Name: Bill Burr | Flat Earth Steam Rocket Man
Uploaded: 2020-02-28T18:14:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Flat Earth Steam Rocket Man' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Flat Earth Steam Rocket Man' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

um all right let's let's right out of the gate let me i just want to address
something that you
know it was really annoying the out of me so this guy right he was a flat earther
which i got to be honest with you where did these people come from who are
these people
you know it was proven like we were flat earthers and then somebody finally
said wait a minute it's
it's round and then the church decided to kill the guy right oh no wait when he
said the sun was the
center of the fucking solar system it's like no where the earth is we are
because god made us like
in his fucking thing his image right wasn't something like that
i don't know i don't fucking know but anyway we kind of uh sailed around it
pointed in one
direction and came back on the other side and these guys are trying to say i
don't understand why
what is the benefit to lying
what is the end game we have to tell them it's round man
why i get all the other ones saying that money has value saying these people
are evil doers
saying these people just want to give it to the poor saying these people just
want to keep all the
money i get i i understand the motives in that i just don't know what is what
is flat earthers
let me ask you this
flat flat earthers are the same people who watch one of those fucking netflix
documentaries and like
you know i don't think that guy did it um
i had a buddy of mine one time
fucking he watched that stupid curtain and courtney uh love documentary and by
the end of it they had
convinced him that courtney love killed kurt cobain and i was sitting there
going dude do you really think
that a fucking drug addict from three states away
fucking organized a hit in the seattle police department couldn't figure that
out
haven't you ever watched the first 48 you ever see a mobster on that no you see
a bunch of
fucking dopes who killed somebody for the first time getting caught
anyway why the fuck would she kill him he wrote her whole album
um makes no sense so flat earthers i don't understand can somebody explain to
me
because i'll be honest with you i don't know if the earth's around okay any
more than anybody else does
all these people are going dude you fucking more and it's round you're doing
the you're you you know
it's round not because you figured it out all right you know it's round because
somebody told you it was round
everybody acting like they built their own steam rocket went up in the air well
you took a flight to
disneyland and that's what you were checking out you weren't even checking it
out
i'll tell you this right now when you when you when you fly when you actually
fly commercially you
can't tell if the earth is round i think if you're sitting up front you can you
can't look out the side
of the thing
i don't know what you're seeing but i don't see anything that says it's
definitely flat or it's
definitely fucking round now i know it's fucking round because the goddamn
astronauts
who have fucking balls you know that have you know
you know looks fucking that guys come back from space and the whole thing
everything burns up you
know if they fuck up everything that the design fucks everything burns up
except for the balls of
the person on that fucking thing um yeah they took the pictures and like well
there it is there it is
i've never tried to sail around the world you know and looked at my compass to
make sure i was still
headed west and i kept heading west and all of a sudden i was back in my
driveway again
all right i'm just like you i know it's round because smarter people figured it
out people died
and then they told me what was right okay and i choose to believe it i've flown
around the world
not all at once but you know i slept for a lot of it how do i know he didn't
turn around
so this gets me to this steam rocket guy sorry i'm drinking tea i'm an old man
here
all right so this fucking guy
rather than just being like you and me who just accept what these fucking
people tell us is true
all right and know that know that you know that it's fucking round because
somebody taught you that
not because you figured it out the amount of fucking assholes on social media
the way they're
going off on this steam rocket guy about because he believed the world was flat
these fucking assholes who've never accomplished anything in their fucking life
like let me ask you
okay so this fucking guy if you don't know the story he builds a fucking steam
rocket
which i don't even know how the fuck you do that i have no idea how to do that
this guy knew how to do
that he got himself into it when it took off i guess the parachute ripped off
and he was flying all
the way up into the fucking air which by the way i don't know what radio call
you make in aviation
that you're going to fucking do that be a reverse lawn dart and just go
straight up in the fucking air
um i guess they were filming a tv show so i would like to think some producer
called somebody
to make sure they weren't going to hit a fucking commercial flight with
fucking 400 people on it 300 people on it right so he shoots up in the air the
parachute comes off
you know what i feel like right now i feel like one of those fucking youtube
stars
you know how they always do these intros that you just don't need it's like i
just want to see the
video like all right you're not gonna believe this okay so these fucking guys
go to steam rocket
right like how do you make that just show the fucking guy taking off right
sorry it's a podcast so i guess
i get away with it so the fucking thing takes off very impressive velocity
something flies off it
evidently it was the parachute he got up there okay in all fairness this guy
for all i know he proved
that the world was fucking flat with his goddamn pictures i've never been as
high up as this guy went
allegedly you know i've never checked it all out all right i went into a
science class they told me
it was fucking round so i said yeah it's round so i would pass the fucking test
so i didn't have to
go to fucking summer school but i know i never fact checked it you know this
post me too era where
he's supposed to vet everything this guy's vetting shit right so he fucking
shoots up in
the air the goddamn parachute comes off and i guess i i don't know if he knew
it at the time
i hope he didn't know it so maybe he was up there on the way up he had a good
time took some selfies
when he was excited that he proved that it was flat and then he was coming all
the way back down i
can't believe the fucking i'm gonna get now that i'm the guy that fucking told
copernicus said copernicus
is that the guy to go fucking magellan to go fuck himself santa maria and he
fucking he died
so what happens what does everybody do everybody goes on the internet and they
start fucking laughing at
this guy talking about this guy like he's a fucking moron people who are in a
fucking cubicle
who don't have a dream who aren't leaders who've never made anything fucking
happen in their life
not even a fucking lemonade stand all right they're sitting there judging this
guy and they're doing
that you know darwinism or fucking you know the the whole fucking whatever that
stupid nature thing is
where it's like uh this this what the fuck is it the strongest people survive
you know natural selection in all of this shit let me ask all you fucking cunts
that are making fun of
this guy who had balls of fucking steel let me ask you this who's smarter i
actually asked my wife this
a guy who thinks the world is flat and builds a steam rocket that shoots
himself up into the
fucking air and he dies or the guy who doesn't know how to build a steam rocket
and doesn't get in it and
doesn't really fucking do anything in life other than not die until he just croaks
of old age who's
who's fucking smart are you just smarter because you're still alive
i mean he fucked up the amount of fucking brilliant people like all those
fucking astronauts who died
trying to get fucking orbit the earth and all of that shit do you think they're
fucking morons
and everybody's like um there should be no uh
uh fucking do-it-yourself fucking you know rocket
fucking thing or whatever the hell they're saying it's just like why not
nasa's had the exact same fucking problems and it cost the taxpayers billions
of dollars when their
shit blows up god bless this guy he did a start i lost no money on that one
all right and he was trying to do flat earthers a solid and then all of these
fucking cunts you might be one of those cunts sitting there laughing at this
fucking guy
you want to laugh at him i get it it's kind of funny but to sit there and talk
about him like
he's a fucking moron the guy made a fucking rocket he had a malfunction but
like i said so did so
did nasa numerous occasions
so what are they all dumb at nasa i don't get it i was fucking amazed
like when i when i saw that thing take off i was like that fucking guy built
that thing
and had the balls to get in it by the way 99 of the shit that you use every day
somebody
fucking died as they were figuring out how to fucking how to make it happen any
sort of transportation
anything that moves planes trains boats fucking anything rockets the amount of
fucking people that
died so you're dumb ass that the only thing you know is what the fuck you read
but you've never
fucking you've never broken any ground yourself go easy on that guy he's dead
have a little
fucking respect for the guy i'm not even how you make fun of him i don't give a
if you make
fun of him but don't talk about him like he's a moron you know unless you're
gonna
shit on you and you're boring ass life what the are you doing
why am i talking to you guys like you were all people on that thread i should
be you know i'm
talking to the fucking assholes who trashed this guy
natural selection and you know what's i fucking love about it is somebody
always says that somebody
then it's the exact same fucking memes anytime a name is trending oh my god
thank god the i thought
the person was dead and then they got the stupid denzel meme how many fucking
times can you can you do
that before you just like why would i why would i subject people to this again
unless you're doing it
just to annoy people you know like all the people are now going to send me that
meme thinking that
i'm not realizing that you're going to do that which by the way i never check
my fucking feed anymore
this is what i check it when like
uh occasionally i check it but then i also when i have something that's coming
so if you want to get
me it's it's right after i have something come out because i do a quick survey
i scroll like two pages
and then i just do the math like all right what percentage of that was positive
okay that's
that sounds seems like it's a good thing all right i missed the mark on that
one or something
but uh rest in peace steam rocket flat earther guy um
i don't know i don't know what to tell you i could tell you right now that guy's
smarter than i am
you know i i there's nothing i've ever done in my life that is the equivalent
of what the
that guy did in the last 10 minutes of his life
none of you guys are ever going to feel that or myself that level of adrenaline
he's a fucking moron he had his own goddamn tv show
this guy's fucking fascinating to me
fucking fascinating why would you just tap out on he's a fucking moron
you know he's a fucking more the amount of people that text while driving
myself included
any moment could take out a school bus full of fucking kids right i'm sitting
there calling
this guy a fucking moron as you drive to work every day what do you see on the
side of the road
wreaths and crosses and frosted fucking bikes
i don't know
this isn't all just that this is also i'm kind of dealing with fucking show
business right now
i've been doing some shit and i just like just it's not even show business it's
just business the amount
of stealing that goes on in business it's just it's so fucking gross
so fucking gross and i swear to god it's always some fucking 155 160 pound
fucking little
fucking pussy who's never gotten this kicked out of in life and now it's never
gonna happen
right because there's fucking cameras everywhere so the fucking beating that
this person should be
taking they're never gonna fucking take i swear to god it's either that or it's
some fat
fuck in a goddamn suit you don't even realize how fat he is until the company
picnic where he
actually has to wear a t-shirt and he takes off the layers of fucking habit dashery
and his big dumb
fucking love handles um unreal unreal and you know what business rewards it
rewards those same
fucking people who've never done anything and shit on the steam rocket guy
those people who just
fucking just sit there and don't get themselves killed they don't have a vision
they're not taking
any risk they're not leaders they're just fucking they're agreeing and saying
what they have to say
those fucking people ascend um oh god freckles is in a fucking mood today

Bill Burr | Flat Earth Steam Rocket Man

um all right let's let's right out of the gate let me i just want to address
something that you
know it was really annoying the out of me so this guy right he was a flat earther
which i got to be honest with you where did these people come from who are
these people
you know it was proven like we were flat earthers and then somebody finally
said wait a minute it's
it's round and then the church decided to kill the guy right oh no wait when he
said the sun was the
center of the fucking solar system it's like no where the earth is we are
because god made us like
in his fucking thing his image right wasn't something like that
i don't know i don't fucking know but anyway we kind of uh sailed around it
pointed in one
direction and came back on the other side and these guys are trying to say i
don't understand why
what is the benefit to lying
what is the end game we have to tell them it's round man
why i get all the other ones saying that money has value saying these people
are evil doers
saying these people just want to give it to the poor saying these people just
want to keep all the
money i get i i understand the motives in that i just don't know what is what
is flat earthers
let me ask you this
flat flat earthers are the same people who watch one of those fucking netflix
documentaries and like
you know i don't think that guy did it um
i had a buddy of mine one time
fucking he watched that stupid curtain and courtney uh love documentary and by
the end of it they had
convinced him that courtney love killed kurt cobain and i was sitting there
going dude do you really think
that a fucking drug addict from three states away
fucking organized a hit in the seattle police department couldn't figure that
out
haven't you ever watched the first 48 you ever see a mobster on that no you see
a bunch of
fucking dopes who killed somebody for the first time getting caught
anyway why the fuck would she kill him he wrote her whole album
um makes no sense so flat earthers i don't understand can somebody explain to
me
because i'll be honest with you i don't know if the earth's around okay any
more than anybody else does
all these people are going dude you fucking more and it's round you're doing
the you're you you know
it's round not because you figured it out all right you know it's round because
somebody told you it was round
everybody acting like they built their own steam rocket went up in the air well
you took a flight to
disneyland and that's what you were checking out you weren't even checking it
out
i'll tell you this right now when you when you when you fly when you actually
fly commercially you
can't tell if the earth is round i think if you're sitting up front you can you
can't look out the side
of the thing
i don't know what you're seeing but i don't see anything that says it's
definitely flat or it's
definitely fucking round now i know it's fucking round because the goddamn
astronauts
who have fucking balls you know that have you know
you know looks fucking that guys come back from space and the whole thing
everything burns up you
know if they fuck up everything that the design fucks everything burns up
except for the balls of
the person on that fucking thing um yeah they took the pictures and like well
there it is there it is
i've never tried to sail around the world you know and looked at my compass to
make sure i was still
headed west and i kept heading west and all of a sudden i was back in my
driveway again
all right i'm just like you i know it's round because smarter people figured it
out people died
and then they told me what was right okay and i choose to believe it i've flown
around the world
not all at once but you know i slept for a lot of it how do i know he didn't
turn around
so this gets me to this steam rocket guy sorry i'm drinking tea i'm an old man
here
all right so this fucking guy
rather than just being like you and me who just accept what these fucking
people tell us is true
all right and know that know that you know that it's fucking round because
somebody taught you that
not because you figured it out the amount of fucking assholes on social media
the way they're
going off on this steam rocket guy about because he believed the world was flat
these fucking assholes who've never accomplished anything in their fucking life
like let me ask you
okay so this fucking guy if you don't know the story he builds a fucking steam
rocket
which i don't even know how the fuck you do that i have no idea how to do that
this guy knew how to do
that he got himself into it when it took off i guess the parachute ripped off
and he was flying all
the way up into the fucking air which by the way i don't know what radio call
you make in aviation
that you're going to fucking do that be a reverse lawn dart and just go
straight up in the fucking air
um i guess they were filming a tv show so i would like to think some producer
called somebody
to make sure they weren't going to hit a fucking commercial flight with
fucking 400 people on it 300 people on it right so he shoots up in the air the
parachute comes off
you know what i feel like right now i feel like one of those fucking youtube
stars
you know how they always do these intros that you just don't need it's like i
just want to see the
video like all right you're not gonna believe this okay so these fucking guys
go to steam rocket
right like how do you make that just show the fucking guy taking off right
sorry it's a podcast so i guess
i get away with it so the fucking thing takes off very impressive velocity
something flies off it
evidently it was the parachute he got up there okay in all fairness this guy
for all i know he proved
that the world was fucking flat with his goddamn pictures i've never been as
high up as this guy went
allegedly you know i've never checked it all out all right i went into a
science class they told me
it was fucking round so i said yeah it's round so i would pass the fucking test
so i didn't have to
go to fucking summer school but i know i never fact checked it you know this
post me too era where
he's supposed to vet everything this guy's vetting shit right so he fucking
shoots up in
the air the goddamn parachute comes off and i guess i i don't know if he knew
it at the time
i hope he didn't know it so maybe he was up there on the way up he had a good
time took some selfies
when he was excited that he proved that it was flat and then he was coming all
the way back down i
can't believe the fucking i'm gonna get now that i'm the guy that fucking told
copernicus said copernicus
is that the guy to go fucking magellan to go fuck himself santa maria and he
fucking he died
so what happens what does everybody do everybody goes on the internet and they
start fucking laughing at
this guy talking about this guy like he's a fucking moron people who are in a
fucking cubicle
who don't have a dream who aren't leaders who've never made anything fucking
happen in their life
not even a fucking lemonade stand all right they're sitting there judging this
guy and they're doing
that you know darwinism or fucking you know the the whole fucking whatever that
stupid nature thing is
where it's like uh this this what the fuck is it the strongest people survive
you know natural selection in all of this shit let me ask all you fucking cunts
that are making fun of
this guy who had balls of fucking steel let me ask you this who's smarter i
actually asked my wife this
a guy who thinks the world is flat and builds a steam rocket that shoots
himself up into the
fucking air and he dies or the guy who doesn't know how to build a steam rocket
and doesn't get in it and
doesn't really fucking do anything in life other than not die until he just croaks
of old age who's
who's fucking smart are you just smarter because you're still alive
i mean he fucked up the amount of fucking brilliant people like all those
fucking astronauts who died
trying to get fucking orbit the earth and all of that shit do you think they're
fucking morons
and everybody's like um there should be no uh
uh fucking do-it-yourself fucking you know rocket
fucking thing or whatever the hell they're saying it's just like why not
nasa's had the exact same fucking problems and it cost the taxpayers billions
of dollars when their
shit blows up god bless this guy he did a start i lost no money on that one
all right and he was trying to do flat earthers a solid and then all of these
fucking cunts you might be one of those cunts sitting there laughing at this
fucking guy
you want to laugh at him i get it it's kind of funny but to sit there and talk
about him like
he's a fucking moron the guy made a fucking rocket he had a malfunction but
like i said so did so
did nasa numerous occasions
so what are they all dumb at nasa i don't get it i was fucking amazed
like when i when i saw that thing take off i was like that fucking guy built
that thing
and had the balls to get in it by the way 99 of the shit that you use every day
somebody
fucking died as they were figuring out how to fucking how to make it happen any
sort of transportation
anything that moves planes trains boats fucking anything rockets the amount of
fucking people that
died so you're dumb ass that the only thing you know is what the fuck you read
but you've never
fucking you've never broken any ground yourself go easy on that guy he's dead
have a little
fucking respect for the guy i'm not even how you make fun of him i don't give a
if you make
fun of him but don't talk about him like he's a moron you know unless you're
gonna
shit on you and you're boring ass life what the are you doing
why am i talking to you guys like you were all people on that thread i should
be you know i'm
talking to the fucking assholes who trashed this guy
natural selection and you know what's i fucking love about it is somebody
always says that somebody
then it's the exact same fucking memes anytime a name is trending oh my god
thank god the i thought
the person was dead and then they got the stupid denzel meme how many fucking
times can you can you do
that before you just like why would i why would i subject people to this again
unless you're doing it
just to annoy people you know like all the people are now going to send me that
meme thinking that
i'm not realizing that you're going to do that which by the way i never check
my fucking feed anymore
this is what i check it when like
uh occasionally i check it but then i also when i have something that's coming
so if you want to get
me it's it's right after i have something come out because i do a quick survey
i scroll like two pages
and then i just do the math like all right what percentage of that was positive
okay that's
that sounds seems like it's a good thing all right i missed the mark on that
one or something
but uh rest in peace steam rocket flat earther guy um
i don't know i don't know what to tell you i could tell you right now that guy's
smarter than i am
you know i i there's nothing i've ever done in my life that is the equivalent
of what the
that guy did in the last 10 minutes of his life
none of you guys are ever going to feel that or myself that level of adrenaline
he's a fucking moron he had his own goddamn tv show
this guy's fucking fascinating to me
fucking fascinating why would you just tap out on he's a fucking moron
you know he's a fucking more the amount of people that text while driving
myself included
any moment could take out a school bus full of fucking kids right i'm sitting
there calling
this guy a fucking moron as you drive to work every day what do you see on the
side of the road
wreaths and crosses and frosted fucking bikes
i don't know
this isn't all just that this is also i'm kind of dealing with fucking show
business right now
i've been doing some shit and i just like just it's not even show business it's
just business the amount
of stealing that goes on in business it's just it's so fucking gross
so fucking gross and i swear to god it's always some fucking 155 160 pound