Name: Bill Burr | Bill vs The Painters: Part II
Uploaded: 2020-05-06T16:29:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Bill vs The Painters: Part II' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Bill vs The Painters: Part II' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-06. Transcript available.

i you know something i'm sick of hearing from the painters oh did i stir up a
beehive with that one
um and you should hear what they're talking about how many hours they work and
they're
you would think that they're actually out there fighting a war the way they're
waxing about what
it's like to color in a wall prop painter from the mandalorian i did an episode
of that last
season hey there bill my day job as a prop painter for movies and tv that's my
day job oh
congratulations that's a cool job i mainly specialize in weapons i've worked on
a bunch
of stuff you may recognize from avengers better call saul westworld these are
all my avengers i
don't watch i watch everything else and a lot of the weapons and droids for the
mandalorian
you might be a little stoked to know i've made a lot of these things while
listening to the monday
morning podcast as lucky as i have been to find my way into having the honor to
paint some really cool
stuff i started i started out my painting career painting houses in my college
years i can't argue
with you that a majority of house painters suck thank you validation validation
if you can compare it to
something like cooking painting houses it's like starting uh your cooking
career at a denny's
if you haven't moved on to a better restaurant after a few years then you're
probably not going to do it
for the love of it or as a career choice if you haven't moved on to industrial
painting cars murals
or entertainment then you're just doing it for the money and you're most likely
just trying to bang jobs out and you're not doing and not so much caring about
the artistry while
painting another four walls some off-white color all right that makes sense so
basically painting houses
is sort of the open mic of painting and then you move on to more to like
more difficult stuff to paint right i'm joking because i know that there's the
richard prize and
george carlin's of house painters i'm joking people relax all right and by the
way is there
anything cooler than someone who paints cars all right i think that's that's
amazing and
actually you know come on some of the some of the uh the graffiti that the
people who suck at painting
paint over you know what i mean do you ever have guilt people who just paint
walls when you paint over
graffiti do you ever look at you ever stand back and be like wow this this vandal
is actually better at
what they do than i am you know as your paint drips down onto these poor plants
underneath the graffiti
um in defense of painters they can't hide their shitty work the way a plumber
can
like whoever did my old ass house um they can't hide their like i had a guy
coming over looking at the
hot water heater the other day and i have like one i don't know anything about
plumbing but my the the
where the water goes in the pipe will just say is three quarter inches and
where it comes out it's
like a quarter inch and the guy before even ever had to open a wall he goes
well i don't know who did
that but that is not up to code and he as a plumber was saying that um
you know most plumbers don't take the time to do it right so i think in general
we can you know listen here's the deal i mean if you guys fucking shit on comedians
i'll laugh about
it all fucking day long i love it comics shit on other comics i don't give a
fuck i didn't realize
how precious the art of painting was a house how sensitive people are until
this guy here
fuck you you redheaded do nothing cunt uh by the way uh you forgot the hyphen
between do and nothing
just the way you missed that corner when you painted the house you sloppy cunt
all right stop bashing my
fucking career this guy really comes with soccer mom energy i'm working 75 hour
weeks to get my wife and
kid through this pandemic that has your pussy ass stuck at home look at this
fucking guy he paints a house
and all of a sudden he thinks he can throw hands oh you're a tough guy huh
walking around with your
oshkosh bagosh overalls all right let me ask you this on your painter boots did
you write right and left
so you'd put him on correctly um i'm coming right back at you buddy it's you're
fucking whining about
your fucking work week uh just because you people hire idiots doesn't make all
painters bad this this
point has already been made stop hiring dumb ass you fucking morons i agree
with that uh take your
mic out of your ass hilarious and learn how to vet a contractor you bald twat
once again body shaming
me i liked your podcast until last week you you're gonna take your paint
brushes and go home you're
gonna go out and go cry in your van hey hey good luck to you buddy all the
fucking people that i have
shit on in this podcast all of these fucking people i've shit on you've had no
fucking problem with it
whatsoever and all of a sudden i come around to you and your little pedophile
fucking van with your
splotch of fucking paint and your fucking nice head of hair right and all of a
sudden now you're gonna
leave well go ahead go ahead and fucking leave you know what yeah i'm gonna do
your fair i'm gonna help
you leave here i'm gonna look up i'm gonna find a painting podcast house that
you can listen to so you can
feel like it's a safe space house painting podcast here we go i'm gonna give
you the first one
um podcast america's number no no what the fuck is it oh my god this is just a
wide open market
podcast for painters paint talk 2016 what do we got here podcast for painters
why listen to a podcast
finding podcast podcast for painters painting and decorating contractors of
america paint ed you
might want to listen to that one because ed is like education uh contractor seo
pro construction
guide there you go buddy there you go happy trails um i the you fucking soccer
mom you look at you
fucking get your goddamn fucking painter panties in a bunch thinking that i'm
giving a
fuck that you're walking away and with your soggy fucking painter socks squashing
sloshing around
your red wing boots all right i work harder and deal with more shit than you
could ever imagine
all right time out what do you know about my life you don't even think you
think that working 75
five hours a week is impressive to me buddy just to remind you i do two
podcasts a week myself
all right i then do another one with bert kreischer i also run a podcast
network and within the podcast
network i produce stand-up specials and tv shows and to do those i have to go
around town pitching those
things all right that's just one little aspect then i also write produce and
act
on an animated show called f is for family
okay i gotta put out 10 episodes do you know how long it takes to make 10
episodes
of an animated show it takes about 10 and a half months and then it comes out
and then you go right
back to do it all over again all right i also just finished a fucking movie
script that i've been working
on for two fucking years i'm also a stand-up comedian and put out a stand-up
special every two fucking years
so you and your 75 hour work week go yourself i want you to go do your 75 hour
work week
in front of a bunch of white chicks that are looking for you to say one wrong
thing at your job
and then end your career and cancel you so go yourself 75 hour work week
coloring in walls
go yourself i am so sick of people thinking that they have the hardest job
and oh do you paint houses in the united states of america you know what i want
you to do right
now sir i want you to look down and look at that spare tire hanging over your
belt and realize that
90 percent of the world will never eat as much food in their life than you eat
in 10 years
so you jesus i am so sick when the you know isn't it hilarious how i all of
these people
you're working 75 hours a week good for you
could get my wife and kid through this pandemic oh what a hero
we're all working everybody's working how many hours of work is a doctor
working
take a joke you fucking uh this guy this guy all right he works harder he has
no idea like
he thinks i'm just sitting by a fucking a a fucking pool writing knock knock
jokes uh windows get painted
by the fucking homeowners and idiot nephews when you were too cheap to hire a
real contractor
i run a business play drums and sing for a band and still have time to take
care of my family without
complaining about shit that i don't have any idea about time out time out you
just fucking was
shitting all over the entertainment business saying that i don't do anything go
yourself and then do it
again you red fuzzy fuckers it's plural for some reason um maybe he was just
joking i don't know i
this is another thing everybody um i am over listening to how hard people work
let me ask you guys a
question how annoying was it when i just told you how hard i work and i didn't
even tell you how many hours
i told you how many months how annoying was that okay just know that when you
do that you sound just as
fucking annoying oh my god i have to bust my ass every week to take care of my
family who doesn't who
doesn't you know let me ask you this painter you tell me what's you can you
tell me what in your
fucking career you go do show you go what is the showtime at the apollo
surviving that of being a
fucking house painter go yourself these fucking this is this is my thing about
all of this shit the uh
this is for all you out there who are going to be successful in life know this
that no one is going to
help you you're going to be all alone all right if it involves going on the
road you're going to get
to be and you're going to intimately know motel six super eight and those are
like above the uh no
country for old men motels that you're going to stay in all right and you're
going to do whatever
it takes to get there and you're going to do the equivalent of standing in a
cafeteria of college
kids in the middle of the day who had no idea there was going to be a show and
you're going to stand
up there and fucking humiliate yourself
and there's going to be nobody there to help you okay and if your dream doesn't
gonna doesn't
come true nobody's gonna give a all right but if it does come true then what's
gonna happen is
everybody's gonna act like it was given to you and you didn't work for it and
your life is just putting
your feet up and sitting courtside and fucking you know fucking playing grab
ass with people um
this is what i've learned about super successful people most of them have pools
and very rarely are
in them um