Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-12-20
Uploaded: 2020-06-12T22:28:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-12-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-12-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-12. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-12-20

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and why is my fucking cord making
all this noise?
Maybe time for a new one. I have no idea. Hey, sorry about yesterday. I forgot
it was Thursday.
I've been promoting season four of F is for Family, which you can stream now on
Netflix, and I was also promoting the King of Staten Island.
Starring Pete Davidson, Marissa Tomei, Steve Buscemi, Dom Lombardozzi, and a zillion
other, Maude Apatow, a zillion people, is now available to stream everywhere,
except Netflix.
It's not on Netflix yet, but it's all those other places. I tweeted and
Instagrammed about it, all right?
I haven't been on the TikTok yet, but I totally forgot yesterday that, uh,
yesterday was, um, was, uh, Thursday.
I completely spaced, man!
So by the time I realized it was, I'd already done Rogan's podcast, and I came
home, and I got the two little ones to take care of now, so, uh, now I'm doing
it now.
So I apologize for it being late, and I want to thank everybody that's already
starting to watch F is for Family and the King of Staten Island saying all the
nice things that you're saying.
Uh, it's, uh, it's a fun day for me, all this hard work, seeing it get out
there, and people actually enjoying it.
So thank you very much.
Um, and with that, uh, I'll also be on the Joe Rogan, uh, podcast, uh, Joe Rogan
Experience today.
It should be posted today.
Had a great time with him.
Smoked a cigar.
Oh, Freckles smoked a cigar three days in a row.
Three days in a row.
The night before my birthday, my birthday, and then I went in on Rogan, and he
had some cigars.
So, and now I'm shutting it down again, because, uh, I gotta tell you, man, it
takes a lot out of you.
Get all fucking dehydrated, super tired, and all of that shit.
So, uh, I don't think I'm gonna smoke another one, nor do I really even want to,
until, like, August.
Which makes me feel good that I kinda, I can dip in and dip out.
Because it is a fun thing to do with a great friend like Joe Rogan.
And then it's also great to not do it, because, uh, I'm an old, ancient dad
here.
Uh, so I shouldn't be doing that stuff.
So, anyway, um, it was fucking hilarious.
I went into Rogan, and he was talking about this shit going on in Seattle, and
I had no idea what he was talking about.
And, um, you know, because I haven't been watching the news.
It's just, I don't, I don't, fucking screaming and yelling.
Like, why am I screaming and yelling?
It's almost like watching a sporting event.
Like, no matter how much I scream and yell, no matter how much I sit in my
chair a certain way,
or try to switch up the mojo by jumping into another seat,
I have no effect of what's going on the outcome of this.
I, I, I, I don't know.
It's, uh, hoping cool heads will prevail, and something good will come about it.
But at the end of the day, I think, uh, you know, voting and that type of shit,
hopefully.
I did look up a few things.
Well, like, what does defund the police mean?
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Maybe you're just gonna have lawlessness out there?
And it was like, no, it meant taking some of their burden off of them.
Before you get all freaked out, like I did.
Because I was like, that, that's ridiculous.
Why would you do that?
It means to reduce the demands placed on police and shift funding to mental
health care, housing, and other social programs.
And, you know, that makes sense to me, because I don't think it's fair for
everybody to just live their life
and ignore all the problems that we have, and then the cops have to deal with
the fallout of that.
So, if funding mental health care, you know, I think a lot of people that are
abusing drugs and that type of stuff.
I don't know.
We had a cop writing one time from Canada was talking about decriminalizing
that and treating it like a disease.
And then people could, like, step forward and all that type of stuff.
And just think of the amount of people that maybe wouldn't die from ODing
because everybody else they're doing drugs with leaves
because now you're part of, like, if this guy dies, you're somehow connected
with his death and can go to, you know, jail time.
I had a friend of mine die like that, and everybody fucking took off and just
left him there.
So, yeah, anything that's going to ease tension, I am definitely for.
And I also think it's really interesting how Seattle handles their stuff where
all those protesters went down to the,
whatever the fuck you call it, the head guy in charge's house, the mayor's
house or something,
and they just opened the doors and they let him in there.
And that was kind of funny to me because it's like, all right, so now you're in
the building,
so now what are you going to do?
But it's just that not, I don't know.
I don't, I don't, this shit is so fucking beyond anything that I actually even
understand.
I live my own little life of watching old school sports and that type of shit.
I have no idea what's going on.
I just hope people are fucking, you know, out of all this,
which I really do believe something positive is going to come from this, I hope,
before the people with the money do what they always do.
So let's get back to my little life here.
My Little Life downloaded some cool new music.
A friend of mine let me know about this artist, Gabriella Wilson.
I'm an old guy, so I'm late to the party here.
She goes by her, H period, E period, R period.
I downloaded both of them.
I was so blown away by the first song I heard, and I just started, you know,
went on iTunes, checked it out.
I downloaded both albums.
Fucking outstanding.
Incredible.
Check that out if you get a chance to.
And I've been dealing with my daughter.
She's in this new phase.
Super control freak like bossy shit, you know, and I know you're not supposed
to say bossy.
Remember the band, the bossy thing?
Say call a little girl bossy and she starts to avoid leadership roles because
she's afraid of being seen as unlikable.
That's a very extremely simplistic fucking, I don't know.
Is that all it is?
How about not creating a maniacal, oppressive lunatic?
I mean, I love my daughter, okay?
I'm not trashing her, obviously, but I'm sitting there playing with her.
She's just like, no, Dada, you have to sit there.
No, come on, Dad.
You have to say this.
You say, it's like, dude, this isn't playing.
This isn't like we're not, we're both not having fun right now.
You're just telling me what to do and yelling at me, telling me that I'm, in
pretending, I'm doing it wrong.
Yeah, that's being bossy and you shouldn't be like that.
And that has nothing to do with being a leader.
I don't think, you know, like if I, the shit I've been saying about Trump, it's
like when COVID happened,
your first reaction to say, well, this came from China and make sure the blame
was put where it was,
is to me that as a, as a follower that shows like weakness, you know, to have
these protesters coming up to the fence
and then you go in down into the bunker.
That's not what you got to step up when you're a leader.
And I don't think that, uh, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just, it's just a weird fucking time.
It's just a weird time where the cork is off the bottle on a lot of shit.
So it's going to be a highly emotional fucking time and then it's going to
settle down.
And I think that people are going to be like, all right, well, you know, there's
a reason the word bossy exists.
Um, I don't know.
Some of that shit, you just, you're fucking equating it to like a goddamn word.
Like if you don't call somebody a word, then all of a sudden they're going to
be a fucking president or something like that.
I mean, none of it makes any sense.
All right.
If this dope can be fucking president, it really, I mean, and can continue to
make sense to people.
And I'm not shitting on Republicans.
I'm just saying this fucking guy.
Uh, then I don't know.
It's, it's beyond me.
I fucking hate this time in history right now.
This is like, nothing is fun.
Nothing is funny.
I'm not on standup.
I'm fucking talking into myself.
I got nothing to fucking talk about.
Every day there's something else.
Some fucking idiot drives a car into a fucking crowd and then shoot somebody.
I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.
And then meanwhile, there's this fucking pandemic going on and all these
fucking assholes are bumping fists out there, spiking this shit.
While they're, they're trying to solve this fucking problem.
They're then going to make a bunch of old people die or small businesses go out
of fucking business because people are going to continue to get sick because
now there's a spike in this shit.
So I don't, I don't know what the fuck I have no idea, but I'll tell you right
now, this is no way to start a decade.
Um, yeah, it's fucking ridiculous.
And then meanwhile, we're fighting a couple of, you know, never ending goddamn
wars that are fucking costing us a ton of money.
But other than that, it's a beautiful day out there today.
And I'm going to play one morning in Maine with my daughter, you know, and if
she gets too fucking bossy, I'm going to tell her that, you know, I don't say
bossy, but I just, you know.
I think that's just a white woman thing.
You know, they're sort of above criticism, which is why I'm loving that.
Okay.
Karen thing.
And a lot of the reactions to white women about that, like, wait, you're in us,
but we're always the victims.
We don't have any privilege.
Our white husbands take all of our privilege.
That fucking narrative, um, the put upon blonde white woman, it's one of my
favorite fucking, that and the, uh, the, and an indignant thief is my other
favorite characters right now.
Like, I'm insulted by that question, you know, when you fucking call them out.
Dude, what the fuck is with this goddamn fucking TV?
I got this fucking remote control where it's like, it either shuts off the box
or it shuts, and then turns on the TV or the other way around.
And I can't figure out this fucking Rubik's Cube.
Fucking, either that or I'm saying too much crazy shit on my podcast, and then
fucking, some asshole's turning it on.
Yeah, Bill, I think that that's what it is, because you're that, you're that
important with your fucking horse shit.
Okay, so now that's off, and then the fucking TV comes on.
So there's gotta be a fucking TV button, TV off.
Now that thing has a red light.
Now let me bet this thing's gonna be like humming now, right?
Why did I buy a pencil sharpener?
What the fuck?
Why did I have a pencil sharpener?
What was I, oh, I know why.
I was fucking writing on drum charts.
You know, and all of a sudden, I bought an old school one, and I'm like, there's
no place to clamp it onto anymore.
Fucking outside of the house.
So then I got an electric one.
You know, like I'm some accountant in April in 1958, finishing everybody's
goddamn taxes, or the end of March.
Anyway, so I've just been watching a bunch of shit.
I'm fucking, I've had it, guys.
I need to go back.
I gotta start doing fucking stand-up.
I am officially out of shit to talk about.
I don't give a fuck.
I just, at this point, am I nuts?
Like, fuck it.
I guess COVID is here to stay, and you either live or you fucking die.
The only thing is, though, is these fucking hospitals, now they got like 2,000
fucking patients all of a sudden.
2,000 fucking patients come in on the same goddamn day.
I mean, I gotta start getting guests on this thing.
We can just sit here and just talk about nothing, you know?
So, like, what have you been doing?
What has your workout been throughout all of this?
By the way, thank you for the birthday wishes on Wednesday.
I turned 52.
Pick up.
I had a great birthday.
I had a perfect birthday.
I had a root beer float, and I smoked a cigar.
All right?
And you can call me Simple.
You can call me Dick and call me whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, that's all I need, you know?
Those goddamn people.
At this point, you know, when you get to a certain point, there really should
b