Name: Monday Morning Podcast 10-19-20
Uploaded: 2020-10-20T21:04:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-19-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-19-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-20. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 10-19-20

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast
for Monday!
Get after me. It's Monday. This could be the next shut up, Bill.
Alright. It's Monday, October 19th, 2020.
What are you gonna do with this week that the Lord gaveth you?
What you gonna do? What you gonna do with this fucking week?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm not gonna watch the news.
I'm not gonna be on social media.
It puts you in the best fucking mood.
You know what I mean? You know what social media is?
It's like that fucking...
It's like having a cunty neighbor.
And every time you're feeling good about yourself,
you like what you're doing,
all you gotta do is go on social media
and you'll feel fucking horrible about yourself.
So, um...
Yeah. But, if you don't pay attention to the news,
man, and you don't know what's going on,
man!
You don't bring up politics with anybody,
like I did the other day.
Oh, Jesus! This is an hour and a half of my life.
Neither one of us will ever get back and we're still voting for the same person
we were gonna vote for in the beginning.
It was stupid.
I think I said six times during the conversation going like "This is dumb.
I'm not gonna convince you.
You're not gonna convince me."
And that was the only thing we agreed on.
And then we continued to hammer each other with our air-quote points.
Anyway, I got a huge announcement to make,
one of my great friends in this business.
Dean Del Rey has a podcast, "Let There Be Talk."
Guess who his guest is this week? Huh?
None other than AC/DC.
Brian Johnson and Angus Young are going on Dean Del Rey's podcast
because they saw his, I guess they saw when he was doing his tribute to Bon
Scott
in the unbelievable show, sorry, my phone's on,
in the unbelievable show that Dean put together
and how hard all those musicians, you know, went that night.
That they were like, "Who the hell's this guy?
This is a, let's go on his podcast."
It's the coolest thing ever.
Dean is absolutely over the moon that he got there.
And Brian Johnson and Angus Young are going on Dean Del Rey's
"Let There Be Talk" episode that comes out today.
Go listen to that.
All right?
Okay, now, for those of you who aren't into AC/DC
and are still listening to this podcast, how are ya?
How's it going?
How are ya? How's it going?
I watched a little bit of football today
and then I had to do some dad stuff, which is always fun.
So I watched the Patriots versus Denver.
Drew Champ came back, led his team.
Phillip Lindsey fucking killed us, the running back.
And I think our offensive line, the Pats, we got some injuries,
so they moved some guys around.
And Cam didn't have a lot of time to throw, yada, yada, yada.
We were still in it towards the end.
But I was still trying to figure out stuff up there in New England.
But they still, you know, they're still fun to watch and all that.
It's a whole new system for Cam, a whole new quarterback.
So I am beyond patient with this team.
And I'm not going to bitch about them because I love the Pats from way back.
Sullivan Stadium, you know, Tony East and Steve Grogan those days.
So I'm diehard with these guys.
So it's going to be fun to watch them put this thing together.
We certainly have an absolute beast as a quarterback.
And I think our defense is playing great.
It's just we're not quite clicking on the offense.
So the defense spends a little much too much time out there.
And you know how that goes.
But still, the defense did not let them in the end zone.
I tweeted how it was like death by field goal.
But in the end, we were right there.
But Denver's pass rush was too much for us in that final play.
You win some, you lose some.
Talk, speaking of that, you know, I had a couple of buddies come over.
And during the second half, the kids were asleep and everything went out,
smoked a stick.
And I was watching the beginning of the Green Bay game.
And it looked, you know, up 10-0.
I was thinking like, all right, they're clicking today.
You know, Tom's yelling at the offensive line again.
I don't know what's going to happen.
And all of a sudden, I'm out there.
My buddy texts me.
He goes, Brady's killing us.
So it seemed to me that the Buccaneers defense was what got them in a position
to win that game.
So I recorded that.
I got to watch that one.
And I'm kicking myself that I didn't record the Titans game because that seemed
to be a wild one.
There was a lot of weird ones today.
Like fucking Atlanta kicking the shit out of, what did they beat, the Vikings?
I think a lot of people, you know, if you bet any favor today, I think you got
your fucking ass kicked.
But, um, Mike Brable, I was talking to a friend of mine.
I was going, he's a fucking good coach.
Guys, you know, beat us last year in the playoffs.
And he's got that team playing tremendous.
Let's look at some NFL scores here, shall we?
Let's see what happened.
A lot of, a lot of craziness.
Um, Titans came back to win that game, 42-36.
Ravens hang on.
They were, they were handling the Eagles.
The Eagles fly, Eagles fly.
They came back, made it a game.
The Falcons, that was the game, 40-23.
Who the fuck had that score?
Nobody.
The woeful Jets, 24-0, getting smoked down in Philly.
Buccaneers, 38-10.
So the Packers never, never scored again.
Wow.
Um, I know there was a pick six and then they picked, uh, there was another
pick that, uh,
went down to like the three-yard line because Brady didn't have like gaudy
stats.
Um, 49ers handling the Rams so far.
And Joe Burrow gets back on track with another 300-yard game.
LSU, wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-waa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
Giants got their first win over the team from Washington.
Can they say the team that used to have the racist name, Washington?
Washington, the Washington, we used to have a racist name.
And now we're not going to, if we can't have a racist name, we're not calling
ourselves anything.
No, I'm sure that they're trying to figure out.
I mean, because now you're going to be married to this next name.
You know what I mean?
And I know they're already thinking like, well, the Washington Bullets sounded
cool.
Now they're the Wizards.
So I think that I think Washington Redskins, formerly the Redskins, are doing
the smart thing by taking their time.
You know, it's hard and it's hard to come up with a good name this late in the
game.
You know, all the all the ferocious animal names are taken.
A lot of the weather is gone, right?
You got thunder, you got lightning.
What are you going to have, like a sun shower?
The Washington sun showers can't do that.
Bears, Lions, Tigers.
All these names are taken, right?
You could be the football Tigers.
There's no Tigers in D.C., right?
There's no Lions in Detroit.
None of it makes sense.
But you know what?
There's a bunch of Packers up there in Green Bay.
Chiefs, Bills tomorrow.
Here's my, where is my question?
Here is my question, because I know the Browns got the shit kicked out of them
today, 38 to 7.
So my question, considering that the Buffalo Bills took their first loss last
week, my question is,
were the Cleveland, did the Cleveland Browns and the Buffalo Bills get exposed?
That maybe they weren't quite there where everybody thought?
Or is it a typical football season and you're going to lose a game?
Well, the Bills got the Chiefs tomorrow, so I'm going to be watching that.
I did watch the Bills game last week where they lost, and I finally got to
watch Josh Allen like a whole game.
That guy's a fucking man, dude.
He is going to be a problem for the Patriots for as long as that kid can play.
He looks great.
And then also, I watched the whole game.
What was it, San Diego with Herbert, Justin Herbert, man.
They ended up losing the game.
I watched the Saints game, and I was very impressed.
And then as an old man, it was great to see Drew Brees come back and beat the
young kid.
So, I don't know, a lot of fucking crazy, crazy games.
I bet there's a lot of people had their heads in their hands, like, I'm going
to lose my shirt today,
all of a sudden to win their bet, and then vice versa, people taking a bunch of
fucking money that they thought they already won
and put it on the 4 o'clock game, only to see that disappear.
How many times have you done that?
Called your bookie at halftime?
Like, dude, this game's a lock.
Ba-boom, ba-boom, bam.
Anyway, so, old Billy Freckles has been eating tremendously well, except for
today.
Today did not go well, because last night was date night with my lovely wife.
And we just ordered in, and we ordered a nice fucking ribeye steak, right?
Little mashed potatoes, some of that spinach with the cream in it there, the
cream of spinach, right?
We did all of that shit, and it was the classic Postmates where he's just like,
yeah, we left it at the door, and I opened my front door, and it ain't there.
And I'm looking in the bushes.
I'm looking in these bushes.
I'm under the car.
I'm fucking looking for coyote footprints.
What the fuck happened?
I can't be a coyote unless the thing had thumbs and was able to open the bag,
because if something ripped it apart, I'd see the bag, right?
I've watched enough CSI.
I know there's going to be evidence.
There's going to be some blood splatter.
So we text the guy back, or the lady back, and we're like, yeah, it's not here.
And then Postmates are like, well, he delivered it.
It's like, well, I'm sure he fucking did.
He didn't deliver it where it's supposed to go.
And it turned out this kid had dyslexia.
So our neighbor up the street ended up fucking having the thing.
So at that point, I had already made waffles, which is my default meal for
dinner.
I'm just like, fuck it.
I'm making waffles.
So I already made waffles.
And so we had this fucking beautiful ribeye steak.
And this morning, we made like some steak breakfast tacos with that.
And I was thinking, don't eat this, Bill.
If you eat this, you're going to eat bad for the rest of the fucking day.
And guess what?
I ate it.
And that's exactly what I did.
I ate pretty healthy for lunch.
But then tonight, I was just like, hey, you want to get a fucking, you want to
get a cheesesteak?
Oh, you want to get a cheesesteak?
And then that wasn't open.
I'm like, I'd love a fried chicken sandwich.
I'm telling you, if you eat bad, it wasn't really bad, but it was bad enough.
So today's my bad day.
But then tomorrow, I'm going to be on it again.
Six days.
Six days on, I'm going to eat well.
Try to go for my old man walks.
Still rehabbing the shoulder.
Still fucking, I'm strengthening it now.
I'm past the pain and everything.
I'm up to the three pound weights.
Woo!
I'm old.
I'm old.
I should just go to Germany and get my fucking blood spun.
Should just do that.
One of those fucking things.
Come back with like bionic shoulders.
Porsche level shoulders.
Whatever.
I'm doing it how the fuck I'm trying to do it.
So, oh, and then also I spent a little bit of today looking over my mail-in
ballot.
And like most people, I already know who I'm voting for, but it's the questions.
You know, trying to figure out what the fuck a yes means and what a no means.
Got this commercial out here.
It's like, if you vote, if you vote no, if you vote yes on blah, blah, blah,
question 23 or something, I could die.
All these old people and people with kidney problems.
They're going to shut it down.
They're going to shut it down.
I'm going to die.
If you vote yes, I'm going to die.
So I'm like, all right, well, fuck that.
I'm voting no.
Then you go online.
It's like, actually, that's a misleading ad.
And it's just like, or are you misleading that ad?
Is that accurate?
Or is the ad misleading and you're misleading?
Why do people have to fucking lie?
If this is why, if this is, if this is really good for us, why do they always
lie?
Why is it fucking legal to have a yes mean no and a no mean yes?
Like, I, you know