Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-20-20
Uploaded: 2020-08-20T21:11:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-20-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-20-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-20. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-20-20

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you checking in to see how
you're doing
what's up sports fans fans of many sports what are you guys doing what are you
watching watching
the nba watching the end uh the fucking nhl are you watching major league
baseball i'm just excited
that it's back i'm not excited that that fucking air conditioner just cranked
right in the beginning
of this um whatever it's better than sitting outside in the fucking heat shit
with all them
mosquitoes um joe rogan just fucking instagram something terrifying something
about a bunch of
genetically altered mosquitoes now in theory it seems like it's going to work
that these fucking
mosquitoes go out and they breed with these genetically like are they sterile
is it
cheryl are they sterile sterile cheryl i have a friend named cheryl and she's
had plenty of babies
why would you introduce that it's bad enough that white women just lost the
name karen
now you're going to try to take away cheryl what next nancy um genetically
altered
mosquitoes what's the end game everybody i swear to god you guys remember that
show breaking bad
of course you do all right spoiler alert no um remember everything walter white
did to fix a
problem just created another problem um 750 million genetically engineered
mosquitoes approved
all right what is the purpose of this and why weren't we allowed this is one of
these things like
why aren't we allowed to vote on this hey man like we're gonna just start
making genetically altered
mosquitoes ah jesus christ i'm in the middle of nowhere right now my first road
gig in a long time
and i got i got country i got that country ass internet what's your what's your
rush city boy
we got a whole fucking day out here you know jesus didn't have internet
um look what he accomplished all right cnn oh jesus they're gonna somehow blame
trump for this
um and i'll go on fox news and they're gonna say uh it was fucking obama's no
clinton hillary
clinton's fault they came out of her vagina uh a plan to release over 750
million genetically modified
mosquitoes skeeters into the florida keys in 2021 and 2022 this is people in
florida you realize
you've fucked up so many times on national news that you are now expendable all
right you don't see
them doing this in georgia do you ain't fucking with them georgia peaches um
received the final
approval from local authorities against the objections of many local residents
and coal and a coalition
coalition sorry of environmental advocacy groups the proposal has already won
state and federal approval
with the urgent crisis facing our nation and the state of florida the covid 19
pandemic racial injustice climate change jesus christ can they put enough stuff
on this sandwich
um jalapeno peppers
the space race the cold war
fascism the administration has used tax dollars and government resources for a
jurassic park experiment
now wait a minute aren't you supposed to do the experiment before you do this
should jd hansen policy director but now the moro county mosquito control
district has given the final
permission needed what could what could possibly go wrong we don't know because
epa unlawfully refused
to seriously analyze environmental risks now without further review of the risk
the environment the experiment
can proceed what are they trying to achieve approved by the environment the
pilot project is designed to
test if a genetically modified mosquito mosquito is a viable alternative to
spraying insecticides
to control
the
adis edgy i guess that's was that latin for mosquito it's a species of mosquito
that carries several deadly diseases
diseases such as zika
dengu
and chukagunya and yellow fever
yellow fever i heard of those other three need to get a publicist
um
all right
this is what the fucking problem is is nature is trying to get us back in
balance
you know with these diseases and that's what the mosquitoes are for and now we're
going to stop it
so let's say this works the population is going to continue to grow wildly out
of control and create
more problems
all right
so what i blame
is religion and god for this i blame both
i blame them both
all right
i blame religion because religion says god created us created us in his image
and he thinks we're the
greatest especially if you're part of my religion as all religions say
and then i blame god for being dumb enough for to create human beings that
would do like this
or maybe he did it because he wanted to watch what if i created an animal that
thinks they can
actually beat nature what would that look like you know i've been laying around
what the hell
has he been doing he's been laying around since he created the fucking universe
i don't know sometimes i really believe it's just a kid playing with his toys
you ever heard that
theory eventually he's going to get too old to play what the fuck was that
noise that was unsettling
fucking door closing um anyway so there you go genetically altered mosquitoes
and they sent
them right down to fucking florida and you know what you dumb fucks you deserve
it you deserve it
you no mask wearing fucking morons you know i was thinking about this the other
day the fact that
people like fucking idiots with my level of education are questioning
scientists you know i saw something
all day they they fucking these guys figured out how to make like a micro pancreas
okay to cure diet and they say that's going to cure diabetes which means they
figured out how to give
a rat diabetes they're growing ears on the back of rats okay i mean what the
fuck can you do
huh steel cable they tell you to wear a fucking mask you idiots
i um i'm on the facebook everybody because i'm an old person and i love
i absolutely love that we drove all of us old people drove all the young people
away from facebook
i love that it was your club and then we all showed up and your fun ended i
enjoy that that's
one of the great things about being old you know at first i was fighting and i
was like no i want
to do that i'm going to walk into where they're you know longest time i've been
i don't want to do that
i want to do it on social media oh god mom can i post without you being on my
site that's just funny to me
um anyway uh let's talk a little bit of playoff hockey did i call it or did i
call it with the st louis
blues series i did until last night i was watching the game the other day when
i did my podcast
on a sunday evening and the vancouver canucks were up two games to none against
the st louis black and
bluesers right the bluesers as joe barnett from puck off calls him um which is
hilarious he still calls
them that they're defending stanley cup champions right and i i said you know
they need to win game
three because you know i watched my bruins go up two two against them and then
they just beat us down to
their talent level and won the game and you know what the canucks lost game
four is it game three
and then they lost game four it was tied to two and then the blues went up
three games to one and you
know what i was saying to myself i was like bill it's time for you to stop
being a baby about your
fucking stupid team losing last year the blues won fair and square stop crying
about it and i was all
ready to do that and then the canucks came back scored two unanswered to tie it
up in regulation to
go into overtime and then they had the game winner to win four to three i
missed the whole game because
i was out last night doing stand-up which is such a fun thing to say i missed
my boston bruins coming back
in the third period on monday night i missed him closing it out last night
because i was doing stand-up
bruins beat caroline four games to one vegas closes out chicago four games to
one vancouver
canucks three games to two i i finally now respect the uh st louis blues like
they give a
shit but um i have a pitch for my boston bruins you know what i mean for when
we come back
and all is well and you know they always have like songs you know you know like
whenever there's a
fight on the ice they play like why can't we be friends why can't we be friends
they they do that
type of shit you know they play old rock songs i got one for david crazy
whenever he scores a goal
do you remember that guns and roses song second side appetite for just uh
destruction you're crazy
you're crazy burning now i think they should play the end right that whoa bring
it down you're
fucking crazy whenever he scores you know and if there weren't fucking kids
there they could do it
come out you know you are bring it down you're fucking crazy sorry i'm throwing
this dry as
shit out here or maybe i don't know how to sing properly wouldn't that be a
great one
what does this say to the children stop saying the f-word while they watch
adults beat the
shit out of each other well they learn how to change the tone they don't like
the tone in their classroom
drop the gloves um what else has happened um i love the call last night by jack
edwards when i watched
the highlights when the bruins uh patrice bergeron they tied it up one to one
there was like
fucking three and a half seconds left and um it was a shot on net uh there was
a save
by marazic it goes behind the neck bergeron goes to get it as he's going to get
it he's glancing over
his shoulder to see what his options are out front sees there isn't any he
spins around he looks out
front like he's going to pass it to someone and just threw it into the legs of
the goalie wreck his shade
off and went into the net and um jack edwards just go murray he caught marazic
and only goes marazic
took a nap gotta love a homer what's up sweetheart what do you say there
sweetheart oh yeah we got
a new credit card because somebody double swiped our shit or did somebody misplace
you misplaced it
i like your outfit you look beautiful thank you honey oh yeah you're just gonna
go strut around town
who is he huh you banging a farmer um all right you don't have to be lonely at
farmers only dot com
um colorado sends the coyotes packing with an impressive seven to one victory
and look at the look
at the montreal canadians the montreal canadians up three two over your number
one seed in the east
philadelphia flyers uh dallas up three to two islanders up three one looking to
close out the
caps today dallas looking to close out the fucking canucks and then over to the
nba what do we got
speaking of philly losing jesus christ the boston celtics absolutely hammering
the philadelphia 76ers
last last night 128 101 up two games to none but i'll tell you a seven game
series could turn around quick
i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the 76ers gotta get back into this
series with a big victory
in game number three um mavericks 127 114 why the fuck are they playing the clippers
are they out in the west
mavericks i'll never i'll never you know milwaukee brewers to me are still in
the american league
why the mil neil why are the milwaukee bucks playing the la clippers
well you know at this time it really seems like the franchises are looking to
try something different you
that was really good um oh the mavericks i'm sorry i'm thinking milwaukee bucks
i'm a dope sorry mavericks
i just saw an m i really should get my fucking brain checked out all right
bucks are playing the magic
6 p.m today with the greek freak um running wild out there in cream city
there's still the team to beat out in the east i'd love to see the milwaukee
bucks win a championship
wouldn't that be great portland trail players who is that guy out there raining
the fucking threes
down on the lakers i don't watch a lot of nba but i do follow crime faces on uh
on instagram
and the dude who runs that was going off on it
all right all right yeah just text me whatever you just said because you did
such an exaggerated
thing i couldn't read your lips all i was looking at was your teeth um
all right anyway so yeah i did another spot last i've got three spot