
Then they had to kidnap them out of the fucking country.
Like, they drugged Adolf Eichmann and somehow dressed him as a flight attendant,
which I don't get.
It's like some weekend at Bernie's shit.
And, you know, why is this guy passed out?
Oh, don't worry.
He's not the pilot.
He's just the flight attendant.
Ha, ha, ha.
And then they fucking got him out of there.
And, oh, I know how I ended up doing this.
This is how I got up to fucking Eichmann.
Was I went on to Twitter and, once again, someone was tweeting something about
whatever was going on with Trump, but I had no idea what it was.
I read it.
Patton Oswalt retweeted something about the New York Times.
And it was the front page.
And I read the whole thing and none of it meant anything to me because they
wouldn't actually say what was going on.
And they're assuming that you've been following the story, which I haven't been.
And then it's a politician answering questions, trying to implicate somebody
else while keeping his own ass out of the sling.
So it was very vague speak.
But he did, he used the expression, I was following orders.
So, of course, everybody jumps on that and like, following orders.
And, yeah.
I think my next search and the next thing you know, I was reading about those
fucking guys.
I guess the angel of death guy, that piece of shit, he actually fucking died of
a stroke, drowned while swimming.
They never caught that motherfucker.
I don't know.
If anybody knows of a really good doc, I saw one documentary where they
followed this fucking former Nazi guy.
And they finally cornered the guy.
And there was like three of them.
And the Mossad guys, they stripped out of their fucking BVDs because they didn't
want any bloody clothes or whatever.
And they got this guy and they honed in on his greed or something.
And he wasn't making as much money, you know.
And he was the shit.
When he was in fucking Germany, he had all this shit that he stole or whatever,
right?
So they bring him into the room and it's the Joe Pesci moment.
He thinks he's got to get made.
He's like, ah, no.
Except there was no guns.
They couldn't make any noise.
And they started beating this guy.
And they said he fought like a fucking lion.
And the guy was like in his 50s or 60s at that point.
It was at one point there was actually a question of whether they were going to
win the fight or not.
And they finally got the guy.
And then it was fucked up.
Because every time they caught one of those guys, then there would be all this
anti-Semitic shit that happened down in Brazil.
I had no fucking idea.
You know?
I thought everybody down there was cool.
Now, I'm not judging the whole goddamn continent.
You know?
But when your foreign policy is as fucked up as ours, it's nice every once in a
while to see another continent doing some bad shit.
Granted, it takes a whole continent.
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I went to the Celtics game last night out here in Los Angeles.
I saw the Boston Celtics against the Los Angeles fucking Clippers.
And this is hilarious.
The first half of that game might have been the most boring NBA game I ever
went to.
And what was hilarious was Floyd Mayweather was sitting in the front row at the
game.
And I was too far away.
Plus, I also lacked the balls.
But I was thinking a great heckle at that moment in the game would have been
like,
Hey, Floyd, the first half of this game is as boring as your last 22 pay-per-view
fights.
And when he turns around and looks at you, be like, dude, fuck you.
I'm like 1,200 bucks in on you on absolute snooze fests.
I get your little roll of the shoulders.
You turn sideways.
Oh, nobody can see you, but you're right there.
Hit somebody!
Poo-poo-poo-poo.
Having said that, he's one of the greatest of all time.
But Jesus.
Did I get fucked over on a lot of pay-per-views with that guy.
So it was boring as shit.
I'm sitting there laughing with my buddy the whole time we're going to the game.
I go, they're going to lose this game.
Because they're not going to lose.
They got a great fucking team.
By the way, I don't even recognize half the people on the fucking team.
I mean, they really shook it up over there, okay?
Jason Tatum was still there.
Mark is smart.
Everybody else seemed to be, like, brand new.
Who's this Brad Wanamaker?
Is that how you said?
He had a great fucking game.
Shout out to Daniel Theus for actually going up and trying to block a dunk.
Granted, he got fucking, you know.
Posterized, as they said back in the day.
But I like that he actually challenged him.
Leonard, my God.
It was a fucking monster dunk.
That was, like, right in front of us, too.
I don't know.
But I like our team.
But I was saying to my buddy, I go, dude, I've been to this fucking game since
I've been out in L.A.
I've gone to this game, like, four times.
And every time the Clippers win.
Whether pre-Blake Griffin.
I saw the big three.
Blake Griffin might have been there.
Like, ten years ago, the big three.
I went out there.
And they fucking, I went to the game.
And they fucking lost to a no-name Clipper team.
And this is basically the deal.
Okay?
I've found with Boston teams when they go out there.
If the Bruins come out and they got, like, Anaheim and then the Kings or then
the Kings and then Anaheim.
One of the games they're going to win and one of the games going to be a stinkeroo.
Because there's just too much talent out there.
And I'm not talking about the teams, if you know what I mean.
Okay?
They see the Hollywood sign.
They see the glitz.
Some of the top fucking ash.
A lot of work out there.
And that is my theory.
They come out there.
They fuck around.
I mean, I knew these guys that work for another NBA team.
And they used to bring their NBA team.
They try to keep them down Manhattan Beach.
They try to keep them away from the horse so they could go in there and get a W.
I don't think that that's actually the issue.
Because the first, I don't know, the first half was like a fucking snooze fest.
And then in the second half, they came out guns a-blazing.
It went into overtime.
It was a great game.
And I tell you, I really enjoyed watching Doc Rivers work in the refs.
Former Celtic coach, Lana Huck, all of that.
One of the fucking Hall of Famer, right?
That fucking guy.
I mean, Brad Stevens was almost at half court, too.
But, like, he spent half the game almost at half court.
And he has such seniority, they're not going to tell him to get back in the
coach's box.
Between the end of the game and the beginning of overtime, he spent his entire
time working one of the refs.
And the refs just sitting there listening to it.
It was at no point.
It was like, hey, Doc, you might want to go over and talk to your team.
You want to win this fucking game.
They came out and beat us.
But I got to tell you, it was great.
There wasn't a lot of overly, look what I just did, celebrating.
I think the fact that Leonard does what he does during a game and doesn't
fucking barely even blink an eye,
I think it makes everybody tone down.
They're ripping open their shirts, acting as though they're turning into
Superman.
I scored a touchdown.
Am I Clark Kent turning into Superman?
No.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
You're really not.
Anyway.
Do you think the Musa did that?
And when they caught one of the fucking Nazi hunters, do you think they then
pretended to fucking be...
If they didn't do that, if they didn't just capture a guy that killed 500,000
of their own fucking people,
and they didn't do a little fucking, you know, whatever the fuck these kids are
doing today,
then how are you justifying that after you just hit a 