Name: Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-20
Uploaded: 2020-06-01T21:49:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-20

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for June 1st, 2020.
Oh, Jesus. The summer's here, and I just feel like if a bunch of people can get
together and throw bricks through the windows of a Target, I can go to the
beach, okay?
Because if I can't do that, isn't that like a double standard?
Oh, big shout out to anybody who actually could sit there and watch the news
over the last week and continue to watch the news and do all of that.
I don't know why you would do that to yourself. It's going to give you a
horrible idea of humanity and what people are like.
I would venture to say that 99.9% of the population is not rioting, is not
pulling people over and then, you know, beating them up, murdering them or
whatever, okay?
But if you want to sit there and watch the news and get all fucking bummed out
about that shit, I mean, that is your prerogative, and I salute you for wanting
to be that informed.
However, I do understand that there's always going to be mouth breathers, and
there's always going to be, you know, misdirected anger.
There's going to be a bunch of stuff, but you got to keep your eye on the ball
on this thing, okay?
You know, I just think that there needs to be, the reality is, is if we ever
want to solve this, everyone would have to get involved and everyone would have
to give a shit.
And I think it would go beyond, you know, just tweeting Black Lives Matter, and
there I did my part.
Like, you'd really have to, like, there's no reason to just be still doing this
to each other.
There's no fucking reason for it, there just isn't, there's no reason for it.
And, you know, I don't know.
I just don't understand how somebody can be face down with handcuffs, even
though it appears there was some sort of altercation in the back of the cruiser,
there was some sort of resisting arrest.
You know you shouldn't do that.
They already got you, you are handcuffed or whatever.
But, like, at some point when you're face down and, you know, handcuffed saying,
I can't breathe.
I just don't understand.
And I'm ignorant of the whole process.
I don't understand why you can't just ease up your knee, maybe move your knee
off of the neck.
You could still be, I mean, I don't know what sort of human being with their
arms behind their back can do, you know.
Was he worried that the guy was going to start doing the worm and fucking flip
him off and then, I don't know, break his handcuffs?
I don't know what deal was, but when somebody says they can't breathe.
And the unprecedented amount of leaders that are just saying insightful things
is just unbelievable.
Like, hey, if you can say I can't breathe, that means you can breathe.
And it's just like, buddy, if that was your daughter or your son or you, would
you really have that same perspective?
You know what I mean?
There's different levels of not being able to breathe.
It's not getting a full breath.
Okay.
That would be like if a fucking python grabbed you and started to squeeze you
and you're like, dude, help me out.
Help me out.
Well, you know, if you can still talk at this point, obviously you could still
breathe.
I mean, it's so and even though that dude was from Mississippi, I'm not judging
everybody down there in Mississippi.
I'm sure there's plenty of people that can kind of see this thing.
So hopefully, you know, I think the curfews are a great thing that'll stop the
mouth breathing morons from attacking small businesses for whatever fucking
reason.
You know, I would think if there was some sort of like through line to the
outrage, you would go after major corporations rather than mom and pop stores.
I don't know why people would do that.
But anyway, and then the white people also looting going down there like it's
spring break, like, hey, let's fucking act like we're oppressed.
See what this feels like.
I don't understand that either.
And it's all just the whole thing is fucking weird.
But it's still the focus is that there.
And it was so great to see so many police officers saying that that that
situation in Minneapolis was not handled correctly.
That is unprecedented.
You know, there's always been everybody just the cops always just stayed with
each other.
And it's time like to.
Correct.
That problem.
And I think it's time to hear from both sides, because also being a cop every
night, you could get killed and you're going up to a vehicle.
You have no fucking idea what the person is going to do.
You can't see their fucking hands.
You don't know what's going on and who wants to die.
Nobody.
I mean, it's a it's an incredibly difficult job, I would think.
So I think there needs to be some empathy.
You need to listen.
And all of these people, you know, who are just fanning the flames.
I just don't understand unless you enjoy it.
You just fucking have hate in your heart or something.
I don't understand what this is.
And, you know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I would not judge people by these idiots at night doing what they're doing.
I understand some of the rage and that type of stuff.
But I just go into somebody's mom and pop store and just fucking burning it
down and taking all this shit.
Like, I don't know.
That just seems like that's just sort of a that's not a smart move.
All right.
There.
I said it.
OK.
I said my little fucking piece.
What do I know?
And you know what I'm going to do now?
I'm going to get back to my fucking job, which is trying to make people laugh
during all of this fucking chaos.
Hey, it's the summertime, everybody.
When you're running down the street with the microwave, you know, as much as
you shouldn't do that, you know, you're technically also working on your beach
body.
All right.
And God damn it.
The fucking beaches are open.
The restaurants are open.
I actually ate at a restaurant last night.
I was taking my wife for a drive.
And there was this burger place we always wanted to go to.
So we called up, ordered, went to pick up.
We went in and there was people sitting like every three booths away from each
other.
And I was like, you know, it's a burger.
It's fries, a root beer.
It's going to be messy to eat in the car.
I said, can we go over there and sit there?
And they're like, yeah.
So we did that.
I don't know if that was the right thing or the wrong thing to do.
But I feel pretty good today.
I can tell you that.
And I've just been driving around Los Angeles.
Really learning about the city on these drives, like just kind of getting to
something you usually can't do in L.A.,
which is cruise around because there's always, there's so much traffic out here.
And I've learned about fucking bike paths and the street in Van Nuys where
people still, I guess, Wednesday nights, whatever,
they still cruise up and down where they shot like American graffiti.
Had no idea about that.
Restaurants, architecture, all these different little subsets of cities outside
of L.A., beautiful views.
And, you know, just being in the entertainment business, for some reason, it's
always been all about getting into like Beverly Hills, the Pacific Palisades.
Like everybody wants that same view, you know, unobstructed downtown L.A.
All the way out to the ocean.
That's, that's the, that'll be happy.
But there are so many more views to have in this city that are just as
breathtaking for like a third of the price.
And with people probably who aren't in the entertainment business, it would be
cool to live out there and just fucking get away from it and shit.
So, I've really enjoyed doing that.
And L.A., you know, gets a really bad rap as far as like plastic people and
fucking smog and all this shit.
It has some of the most beautiful houses and architecture of any city I've ever
been in.
And the views, if you can just get yourself a little ways up in a hill and look
over a couple houses, it looks like Christmas every night.
It's fucking amazing.
So, I don't know what happened.
I somehow really, over the years, have, I love this city the way I love like
East Coast cities now.
And all the food and that type of stuff.
And I'm really missing, you know, food trucks and all of that type of shit.
But it seems like we're starting to turn the corner on all of this stuff.
So, that's a good thing.
And I think with all of this stuff that's going on, all the other stuff, the
George Floyd stuff, I think the best way to go about it, you should, rather
than tweeting shit, I think you literally have to, like, do what feminists did.
And they knew if we just bitch, no one's going to give a fuck, we have to go
after the money.
So, they would go after the advertisers if there was somebody that they wanted
to, you know, silence or make apologize or whatever.
For better or worse, sometimes they were right.
Sometimes they abused their power.
But it seems like that's the way to go, that you would talk to politicians and
people like that.
But I don't know.
I actually have a positive feeling about this.
I feel like this is going to be a tipping point.
The fact that you saw police officers walking with protesters and police
officers speaking out against it, saying that's not good police work.
You shouldn't do it that way.
I think it's a major, major step that I have not seen in the past.
So, actually, as ugly as all of this is and depressing, I think it's going to
be a positive thing.
So, there you go.
Look at that.
Now, let's get to something not positive.
Let's talk about the presidential election coming up.
Biden versus Trump, or as I like to call it, the dud versus the dope.
Democrats, are you trying to lose the election?
Once again, boxing out Bernie Sanders is in 100% full effect.
I mean, that is the fight you want to see.
This is like when you want to see Pacquiao, Mayweather, but fucking Mayweather
keeps fighting all these other fucking guys.
You know, instead, I don't understand it.
Like, Bernie is the Democrat version of Trump.
He is a rebel.
He is outside the lines.
All right?
You got to fight fire with fire.
They're going to bring another company man in like they did with Hillary.
It's a fucking mistake.
But, Jesus Christ, I, you know, I try to stay out of the politics shit.
I really do.
Like, Mike Pence doesn't bug me.
It's just, you know, watching a guy fanning the fucking flames and talking
about shooting American citizens with the National Guard.
Like, that guy is just like, he does not, he can't be that dumb.
He just doesn't, he just, you turn on a microphone, he's just going to start
talking.
Like, if this guy was in the fucking mob, like, he would, I don't even think,
he wouldn't even get whacked.
Because he wouldn't even ascend to any sort of level.
You know?
Donnie the mouth.
Donnie, dumb, dumb.
I don't know what the fuck they would call him, but there's no fucking way they
would put that guy in charge of anything.
At some point, I think they would just stop returning his calls.
Anyway, and then, like, I don't understand Joe Biden.
Joe Biden is like, you know, I don't know.
Listening to that guy fucking give his speech is like, I feel like I'm at
community service.
You know?
I would rather go pick up litter on the side of the highway.
I would actually enjoy that, knowing that I was making the city cleaner.
Not the earth, by the way.
You make the city cleaner.
That whole fucking bullshit.
Put litter in its place where the animals live.
Where we can't see it.
It still fucking exists.
However, you know, I would enjoy doing that more so than, uh, listen to that
guy give a fucking speech.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, I'm going to sneeze in a bad way.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, fuck.
I ate at a restaurant last night.
I have it.
Um.
Anyway.
Um.
Yeah.
I'm trying to avoid all the shit that I watched.
I watched a real sports with Brian Gumbel about, uh, you know, the COVID tests
and how they weren't giving them out to people who were doctors and nurses and
stuff like this.
And this poor woman got exposed to it and she exposed her sister to her and her
sister died.
It's one of the worst fucking things I've ever seen.
Um.
I just, I ju