Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-20
Uploaded: 2020-02-28T17:33:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-20

Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before
Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you sorry how are you
how's
your week going oh is it almost over isn't that great I was working my ass off
this week
I'm just you know when you get so busy you're like I'm just trying to get to if
I can just
get to March 3rd and you what do you think you think it's all gonna be downhill
all the
craziness is gonna be end it's gonna end and we pass this project I'm gonna
have my free
time back I can get into my feels man but here's the deal you're the one who
booked your fucking
schedule so crazy I'm really not talking to you I'm talking to me right now I'm
the one
who booked the fucking crazy schedule and then I'm acting like next month I'm
not gonna be me
still without doing any work on uh whatever the fuck it is that I'm doing um
whatever I I have a
other than doing this podcast I got today off sort of run around my daughter's
got a bigger bed had
to go pick that fucking thing up I gotta go put that goddamn thing together it's
a labor of love
but you know it still takes up the time during the day um and do I get any
thanks you know do I get a
ticket tape parade do you see me going on the social media saying that I'm I'm
uh underserved uh so and so
you want to hear me complain all you got to do is turn on this podcast
I like putting shit together I don't know what happens to my brain I just slow
everything down I get
fucking patient instead of impatient I I look at all the instructions I count
out all the things that
I'm supposed to have I set them up in little piles and I get like super fucking
like anal about the
whole thing right because I'm not gonna say OCD the way people say narcissist
and fucking sociopath I was
just talking about that with somebody just everything is just like there's like
there's four or five
psychological conditions that uh people who are not psycho psychologists
diagnose everybody's ass
narcissists sociopaths uh OCD ADD and uh what's the last one oh this is always
his toughest one
family feud yeah the dumbest family member the one they had to go last in the
rotation can you can
you eat up some innings you dumb fuck right what do we got here um I would say
what's your five
everybody's diagnosis narcissistic sociopath OCD ADD and then I'm gonna say uh
uh uh epileptics to underground uh would you go what's that fucking thing
autistic on the spectrum
somewhere on the spec you're somewhere on the spectrum you know wide birth 180
degrees all
out in front of you right 270 all the way over to 90 um that's what I would say
most people are
diagnosed as that you know except I've never gotten any of those diagnoses I
got uh I've gotten um
borderline dyslexic and I've also been diagnosed as a cunt
anyway um I've been all over the map um this past month and I haven't had time
to work out but does
that's that shouldn't stop you from living the best you that you can while
someone else sews to get in
their clothes and sleeps on a concrete slab in a country that for some reason
is considered less
lesser than um I've still been able to get like workouts in I just do the body
weight ones which is
easy for your legs right easy easy um squats and whatnot planks and whatnot and
all that type of
shit and you know I've fucking jacked my shoulder a couple times but I've been
able to just you know
I don't fucking just freeze it up again I keep it moving you know oh shit you
know what I was
watching real sports Brian Gumbel Brian Gumbel Brian Gumbel's real sports Brian
have you talked to Greg
lately Gumbel I was watching his uh his show they always that's such a great
show um and they were
showing this guy that was on uh I want to say he was on the nationals and he
says I'm good at two
things uh you know throwing a baseball and pissing people off and I was
thinking all right that's a
that's that's something a young person says you know um but then I actually
watched him
and uh hey Nia you want to come down and do the podcast for a second talk about
Brian Gumbel
so anyway so we're watching so it turns out the kid's actually like super super
super smart
and he's doing all these these you know he doesn't ice his arm down like they've
always told you to do
he does like what active recovery or some shit like that yeah that little stick
that wand thing
come sit here so we can we can hear you watch out for my little fucking my
smoothie there my almond
smoothie oh yeah the belt was my belt was feeling a little tight yesterday so
um anyway um
Brian Gumbel Brian Gumbel yeah Brian Gumbel got the dad brain here so we're
watching this thing so we
always watch them they just have these amazing stories and these guys go out in
the field they
get the stories and then what happens is inevitably is they come back into the
studio and they fucking
start talking to Brian Gumbel who for whatever reason seems to have a clipboard
or some sort of
like a pad of paper like a legal pad and a pen and he's like furiously taking
notes he's like writing
it down it's like Brian what are you writing down the story's over it's done
they come in with all the
information what are you making notes about like it's just so preposterous I
swear to god he's writing
down like what his assistant needs to get him or like what he wants for dinner
that night or something
like that I know because what is he going to go do a follow-up interview what
is he writing down
like with his glasses like just you know scribbling it down and being like all
right so follow up and
it's like you know what it's already I don't know and then I like how his
diagnosis is the diagnosis
even the guy says he goes don't you think he's you would you say he's a little
little paranoid
and the guy goes I I would say he's a little defensive so he's like sensitive
yeah and he goes
yeah a little sensitive he goes so paranoid with a small p it's like yes Brian
whatever you say
yep exactly yeah write that down on your little legal pad in a small p it's
your show so whatever
whatever you want it to be sir you really cracked me up we were just sitting
there watching listen to
the story and then Nia just looks over she goes the fuck is he writing down why
is he always writing
down things what could he possibly be writing down it's like damn near a scripted
show like I don't
understand what the notes are about but I don't know maybe he's that has to be
the joke with the
prop people there when they on like we got to get him his pad and his pencil
yeah maybe he is
thinking of follow-up stuff maybe he is watching these segments for the first
time and then sitting
down with the people but I just don't I don't think that that's true you know
what that reminded
me of remember a long time ago uh when Dave Letterman was out for a week and he
had all those guest
hosts and Will Ferrell came in he hosted the show he was amazing and then he
just had this random
question you just he'd be asking just normal oh you did this movie what was it
like and then all
sudden yes I don't know how much you weigh and then you tell him how much you
weigh and then
he would just write it down and would never address it and continued on and
then everybody
on the show who came out he asked them how much they weighed and then Jake Johansson
was
the comedian that night and Jake came out and you know and when he did his
intro hey how's
everybody going and then he looked over at uh Will and he goes uh 185 and he
did his set
uh yeah it was fun oh it was funny I'm gonna get in trouble oh so it's okay
when a white guy
randomly writes something down uh yeah okay that's I just wanted to talk about
that oh that's it
I don't know no I don't really have to do you want to talk about the Bruins
versus the Calgary Flames
I know nothing about that the Celtics versus the Utah Jazz again I'm at a loss
uh blaming generations
for 200 oh blaming generations oh like it's the baby boomers fault and that's
what some I just heard
something this morning oh what that stupid thing we listened we took our lovely
daughter to the doctor
yeah she's awesome everything's going great thank god and she's uh just a
general checkup
for everybody freaks out making sure she can you know cognitive everything she
has a checkup they
do their facilities yeah they're gonna see her next year the next time she has
a birthday it's yeah it's
all good so we were fucking driving and we're listening to NPR because we're in
Nia's car and Nia
is just so smart and just so loves information so I do love information you
know I've been listening to
I've been listening to uh on uh one of the Ramones what is it Johnny Ramone the
drummer he's like the
only guy left and he's got this great fucking show on Sirius I'll get you guys
the name of it he's
called the Godfather and he plays all of this fucking killer music from back
then that I I never
listened to I was never into that shit he plays like uh everything from the
shit that was going UCB
but like deep tracks of all of those bands bands I never heard of and then he
did um he did
this this this song by Black Flag called Slide It In and there's this little
snare drum fill in the
beginning slide it in slide it in it's a very dirty it's not suggestive at all
not at all so
there's a drum fill in there and I was like oh my god I've I've heard somebody
do their variation of
that and it was Dave Grohl when he was on Queens of the Stone Age I wonder if
that's where
his not because I know he was like a big punk drummer uh loved all the punk
drummers I mean and
was in a punk band and all that was into Bonham and all of that stuff and I
remember whenever you
say he was in a punk bands I was like god I just never got into that shit so I'm
listening to this
and I'm hearing all this great music which is fucking amazing it was really
good and uh then I heard
this little drum fill I mean Dave did a whole drum solo before and then in the
end he did like I think
he gave a little nod to that guy which made Dave even cooler in my book um
pretty pretty damn cool
yeah so uh wait so anyways I know I got off track so we're driving over to the
doctors and we're
listening to NPR wait wait but can I ask a question real quick as you said the
Ramones did they sing
that song 2020 24 hours ago I want to be sedated nothing to do nowhere to go oh
I want to be sedated
can we start an awful band put me on a something
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I want to be sedated gotta finish it
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I want to be sedated
me and Renee Hill everybody thanks for stopping by the podcast
that would be perfect to end it there but I have to talk to you about your pretentious
NPR listening I like it I like NPR but they were talking about like this time
during the history
of France that was the zone zone to the back which was beautiful era beautiful
era right
so they were talking of course they were focusing on all the stuff that women
did back then right
because it's NPR talking about the art that was depicted at the time and some
of the art that
was depicted of was of the women doing domesticated work and they were just
describing how the
paintings and portraiture looked but of course the descriptions here are Nia's
thoughts owned and
they're not shared by the Monday morning podcast
no one can say anything about anything having to do with women without you
taking umbrage to it because
you're so fucking fragile in your masculinity
admit it anyone talks about anything women are doing you're like oh so what
fucking guys are sitting
at home like picking their ass like what about us Nia you are ignoring I'm not
saying that there's not
a lot of truth in that all right but what you did ignore it was they were like
showing all these paintings
they were going like they just showing you know how much of the workforce was
women back then like 30% of the workforce was women
doing laundry doing laundry right and they