Name: Monday Morning Podcast 5-11-20
Uploaded: 2020-05-11T22:37:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 5-11-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 5-11-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-11. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 5-11-20

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
may 11th 2020 what's going on how
how's it going oh it's the pandemic it's never gonna end it's the pandemic look
at your friend
is he wearing a mask if he's not kick him in the ass
he's stupid fuck it's fucking unbelievable
every day not now there's like traffic out here in la there's more and more
people being just like
well fuck this shit and everybody's just going out it's on it's this whole
fucking thing should
have been over in a month if everybody did what the fuck they told them to do
but nope everybody
has to get in their ego masks don't apply to me this is all a big fucking scam
to bring down trump
uh i don't i don't understand it i don't fucking out they had out in pasadena a
bunch of young stupid
fucking kids had a big party out there and some fucking party goer was coughing
going oh what if i
have it and the douche did so now they got a new um bunch of breakouts out
there just fucking idiots
and and i don't know what how come they don't go to jail how come they don't
get arrested how come
they they don't get fucking sent we need to create corona island covid 19
island and if you get this
shit past a certain fucking day then you're just a douche walking around
without a mask
take you out of the fucking pub there's no solution there's no solution i don't
know i don't know what
what the fuck to do here that uh god bless the fucking people working on a cure
i yelled at my first person he completely ignored me i was walking around you
know the block with my
daughter we both had masks on or whatever and i just hear this person walking
quickly behind me i turn
around it's just it's a fucking older guy no mask on and i'm thinking all right
well he's going to
take a wide berth right he goes to walk right by so i walked up a driveway and
i was like hey buddy
where's your mask ignores me where's your mouth yeah rules don't apply to you
hey old man you want
to dance a few rounds
this quarantine has me yelling at old people um i don't know do you guys have
any solutions does
anybody have any theories as to why people would are there must be way more
trust fund kids out there
than than i thought i would think on some level even as a young person you
would be concerned
you know what happened is kids became friends with their parents that's what
happened you know we
went from fucking uh go upstairs and get my belt over corrected to uh you know
now like parents are
smoking weed with their kids that fucking generation that dumb ass generation
hey you know you guys want
to do some fucking uh what do they call those barbiturates what are they what
is what's the shit that
just took everybody out you want to do some oxy i'd rather have my kid do oxy
with me than with
others i don't know i don't i don't get these fucking parents just letting
their kids just running all
over the place doing whatever the fuck they do i don't even know if that's even
fucking true i don't
even i i i don't know i'm just making up shit you know um i'm just making up
shit playing drums
podcasting zooming losing my mind like everybody else and uh watching a bunch
of shit on old football
so let's talk about old football as as as the selfish cunts maybe even some
selfish cunts
listening to this podcast who are like this is all created by the government
for a fucking police
um whatever the fuck they're saying oh who gives a fuck
i'm actually starting to hope that this thing morphs into a deadly virus and
all these fucking
douches walking out there who think they're too fucking good to follow the
fucking rules
who won't be team players all get fucking taken out that's what i would love
one of those like a
like a fucking australian snake the old 12 step drop thing
yeah that's that's what it is see i i was all with this we're all into this
together yada yada yada
now i'm just like you know what i hope these fucking cunts die every fucking
one of you cunts out
there sunbathing you know having birthday parties and all of that shit i hope
you all
fucking die how about that there you go what somebody else is gonna have to
lose their fucking home in the
next fucking couple of months because you want to go out and do fucking jazzercise
in a park
it's ridiculous and that fucking dope donald trump why doesn't he bring that up
he's so fucking stupid he's so busy saying what a great fucking job he did
there's nothing to apologize for it caught everybody everybody's fucking
country was fucked
all right so fuck all the liberals coming at you saying all that shit you got
to go after these cunts not wearing their fucking masks
bunch of fucking babies i don't know my my my opinion on fucking humanity i
really need to fix it here
because i'm i i i try to act like most people are cool which i still think they
are
but i'm telling you the amount of dopes when we've somehow come out of this
fucking thing the amount of fucking dopes
who are living week to week and i'm not talking about broke people poor people
racism sexism and all that shit
that prevents people from moving ahead i'm not talking about that shit i'm
talking about perfectly good white people
okay who can walk into any office ask fucking directions to where the fucking
job interview is at least be heard
okay you fucking dopes who are making enough money where you can actually save
some
so the next time some shit like this happens you're not sitting there with your
pockets turned inside out after eight fucking days
the amount of you who are going to continue to buy the next flat screen tv
fucking ipad and all of that shit
i really hope you don't i really hope you don't well bill what am i gonna look
at during the pandemic
great point
i don't have any answers people i just just stay inside for a fucking month
jesus this is like watching an attic trying to get sober
it starts tomorrow it starts tomorrow your whole fucking life goes by
anyway so i've been reading a bunch of shit on old school football right and uh
where the hell am i here so i was i was watching um
is this the wrong one that is the wrong one i gotta i got all of this fucking
shit that i looked up there it is there it is okay
i was looking uh i was watching some old floyd little number 44 in your program
from the denver broncos
um i always loved his name
when i first got into football i used to i used to i used to check out
books on football
from the library
my parents be like i want to go get a book
smarten up right and then i would come out with a book about the fucking
1971 washington redskins
that christ that isn't a book
right
so i used to always see all this stuff on floyd little
and i was fascinated with these guys that played before
the people i was now watching so i'm watching floyd little highlights
which i highly recommend
and in the middle of it a couple of times i see him catching passes
from a black quarterback and they showed him quickly i was like was that a
black quarterback
those arms did not look white right
number 15 so i looked the guy up
marlon briscoe
aka the magician
number 15 for the broncos
listen to this fucking story
all right here we go
uh marlon oliver briscoe
nicknamed the magician is a former american league football quarterback and
wide receiver
in october 1968
after being drafted by the denver broncos of the afl
he in the 14th round by the way he became the first starting black quarterback
and professional
american football and established a denver rookie record of 14 touchdown passes
that season
he played professionally for nine years
he's from omaha nebraska which is amazing that he didn't become an offensive
lineman the way they feed those kids that fucking corn out there
um he went to the university of nebraska at omaha okay now check this shit out
you're like okay so his rookie he set a record of 14 touchdown passes that
season and he played professionally for nine years well how come you don't know
about him bill
this is why briscoe briscoe was a 5'10 177 pounds when the afl broncos drafted
him in the 14th round of the 1968 draft at 22 years of age the broncos intended
to convert briscoe to cornerback but briscoe had negotiated for a chance to
compete for the quarterback position
tell me this isn't a denzel movie
let me tell you something marlon i know you're a quarterback but you know you
know the guy would have to have a southern accent because he's racist
that's that's how white people handle white racism was we just make it act like
it's all down south
marlon i don't think i'm thinking you play on the other side of throwing a ball
maybe you try to knock it down with your jumping ability
um on september 29th 1968 after starter steve tensi suffered a broken collarbone
he must have been on a dirt
bike and backup joe devito was spotty head coach lou saban uh summoned briscoe
from the sideline in the
fourth quarter against the boston patriots to give him a try briscoe's first
play was a 22-yard completion
on his second series he orchestrated an 80-yard touchdown drive he completed a
21-yard pass and ran
for 38 more himself carrying carrying it the last 12 yards for the score i mean
tell me that right
there wasn't a glimpse into the future of the quarterback position a week later
on october 6th he
became the first starting african-american quarterback in the afl briscoe threw
14 touchdown passes that year
in just five starts including four on november 29th against buffalo both are
still bronco rookie
records he threw for 335 fucking yards in that game a rookie record that stood
until john elway broke it
in 1983 i bet they didn't try to make him a cornerback you can knock it down
with your teeth jolly uh and one of
three 300 plus yard rookie games in franchise history he completed 41 and a
half percent of his passes and
average 7.1 yards per attempt and his 17.1 yards per completion led the
american football league and
ranks 18th all-time he also ran for 308 yards and three touchdowns okay so you
would think that this
would at least get him an opportunity to compete the next year for the
quarterback job now here comes
page to in page 20 of the script before the 1969 season started briscoe still
determined to play
quarterback like he hasn't proved that he should be in consideration discovered
that head coach
sabin instead intended to use pete liske or lisk l-i-s-k-e as the starter so he
asked to be released
he went to the afl's buffalo bills where he was turned into a receiver
since the bills already had superstar jack kemp former pro bowler tom flores
and super bowl head coach of
the oakland raiders later on and la raiders and james harris another black
quarterback with a more
prototypical six four foot four 210 pound frame briscoe never played
quarterback again
is he's like the black doug flutie this is ridiculous the guy's a winner but he
enjoyed a
splendid career he led buffalo in touchdown catches each of his three seasons
there and in receptions
twice in 1970 he was in the top two in receptions and receiving yards and
became an all pro
isn't that amazing then retirement legacy he was a successful businessman
got involved in uh you know the coke 80s became addicted but recovered i mean
it's a fucking movie
a biopic film titled the magician based on briscoe's life has been under
development for several years
canadian actor lyric bent has been approached to portray briscoe in the film in
2016 the university
of nebraska home up briscoe's omar briscoe's alma mater honored him by unveiling
a statue
unreal isn't that interesting here's something else that i say something else
that i found interesting when i
i bought some old football cards from 1969 and i was going through them
and uh lo and behold the first fucking 20th first is his number card number one
is leroy kelly
number 44 in your program he's the guy who had to take over after jim brown he
was drafted with jim brown
had two years left i guess people probably didn't know he had two years left
and this guy just took over
lik