Name: Bill Burr: Live at the Troubadour 1 | Monday Morning Podcast 6-29-20
Uploaded: 2020-06-29T21:59:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: Live at the Troubadour 1 | Monday Morning Podcast 6-29-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: Live at the Troubadour 1 | Monday Morning Podcast 6-29-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

Bill Burr: Live at the Troubadour 1 |  Monday Morning Podcast 6-29-20

hey what's up it's bill burr jesus christ am i pasty it's the fucking overhead
lighting there
um so what you're about to watch is the uh live not live recorded live video
that we did at the
troubadour um had a great time when i was down there gonna try to raise some
money for that
wonderful venue uh just a little heads up the audio kind of sucks in some
places um it's the
first time we ever recorded down there had a little issue with my uh whatever
the fuck you call a
recording device and there's an ac going on and off in the background so
apologies to that but uh i
think andrew familis was able to do his uh editing magic and i think everything
will be all right
hopefully but thank you for watching we'll have an autographed poster uh if you
want to buy it to
help contribute we'll have a donation button i think on the troubadours website
and everything but uh
this is a special one because i love this venue and it's done so much for so
many people so
i hope you enjoy the podcast all right thank you hey what's going on it's bill
bird it's time for
the monday morning podcast for monday uh june 29th oh my god where is this
summer going i mean it
always flies by but when you gotta walk around with the bra and your titties
and your face
it just seems to go by so much quicker shout out to everybody still going to
the beach yeah
fuck all that fake news with the spike virus what do they know fucking
scientists you know
bunch of eggheads think about all the smart people in high school you didn't
like them did you
they never went to the beach they weren't the cool people huh fucking in the
sand that was you why
would you listen to them now what what because they won the spelling bee listen
this is america man if
you want to go to the fucking beach you go to the fucking beach all right you
don't have to wear
a mask you're an american ah jesus christ it's an embarrassment what we're
doing right now it's like
the world sats and we're getting the fucking lowest score don't you fucking you
know and i would love to
just blame the four wheelers you know the people on their fucking ranches the
red sticks that's who
usually gets blamed for their dumb behavior i'm going to tell you this right
now i'm at the fucking
troubadour doing this show and guess who forgot a mask all his mask chit
chatter that went viral
who got in his car realized he forgot his mask
within uh i don't know half a mile of my house did i turn around did i go back
did i think of my
fellow american or did i think how difficult it was going to be to make a three-point
turn
with power steering power brakes and a reverse camera reverse backup camera
whatever you call it
and i said it i'm going to keep going they'll have a mask for me down here this
is the troubadour
they probably have an eight ball in the mask to make sure that i have a good
show um
before that showed up they had a mask everything was fine and as mentioned on
the last podcast i was
going to be down here this is so weird am i supposed to be playing to the
camera i don't even know there's
like no crowd this is not how i envisioned ever being on this this stage so
this is this is a nice warm-up
um i don't know about this couch this is definitely a pre me too couch
a me too movement couch it's very hostile very male
i don't want to get that going jesus christ the way people are all attacking
each other
on the internet does it make you feel better huh okay karen okay brad okay chad
okay boomer
you socialist you fucking apologist
geez everybody acted like they're on a fucking playground and they're like
oh my god it's not even recording andrew what happened are we recording
anywhere else
i thought this thing supposed to be recorded i can't even hit record right well
we got some of that
um yeah everybody else is so much better without these things i enjoy this i'm
gonna use this as a
little place to put your feet up so i'm at the uh the world famous troubadour
everyone from joan
bias jackson brown albert einstein did a set here before he realized he wasn't
a musician
what have you realized that he got booed off stage and he was like i'm such a
fucking idiot
and then there was a groupie consensual groupie right just going well i think
your mustache is cute
maybe there's something else you're good at he's like well i was always pretty
good with my erector set
and next thing you know this man helped to end world war ii by coming up with a
device
that kills all the birds the babies right up to the bad guys and it needed to
be done according to
world history you know did you need to give them dessert with the entree i don't
know
i'll tell you anybody i'll tell you right now about america anybody can drop
one you drop the second
one okay that's that's when the statement is made okay i think that's why we've
never been invaded since uh
have we ever been invaded i don't think we ever have well you talked to trump
he thinks we've been
invaded building walls um have we ever been invaded let's let's go through the
roller decks here all
right the first one was the revolutionary war which i'm i'm i'm reminded of
because i'm watching wheel
of fortune this week and they're in they're in boston you know so of course
they got to do all this
touristy boston shit that no one in boston does standing in front of the paul
revered statue the north
church i saw pat sajak throwing a fake fucking box of tea off this goddamn boat
um why do they do that you know what i mean be funny if they actually did the
real boston one
you know they just cut to a shit face getting into a street fight in the alley
next to a bar down near
the tam um anyway so thank you guys for listening to this podcast now if you
are a fan of live music
yeah this thing keeps shutting off dude i don't know what's going on here keep
shutting off so we're
gonna have the recording why would it do that right when i fucking need you
most what is going on is it
full is the disc no it's not full it's not full it's just it appears to be when
it shuts yeah now it
only goes on for two seconds and then shuts up oh this is exciting this is the
kind of excitement that
raises money listening to the only person on the show fiddle with his devices
all right i'm hoping
you guys are going to get this right what is that what is that that is a zoom
audio recorder that's
a zoom audio recording that looks like a playboy picture from the 70s can i can
i use this as a
microphone you may i can bring this up everything's fine yep not too close hey
welcome everybody oh but
i'm david lee roth here um oh my god hi everybody i'm in west hollywood with a
bedazzled microphone
and we're gonna do this bitches um yeah pat sajak i love the wheel of fortune
wheel of fortune makes
you feel smart jeopardy makes you feel stupid wheel for fortune is the tightest
fucking show ever anytime
there's any sort of money involved sorry anytime there's any sort of money
involved they have like
the fucking like the last prize of the game they'll do where it'll be like uh
this is an activity
you guess like five letters and then the person never gets it and then like
that's this
the puzzle like the solution the activity is like sewing my buttons on my
jacket i just sit at home
yelling at the tv like that's not a fucking activity i'd like to solve the
puzzle um
frosted faucet in january you get the grandfather clock um anyway so what we're
doing here um
is we're trying to raise money here because a lot of these smaller places they're
struggling here so
we're going to have i have a poster that's being made i'm going to autograph
the thing or not
making sure everybody has a choice everything everything is a bump board i don't
want to mansplain
or anything of that nature um i'll be honest with you i'm so excited just to be
out of the goddamn house
and i'm so excited to come down here to this legendary venue and and do a set
and have a good time but i got to
tell you something you know the lack of of hearing any sound other than
whatever that refrigeration
sound is is that the sound of an air conditioner i have no idea what it is it's
kind of like a lonely
thing you know not not to make it a bummer um but this is the place when i come
back when i shake the
rust off all right when old billy popsicle face is going to come you know i was
talking to somebody the
other day and they were giving me talking about how difficult time they were
having in this business
you know because of x y and z and i was just like listen dude i don't want to
be an asshole but i am
the color of a popsicle and i went bald okay it took me 28 years to get any
acting work in this business
all right i would love to sit here and listen to your moaning and complaining
but uh i don't have anything for you i really don't um or should i
you know my big question right now is when i go home is the sound of that
refrigeration just
going to be in my head i wonder if anybody's been down here that bombs so bad
that they actually
heard that this sound in front of a full audience um anyway plowing ahead so we're
going to have an
autographed poster here and uh i'll sign the thing and all the money aside from
the money used to ship
the thing out it's going to go towards uh sending some money so this great
venue can uh stay open
and when this whole COVID thing is over i just don't want it to be a bunch of
walmarts and costcos
and spaghetti freddie's you know the big boys on the goddamn street you know
you know what is cool
i went down the street and i was nervous that that busy body place was going to
go out of business
that's a mom and pop i think place that sells exercise equipment then i'm like
wait a minute that
that store is surrounded by gay guys who all appear to be shredded you know so
you know they're always
going to be getting the latest thing to keep themselves shredded that's another
tough thing
about being a gay guy aside from all of the homophobia is you the level of
shape that you have to stay
in because you're trying to attract a guy it's actually a great thing because
you'll stay in wonderful
shape i wonder if there's a movement within the gay community where they
complain about all the rich
guys trade them in for younger gay guys does that is that a thing that's gotta
be a thing
i haven't done any research i'll just say it with confidence and then then
suddenly it will become a
thing um anyway uh let's let's do some home home front updates here i have been
uh i don't know what
i've been doing i every day i come on the stupid podcast and i try to like come
up with some to talk
about because i'm just staying at home i'm basically living like groundhog day
aside from the fact that
there's uh now another person in our house who by the way is absolutely
crushing tummy time crushing
tummy time and i gotta tell you like i'm doing all the cliched dad stuff you
know anything he does he
lifts his head up with his feet also you know while he's on his stomach look
how strong his back is
he's gonna be an olympian i was talking to the other day tell him i'm gonna
teach him how to fly a
helicopter i was telling he could be whatever he wanted and at one point i said
he could be an
astronaut and then i just realized what an old dad i was that i thought he
could be an astronaut like
that's not a really lucrative you know i'll tell you it's been like just sits
around for ever
there's gotta be an ass is that a real job anymore have they changed the name
of it i just like that
there wasn't like man wasn't in it so they didn't have to change it you know
like if it was astronaut man
um astronaut person um which would be a typical female thing you know after all
the monkeys die and
then the guys get in it and they they go in and get their asses kicked and they
go what about us
now that we know it's sort of safe do i have any sort of i i password here
internet password
yes oh do i get it right just i'll just get on my phone because i don't want
you to yell it out
what is it axel's late at nine five
oh redhead on redhead is am i really