Name: Bill Burr | Suggested Sober Activities
Uploaded: 2020-01-31T17:22:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Suggested Sober Activities' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Suggested Sober Activities' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-31. Transcript available.

so now what do i do huh you know i can't i don't drink i don't smoke cigars
you know i don't know about this fucking helicopter shit now you know
people are all my friends everybody's you gotta stop doing it you gotta stop
doing it so
if i stop doing that what the fuck do i do now what do what do i do
people if i'm not killing myself or attempting to kill myself how do i fill the
day
that is my question you know what i'm gonna look up right now i'm gonna look up
sober life activities sober life activities all right all right now i got my
eyes shut i'm not
looking i'm gonna let's i'm gonna try to guess they probably have we'll have 10
i'm gonna try to guess
some uh join a sports league uh take up a hobby
get into cooking take a cooking class join a gym go on walks watch some live
music
uh take a vacation i wonder what they're gonna say all right substance abuse
but 30 funds 30
99 things to do when you're sober
throw a sober dinner party oh yeah i gotta tell all you users out there man
this is the fun you're missing throw a sober dinner party invite your closest
friends over for dinner
and dessert substitute alcoholic beverages for delicious and refreshing fruit
infused cocktails
playlists with piano or classic tones to keep the vibe classy and elegant check
out spotify has already made playlists
according to the mood or genre all right fuck that
uh rejuvenating spa day at home solo or with friends invite a few girlfriends
over for herbal tea
i like this couple chicks over i get a massage out of this what's going on here
is this for women only um watch movies and give each other manicure and pedicures
don't forget the face mask and hair conditioning treatments too
this is a fun way to pamper yourself and help improve your appearance at the
same time
okay all right number three guys night out slash girls night out plan a weekend
to go camping fishing
or to a sporting event in town
i would go camping or fishing i wouldn't go to a sporting event you watch
everybody else getting shit-faced
having a good time
uh exercise run box do yoga hot okay i got this one here we go hot yoga hike
swim anything
just get out there stretch it out break a sweat exclamation yeah fuck this go
for a drive
bubble baths not just for women
hey bill you don't drink half a bottle of bourbon anymore what are you doing
said i take a bubble bath
is there anything more boring than taking a fucking bath jesus fucking christ
and you're just sitting there in your own filth in that fucking dirty water and
it's just so goddamn hot
i always feel like you know this must be what it's like
you know the first five minutes you know if you accidentally
encountered a tribe of cannibals and they stuck you in the pot like
at first it's like bath water
oh this is nice
they're so friendly uh play a game of golf i wonder what what a good side dish
is for uh
eating a human being
uh play a game of golf or practice your swing at the driving range oh my god go
for a drive
meditate read a book go see a movie volunteer your time and services that's
probably the most
productive one to get yourself out of your own fucking head
play basketball yeah great go blow out your fucking achilles
uh go swimming
go for a walk and and smile at every person you pass by oh great
hey how are you sober psycho
write in your journal
create a new playlist for yourself or as a gift for someone else
oh my god this is just showing this is showing why people get fucked up
plan a garden
organize and clean out your closet and donate at least 10 items
this thing's all over the map are you trying to not be a hoarder or all right
fuck this thing
this person claims 99 things to do sober
clip your toenails
see if you can get it in all one piece
no sorry
go to local cinema
subscribe to tv streaming service
watch to your heart's content
watch all the golden globes and oscar nominees for best picture
revisit all seasons of game of thrones before the final season
watch all 10 seasons of friends
oh my god why would you do any of this to yourself
put on a movie marathon buy a crossword puzzle book
learn ballet or tap dancing
i would learn tap dancing because i just think it would be fucking hilarious if
in secret you became really great at tap dancing
and then when you just busted it out
you know
turn on yankee doodle dandy
then you do the big windmill
and people like what in the fuck is going on
and you just have this crazy smile on your face
um go ballroom dancing
watch cirque du soleil
go to a theme park like disneyland
dress up and attend the opera
attend an art exhibit
listen to songs of all your favorite singers in one night
woo this is better than getting boozed man
sing in a karaoke place in front of a lot of people
play board games
i'm gonna start crying
go on an alcohol free food trip
relax in a bubble bath
have breakfast in bed
update your fashion sense
read celebrity websites and keep up with the kardashians
this is all why people drink
this is really pathetic
run around the neighborhood in really nice running shoes
oh yeah this is so much better than heroin
sign up for a gym membership
try out trendy workouts like crossfit
or underwater aerobics
i swear to god this isn't a joke
go bowling
go bowling
my god that's 10 lanes of fucking booze bags
all right here's one
this is the last one i read
this one's throwing down
20 sober activities that are more fun
than using drugs or drinking
these fucking assholes say bubble bath
do you like team sports
there are leagues for bowling softball
touch flag football soccer hockey
well playing hockey could be fun
start reading
oh yeah that's way better than fucking
you know taking dmt and seeing what the
another universe looks like
sit down and read fucking george and the
fucking man with the yellow hat
visit a hobby or craft shop
join a gym
take classes at your local ymca
start an online course
start an offline
that is to say
it happens in the real world course
find public gardens in your area
visit a zoo or an aquarium
oh yeah
nothing makes me fucking forget about booze
like an imprisoned animal
uh volunteer
that's a good one
learn to
how to write songs
all right
okay you know what i'm gonna do
i'm gonna finish this podcast
and i'm gonna go right to a goddamn liquor store
wow that was a big fucking swing and a miss
the reality is
i don't want to say what i'm gonna say
because it's too goddamn negative
about sobriety
all right i'm sorry
i apologize for all of that shit
i'll tell you what's great about being sober
is waking up having not drank
that's fucking great
and i'm not gonna lie to you
it is fucking great
till about 4 4 30 in the afternoon
and then it sucks
until you go to sleep
all right
that's the truest shit
i can tell you about it
okay
good luck
all right
and there ain't enough bubble baths
in the fucking world
and spotify playlists
and fucking fruity sober fucking drinks
that you can drink
that can make up for that