Name: Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-19
Uploaded: 2019-12-10T23:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-19' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-10. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-19

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
december 9th 2019 what is going on how are you how are you how's it going how
are you doing i
know people in kansas city are happy huh you fucking molasses barbecue eating
motherfuckers
how sticky are your fucking faces right now we finally beat him oh my god um
congratulations
to you long-suffering cunts in the fucking western part of missouri i know you
fucking
probably got an extra fucking order of fucking baby back ribs you know the
reason why i'm doing
this to you guys with the food thing is for some reason that's just what you
have to do in sports
like they always think you know everybody in boston's eating fucking clam chowder
or some
fucking stupid seafood dish you know baked beans you know every time fucking philly's
in some sort of
fucking big time game what are they always got to teach the rest of the world
how to order a
cheesesteak here you go to you guys give me a whiz wit hey you fucking go fuck
you give me a philadelphia
cheese steak i can't wait to fucking go there again and just say the whole
fucking order just make the
fucking thing you cunt um you gotta say give me one wit one without oh do i is
that what i have my
fucking money's green um anyway yeah uh this is what i was talking about early
in the fucking season i kind
of saw this second half coming um just gronkowski not being there and uh we do
not have a legit
number two threat and these guys are just not stepping up and they're fucking
doubling edelman
and then we get threes and outs and then our defense gets tired and you can't
do that against the elite
teams in the nfl just making uh i don't know dropping balls and fucking not
picking up that
there's a blitz and breaking off your router at least looking back at brady
they're just not doing it
and uh our offense is fucking anemic now i know there was some questionable
calls but they make
fucked up calls on both sides i i fucking hate blaming the refs
so um you know oh fuck you know i talked to verzi i i wish i brought that up
because he was the guy he
told me early in the season he goes pats are gonna do it again their fucking
defense is unbelievable it's
like dude we're playing the dregs of the nfl i think i would hedge my bet until
we you know we see you
know where we're at you know we had antonio brown for like a fucking week and
and you know then that all
went to shit and we still have a gaping hole there's just you know edelman is
our threat
everybody knows it and then they double them up and then that's kind of been it
um
so i am still sticking with my super bowl picks that i don't do until november
i don't like get
these people who try to do it at the beginning of the year i mean why don't you
go out and go try
to hit a full court shot you don't know what the anybody's gonna do you really
don't oh they picked
up this guy they lost that guy yeah you know you gotta watch him play for a
couple months
so i still think it's gonna be the ravens against the seahawks although the seahawks
made
me a little nervous tonight they did not have a good game or even look good
against the uh the la rams
huge win for the rams and a big huge loss for the seattle seahawks they were in
the driver's
seat to have home field they already beat the 49ers in san francisco and then
they were gonna
have to come to their loud ass stadium and now they've that up so that last
game
of the year is gonna be huge so now if seattle and 49ers both win the rest of
the way out they
play each other the last game of the year i believe and that's gonna be in seattle
oh that's
gonna be a big game that is gonna be a big game but i just think uh
i don't know the only reason why i'm picking seattle over the 49ers this is my
logic is i just feel like
like they both have incredible teams with talent both sides of the ball and i
always think that when
that is the deal it's gonna come down to the coach and i just think p carroll
is the best coach
is a better coach at this point i mean i might be wrong i don't know about the
49ers guys but pete has
been there so i just think he's gonna come up with a game plan and as long as
everybody stays healthy i
think he can get him uh but if they go on the road again in the playoffs and
have to go back in to san
francisco okay it's very hard to beat who knows who knows what the fucking
happened but uh patriots
are on the outside looking in i mean we're at the point right for the fucking
buffalo bills could win
the division so um it's been a long time since you know i've just seen like you
know people usually play
above their level and and i would think i don't know what the pats that's kind
of what we need
with everybody else in the receiving core that isn't edelman you kind of got
you got to give this guy
you got to give them a reason to put him in single coverage or uh it's it's i
don't know it's been a
fucking you know it's it's been uphill for them that's just how it's been but kansas
city they came
into foxborough and they beat the pets even after we went up seven to nothing
they came back so you got
to give it to them and uh mahomes fighting through that hand hand injury so no
sour grapes here
um with that one all right raider fans still crying about the tuck rule this is
how a man takes a loss
oh they're fucking referees um anyway i've been a tough sports weekend here for
me i watched the
avalanche come in jesus christ went up one nothing what a team they got big
fast and some snipers on
that team i think they got you know they got that kid i don't even know what
his name is been so damn
busy since i became a dad but uh i know it's either that kid who's on a avalanche
or mcdavid on edmonton
as far as the best guy in the league a lot of people are saying but uh i was
very impressed with
them they kind of reminded me of those great la king teams earlier in this
decade where they were just
just really big and really fast i still don't think they had i don't think any
king's teams had the
speed of what i saw with the avalanche the replay of the game as much as i
watched it but um
all right so what are you going to do let's get back to nfl football here the
49ers win 48 to 46
against the fucking new orleans saints and for some reason everybody's all
excited about the 49ers i i
would not be excited as a 49er fan that you let up 46 fucking points to a team
that you could possibly
see in the playoffs i would not be excited you should never be excited when
when you're
fucking possibly the game of the year for what on what yeah on one side of the
ball other than that
it was a fucking shit show they let up 90 those defenses combined let up 94
fucking points i don't know uh
i don't know who's excited about that but hey how about lsu
won the sec championship championship they beat georgia 37 to 10. ohio state
wins the big 10
by beating wisconsin 34 21. now as far as i can tell the way the ncaa works
here
considering lsu won easily manhandled georgia by 27 fucking points and the fact
that osu only won
by 13 points then does lsu now become number one because i remember when they
beat number one alabama
in alabama but fucking osu put up 70 points on that powerhouse maryland they
somehow became i i will
never understand the fucking ncaa how they decide because here's the thing i'm
not saying lsu could
beat ohio state you know we can figure that out is if they play each other but
i just don't understand
how i how state beating penn state you know lsu where they beaten like fucking
three or
four teams in the top 10 had a way way harder schedule i don't understand it
but that's just
how college football is and you know what they have a playoff system thank
fucking god because
back in the day osu would have just won the national championship i guess they
still would
have had to win their bowl game um at least lsu and osu will play each other
and i have no idea
um how that'll go down i don't watch enough college ball to even predict it so
who knows maybe they're
right maybe osu is better than lsu i have no idea but if lsu wins with uh that
would be pretty great
for joe burrows the team that wouldn't couldn't give him any fucking time but i
mean he can't get mad
at osu i mean they're loaded with fucking talent the fact that the guy that
couldn't even get on the
fucking field is now going to win a heisman trophy possibly for somebody else's
i'll tell you that's
pretty fucking amazing um so what have you guys been doing i feel like i'm
doing all the talking here
tell me about you guys what have you been doing how you go to you've been going
to your christmas
parties isn't it an amazing thing when you get older you know you get to the
end of the
fucking year and there's all these christmas parties when you're young they're
fun go there get
shit face maybe you get laid get a fucking hammer as they used to say back in
beantown dude he gave
him a fucking hammer dude she gave him a hammer what am i talking about here um
maybe that was progressive
way to say it dude she gave him a fucking hammer in the back seat of his
fucking christ the cordoba
um now when you get older it's like you get there you got kids you're fucking
show up you're already
tired a fucking christmas party but it's like playing the thursday night game
in the nfl where
you you're still fucking sore from four days ago um but it's been fun man it's
christmas parties out
here in la are fun you run into all these fucking people that are uh you don't
see because they're
they're road dog and you're road dog and so i got to run to a bunch of comics
that i don't get to hang
out with that much and uh we get a couple more coming up so um it's been good
so far i gotta get my
fucking christmas shopping going i don't even know what the fuck i'm gonna get
no fucking idea you know
do i do what all you guys do do i just order it on the internet all right let's
let's look this
shit up let's let's help let's help myself out and possibly you guys out let's
look at uh top christmas
gifts of 2019 for her you know what's funny let me let me go back here for let's
see for teens
for kids for her for girls for men there it is one two three four five we're
ranked fifth we're out of
the playoff we you you can go home sir after your ball game then it's toddlers
then teen boys young
adults wife we already said her didn't we and then mom okay that's the top one
two three four five six
seven eight nine ten that's the ncaa top ten fucking gifts all right what do i
go for wives
so your wives are her let's go her first let's see what what hers are getting
for christmas
all right aqua marine necklace i don't even know what that is but women do not
want some seafaring
horseshit don't buy that you know this is all money is thrown out okay gifts
for her 37 bet best gift
ideas for ladies in 2019 yeah this is just gonna be all clickbait let's see
what's beneath this
uh 54 best gifts for men the men in your life 25 super thoughtful oh gifts not
gifts
for foodies this might be legitimate walmart's ultimate hot holiday toy list
for 29 what the
fuck do they send in a selling a walmart a shacket do they make those for toddlers
these are just all creepy dolls they got shit toys at walmart what are these
people
fucking people trampling themselves
trampling other fucking americans to go get xoxo friends multi-pack surprise
you can have a fucking herniated disc over that shit
you know i just swear to god i don't know you know you know what's funny you
shop at walmart that's
literally like going to the a bad part of town and you get mugged i mean i feel
bad for you but
what you know at some point it's like what are you what are you going down
there at two o'clock in the
morning for what did you think was going to happen all right here we go 37 gift
ideas for every woman in
your life a leather pocket wallet
16.99 all right i got to get out of this what the are we doing here
what are we in seventh grade you can't buy a 17 gift for a woman
jesus christ you know you 