Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-7-20
Uploaded: 2020-05-08T04:18:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-7-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-7-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-7-20

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday
afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in
on you. Just checking in, checking in on you over Zoom. I, you know, don't have
a lot of guests on this podcast. If you're watching this via Zoom, I don't know
if you can see my guests yet or if they have to talk first, but we have the
wonderful, newly talented, not actually say newly talented, always talented,
newly discovered Aisha Alpha.
Hey, what's going on? I got to get this all out. Who has a new album called All
the Parts? I was there the night she recorded it. And as of tomorrow, May 8th,
2020, whenever you're watching this, you can get it at iTunes, Spotify, all the
places that have stuff like that. So finally, I don't know how many weeks into
the pandemic we are. I finally get you on the podcast. What's going on?
You know, just trying to hang in there. I know. A laugh that turns into a cry
quickly. You've got a little one at home, right? Yeah, I've got a little kid.
He's 10 months. So he's, he's loving this. He's like, oh, dad's home too now.
This is Disneyland right now for him. How are you handling it?
I think, you know, I was kind of like, it's fine. It's the same old, same old.
It was kind of nice to, honestly, it was kind of nice to have a break from
going out at night because I was just so tired all the time because our kid
wasn't sleeping and I'm with him all day.
And then I would go out till like one in the morning. But now I'm like, I'm
over that. You know, I'm like, okay, like, let's go. I want to go out.
Like there's a part of me that doesn't get to come out when I'm just talking to
my husband all the time and talking to my kid. Like I need to go out and have
that interaction with people.
Yeah. You, you gotta be the, uh, you gotta be the mom. I do that. Well, this is
the thing. My daughter knows, like, unfortunately knows a lot of the bad words
because she lives with me.
So she'll just say, Dada, don't say that. Or she, and then the big thing is
that is she goes, don't scream like that.
Like, you know, clicking on my computer. I go, all right, you're right, buddy.
You're right.
She literally, she's three years old and she's already like surpassed me.
She's like more like emotional quotient or whatever it's called.
Yeah. She says to me, Dada, Dada, it's going to be okay.
You'll be okay.
You'll be fine, Dada.
And then I just laugh going, you're right. You're right. You're right. So.
Well, my kid isn't talking yet. So he's so far, no bad words or anything, but
he's hearing a lot of them. So I'm sure that's common.
Well, here's my question. I've been asking all standup comedians when, whenever
this comes back and they have, you know, 19 people spread out over 4,000 seats,
however, they're going to do it.
Can you remember your act? Cause I, I don't know that I can.
Well, I mean, I can remember everything on my album because I've been listening
to it incessantly to get all the edits and all that stuff and the clips done.
And so I'll be able to do this in my sleep as long as it's any joke that was on
my album, you know, but, uh, new jokes.
I mean, there's been stuff that I've been thinking about. And for me, I don't
really write things down.
I just like think about it and I go on stage and I audio tape it so I can get a
sense of if it was funny to me or not.
And now I've been doing these zoom shows and I feel like I'm just like ranting
into the universe and you're finished and then there's nothing.
And so I'm like, I don't know how this feels. It's, it's going to be
interesting to go back and try out new stuff.
And I'm like, Oh, this is, this is the best thing I've ever written. And then
just crickets, you know,
I want to be down there the first night the store opens up or something.
I just want to watch all of us rusty comics going up there.
And then the crowd's going to be like, this isn't as good as I thought it was
going to be.
I feel like it should be like a mini series documentary of just like the
failure feeling we're all going to get when we come out of this.
I think everybody bumps down. If you were headlining, you're now a middle, you're
a middle.
Shows are only just openers and hosts and that's it.
Yeah. Well, at some point people listening, because both of us have young ones
and got to be there for them.
I was going to do a little run of dates out here, San Diego, hopefully Bakersfield
and all that.
And I was going to bring yourself and hopefully Bartnick if he's around.
So I'm hoping that that's going to happen.
Yeah, me too. That'd be great.
So anyways, I was saying before that I was there the night at Dynasty Typewriter
when you taped your hour and everything.
And that was the first time you did an hour, right? Recorded one?
Yeah. Like I had, I'd previously done one a long time ago.
That was, I mean, not great, but it was like, I was like, I'm moving from my
hometown.
I've got to like, you know, do something.
And we had this whole thing and then the audio got screwed up and the files
were corrupt and it just like doesn't exist anymore.
So like the one, the piece that I had, I was like so excited about.
That's why when I did this, like I had planned to do this album in April when I
was still pregnant in Toronto.
And then I got this booking that made, they said, you have to be free for the
next two months.
You got to cancel everything, a TV thing.
So I did. I was like, this is so exciting, you know?
And then of course that thing fell through and I'd already canceled my album.
So I was like, you got to be kidding me.
So when I met with All Things Comedy and Mike, I was like really pregnant.
I was like, look, I need, I need to make this happen.
Like I was just like, this is a long time coming.
I need this to happen now.
And yeah, and he was like, I kind of laugh.
I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm in the sense of like comedy in the world here.
Like I'm a nobody.
And I like walked in there real pregnant.
I think he was just like scared of an angry pregnant lady.
And he's like, sure, sure, sure.
We'll do this.
We'll do this.
We'll produce it.
Whatever you need, whatever you want.
But it worked out nicely.
And it was, you know, it's, it's awesome.
So it's like the first time I've actually done, um, a whole sort of like real
headlining,
um, full on, just like my story that I'm super proud of.
Cause the last one, I think it's almost a blessing in disguise that it didn't
come out.
Cause there was some good stuff, but there was some bad stuff.
And this is like my first thing to put out into the world that I'm like,
I love it from top to bottom.
And it's great.
Well, I got to tell you what I was blown away was you weren't even remotely
nervous.
If you were, I couldn't tell.
Oh, I was so nervous.
Oh my gosh.
I was like, I was like, do you know, one of the reasons I wore that shirt in
particular
is because you can't tell how much I'm sweating in it because I was like, like
pit stains
from like up here to my waist, probably by the time it was like even starting.
You know what's funny about that is I, you didn't look nervous at all.
I mean, so I invented this whole thing in my head.
I'm like, that's right.
She played competitive soccer.
She's had the game on her, on the line.
She's dealt with all of this, the two minute offense and all that.
So when you get an athlete, they come in there, you know, former athlete or
whatever.
That's why I thought you weren't nervous.
When I get nervous, like that's the kind of the brilliance I think of.
I do need those nerves.
Everyone's like, do you ever get nervous?
I'm like, I get nervous even when I'm doing an open mic.
But I think for me, that's like a trigger for my body, like that athletic, that
competitive
person where I'm like, okay, now go from being scared to just like go, like
perform as much
as you can, do the best that you can.
And then oftentimes when I feel the worst before a show, if I'm sick or if I
don't want to,
you know, that feeling where you're like, I just want to be at home right now.
And then I get on stage.
Those are the most fun shows just because it's like you go from one end of the
extreme
to the other, which is the best.
Yeah.
I find if I'm, uh, yeah, if I'm going through anything like that, then what it
comes is,
is I don't give a shit.
Not like I don't give a shit about the crowd, but like, I'm not going up there
with any sort
of expectation of, I want to kill.
I got to follow this guy.
I'm just like, I really don't feel like doing this tonight.
I don't give a shit.
And then what happens is you get so relaxed.
You just fall into this pocket and lock in with the crowd.
And after three jokes, personally, I'm like cheesing ear to ear, like the
greatest job ever.
Yeah.
I always know I'm having a good time when I look at pictures and I'm like in
like an ugly,
deep gremlin squat squat.
And I'm like, oh yeah, that was a good set, you know, because I'm just like
full on, let
it lose.
It's great.
Well, I'm hoping this whole stupid thing is going to open up because, uh, you
know, I
did a special, I guess it came out in September.
But I mean, I'm feeling like, you know, I try to do one every couple of years
or so.
And this year just, it's just a, it's kind of a loss, but I'm thinking, well,
then maybe
everybody else is going to be that way.
But, uh.
I think everyone's feeling that.
Like the kind of, the nice thing about this is it's literally a global pandemic.
So everyone's on the same playing field, I think, you know, like everyone lost
their job.
No one's getting to do shows.
If you are, they're like online shows, which don't, it's just not the same
thing.
So if everyone else puts out an album and you don't, then I'm going to be
really interested
to see what their process was in this whole time.
I was making fun of those people.
You know, you say everybody's going through this stuff.
I was making fun of those people who do that shit where they go, this pandemic
is especially
hard for me because I'm such a social person.
It's just like, Jesus, like, wait, you know, wait, take the camera lens and
just put it
on yourself.
That's just for sure.
That's the person too, who shows up at all the parties that no one wants to
talk to.
Like everyone else is happy.
They're at home.
That one person who's like, I'm very social.
You're like, oh God, just.
Yeah.
And then, then we all got to sit there.
We're all bored out of our minds.
We're all losing money.
We got to take time out to cheer you up.
I'll tell you another thing that's been bugging me is this, this, this overly
thanking
of all the doctors and nurses.
They're doing like the, like the support the troops thing, the support the
troops thing.
I understood because troops were treated like shit after Vietnam.
No one ever treated doctors and nurses like shit.
Maybe the doctors treated the nurses like shit.
A doctor's not a very good job to have.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
These essential people.
I mean, those people pulling in a paycheck.
You know, the thing that I, I'm like the people we should be thanking are the
grocery store
clerks who have no protection and who are going in, who like allow us to be
able to like get
food.
And there's, they're still treated like shit and they're still getting their
minimum wage
or whatever.
Let me ask you, who's treating them like shit?
I don't walk a stick.
My popsicles in the bag.
You fucking asshole.
Well, maybe not now, but I think before, like I've been in grocery stores where
people
are like talking on their phones.
They're not paying attention.
The person's trying to get like, Hey, do you want paper or plastic or whatever
it is?
And they're like treating them like they're their servants.
You know what I mean?
And I think now that's switched where it's like when you have a plumber come
and your
pipes leaking, all of a sudden the plumber is God.
You're like, Oh, whatever you want.
You know, that's the grocery store clerk.
I don't know.
I would look at it lik