Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-20
Uploaded: 2020-06-18T23:15:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-18. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-20

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in
to see
how things are going in your heart of the world during this covid outbreak
shout out to all the fucking people who uh you know ran around and did whatever
the
they wanted to do way to hit the reset button there fuckos way to fuck everyone
over ah you
macho cunts without your mask on it's fucking bullshit it's just a governmental
fucking nice
going nice going and now what are you going to say that the information they're
giving us is bullshit
um i don't know what are you going to do what are you going to i will i i i i i
i i will say this
i will say this um this is helping me with all of my you know conspiracy theory
ways though when i
watch people when you actually have you ever been like on the inside and known
what the fuck is going
on you know and then you listen you watch people just take footage and then
they click it and they
add it to this and they go over there and then they got this whole fucking
storyline with air quote
evidence um yeah i noticed that this week i noticed that this week people just
like
i saw this thing right that dude on that that 70s show right and somebody you
say got arrested for
fucking uh what they call it um forcible rape right this is how dumb people are
on the fucking
internet and i'm i'm one of them that's why i don't leave comments you know
better to remain silent
then open your mouth and remove all doubt right so people once they see forcible
rape and people like
as opposed to what enjoyable rape please don't use words like forcible please
don't act like there's
a nicer kind of rape and then finally a lawyer chimes in he goes no forcible as
opposed to statutory
or coerced and then he broke it's just a different you know i would imagine you
could just use your
words and threaten somebody you could drug somebody and then there's like uh
what do you call it the uh
consensual but the other person wasn't of age so that's all it was and all
these people got all into
their feels man got it right up on their social justice warrior horses and
started fucking going off
on the air quote idiots right so when somebody actually has the fucking
knowledge steps in
to correct them do these cunts go oh my bad my bad sorry you're right i got a
little emotional there
sorry no nothing it's nothing they just they just fucking wander off to the
next thing that's trending
on fucking social media then what do they do they open their fucking pie holes
and more shit comes out
it's almost like listening to this podcast oh you see what he did see what he
did he acts like he's
going to be on his high horse and then he actually and then in the end he's
down there in the mud just
like everybody else well um i'm having a very exciting week i rearranged my
little podcast studio here
very excited i got all kinds of shit i got more goddamn footballs in my fucking
house than george
blanda george blanda one of the great kickers quarterbacks of all fucking time
um i can see one
two three of them and i'm not counting all the ones that i got from sports
illustrated when the patriots
won their six super bowl titles there um i'm finally arranging all this shit
memorabilia and all this
stuff i'm gonna get it all in the closet right just like my emotions and uh
maybe a little mood
lighting in here turn it into like remember when greg brady got the fucking
upstairs attic you know
they're not glasses they're shades right he had the fucking you'd walk through
those beads
remember that shit back in the back in the day it was cool to not have a door
you just had beads
hanging down from the door jamb for like uh you know like walking through a
fucking nfl cornerbacks
braids you just you just kind of you parted the seas you know and then you just
came walking in but
person could clearly see into it it was considered really cool so i would
imagine by the time they
did it on the brady bunch it was over jesus christ bill george blanda the brady
bunch why don't you
come to this side of the fucking turn of the last century all right sorry i
just been living in the
past you know finished my book on lou the toe groza i got a book on bobby lane
i'm gonna read now and
i'm having whatever i'm having i'm fucking you know i'm letting all you fucking
assholes walk around
without your masks on i got vitamin d and some sunshine man
fucking cdc what does that stand for can't determine the cause
oh you know at first i was annoyed now i'm just thinking like you know what let
them let them
fucking just roll around with each other maybe they'll all kill each other off
can you imagine
that imagine if this is just a giant experiment oh he's going conspiracy theory
you know well i'm
entitled to my goddamn podcast what if this was all just a like all the world
leaders somehow all got
on the same page and just said listen there's too many people all right we're
not going to be able
to make them stop fucking okay they're gonna keep running their yaps talking
shit taking their dicks
out sticking them in the right and they're gonna just keep making more people
all right now we need
to get rid of most of them okay but we want to make sure we just get rid of the
dumb ones
so they release a virus okay knowing that the formula is this the first couple
weeks everybody's
going to be fucking scared all right there'll be some deniers and then
eventually everybody will get
on board and then they'll get cabin fever and then what's going to happen is
with politics
with the ego with paranoia and all of that shit the mouth breathers are going
to come out of their houses
they're going to go down to the parks they're going to start playing frisbee
you know because it's all because what they're going to do is they're going to
make it about
themselves you know what i mean it's like when anybody gets like fucking
in trouble on the internet right at first it's about what it's about and then
immediately it becomes
about the individual like why am i not surprised or this is me hearing so and
so fucking blah blah
blah right it's like this isn't about you you fucking cunt all of those people
sorry all of those people
wander out of their fucking houses right and they start skipping down the
fucking street doing whatever
the fuck it i'm not talking about the black lives matter because that shit you
know needed to happen
i'm just talking i'm talking about people who their cause is themselves those
people
you know at first i was annoyed that they that they started to spike you know
like i had a buddy
he did a show in this state he goes dude they don't even give a fuck they don't
even give a fuck about
the coronavirus i was like dude neither do you you fucking went there you went
in there you got your
bag of money and then you left and now you're gonna play fucking judge judy
that ain't how it works
um
so then they all wander out there and then they get it right and they get it
again and then it mutates and
then it fucking takes them out okay and then what they'll have left in the end
is a bunch of smart
people who listen to authority which is what they want they want smart people
so they could do the
jobs they don't want to do and then and then they don't have anybody rebelling
right bill are you
calling yourself a smart guy no no i'm not i'm calling myself a guy that has
enough toys at his house
and enough funny bone money laying around that i can fucking ride this thing
out a little bit longer
you know although i gotta tell you that with this new kid and and and like the
amount of shit that
a woman buys for a kid which is great i mean this is it's like their super bowl
party for the next
fucking 18 years um and and fucking amazon by the way amazon you buy a pacifier
they put it in a
fucking refrigerator box so the last two weeks
okay i put my trash out i have more trash than i have space in my barrels and
my buddy goes once
you get another barrel i go because then she'll fill that one up
you don't do that one of the dumbest things guys do is they buy their wife a
bigger house
oh my god you know we have no more closet space we have what then throw the
shit out
don't throw it out give it away to people you throw it out and ends up in the
ocean
and somebody makes a sad video scuba diving past all your fucking shit from
your footlocker right
you gotta you gotta get you gotta i don't know i don't know how this works you
can't just
capitalism we can't fucking sustain this you gotta keep buying the shit because
there's no place to
put it you know and ever since i've been a kid they always said hey put litter
in its place
which evidently means where the animals live or where the fish swim just get it
out of our sight
so we don't see what the fuck we're doing right and then every once in a while
some tree hugger
puts on some fucking flip-flops and goes for a swim and then you see all the
shit from the i don't know
all the way back to fucking this is this is the leather couch by the way you
guys
think that i'm fucking over here having gas although i haven't eaten some beans
lately so who knows
um yeah fucking uh i don't know i don't know where i'm going with this shit
you know i i just i just uh i don't know these fucking assholes still walking
around
it's just you're just like all right you know i'm trying really hard not to
wish my fellow man
um anyway it's been called to my attention that the uh the pentagon or one of
these guys cia or one of
those fucking highfalutin people um and they got the cure man you know they do
uh they have flat screen
tvs or even thinner than your skin um they released some video my buddy was
telling me the way they were
saying that um they actually confirmed that yeah they've seen flying around
that they have no idea
what the fuck it is um that's pretty wild huh what is that i did like that they
didn't shoot it down
it was just some of the best pilots in the world flying like 100 million dollar
jets
like actually admiring what they were seeing like the footage that i saw i'm
sure they didn't release
the stuff where they were like what the i think they had to have at least for
in our country we you
know i think with everybody you got to have the pilots seem like they can
maintain their cool
no matter what they see you know it's not a good look if people you know flying
a f-18 whatever
whatever number they're up to was it f-21 f-36 i have no idea um you can't have
them flipping out
like william shatner in that twilight zone episode right so i mean that's
acceptable i think if you fly
for like delta or something like that it's acceptable because it's just like
well you have to understand
the maneuverability of what he's flying uh although the capabilities are way
beyond what the passenger
can comprehend it is no match and is a sitting duck for any type of unidentified
flying object
um but they were just sort of admiring it going how fast it's let's fly in
you know i don't know how it was 110 knot wind or some like that it was i don't
know i don't
know what the they said it was all pilot i used to fly i used to fly hoping to
get back to
it i'm starting to forget how to do you know it's actually pretty
straightforward up down left right
pedals uh all right so um i mentioned on the joe rogan podcast that i was going
to try to help out
the troubadour right one of the great live music venues in the world and uh i'm
trying to you know
they're in a bad way and i just don't think with these all these
fucking assholes walking around without masks on um that uh
we're gonna have time to do a fucking stand-up show before uh things go south
over there so what
i'm toying with the idea i might do a live podcast there like uh back in the
day when i did it at
dynasty typewriter and i might just do one there um by myself and i'll tell you
some stories about all
the heavy metal bands that i saw that played in that venue i'll tell you some
stories uh
shit that i read